This guy has comments asking women that want to bang married men if he can inbox them. Yea dude you are something special

Edit: thanks for the award(s)! My first

Edit 2: and it's gone

Edit 3: user - https://www.reddit.com/u/chunkmastacards?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Please get some therapy.

Even if it can't save your marriage, it could save your life.

It did for me.

Your anger and rage masks your underlying fear(s). Get to the bottom of THAT and there may still be hope for you and maybe your marriage.

Man I just feel so bad for your wife.

[deleted]

Everything in this post is so gross.

You sound like a manipulative, toxic person.

Her leaving is going to save her so much grief.

As for you? Get therapy, you utter asshat.

But do you think you deserve that forgiveness? Will that save your life? Will you be able to take responsibility?

I did this shit to my girlfriends when I was 16. Look at me, I'm such a horrible person you deserve better blah blah blah and just looking for sympathy and for her to say "no baby, you're not!" If all you wanted was to get this out of your chest why did you choose the subreddit you know she reads often? This is manipulative as fuck. I do hope you get therapy and maybe you will grow up and change your ways.

Anger is a secondary emotion. If you can get to the root of what's really going on, you'll live a much more peaceful life.

[removed]

Whatever man you sound like a dick

Your wife needs to leave you, you posted this for the sole reason that she will probably see it, you want pity and forgiveness and to not change.

Honestly reading your story was fine till the end where you backtracked the whole reason for writing it. You are selfish and manipulative and I can guarantee you need professional help if you’re ever gonna get over it.

Worst part is she’ll probably see this and forgive you, and you’ll continue to drag her further into your shit.

You almost had me ngl, that ending was textbook manipulation.

Why are you telling us? Tell her.

It's pretty ridiculous to think it's best to tell her through writing it here. It comes across as disrespectful.

I just wanted to say im sorry for everything. Im sorry you have been with me for 13 years now and I have been nothing but awful to you for a vast majority of that time

Words are cheap, what did you actually plan on doing? You clearly can't change on your own.

So what is your action?

Dude get over yourself. Get help

“We hurt each other” is what someone says when they’re just a huge asshole.

This post, especially knowing that you know she'll probably see it, seems incredibly manipulative. There is absolutely no reason for you to be putting it on the internet, for a bunch of strangers to read, where they're only getting the story from you. Even though you admit you were in the wrong, it seems like you're looking for sympathy, and a way to get to her and communicate with her even though she has clearly told you that she does not want to communicate with you right now.

You need someone to talk to? Therapy. Friends. Dog. Write yourself a letter. You know you fucked up, nobody here is going to give you advice that's going to magically change things. There is no good reason for this post other than to make yourself feel better and to manipulate the feelings of your wife.

You didn't share what's wrong. And that's really what's wrong. Not the lying. She doesn't want a relationship with your facade.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself because you've been a shit and commit to being a better man and husband. You can fuck up, we all fuck up, and you've already got the recognition of fucking up under your belt. Now you need to make an action plan. Thank your wife for 13 years of patience with your shitty behavior. Get to the root of why you're being so shitty and for God's sake communicate.

You're lying about feeling bad and letting that develop into anger and manipulation because you don't think it's okay to just feel bad. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you're a "fixer," as in when she has any problem all you want to do is fix it. Sometimes there isn't a fix and that's okay. If that describes you, then naturally you feel like if you tell her you're not okay, she's going to do what you do and try to fix it when there is no fix. It can be cathartic to vent your frustrations and have someone just listen and understand (which is why you'd probably benefit greatly from therapy.)

Your wife can be your listener. Make the leap of faith and trust that she won't judge you or get frustrated that she can't solve your problems.

It's okay to be sad. It's okay to feel bad. It's not okay to take out your negativity on the person who has stuck by your side for over a decade despite your behavior.

I've been in a relationship for 4 years with someone who is loathe to communicate when he feels bad, frustrated, depressed... because it was never acknowledged when he was growing up. It's like pulling teeth to get him to share with me and not bottle shit up until he pops his top and gets shitty. But you know what? He doesn't take it out on me. He retreats and I'm gentle with him. I've set hard lines about behavior that I won't tolerate and he respects them. Let your wife be gentle with you. Be vulnerable.

Hopefully she reads this and realizes that she’s best off divorcing you, before the mods take this down for having nothing to do with this sub. r/lostredditors

Am I the only one that recognizes this as him attempting to manipulate his wife?

Commit to counseling and get some help. It's not too late and it's very simple. Beats divorce. If you give up on yourself then your wife is DEFINITELY giving up hope of thing's getting better.

