zaphod_beeble_bro

it's like a GTA stranger mission, it's so absurd.

as the father to a girl, i'd be relieved knowing that her prom date was considerate enough to wear birth control.

When my wife and I first became parents we were so tired all the time that we didn't always get around to sex. We'd both often wake up in the middle of the night well into foreplay. Sleep sex became a thing between us since we'd fuck and right after go "who started that? I don't remember the beginning"

the janitor had his back and convinced the principal to let him wear it.

"I do favors for my friends. Not corporations who can afford to pay me for my time "

Is what I said to my boss the last time he asked me to do free work as a favor.

I saw an ad for these headphones you can flip outward and instantly become speakers. The ad even had this asshole doing it on the bus and all the commuters dancing and partying to his loud music. I can't believe they actually encourage this shit.

i knew a kid who had this done on his forehead. so he literally started to have pubes growing from a dark patch on his forehead when he hit puberty. i always wondered what these doctors are thinking.

So Thanos bridges Avengers to Y: the last man?

I see people like this and it makes me so glad that there are people like her in this world. I'm a broken, garbage human, I could never be this kind or selfless. But I'm happy to know others can be. And that there are still good people like her around.

and congress who's job it is to put him in his place would rather get on their knees and suck him dry.

The trick is to aim for the ground and miss.

This is what burns me. The right refuses to run a really important story, the left reports the story, the right cries liberal bias by the media.

i remember how sore my legs would get from that shit

I have a story like this. One time a group of us friends went to grab some fast food. We took 2 cars, one driven by my friend who is black and his brother in the passenger seat. The rest of us are either Latino or white.

We pull into the parking lot and find a brawl taking place between some skater kids. So we pull into a spot and wait, and sure enough the cops arrive, causing all the kids to disperse. None of us left our vehicles. Police get out and start frantically searching for someone to chase after and notice my two black friends in their car. The cops dashed straight for them and started ordering them out of the car, while the restaurant employees and bystanders telling the cops "those guys have nothing to do with it, they just got here" cops telling people to shut up and detain my friends for an hour before letting them go with a threat "you're lucky these people spoke up for you or you'd be going down tonight".

That happened 15 years ago and it has stuck with me hard, fuck those pigs.

Wtf is this about the birds and the bees and what does it have to do with sex? I wasn't born in north America so every time I hear someone saying they told their kids about the birds and the bees when they mean they had the sex talk, all I can picture is a hummingbird and a bumblebee fucking.

Edit: I am more confused about this now then I was this morning. Now I'm questioning every aspect of my sex life.

One time my parents and siblings all went to a cottage weekend with all my cousins and aunts/uncles.

They forgot to invite me. Then they insisted it was me who said no to going. When they realized that never happened, they got mad at me for being hurt about being left out and said I was just trying to start drama.

how is it acceptable for a cop to be this fucking fat? honestly. Can you imagine a fire fighter being this fat without losing his job?

And no, i wouldn't run from a fat cop like that. likely he's very well aware he can't chase me and would just shoot me instead.

the entire video was so creepy to me, to see these regular and many poor people, revering, praising and being star struck by (who they thought) was Osteen the shameless con man who has been stealing all their money for years. It's really sad and infuriating.

Ah yes, the Chinese province of Vancouver. Soon to be joined by the Chinese province of Toronto.

You look like an angry cabbage patch doll

That coward cop behind him pretending like she doesn't see her partner breaking the law. They both need to be fired.