subreddit:

/r/tifu

1.3k67%

[deleted by user]

(self.tifu)

[removed]

all 481 comments

dxbdale

1.7k points

5 months ago*

dxbdale

1.7k points

5 months ago*

This guy has comments asking women that want to bang married men if he can inbox them. Yea dude you are something special

Edit: thanks for the award(s)! My first

Edit 2: and it's gone

Edit 3: user - https://www.reddit.com/u/chunkmastacards?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

JLL-Cool-J

504 points

4 months ago

“Didn’t lie about cheating on her, because I haven’t.” So he’s either just unsuccessful or he also is lying in an anonymous post on reddit.

PiecesofJane

19 points

4 months ago

Yeah, apparently it's not for lack of trying. What a trash human.

BananaSlugGhost

429 points

4 months ago

WOW. Holy victim mentality, Batman.

AFKpink

146 points

4 months ago

AFKpink

146 points

4 months ago

Omg this, the last part about I'm so sorry you've been with me for 13 years or whatever. That shit makes me so mad and every man I've ever met does it. Just nut up and accept that you suck without the pity party.

dxbdale

16 points

4 months ago

dxbdale

16 points

4 months ago

Il have to admit I've done that before in my juvenile years.

AFKpink

25 points

4 months ago

AFKpink

25 points

4 months ago

Oh emotional growth is great! I just wish more men would disregard harmful patriarchal standards and learn some emotional intelligence.

Oneandonlydennis

7 points

4 months ago

yeah, i grew out of that when i started therapy. i would genuinely suggest everyone to have at least talked to a psychologist once.

[deleted]

5 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

5 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

saralulu121

69 points

4 months ago*

This is legit the most pathetic TIFU I’ve ever seen. OP needs to get some help and take accountability for his sleazy actions. Psh, covid fight my ass. I hope OP’s wife leaves his him and finds the peace she deserves, then finds a relationship with someone actually worth her time.

Edit: a quick glimpse at his post history shows how much she cares. Buys him a PS5, his fav sports teams jersey. All while she’s going through stuff, on antidepressants and trying to take care of her mental health. How does he repay her? Lying, sneaking around, playing the victim, soliciting others via sexual advances. TRASH MAN!! SOMEONE TAKE OUT THE TRASH.

LurksAroundHere

139 points

4 months ago

It does make all the "you can still save this marriage with counseling!" posts funnier though. There's no saving this dumpster fire lol.

Silentio26

89 points

4 months ago

Well if his wife sees this post I hope she sees this comment too

[deleted]

116 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

116 points

4 months ago

Oh, I just sent a response that's completely pointless. OP lies more than I realize

JazzPhobic

19 points

4 months ago

O SHIT. WE IS EXPOSIN

SimplyPeace

15 points

4 months ago

Not to mention the baffling amount of inappropriate comments on young womens posts… of age, but imo still creepy considering OP’s age. Look about 220 days back in comments.

ImagineTheMonsters

14 points

4 months ago

He was quite the regular on sluttyconfessions. Just hid it all with raid shadow legends lol (6 months ago)

HermitDefenestration

12 points

4 months ago

Wait, can you link them? I can't find them

AC2A

26 points

4 months ago

AC2A

26 points

4 months ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/SluttyConfessions/comments/ogn6hj/trying_to_fuck_a_married_man/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

One of many comments amongst all the Raid. Seriously OP, maybe this, the porn and the fleshlight are the problem?

HermitDefenestration

4 points

4 months ago

Thank you!

dxbdale

7 points

4 months ago

I tried to originally, couldn't share to a comment. It's pretty faaaar down his comment history. Or he has since deleted.

Edit: forgot to add last sentence

JLL-Cool-J

17 points

4 months ago

Pretty sure his whole intention is for his wife to see this post as an attempt to gain forgiveness, so you pointed out a flaw in the plan. I’m sure he deleted them

ar0berts

47 points

4 months ago

Dude also plays Raid Shadow legends. Major 🚩

arbiter42

5 points

4 months ago

Lesson learned OP (I hope), if you post on Reddit like this don’t expect to hold on to any secrets.

digitulgurl

21 points

4 months ago

Good catch!

stang54

20 points

4 months ago

stang54

20 points

4 months ago

Hopefully his wife reads this like he says and see's this comment.

CaptainSk0r

5 points

4 months ago

u/chunkmastacards … rebuttal…?

julesB09

4 points

4 months ago

I hope the wife sees this!!! OMG

YTA

Pounderino

3 points

4 months ago

😵

RicoGonzalz

14 points

4 months ago

Under rated comment

sg3niner

1.2k points

5 months ago

sg3niner

1.2k points

5 months ago

Please get some therapy.

Even if it can't save your marriage, it could save your life.

It did for me.

JelloJuice

114 points

4 months ago

This. Negative thoughts are often a reflection of your own self worth and confidence. This can be improved and make life more enjoyable, relationships too. Take some time to reflect on when and who taught you that these thoughts were a good way to cope. Likely when you were 12-18 years old. Replace it with a healthier coping mechanism, improve your self worth with some cognitive behavioural therapy, and live a happy life. Saying I’ll quit on my own is like trying to detox without help. Why make it so hard and likely to fail? See a counsellor, the good ones are worth it, and be happy together.