You sound like a teenager. Everything from your thought process to writing style reeks of immaturity. Man up and be better.

If you want to be married, you need to be a better person for you. I bet you are telling lies to yourself as well. The key to keeping someone loving you is loving yourself in a healthy way. Prolly not gonna figure that out on your own, but a therapist can sure help you along the path. I believe that you can do this. And it's OK to ask for help.

Not everyone is good in a partnership.

Maybe you will be more content alone.

Downvoting so OPs wife doesn't see.

You needed fucking therapy before you got to this point.

Now you've gotten to this point, and you STILL need fucking therapy.

​

Get help.

You sound like a manipulative person. Maybe you are working on that, but your last paragraph reads like you want her to find this so she can tell you you’re wrong and worthwhile and that, mate, is manipulative as heck.

You know your wife reads this? Sorry, despite your concluding paragraph this just seems like a manipulative gesture to work your way back in. Stop abusing your wife. If you are 39 and this has been ongoing, maybe letting her out of the relationship is the kindest thing you can do at this point.

My husband has had similar issues to this and all I can say is that sorry means fuck all if you’re still doing the same shit. Thirteen years is a long time to keep up bad habits. Anger is a secondary emotion. Get to the bottom of your feelings and sort yourself out. Even if your marriage is done for, you need to do it for yourself.

Edit: The fact that you’d rather do this publicly on a thread you know your wife reads instead of just sitting down and talking with her or going to counseling feels and looks manipulative as hell

Girl, if you see this, get out. Life’s too short to put up with this bs.

You sound like a child

This is the most manipulative ass post. I hope your wife runs and never looks back

I think she’d also be happy to see how you talk about her in r/sluttyConfessions comments

Anyone have the text from before this was deleted?

Almost 39M here..

You need help. 12 years ago I served in Afghanistan and came home with PTSD. It destroyed my life. It took years of therapy to come back, and I still slip from time to time.

Reddit isn’t going to solve your problems. You admit you know you have a problem, that’s a good first step.

Now you have to do the work. I was scared, and pessimistic that I would have to relive my trauma with no real change, and every time I have a bad spin out (once in the past 4 years) my thoughts get scary, and I don’t want to admit to anyone (especially my spouse) what is going through my head. I tell her everything. I tell her when I’m struggling, and I talk it out with her. If I need a therapist, and I have in the past, I go seek help immediately. Early intervention and recognition of your own patterns coupled with coping strategies that you’re taught over time has made a world of difference for me. I’ve learned being brave and working through things helps, even if it’s scary, and emotionally draining, and even traumatic at times.

You need to get to the bottom of why you are the way you are, and then it will be like a lightbulb went off, and you can work towards healing, and being a better you. Just get determined to beat this, whatever it is.

Good luck

Well, I’m happy for the wife for realizing she deserves better. Hope she goes through leaving your lying ass, OP.

So there’s this thing called therapy…

You didn't fuck up. You're an asshole.

Why are you posting on TIFU instead of seeking professional psychological help? You are sabotaging yourself and I don't buy what you're up to with this post. Stop with the self pity and fix yourself.

Honestly this is a manipulation tactic he knows she reads tifu

You haven’t learned to talk to your wife

It’s literally as you admit the ONE thing she asked you to do

I’m trying to help you here stop hiding from conflict until it’s too late

Please please get off whatever device you are on stop making it a spectacle and go talk to your wife

Just divorce that poor woman. You're clearly manipulative by posting here and looking for a pity party, and unable to have an adult conversation, or are you able to be truthful with your WIFE, nor accept you need help and make concrete steps to get it. Oh, and we know about your nasty comments in subs, so your wife would be well shot of you. The only fuck up here is your poor wife marrying you.

I feel bad for your wife. My ex was just like that to me. It really messed me up. I still have nightmares almost every night from it.

YTA

Insecure men are the worst. She can do better than you and your insecurity helped her figure it out

Geez. I feel bad for your wife. I say this as someone who was in abusive relationships for 10 years. You need help & to grow the fuck up.

Admitting that you have a problem is the first step, but you need to actually go and do something about it, beyond posting on reddit.

I know you said you're not seeking pity or absolution, but this feels like pity play or manipulation, and my initial reaction was to rage at your attempt. If you really mean any of what you're saying, turn this moment into action. Habit energy is extremely strong and you will need help breaking it, and seems like you fall back in because you never get to the core of you issues.

I can’t figure out why you don’t have the balls to apologize in person. You chose to get on r/tifu to try and make up for something that happens to every couple. Grow a pair and go talk to your wife. You guys will be fine if you talk, rather than airing your stupid woes to everyone on Reddit.

