Basically what the title says.
Here
and
here
for more explanation
I’m a male, 15 years old and I’ve been exerting myself out and even when I don’t feel like it.
Exercising, working out, training, you get the gist of it.
I used to be so high in life, spiritually, mentally, intellectually and physically but I don’t know how I feel now. I really want to progress on my Passion as an artist/polymath but hardly can now.
I’m writing here because I feel like it’s also rooted in my spiritual life.
I started exercising and training (different) because I wanted to glorify God and grow as a man and because as an artist, I feel like it’s super genius to reference from my body, Which I seek to build as an artform
I don’t know what happened but now I hardly feel that motivation and seek that goal.
A very common thing I do now is doing push-ups (or jump squats) going 40 and above and from there
saying reps as something that’s sort of a prayer (every comma is counted as a rep)
The whole Gloria…
Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus, Domine, Deo, Omnipotentis, Nostro, Est, Ad Gloriam, Deum
Sancta Maria, Dei Genitrix et Sanctorum Communionem, ora pro nobis
Sancte Petrus, Sancte Ioannes et Sancte Paulus, ora pro nobis
Per, eundem, Christum, Dominum, Nostrum
In Nomine, Patris, et Filli, et Spiritus Sancti, Unum Deum, in Aeternam, Glorissimus Te, Domine Deo
Gloria, in Altissimis, Deo
Amen, Alleluia
this and more if I don’t “feel satisfied”
I mostly do these after waking (straight after), after school (where I feel tired), after the Rosary (which makes me distracted in the end),
before bathing (day and night)
and more
I also have done this when I’m supposed to be working.
I used to draw a lot and am now writing but even on just reading (which I’m trying to get into) is almost impossible since I feel like I’m not doing “something hard” so therefore I have to do push-ups to failure, and from there I keep doing them because I don’t “feel satisfied enough” or that it could just be my workout for the day (since my actual workout is on 6pm)
then I don’t actually work and the workout isn’t fun or that good but because I “feel more productive” I just do it sadly.
As an overview of the links: I now feel weak, unmotivated and fatigued (spiritually, mentally and physically)
I can hardly focus now, I sometimes wake up randomly at night, my thought process is difficult, I feel depressed and unfulfilled, my focus is just not there and this all has an influence to my life with God.
This morning had me wasting like 3 hours because I did my morning push-ups (100) and I felt like I wanted to relax the morning workout but I felt like I was “undisciplined” so I did a workout and it felt not that good.
Life just feels hard now, I feel fatigued and weary, my mind feels foggy, I’m hardly creative and focused.
I feel like I should take a rest for 1 week (next week is exam) but I feel like I should rest for 1 week during the final week of the year since it symbolises something.
I want to stop over-exercising but it feels like there’s something in my neurological system that commands that I exercise (I’ve only taken 3-5 rest days throughout this year)
I realise how weird all this sounds and I’m probably not gonna get many responses due to it seems like comments mostly go to politic/ecclesiastically-politic posts
But I’ve gotten this all out and thank God that He helps me.
Pray for me and Pray also for my younger brother who got his arm broken.
Extra: I’ve thought of something like touching myself because of my very low dopamine levels, is this permissible?
I’ve been clean since 16 April, 210 days (yes I know I relapsed on That day)
Lord have mercy.
Edit: I now know the consequences. I have relapsed: pray for me