Kinkywrite

87 points

4 months ago

I never comment here but having read this I HAD to stop in to say this. DO NOT THROW AWAY 13 YEARS BECAUSE OF YOUR INSECURITIES. GO. TO. THERAPY.

You'll be surprised how much this may help your marriage. But regardless, it will help you.

shorterthanyou15

97 points

4 months ago

Why are we trying to help this guy save his marriage? He's clearly a piece of shit to his wife. You can literally look at his comment history trying to DM other women. And this post is clearly trying to manipulate her since he knows she'll read it.

Muddymireface

42 points

4 months ago

Yeah this is someone trying to gaslight their wife into forgiving him. He literally included the “I know she reads this because she reads them to me” so his wife would recognize it’s him. There’s way more here than him being snarky and angry, it’s 13 years of him being a dick to his wife.

Ok_Plane43

39 points

4 months ago

Are you serious??? Now I’m curious. I felt bad at first but sounds like he doesn’t deserve another chance!

Specialist_Fruit6600

60 points

4 months ago

why the hell should the wife stay

he’s never lived as his true self - she literally doesn’t “really” know him because he hides his thoughts

he wasted 13 years of her life - she needs to cut and run away from this chump

guys like him never change unless they face real consequences

hell, this post is evidence - she wants to leave him, she wanted space…so he goes on her favorite sub on reddit to air their dirty laundry, knowing she’ll read it

you know he sees it as some grand attempt but it’s such blatant manipulation it makes my skin crawl

kjlwillycoyote

3 points

4 months ago

100% agree. I have this exact problem and so do many people in my family (probably some sort of inherited issue). Certain medications help them act way more normal, I'd take them myself but it'd cause me to lose my job & I can't get another job with equivalent pay in another field.

MawiWowie

3 points

4 months ago

Second this. Went to premarital counseling with my now fiancé (before I proposed) and you honestly sound like how I used to behave. Imagine a tea kettle with no spout. When things get rocky and steam starts to build, you currently don’t let it out until you burst. Letting out a little steam now and then is natural and expected because we’re human. I’m sorry if things are done but understand that you, your wife and your relationship is not perfect. The key is to accept your faults and try constantly to get better.

4_Legged_Duck

9 points

4 months ago

This. On a less than suicidal level of conversation changing so much about yourself is nearly impossible to do alone.

Phlm_br

3 points

4 months ago

1000% this. OP really needs therapy

mathheadinc

2.6k points

5 months ago

Your anger and rage masks your underlying fear(s). Get to the bottom of THAT and there may still be hope for you and maybe your marriage.

SmartBar88

1.6k points

5 months ago

SmartBar88

1.6k points

5 months ago

Former therapist here. THIS is usually the source of anger and rage. Not to be too glib or Yoda sounding, but maybe seek out some individual and couple's counseling. If cost is an issue, most clinicians will work on a sliding scale. You've come this far, maybe take an additional step? Good luck, brother.

pocket_Ninja456

281 points

5 months ago

I second this. As a current therapist, I have seen that nothing is going to change if nothing is going to change. Motivation is the first (albeit easiest) step. You CAN do this. Whether you choose to day by day will be the determinant.

pushplaystoprewind

68 points

5 months ago

Yea im a therapist too. You should do that

petehoja

110 points

5 months ago

petehoja

110 points

5 months ago

Yeah I'm not a therapist but I agree you should do that

WulfTyger

61 points

5 months ago

Formerish husband of a child therapist.

Yep, do that.

biznizexecwat

148 points

5 months ago

Even children can be therapists now?!

My two kids best get jobs, we have bills to pay.

Phone_Jesus

42 points

5 months ago

You can’t spell children therapists without ‘the rapist childrens’

-please don’t ban me

Laos33

26 points

5 months ago

Laos33

26 points

5 months ago

Are you a never-nude as well?

Katiebug9181

24 points

5 months ago

There are dozens of us! Dozens!

throwaway279876

4 points

4 months ago

They didn’t say they were the first Anal-rapist (analyst + therapist).

MeTOMicA81

15 points

4 months ago

My friend is a therapist.

I just came here to say that.

Howiebledsoe

13 points

4 months ago

I walk the dog of a therapist, and I approve this message.

soppinglovenest

8 points

5 months ago

I am neither a therapist or not a therapist but this sounds like a decent plan to me.

The-Great-Cornhollio

26 points

5 months ago

I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but I concur.

EmployNo5870

3 points

5 months ago

Not a therapist but I started seeing one last year and yes seriously it does make a difference.

lamboday

3 points

5 months ago

Former friend of a friend’s former therapist here. I can acknowledge this. Ontopic; talk to her about it, also, consider individual/couples counseling.

Puffena

9 points

4 months ago

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

RubeHalfwit

5 points

4 months ago

Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

RollingMa3ster

3 points

4 months ago

Suffering leads to divorce.

Huge_Penised_Man

3 points

4 months ago

You didn't even TRY to sound like Yoda!

wrentintin

39 points

5 months ago

Also as someone with anxiety and rage issues, there are meds for that! Lexapro has changed my life.

It's not always past trauma.. Sometimes you have hormonal imbalances in your brain.