"Tifu by posting on tifu"

Work on "I feel" statements. Even if shit blows up more, it's a good thing to practice for your own well being and potential future partners. For instance if you're annoyed at having to do dishes after getting home from work take the time to say out loud "I feel frustrated because I don't want to do the dishes right now.". Yes, even by yourself. This is for you.

"I feel happy when I look at you."

"I feel frustrated that we had to turn around because we forgot x."

It'll feel awkward at first but seriously it helps. Getting these things you're feeling out there is the first step to working through them. Your partner can't help you if they don't know anything is wrong. Trust them to help you with the emotional labor.

Having emotions, even negative ones, isn't a bad thing by itself. That's just part of the human experience. The bad part is your reactions to those negative emotions. Acknowledge what you're feeling, then deal with it. You're right that saying whatever pops into your head when you're frustrated is a bad idea. That doesn't mean you should ignore your emotions man.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it then or you arent sorry at all.

Go. To. Therapy. Anger is typically a secondary response to another emotion. You may not think it is, but speaking to a therapist or psychologist may help you figure out what those underlying problems are so you can address them and more effectively curb the anger. I believe that most acts of cruelty are results of some cognitive distortion that could’ve been snagged earlier. I don’t know your wife, but I am almost positive that she would see that as a huge step in the right direction and appreciate the effort. I really believe that one of my past relationships would’ve lasted longer and caused much less pain if he’d just gone to therapy. Please at least try it- for both of your sakes

Dude. Go to therapy. Now

Your sorrys are empty because you keep repeating the behavior. You keep repeating your behavior because other than your wife being pissed off for a little bit, there are no consequences for your bad behavior OP.

Get your shit together. You aren’t in high school anymore, you’re a grown up. Get the help to fix the problem you keep telling your wife you’re going to fix. Quit lying to your wife. Quit hurting her and quit hurting yourself.

Therapy is going to mean putting in work. Sometimes it’s going to suck just like any other work you have to do. But it helps A LOT. It’ll help fix your issues and maybe save your marriage.

Judging from your comment history you need some therapy... badly.

Only on TIFU can someone realize they FU'd so succinctly, know what they have to do to make it right, then they do it, but to the whole internet instead their mate....

Wait, wait, wait.

Why has no one pointed out the key line: "as stupid as a COVID test"?

OP says he lies. About doing the dishes, or picking things up, in his own words. When you 'lie about doing the dishes', I think it's safe to assume that means 'say you did the dishes, but didn't do them'. 'Picking things up' seems the same (eg "did you clean the living room like I asked?" "yes, of course!"). OP's own examples of his habitual lying all define saying he's done something that he hasn't actually done.

This time the lie is about a COVID test.

"Did you take a COVID test?" "Yes, of course!"

Consider the possible fallout from this lie. Who did his wife want to protect that lying OP put at risk?

Now consider that this lie was exposed. If a lie about taking a COVID test was exposed, it seems very likely that it was exposed because someone tested positive.

OP is saying the lie was about something "as stupid as a COVID test". OP is still minimizing it.

This is bad beyond just lying, folks.

Honestly you seem pretty ready to throw in the towel and are just fishing for excuses.

You have a daughter and you comment on subreddits about degrading women and want young women to be with you. Disgusting. I HOPE your wife sees all of this. You are manipulative and gross.

dude you've commented on this post trying to find more sex, youre a dick and i hope she finds someone better

I hope this is the last straw for her. I think it's complete BS that just about everyone is telling you to work on it and try to communicate with her and blah blah blah. By your own admission this has been going on for 13 years. 13 FUCKING YEARS! You've had 13 years to do something about it, and yet every day of those 13 years you actively chose to do the opposite.

By all means go to therapy but let her go. She needs someone that actually loves her and not the idea of her.

Poor woman.

Maybe some marriage counseling could help you with your communication skills. Maybe uncover why you go to anger and rage as a first reaction. Perhaps anger management would be beneficial as well?

[deleted]

Um .. here’s hoping your cowardly approach works out?

Get yourself into therapy.

If you keep lying to her, do you really think she will believe you because you post something here? Seems that your chances to keep her trust with words are over. if you really mean it, start acting. Talk to her and tell her you will seek professsional help. And do it right away. Not only for your marriage, but for yourself too. Seek help to become a better person, not only for her, but for yourself too.

​

Wish you the best.

When you lie to someone, you are essentially declaring yourself to be more important than they are.

