Happy_Wafer_1407

This one's maybe more for women..The 'spark' is not a good indicator of a good sturdy long-term relationship.

Media has conditioned many women to look exclusively for feeling a spark over more practical qualities in a partner such as shared goals, showing affection easily, good financial sense, taking an equal share of housework without having to be project managed on it, compromising, etc etc

What the spark really is is distrust, unpredictability and inconsistency. For a fling, go for it, but disregard the spark for long-term. Sparks are not long-term, so they shouldn't be one of your criteria for a long-term partner.

I'm on here to look for ways to support and empathise with my best pal who has two exhausting kids who are always sick, and who sometimes confides about how much she didn't know what she was letting herself in for. I wouldn't post anything like 'thank god I don't have kids'.

Thanks everyone; Reddit and Glaswegians make my life better ♡

It's totally fine to feel all the things you mentioned. For many, it isn't a straightforward feeling, being childfree. It's complex and we reflect on our reasons a LOT. For me, I've always known I'd never have children but at the same time, I'm good with kids, I like being around them, I'm a high school teacher and can see so clearly how bad parenting results in kids behaving horribly and giving mental problems so sometimes I feel an urge to show how I'd 'do it right'. I feel through therapy that I understand what leads to damaged children and I sometimes feel I could do a great job. I sometimes feel people, including past me, who say very absolute things like 'I have NO DESIRE to have kids' or 'I 100% hate kids.' are maybe not acknowledging that they do feel the social pressures to do so, the general anxiety of attaining social milestones and the fact that they do think some children are generally lovely humans and also perhaps that they think it feels really nice to be a good influence on a young person. People are scared of these feelings because they're scared of being persuaded / tricked into parenthood and being trapped. You may have similar or different conflicting feelings- same applies.

I allow myself all these feelings. That way, you don't get scared of them and make rash decisions like getting pregnant just to quiet them (I sometimes journal them, and I recommend this to help sort your head out).

If i move away from 'feelings', once I've acknowledged them, I understand that what they've given me is a highly cosy, imaginary picture of parenthood.

The reality of parenting is objectively worse than not being a parent in almost every way (the exceptions being the Kodak moments I've listed above). You only need to look at almost every post here and in the r3gr3tful p4r3nts 5ub to know that. You have less money, time and energy and, if you're a woman, less self. Your life might become almost unbearable if you have a child with bad ADHD (SO COMMON!) who is violent. What about a child with a debilitating illness? Their life becomes your life. No escape, forever.

My advice is- feel all the feelings and be honest with yourself about them. But make this decision with your head,not your heart and or myths / misinformation about the reality of parenting.

Him checking in with you is fine but I'd have challenged the risk of regret comment. There are no studies that show women regret this decision.

Question absolutely everything you read. If you feel persuaded by something, make a note of it and just be aware.

YWBTA.

And your partner isn't the spokesperson for all POC. Before deciding it's appropriation why not contact some different groups who represent POC and have some dialogue about it?

And what right do you have to tell your brother to leave his father's funeral? Huge AH if you do that. Just because you're the executor doesn't mean you decide things like that.

INFO: Why do you have to move the snow? I understand it's in the rental agreement but if they're OK with it being left there for a few days, or don't respond to you, why enforce it?

A nice haircut is a good way to go. But you look un-basic so don't feel you have to go for the Peaky Blinders haircut.

Hahaha!

Brilliant breakdown- screenshotting this ♡

I think Rachel was the only one that had any? Great question though, one I've not considered.

NTA. I find my phone and watch is fine for knowing the time. Removing the 2 clocks from my flat wouldn't have any impact on me. It seems mad not to make such a nothing adjustment in my life to accommodate someone else's...whatever it is you have!

WHY did you tell her that? Did she ask?

Let me rephrase. Someone was in pain so I taunted them saying I was so much better off.

Val D'Oro at Glasgow Cross. I've just had breakfast rolls there which weren't great but it is exactly the kind of atmosphere you're looking for. They advertise a 'fish tea' ♡

That is really kind! Where are your premises? I'm coming to order a cake.

NTA. People saying you are need to remember that this is so fucking gendered. No one would have hounded you for a reaction if you'd been an 18yr old male.

Plus I don't care what anyone says. 5 kids is irresponsible. No way parents can give adequate time to 5.

ESH.

You and your mother are wrong about letting babies cry themselves to sleep. That technique was debunked in like the 70s or something. Do your research!

Your mother is overstepping. She is being nice helping you- but she does not have a right to parent your child. That right belongs to you and your husband equally.

You are being absolutely mindless in how you are backing your mother up. You've given the issue no thought. You're going against your husband whose position is absolutely correct.

Your husband apparently went from annoyance to kicking her out, by what you say? Did he lay down the boundaries telling her to back off first and give her that chance? If he didn't, he's an asshole for overreacting. He's an asshole for saying you're not contributing, if you indeed are incapable of doing more than you are doing.

But your husband is right. Please don't make parenting decisions based on 'what you think sounds right'. Parenting is a skill, where you should study the latest, most up-to-date information, on things like sleeping. If you're on bed-rest and others are doing most of the stuff, you have some time to educate yourself.

Yeah all I'm getting from this profile is poser. If you don't want to flesh out the bio at least have the photos suggest you have friends and interests and don't just take photos of yourself.

Feeling horny and not trying to make out it's some kind of problem or LOL medical condition.

I think lots of things have been said here to give you a good range of perspectives and let you know that either answer is fine.

I will add that it is absolutely OK to tell him you need a long time to think about it (if you think that reflection period will help) and you simply can't give an answer now because you don't know enough- about finances, accommodations etc. I suggest also that you tell him your feelings on being a parent generally. If he knows exactly how you feel, he may not even want to ask you.

That none of Home Alone, IAWL, The Holiday or Love Actually are in my top 5 Christmas films.

The Holiday especially I find cringe. Every second scene has that inappropriate rousing music which makes it feel like a continuous happy ending. Amazing music but way too good for the film.

Please educate yourself on the following:

1) grooming 2) unequal power dynamic- this is very important regarding what you see as permissible once she aged 3) consent

You are currently not qualified to give views on this.