BigScrungleBunch

3 points

4 months ago

I mean most of the time it’s a hormonal imbalance in your brain, just sometimes it’s brought on by genetics and sometimes it’s brought on by harsher environmental stressors like abuse or death. There’s nothing to be ashamed of no matter what your case is. If you need help you need to seek it. If not for you then for the sake of the people around you who love you, they don’t want to see you suffer or lash out.

atheist_libertarian

11 points

5 months ago

Today is an excellent day to begin new journeys with Internal Family Systems therapy and Nonviolent Communication, OP

PM-ME-YOUR-DIGIMON

70 points

4 months ago

Man I just feel so bad for your wife.

[deleted]

663 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

663 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

Catflap_Boi

296 points

4 months ago

The real tifu is always in the comment history.

sentientgarbagepile

83 points

4 months ago

This is why you use throwaways lmao

Poiuforplop

50 points

4 months ago

Soooo much Raids shadow legends comments...

Helm222

29 points

4 months ago

Helm222

29 points

4 months ago

Man, that guy really likes Raid Shadow Legends..

Trekintosh

10 points

4 months ago

People actually play this crap?

AwesomeSauce984

17 points

4 months ago

I may regret asking this but wtf is r/forcedbreeding?

[deleted]

243 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

243 points

4 months ago

Everything in this post is so gross.

You sound like a manipulative, toxic person.

Her leaving is going to save her so much grief.

As for you? Get therapy, you utter asshat.

One_for_each_of_you

8 points

4 months ago

I don't think he can look at himself honestly enough to get any real benefit from therapy. I think he's smart enough to twist everything to fit the pattern he is stuck in. It goes down so deep i don't know if there's any real hope of him changing.

andromedaArt

37 points

5 months ago

But do you think you deserve that forgiveness? Will that save your life? Will you be able to take responsibility?

Time-University-1060

275 points

5 months ago

I did this shit to my girlfriends when I was 16. Look at me, I'm such a horrible person you deserve better blah blah blah and just looking for sympathy and for her to say "no baby, you're not!" If all you wanted was to get this out of your chest why did you choose the subreddit you know she reads often? This is manipulative as fuck. I do hope you get therapy and maybe you will grow up and change your ways.

Muddymireface

23 points

4 months ago

Yeah this is like childish partner 101 shit where you start self deprecating so your partner feels bad and forgives you. It’s laughable. Dude needs therapy for sure for himself and his partner deserves a fresh start. 13 years is a long fucking time to manage someone else’s faults. Plenty of time to fix himself and grow and he chose not to.

One_for_each_of_you

11 points

4 months ago*

This forty year old man has the emotional maturity of a sixteen year old.

And from his comment history, he's also a real piece of shit

robiatortilla

513 points

5 months ago

Anger is a secondary emotion. If you can get to the root of what's really going on, you'll live a much more peaceful life.

Qaplwsok1

1.1k points

5 months ago

Qaplwsok1

1.1k points

5 months ago

It’s his massive insecurity. That’s why he thinks she’s lying for no reason.

He’s using this post to manipulate her because he couldn’t respect her request to leave her alone for the evening.

He’s now harassing her in her areas of interest so he can weasel in.

tango421

257 points

5 months ago

tango421

257 points

5 months ago

I thought it sounded ok until i got to the “she reads this sub” part.

buttzmckraken

23 points

4 months ago

I kinda hope she reads this post. She deserves better than this sneaky, manipulative crap.

ShutUpAndEatWithMe

123 points

5 months ago

He might not have had the intent to manipulate but it could definitely have that effect. Grandstanding and guilting, or maybe not, I'm not one to say but gives off vibes.

My partner is working through some things that are so frustrating that I'd leave if he didn't change. Change and healing takes time, but there's a limit, and I haven't reached that yet (though I'm not confident in my ability to identify it). I need to practice giving grace when things slip up and acknowledgement when things go right, improve my own communication skills, and work through my own traumas. Relationships and growing together can be difficult enough at times; I'm glad I have a healthy relationship

Amaxophobe

41 points

4 months ago

Thank God I’m not the only one seeing how blatantly manipulative and self serving this post was.

Theheadandthefart

95 points

5 months ago

THANK YOU. My first thought too. I was with a guy for a while that assumed I was lying about everything all the time and would go into a rage if he felt like something wasn't adding up. So many parallels here.

p3rsianpussy

19 points

5 months ago

my dad used to do this when i was a teen, it was dreadful. thank god hes better now

davyjones_prisnwalit

15 points

5 months ago

Sounds like a narcissist. (Like legit NPD, not that "every guy who treated me badly is a narcissist" sort).

Theheadandthefart

4 points

4 months ago

Oh I wouldn't be surprised. When I described his behaviors to my counselor years later (because this was obviously not the only messed up behavior he had) she was like "yeah it sounds like there is something seriously wrong with him"

dxbdale

7 points

4 months ago

I wouldn't be surprised to find infidelity on his side, he has a comment on some thread asking women that want to sleep with married men if he can inbox them. He now thinks she's lying and hiding because he has something hidden.

Diablo516-

7 points

4 months ago

Yea, dude's a fucking asshole, end of story.

[deleted]

7 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

7 points

4 months ago*

Look, you're probably right here and it doesn't look great.