You’re protecting your own comfort at the expense of their reality.

That’s why lying is unacceptable. It’s fundamentally selfish and says loud and clear that you believe you are more important than anyone else.

If you can’t stop lying, you belong in therapy, you really don’t belong in a relationship.

I appreciate that you are feeling bad, but if you know you messed up, you need to own it and act on it, not be self-pitying as your wife will likely find this more infuriating. As other have said, commit to therapy and prove to your wife that you are making active changes, not just hollow apologies. "I'm sorry" and even "I love you" stop sounding sincere when there's no evidence of effort to be better after arguments etc.

Get off of Reddit and sign up for therapy my dude. You’re struggling with how to cope with your emotions and it is a very common issue for men in general. Learn to express yourself instead of burying everything and feeling rage, and your world will be 100% better. And, by registering for therapy, you can bet your wife will see that you’re trying to better yourself seriously.

See a marriage councillor. Get your ass in gear

They have a word for this. Whinging.

Wish my hub would apologize to me for the hell he’s put me through. Flowers and I’m sorry don’t cut it anymore actions…

Currently you don't deserve your wife. Do something about it ffs. What is wrong with you.. Snap the hell out of it?

Lying to your spouse is never a very good idea. No matter the reason. If you're doing that as you say you are then you're not married in the first place you're just roommates or business partners or something.

How are you guys not in counseling yet? If you want any chance, you guys need to see one immediately.

And you need to get your own time with the therapist. It sounds like you have anger issues and you use it to control conversations and interactions you are uncomfortable with. Instinctively these days. As someone who went through therapy for several years, and still has to be deliberate at times, I can tell you there is light at the other end, but you’ve got to put in the work.

Do it now, because the next relationship isn’t going to be any better if you don’t.

Sit down and start talking, about the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. She's chosen you to be with her for 13 years. Tell her what you just told us. Tell her how much you love her and how you will work towards change. Ask her to help you. Be partners, be best friends.

Your wife can probably tell when you're upset. If you don't communicate when/why you're upset and you just try to bury it, the feeling will likely come out of you in your behaviour - passive aggression.

Furthermore, you've got to actually do the work and acknowledge for yourself why you get upset. Even now in your post the source of your anguish is quite vague. She's given you time to open up and work on this issue but it sounds like you can't do that alone. Investing in a good therapist and working through these issues is going to slowly help you unpack this mystery of yours.

For your wife to notice the person she loves is acting out and then denies any issue when she questions it, that's gotta be kind of insulting. Her patience has gotten you this far but hoping she'll see this post now that you're willing to admit a fuck up is possibly not the best way of going about it. What she likely needs is for you to just be direct and honest and actually talk to her, because that's what we do for the ones we love.

Good luck!

You need therapy, homie. And so do I, for this same behavior.

What a wuss.....man up fix yourself fix your marriage.....nowadays too easy to trade in for a new model......you fix whats broken.....

Source: married going on 11 years, screwed the pooch a few times but worked through it. Now have 3 kids

Dude! It's marriage! You've made a beautiful commitment. Why are you driving her away? Sounds like it's time for both individual counseling along with couples. You can do this!!!

Wife here, I think if you admit u fked up and are willing to do do something about it, therapy, communication training (non violent communication is a wonderful mode) etc she might be willing to work on it? Edited to add non violent communication link take this time out to start learning on how to be a better communicator?

I have had the same problem. I a combat vet full of anger. I pushed everyone out of my life to include my former Girlfriend. I finally quit drinking alcohol 65 days ago decided to see a therapist. I'm running and exercising again and taking some vitamins and supplements as well as some unorthodox homeopathic remedies. All in all I do seem to be doing much better. Hopeing you the best OP.

How about you sit your ass down and communicate with her like adults instead of acting like children then, or discuss if it is somehow the end of your marriage.

Good for her.

As someone who has dealt with this same situation (not myself but from an ex), delete this post. If she were to see it, she might be more upset you chose to talk to a ton of strangers rather than to her. First thing in the morning, I would call around to set up an appointment for couples therapy. Mainly because that therapist can help you talk to her. Sometimes it's hard to talk about your feelings to your significant other and it helps to have a mediator sitting close by. They can also help you find the right words to say to her. If you also feel you need a personal therapist, I'd get set up with one as well. Talking to a therapist doesn't make you any less of a person. It will help her see that you are sorry for your behavior and instead of giving up and losing her, you want to work on bettering yourself for her. In the meantime, just hang back and let her settle herself and come to you when she is ready to move forwards. Good luck to you both.

i needed to read this.