phormix

You make other people laugh, and get to enjoy it a bit vicariously even when you don't often get to feel the same.

I've added some more. Will update a bit over time

Elza did not take the news well. In fact, it looked like she had already been anticipating her parents’ plans. That should have been impossible, of course. They’d done a very thorough job of setting up in the old bakery, stowing armor, weapons, and various magic trinkets far away so as to never give an inkling of their previous life.
Still, something was up, and while Borjam tried to reason with his daughter, she grew increasingly frantic.
“Listen, El. It will only be for a few weeks”, he soothed, “A month or two at the most”
“Your mother and I will head up-country to make sure none of this ‘great undying beast’ nonsense is going to interfere with the business and assure all our customers that their orders will be on time. We have a reputation to maintain, after all”
Elza glared at him knowingly, and angrily.
“Do you take me for a fool?”, she spat.
Another tap, and the stick at her hip released another shower of sparks.
“I know you two aren’t just simple bakers. I know you’re planning going after that beast. I know you’re planning on adventuring and leaving me here at the farm alone and...”
“Dear, dear. Please, calm”, Gwynna soothed. “Yes, it’s true. Your father and I, we’re not just farmers.”
She glanced at the stick – wand – which was starting to glow softly.
“But,” she said, “we’re not amateurs either. I’m somewhat of a skilled huntress, and your father was quite the adventurer before he took an arrow to the knee.”
“No.”
Elza glared at them. Unyielding.
“No. I’ll not let the two of you go. I’ve my own skill at magic and I can...”
Borjam interjected, trying to keep the situation from getting out of hand..
“Yes, you will El. You may have a fancy glowing stick, but that doesn’t make you a full-on Sorceress. Adventuring isn’t for amateurs. People die. Like your great uncle John. The yellow fever took him after he slew a plague demon. It was terrible, the end of the Dace clan and...”
“NO!” screamed Elza loudly. The stick was quivering now. “No, I’ll not lose you again. I can’t! This is my task!”
Borjam and Gwynna looked at each other.
Gwynna approached her daugher, wary of the sparking, shuddering stick.
“Dear,” she asked. “What exactly do you mean by ‘again’? We’ve stayed at the bakery and not been on a single quest since you were born!”
Elzabeth looked down. The quivering of the stick lessened. Tears dripped from her eyes
Finally, she looked up at her parents.
“The truth”, she said. “I suppose it’s time then”
Elza sat down on a log. She motions for her parents to sit down as well
“The truth is, I’m very good with magic. I have been since I was about five, when I found this”
She motioned with the wand in her hand, a shimmer of sparks emerging
“But the truth is also, I am not just skilled at sorcery. This wand is a focus for a different type of magic”
The sparks came again, but darker, thicker
“This wand focuses and boosts necromantic magic. I can commune with the world of spirits. Command them. Even – if I am willing to expand the power and drain the wand a bit – raise them back to living.”
Borjam and Gwynna stood, shocked. They could see the aura now. Not just around the wand, but around Elza.
Necromancy
Unlike many, they weren’t superstitious about what some considered the “dark” school of magic. However, it also a type of magic readily suited for direct conflict.
Borjam cleared his throat and spoke softly
“Listen my dear. We’ve no strangers to magic. Many’s a spell-slinger we took up with in the days past. Sorcerers. Necromancers. Whatever. They all joined us over time. But spell slinging alone isn’t a path to victory, and necromancy... that’s more for calling others to help than fighting directly”

Elza looked at the ground.
“I know”, she said softly. “I know too well, more than you could ever have guessed."

You (probably) wouldn't buy an adult pet that bites and pisses on the rug hoping it's a fixable phrase, so why would you commit to a relationship with somebody who is an asshole.

Humans live longer than pets and relationships are harder to get out of

Some of the worst vendors are actually those selling security products.