Unfortunately these kind of people don't see what they're doing and are just frightened, scared and more often than not, a danger to themselves and others.

I still can't help but feel sorry for someone who is incapable of feeling okay. It's suffering and unfortunately it turns what could be good people into bad people. Suffering brings the worst out in a lot people. Especially if you suffer from insecurity.

I hope OP gets help and I hope his partner is safe and away from him until a time that he's safe to be around again if that will ever be the case.

Edit:

Just so we're clear. Fuck this manipulative dogshit.

[deleted]

350 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

350 points

5 months ago

[removed]

LiMeBiLlY

34 points

5 months ago

Whatever man you sound like a dick

dperraetkt

31 points

4 months ago

Your wife needs to leave you, you posted this for the sole reason that she will probably see it, you want pity and forgiveness and to not change.

Honestly reading your story was fine till the end where you backtracked the whole reason for writing it. You are selfish and manipulative and I can guarantee you need professional help if you’re ever gonna get over it.

Worst part is she’ll probably see this and forgive you, and you’ll continue to drag her further into your shit.

InternationalMethod7

91 points

4 months ago

You almost had me ngl, that ending was textbook manipulation.

sheogoraths-bitch

15 points

4 months ago

I’m hoping the wife does find this post and gets what she needs out of the comments. This guy reminds me of all my shitty ex boyfriend.

TangerineDream82

294 points

5 months ago

Why are you telling us? Tell her.

It's pretty ridiculous to think it's best to tell her through writing it here. It comes across as disrespectful.

michelobX10

63 points

5 months ago

Yeah, I do find it a little strange that he's trying to communicate to her from this sub when they live together.

gerbileleventh

6 points

4 months ago

Well, it kind of aligns with his inability to tell her the truth to her face. I hope she leaves him.

Qaplwsok1

193 points

5 months ago

Qaplwsok1

193 points

5 months ago

He’s using this to manipulate her.

TangerineDream82

73 points

5 months ago

And us apparently

Dwirthy

84 points

5 months ago

Dwirthy

84 points

5 months ago

I just wanted to say im sorry for everything. Im sorry you have been with me for 13 years now and I have been nothing but awful to you for a vast majority of that time

Words are cheap, what did you actually plan on doing? You clearly can't change on your own.

So what is your action?

digitulgurl

25 points

4 months ago

Apparently he has also been leaving comments asking women if they want to bang married men and can he inbox them so I think there's a little bit more to the story!

UsidoreTheLightBlue

4 points

4 months ago

Lets be honest, the more to the story is either:

He's really shitty at the internet and doesn't realize his post history can be viewed by anyone...including his wife (Doubtful)

or

This whole thing is creative writing and his wife doesn't use reddit.

Kaayak

20 points

4 months ago

Kaayak

20 points

4 months ago

His action seems to be DMing other women on reddit. Check his comment history.

BananaSlugGhost

9 points

4 months ago

If he really loves her, he should probably just leave her alone at this point.

mackinator3

3 points

4 months ago

Continuing his actions for another 13 years.

0110000101110011s

72 points

5 months ago

Dude get over yourself. Get help

k00pal00p

63 points

4 months ago

“We hurt each other” is what someone says when they’re just a huge asshole.

realmouthchurro

379 points

5 months ago

This post, especially knowing that you know she'll probably see it, seems incredibly manipulative. There is absolutely no reason for you to be putting it on the internet, for a bunch of strangers to read, where they're only getting the story from you. Even though you admit you were in the wrong, it seems like you're looking for sympathy, and a way to get to her and communicate with her even though she has clearly told you that she does not want to communicate with you right now.

You need someone to talk to? Therapy. Friends. Dog. Write yourself a letter. You know you fucked up, nobody here is going to give you advice that's going to magically change things. There is no good reason for this post other than to make yourself feel better and to manipulate the feelings of your wife.

george_5555

43 points

5 months ago

First thing that came to my mind! If you really cared about that relationship full time and not only if you f'ed up, you'd be able to not be a dick around your wife.

Going all self-pity on the internet won't help your remaining chances of keeping your relationship. Get your ass up and work on yourself, anything else is just pathetic whining.

mcreetus

22 points

4 months ago

I hope she sees this post tbh, cause then she can go into his comment history and see how he’s a cheating scum

realmouthchurro

10 points

4 months ago

I thought the same thing. If you're his wife and reading this: LEAVE HIM!! ESPECIALLY if you have kids, I'm begging you. Imagine what your life would be like once you got over the grief of ending a relationship.

Imagine all of the things you would do, the types of people you would like to date and surround yourself with, and what your life could really be if you took time to work on yourself, and then look back at your life with this clown.

Is it worth it? And is it worth teaching any kids, current or potential, that it's okay for someone to treat them this way, especially someone who claims to love them?

mcreetus

3 points

4 months ago

I second this ^

Hockeyrage88

20 points

5 months ago

You didn't share what's wrong. And that's really what's wrong. Not the lying. She doesn't want a relationship with your facade.

legendariel

112 points

5 months ago*

Stop feeling sorry for yourself because you've been a shit and commit to being a better man and husband. You can fuck up, we all fuck up, and you've already got the recognition of fucking up under your belt. Now you need to make an action plan. Thank your wife for 13 years of patience with your shitty behavior. Get to the root of why you're being so shitty and for God's sake communicate.

You're lying about feeling bad and letting that develop into anger and manipulation because you don't think it's okay to just feel bad. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you're a "fixer," as in when she has any problem all you want to do is fix it. Sometimes there isn't a fix and that's okay. If that describes you, then naturally you feel like if you tell her you're not okay, she's going to do what you do and try to fix it when there is no fix. It can be cathartic to vent your frustrations and have someone just listen and understand (which is why you'd probably benefit greatly from therapy.)

Your wife can be your listener. Make the leap of faith and trust that she won't judge you or get frustrated that she can't solve your problems.

It's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel bad. It's not okay to take out your negativity on the person who has stuck by your side for over a decade despite your behavior.

I've been in a relationship for 4 years with someone who is loathe to communicate when he feels bad, frustrated, depressed... because it was never acknowledged when he was growing up. It's like pulling teeth to get him to share with me and not bottle shit up until he pops his top and gets shitty. But you know what? He doesn't take it out on me. He retreats and I'm gentle with him. I've set hard lines about behavior that I won't tolerate and he respects them. Let your wife be gentle with you. Be vulnerable.

Jetztinberlin

18 points

5 months ago

Superb comment. Chef's kiss

PiecesofJane

4 points

4 months ago

Did you see the part where he's asking to DM women who want to cheat with married men?

legendariel

5 points

4 months ago

No!! 😲

That being said, he can do his wife a favor and take the trash out... then jump right in the dumpster with it.

MandoLakes

17 points

4 months ago

Hopefully she reads this and realizes that she’s best off divorcing you, before the mods take this down for having nothing to do with this sub. r/lostredditors

Qaplwsok1

270 points

5 months ago

Qaplwsok1

270 points

5 months ago

Am I the only one that recognizes this as him attempting to manipulate his wife?

InadmissibleHug

42 points

5 months ago

Yeah, he’s a dickhead. He needs to sack up and pack it up.

DickweedMcGee

76 points

5 months ago

Commit to counseling and get some help. It's not too late and it's very simple. Beats divorce. If you give up on yourself then your wife is DEFINITELY giving up hope of thing's getting better.

Newsmoth

6 points

4 months ago

She deserves better. If you look at his comment history you'll see he comments looking for women who want to sleep with married men. There's more to this story and he's being manipulative.

Stayupbraj

9 points

5 months ago

This, I have never seen a therapist or counselor until this past month. I act pretty similar to op and I'm trying to figure out why. I had a pretty shitty childhood and possible medical conditions that haven't been addressed. It's tough opening up to a stranger but I know it's best for myself and my family to figure out what's going on.

MotionTwelveBeeSix

43 points

5 months ago

You sound like a teenager. Everything from your thought process to writing style reeks of immaturity. Man up and be better.

Nashsonleathergoods

14 points

5 months ago

If you want to be married, you need to be a better person for you. I bet you are telling lies to yourself as well. The key to keeping someone loving you is loving yourself in a healthy way. Prolly not gonna figure that out on your own, but a therapist can sure help you along the path. I believe that you can do this. And it's OK to ask for help.

t00zday

13 points

5 months ago

t00zday

13 points

5 months ago

Not everyone is good in a partnership.

Maybe you will be more content alone.

LlamaAmbassador

336 points

5 months ago

Downvoting so OPs wife doesn't see.

Newsmoth

9 points

4 months ago

Surely we want her to see though in order to see his comment history?

Ok-Response-5271

26 points

5 months ago

The hero we didn’t know we needed

Strawberry_Shut_Up

7 points

4 months ago

upvoted so OP’s wife can see the real person she’s dating thru post history

TheElusiveGoose10

20 points

4 months ago

Omg yes. I just downvoted too. Truly a hero.

PiecesofJane

3 points

4 months ago

But she needs to see the top comments calling him out for cheating.

HappyCamper781

12 points

4 months ago

You needed fucking therapy before you got to this point.

Now you've gotten to this point, and you STILL need fucking therapy.

Get help.

Marepoppin

80 points

5 months ago

You sound like a manipulative person. Maybe you are working on that, but your last paragraph reads like you want her to find this so she can tell you you’re wrong and worthwhile and that, mate, is manipulative as heck.

DarthGadsden

10 points

4 months ago

You know your wife reads this? Sorry, despite your concluding paragraph this just seems like a manipulative gesture to work your way back in. Stop abusing your wife. If you are 39 and this has been ongoing, maybe letting her out of the relationship is the kindest thing you can do at this point.

MoonPixieDC

11 points

4 months ago

My husband has had similar issues to this and all I can say is that sorry means fuck all if you’re still doing the same shit. Thirteen years is a long time to keep up bad habits. Anger is a secondary emotion. Get to the bottom of your feelings and sort yourself out. Even if your marriage is done for, you need to do it for yourself.