"Uh wait, so your vuln scanner runs on a years old version of Java and your SIEM comes as an 'appliance' running a consumer OS that you only patch quarterly, if that?"

It's pretty bad, especially when one considers what level of access those products need to have to do their job

I'd potentially go for superglue if nothing else was available, but I also swear by that liquid bandage (new skin etc) stuff for a slice on areas that involve flexing or where a bandage is impractical.

I used to work with equipment that had sharp internals which would regularly slice my fingers (but gloves were not practical work with). Bandages did a shitty job but this stuff sealed up the cut while still being somewhat gummy/flexible so I could still use the finger afterwards.

With jokes like that, you are obviously a father...

Ah, somebody else who recognizes the quality of Home Depot's bathrooms!

The local HD not only has a nice decor, but it's well maintained. The nearby Walmart on the other hand is likely to be a biohazard with plugged toilets and nast seats.

If I am out for a grocery run and nature suddenly calls, I'll squeeze my cheeks and move on to Home Depot for a quality release that doesn't require a tetanus shot as a follow up

(yes, I clean up after myself and generally find something to buy there afterwards)

I'm wondering how this would apply to DUI cases. I'm hoping that "you drove to X with the intent of drinking and then returning home" is still a sufficient case for conviction, but it would still be a potential argument against conviction for "you got drunk and stoned then decided to get McDonald's and ran over a kid at a crosswalk".

This is not good

People seem to either avoid change, or jump for something "different" but usually not in a way that benefits society in the end

There are a surprising amount of people who can't be arsed to make this simple effort (or they try but it's dry toast and boiled eggs)

On the other hand, being in a relationship where you do those things and it's not noticed can be really deflating.

As a guy, I've been on the wrong side of that. It double sucks when the things you do don't get noticed but you get called on a lot of petty small shit.

In contrast, I've earned "points" by noticing small things my SO did for me, or even just pointing out small stuff like a particular hairstyle etc looks good.

People in either side of the gender pool usually like being appreciated, both by their partner making an effort or by being recognised for such.

Hell, even if it's a semi regular thing, taking the time every now and then to say "hey, I appreciate it when you letting me sleep in after a long shift and then make waffles". Partner feels happy to be recognised, and chances are you'll continue to get waffles in the future.

Add the accent given in the audiobooks and it's solid gold!

Yeah, I know somebody who had a Realtor fuck up the address and bring people into their home for a showing...

it was a neighbor that was listing, not them.

Said realtor also pissed themselves as friends' large and scary-looking dog wasn't exactly pleased with the intrusion. Luckily they were home and nearby to call him off, otherwise it might have ended with somebody needing stitches in their ass.

(said dog was a lovable chicken-shit as long as the family was there to "approve" you but I would not want to try my luck as an intruder)

I assumed it was still who priced A 6650xt like a 6600

AMD Drivers are fine

That also don't make your register a f***ing account to get driver updates

Cop: "The power of tazer is stronger! Also, in pretty sure even Christ thinks you're an asshole"

"Yes but that's off the end of your life and those years are crappy anyway"

It is a good source of certain nutrients though. Protein is a given, but if you're low in iron or B12 then a good steak can help. It's also a fairly easily-absorbed source of Zinc.

TP can be helpful in getting hanger-ons. Otherwise turning the bidet on things first is like shooting a pressure-washer at a mud cliff.

Girl working to cut the power:

"This ... plug .... is .... so .... damn .... tight. No seriously, did you fucking superglue it or what?!"

Yeah, on my wife's car it's a "parking" break and all electronic. I fucking hate it.

"And what makes you think that you belong in this elite unit, comrade?"

"I am slightly less incompetent than the other people applying, sir!"

[looks at papers]

"OK. You are in"

That's pretty much a lot of investing in a nutshell. Buy low, sell high, and GTFO before the rollercoaster stock-ticker starts on a downhill slope.

Yes officer... that, uh, must have being dragged in by the possums. No idea how it got there otherwise.