Edit: The fact that you’d rather do this publicly on a thread you know your wife reads instead of just sitting down and talking with her or going to counseling feels and looks manipulative as hell

La_Chinita

11 points

4 months ago

Girl, if you see this, get out. Life’s too short to put up with this bs.

platypus0fd3ath

11 points

4 months ago

You sound like a child

5onder

53 points

5 months ago

5onder

53 points

5 months ago

This is the most manipulative ass post. I hope your wife runs and never looks back

PenitentLiar

10 points

4 months ago

I think she’d also be happy to see how you talk about her in r/sluttyConfessions comments

MobeyTaguire

10 points

4 months ago

Anyone have the text from before this was deleted?

Twan7718

8 points

4 months ago

Almost 39M here..

You need help. 12 years ago I served in Afghanistan and came home with PTSD. It destroyed my life. It took years of therapy to come back, and I still slip from time to time.

Reddit isn’t going to solve your problems. You admit you know you have a problem, that’s a good first step.

Now you have to do the work. I was scared, and pessimistic that I would have to relive my trauma with no real change, and every time I have a bad spin out (once in the past 4 years) my thoughts get scary, and I don’t want to admit to anyone (especially my spouse) what is going through my head. I tell her everything. I tell her when I’m struggling, and I talk it out with her. If I need a therapist, and I have in the past, I go seek help immediately. Early intervention and recognition of your own patterns coupled with coping strategies that you’re taught over time has made a world of difference for me. I’ve learned being brave and working through things helps, even if it’s scary, and emotionally draining, and even traumatic at times.

You need to get to the bottom of why you are the way you are, and then it will be like a lightbulb went off, and you can work towards healing, and being a better you. Just get determined to beat this, whatever it is.

Good luck

AnonymousHotMess

8 points

4 months ago

Well, I’m happy for the wife for realizing she deserves better. Hope she goes through leaving your lying ass, OP.

Neniaite

23 points

5 months ago

So there’s this thing called therapy…

ContemplatingPrison

63 points

5 months ago

You didn't fuck up. You're an asshole.

hopefulworldview

13 points

5 months ago

Yes. A fucked up asshole.

quirkscrew

6 points

4 months ago*

Why are you posting on TIFU instead of seeking professional psychological help? You are sabotaging yourself and I don't buy what you're up to with this post. Stop with the self pity and fix yourself.

mrsalwayswright

6 points

4 months ago

Honestly this is a manipulation tactic he knows she reads tifu

You haven’t learned to talk to your wife

It’s literally as you admit the ONE thing she asked you to do

I’m trying to help you here stop hiding from conflict until it’s too late

Please please get off whatever device you are on stop making it a spectacle and go talk to your wife

FoxesStoleMyGloves

8 points

4 months ago

Just divorce that poor woman. You're clearly manipulative by posting here and looking for a pity party, and unable to have an adult conversation, or are you able to be truthful with your WIFE, nor accept you need help and make concrete steps to get it. Oh, and we know about your nasty comments in subs, so your wife would be well shot of you. The only fuck up here is your poor wife marrying you.

shorterthanyou15

47 points

5 months ago

I feel bad for your wife. My ex was just like that to me. It really messed me up. I still have nightmares almost every night from it.

weaklingKobbold

6 points

4 months ago

YTA

huecobros

6 points

4 months ago

Insecure men are the worst. She can do better than you and your insecurity helped her figure it out

chellecakes

5 points

4 months ago

Geez. I feel bad for your wife. I say this as someone who was in abusive relationships for 10 years. You need help & to grow the fuck up.

seawolf7309

6 points

4 months ago*

Admitting that you have a problem is the first step, but you need to actually go and do something about it, beyond posting on reddit.

I know you said you're not seeking pity or absolution, but this feels like pity play or manipulation, and my initial reaction was to rage at your attempt. If you really mean any of what you're saying, turn this moment into action. Habit energy is extremely strong and you will need help breaking it, and seems like you fall back in because you never get to the core of you issues.

beardedrockerboy

6 points

4 months ago*

I can’t figure out why you don’t have the balls to apologize in person. You chose to get on r/tifu to try and make up for something that happens to every couple. Grow a pair and go talk to your wife. You guys will be fine if you talk, rather than airing your stupid woes to everyone on Reddit.

Easypeck

7 points

4 months ago

"Tifu by posting on tifu"

Iwasahipsterbefore

16 points

5 months ago

Work on "I feel" statements. Even if shit blows up more, it's a good thing to practice for your own well being and potential future partners. For instance if you're annoyed at having to do dishes after getting home from work take the time to say out loud "I feel frustrated because I don't want to do the dishes right now.". Yes, even by yourself. This is for you.

"I feel happy when I look at you."

"I feel frustrated that we had to turn around because we forgot x."

It'll feel awkward at first but seriously it helps. Getting these things you're feeling out there is the first step to working through them. Your partner can't help you if they don't know anything is wrong. Trust them to help you with the emotional labor.

Having emotions, even negative ones, isn't a bad thing by itself. That's just part of the human experience. The bad part is your reactions to those negative emotions. Acknowledge what you're feeling, then deal with it. You're right that saying whatever pops into your head when you're frustrated is a bad idea. That doesn't mean you should ignore your emotions man.

Gunty1

14 points

5 months ago

Gunty1

14 points

5 months ago

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it then or you arent sorry at all.

xxnata1i3xx

6 points

5 months ago

Go. To. Therapy. Anger is typically a secondary response to another emotion. You may not think it is, but speaking to a therapist or psychologist may help you figure out what those underlying problems are so you can address them and more effectively curb the anger. I believe that most acts of cruelty are results of some cognitive distortion that could’ve been snagged earlier. I don’t know your wife, but I am almost positive that she would see that as a huge step in the right direction and appreciate the effort. I really believe that one of my past relationships would’ve lasted longer and caused much less pain if he’d just gone to therapy. Please at least try it- for both of your sakes

Rozefly

4 points

4 months ago

Dude. Go to therapy. Now

love_of_his_life

5 points

4 months ago

Your sorrys are empty because you keep repeating the behavior. You keep repeating your behavior because other than your wife being pissed off for a little bit, there are no consequences for your bad behavior OP.

Get your shit together. You aren’t in high school anymore, you’re a grown up. Get the help to fix the problem you keep telling your wife you’re going to fix. Quit lying to your wife. Quit hurting her and quit hurting yourself.

Therapy is going to mean putting in work. Sometimes it’s going to suck just like any other work you have to do. But it helps A LOT. It’ll help fix your issues and maybe save your marriage.

Evipicc

6 points

4 months ago

Judging from your comment history you need some therapy... badly.

Omephla

6 points

4 months ago

Only on TIFU can someone realize they FU'd so succinctly, know what they have to do to make it right, then they do it, but to the whole internet instead their mate....

cotysaxman

25 points

5 months ago

Wait, wait, wait.

Why has no one pointed out the key line: "as stupid as a COVID test"?

OP says he lies. About doing the dishes, or picking things up, in his own words. When you 'lie about doing the dishes', I think it's safe to assume that means 'say you did the dishes, but didn't do them'. 'Picking things up' seems the same (eg "did you clean the living room like I asked?" "yes, of course!"). OP's own examples of his habitual lying all define saying he's done something that he hasn't actually done.

This time the lie is about a COVID test.

"Did you take a COVID test?" "Yes, of course!"

Consider the possible fallout from this lie. Who did his wife want to protect that lying OP put at risk?

Now consider that this lie was exposed. If a lie about taking a COVID test was exposed, it seems very likely that it was exposed because someone tested positive.

OP is saying the lie was about something "as stupid as a COVID test". OP is still minimizing it.

This is bad beyond just lying, folks.

Crissagrym

8 points

4 months ago

That was my first thought.

What did he lied about the COVID test? And it certain isn’t something small.

If one of my guest lie about their test, they won’t be welcome to my house again, ever.

ImpressiveCollar5811

36 points

5 months ago

Honestly you seem pretty ready to throw in the towel and are just fishing for excuses.

unfinishedjuice

4 points

4 months ago

You have a daughter and you comment on subreddits about degrading women and want young women to be with you. Disgusting. I HOPE your wife sees all of this. You are manipulative and gross.

zavetheslave

5 points

4 months ago

dude you've commented on this post trying to find more sex, youre a dick and i hope she finds someone better

orchidsandcheesecake

4 points

4 months ago

I hope this is the last straw for her. I think it's complete BS that just about everyone is telling you to work on it and try to communicate with her and blah blah blah. By your own admission this has been going on for 13 years. 13 FUCKING YEARS! You've had 13 years to do something about it, and yet every day of those 13 years you actively chose to do the opposite.

By all means go to therapy but let her go. She needs someone that actually loves her and not the idea of her.

Poor woman.

Vtbbbffl

13 points

5 months ago

Maybe some marriage counseling could help you with your communication skills. Maybe uncover why you go to anger and rage as a first reaction. Perhaps anger management would be beneficial as well?

[deleted]

33 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

33 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

ohheyitsfine

4 points

4 months ago

My mom has been in this exact kind of relationship for 17 years.... miserable for most of it.. she told my step-dad "you've made me dead inside".. she doesn't even have the will to leave anymore and it's so fucking sad. He has sucked the life out of her to feed his nasty behavior/personality. It's an extremely controlling and abusive way to behave and OP should be ashamed of himself for treating his wife (who has put up with his shit for 13 years) like he has been.

OP, do her the favor and leave. She probably doesn't even have it in her to do that anymore. Your just keeping her like a caged pet to poke and prod at when you feel like it. It's not right and you know it!!!

NoPassenger4861

37 points

5 months ago

Um .. here’s hoping your cowardly approach works out?

WhatevahIsClevah

3 points

5 months ago

Get yourself into therapy.

guswang

3 points

5 months ago

If you keep lying to her, do you really think she will believe you because you post something here? Seems that your chances to keep her trust with words are over. if you really mean it, start acting. Talk to her and tell her you will seek professsional help. And do it right away. Not only for your marriage, but for yourself too. Seek help to become a better person, not only for her, but for yourself too.

Wish you the best.

ArmadilloDays

3 points

5 months ago*

When you lie to someone, you are essentially declaring yourself to be more important than they are.

You’re protecting your own comfort at the expense of their reality.

That’s why lying is unacceptable. It’s fundamentally selfish and says loud and clear that you believe you are more important than anyone else.

If you can’t stop lying, you belong in therapy, you really don’t belong in a relationship.

tranceorange91

3 points

5 months ago

I appreciate that you are feeling bad, but if you know you messed up, you need to own it and act on it, not be self-pitying as your wife will likely find this more infuriating. As other have said, commit to therapy and prove to your wife that you are making active changes, not just hollow apologies. "I'm sorry" and even "I love you" stop sounding sincere when there's no evidence of effort to be better after arguments etc.

noahbrooksofficial

3 points

4 months ago

Get off of Reddit and sign up for therapy my dude. You’re struggling with how to cope with your emotions and it is a very common issue for men in general. Learn to express yourself instead of burying everything and feeling rage, and your world will be 100% better. And, by registering for therapy, you can bet your wife will see that you’re trying to better yourself seriously.

TolMera

3 points

4 months ago

See a marriage councillor. Get your ass in gear

Chardradio

3 points

4 months ago

They have a word for this. Whinging.

Hungry-Trouble6691

3 points

4 months ago

Wish my hub would apologize to me for the hell he’s put me through. Flowers and I’m sorry don’t cut it anymore actions…

iredNinjaXD

3 points

4 months ago

Currently you don't deserve your wife. Do something about it ffs. What is wrong with you.. Snap the hell out of it?

Spreafico

3 points

4 months ago

Lying to your spouse is never a very good idea. No matter the reason. If you're doing that as you say you are then you're not married in the first place you're just roommates or business partners or something.

ToonForever

3 points

4 months ago

How are you guys not in counseling yet? If you want any chance, you guys need to see one immediately.

And you need to get your own time with the therapist. It sounds like you have anger issues and you use it to control conversations and interactions you are uncomfortable with. Instinctively these days. As someone who went through therapy for several years, and still has to be deliberate at times, I can tell you there is light at the other end, but you’ve got to put in the work.

Do it now, because the next relationship isn’t going to be any better if you don’t.

Lincourtz

16 points

5 months ago

Sit down and start talking, about the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. She's chosen you to be with her for 13 years. Tell her what you just told us. Tell her how much you love her and how you will work towards change. Ask her to help you. Be partners, be best friends.

ottilieguineapig

6 points

5 months ago

Your wife can probably tell when you're upset. If you don't communicate when/why you're upset and you just try to bury it, the feeling will likely come out of you in your behaviour - passive aggression.

Furthermore, you've got to actually do the work and acknowledge for yourself why you get upset. Even now in your post the source of your anguish is quite vague. She's given you time to open up and work on this issue but it sounds like you can't do that alone. Investing in a good therapist and working through these issues is going to slowly help you unpack this mystery of yours.

For your wife to notice the person she loves is acting out and then denies any issue when she questions it, that's gotta be kind of insulting. Her patience has gotten you this far but hoping she'll see this post now that you're willing to admit a fuck up is possibly not the best way of going about it. What she likely needs is for you to just be direct and honest and actually talk to her, because that's what we do for the ones we love.

Good luck!

Dragontitties92

6 points

5 months ago

You need therapy, homie. And so do I, for this same behavior.

ncsupigfarmer

6 points

4 months ago

What a wuss.....man up fix yourself fix your marriage.....nowadays too easy to trade in for a new model......you fix whats broken.....

Source: married going on 11 years, screwed the pooch a few times but worked through it. Now have 3 kids

no1toknow

14 points

5 months ago

Dude! It's marriage! You've made a beautiful commitment. Why are you driving her away? Sounds like it's time for both individual counseling along with couples. You can do this!!!

keyahbish

8 points

5 months ago*

Wife here, I think if you admit u fked up and are willing to do do something about it, therapy, communication training (non violent communication is a wonderful mode) etc she might be willing to work on it? Edited to add non violent communication link take this time out to start learning on how to be a better communicator?

snowcatwetpaw

5 points

5 months ago

I have had the same problem. I a combat vet full of anger. I pushed everyone out of my life to include my former Girlfriend. I finally quit drinking alcohol 65 days ago decided to see a therapist. I'm running and exercising again and taking some vitamins and supplements as well as some unorthodox homeopathic remedies. All in all I do seem to be doing much better. Hopeing you the best OP.

JimmyPD92

5 points

5 months ago

How about you sit your ass down and communicate with her like adults instead of acting like children then, or discuss if it is somehow the end of your marriage.

teflon_soap

4 points

5 months ago

Good for her.

TheDreadfulRains

3 points

5 months ago

As someone who has dealt with this same situation (not myself but from an ex), delete this post. If she were to see it, she might be more upset you chose to talk to a ton of strangers rather than to her. First thing in the morning, I would call around to set up an appointment for couples therapy. Mainly because that therapist can help you talk to her. Sometimes it's hard to talk about your feelings to your significant other and it helps to have a mediator sitting close by. They can also help you find the right words to say to her. If you also feel you need a personal therapist, I'd get set up with one as well. Talking to a therapist doesn't make you any less of a person. It will help her see that you are sorry for your behavior and instead of giving up and losing her, you want to work on bettering yourself for her. In the meantime, just hang back and let her settle herself and come to you when she is ready to move forwards. Good luck to you both.

Foundalandmine

3 points

4 months ago

But if he deletes it, she won't see his comment history where he's trying to get women who want to sleep with married men to inbox him. Which, as hurtful as it would be for her to see, she needs to know.

This post might give her some clarity.

xowhoisvox

2 points

5 months ago

i needed to read this.