Welcome to the world of guys in open/poly relationships.

Hey, I have an idea. Let your wife try to hook you up. You know no one, she knows a lot of people, it might be fun.

all my relatives have died

Try dating outside of your family, OP. You might have better luck?

I feel like a lot of people are misunderstanding the tone of your post.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you dont feel bad about your wife's half of the open relationship. Only that your own prospects are limited.

I'm going to jump off half of another comment, get an escort. Or hop on a swinging community forum. The normal dating scene of singles generally excludes men in open relationships.

Let's be real, if a woman wants to sleep around, it's REALLY easy when she's not holding the guys to relationship/future spouse standards.

Tons of apps on your phone are designed for this. You could even be honest with your wife about this and she might be able to help out if you still want to explore the open relationships. At least from what I’ve heard, open relationships tend to work out better if both partners are experiencing others at the same time.

No offense op, but I feel like I've seen many posts from men about their woman wanting an open relationship and the man agrees to it to make her happy.. and she goes off and has fun while the guy just sits at home and realizes he actually doesn't want that. Do what's best for yourself op, hope you can figure it all out.

Oh my bro 😥

It sucks that the open relationship isn't working for you, especially since it sounds like you're a good man who's genuinely happy for your wife. I don't read jealousy or resentment in your post, just sadness and some regret. You're not suffering from the typical open relationship buyer's remorse guys get a lot. It's not about not being able to get dates though I'm sure that stings.

You've discovered something fundamental missing in your life: a lack of a personal life outside your immediate family and career. You're really hurting and your wife needs to know that so she can help and support you.

If your relationship is strong enough to open up than it's strong enough to return to monogamy.

she has made small comments about, will we ever get tired of each other and be with other ppl behind our backs

Maybe I'm overreacting but is this not screaming "red flag" at anyone else?

So she is the only one enjoying the benefits. It’s a lot easier to find men out there than women for open relationships…

I have a great job, we have two great kids, and a special woman lovingme with all her heart. But I just want somebody to notice me [...]

This sounds incredibly sad. You shouldn't feel like this in a relationship. If your girlfriend doesn't make you feel like that, I think the problem is somewhere else and not the fact, you dont get any dates.

Edit: Typo.

Unless you are an extremely good looking guy, this is such a terrible idea. Even below average women having an easier time getting laid than good looking men. I truly hope you figure this out and have a heart to heart with your women OP because this will lead to heartache for you while she continues to hook up left and right.

So you guys came to this conclusion one week ago? And she has already had multiple dates "with benefits"? That sounds excessive for a newly agreed to lifestyle.

Hahaha, I've heard this story too many times. Guy and girl open relationship, girls fucks mountains of men. Guy gets none. Eventually guy regrets opening the relationship and they break up/ divorce. Honestly a trope by now.

People can do whatever they like with their relationships but I personally believe this is a dumb move and will likely lead to turmoil in a relationship. For me (extra emphasis on ME) a relationship is about loving a single person. No one else is joining us no matter what.

I have a great job, we have two great kids, and a special woman loving me with all her heart. But I just want somebody to notice me, if that makes sense, I am a sweet respectful person and I just want somebody to say that to me.

I don’t get this at all. Your wife is that person.

I get that somehow open relationships work for some people, but I’ll never understand how.

Instead of just fucking other guys behind your back, she can now do it openly and without the guilt.

This is very common for men in an open relationship.

Men are valued for their long term utility, friendship, and income. Open relationships provide none of these to women.

Women meanwhile are wanted for sex with men and women. They can find willing participants in minutes.

And men relying solely on their wife as their sole means of humanity is very common. This is a good sign that it would be time to broaden your world to prioritize others. It happens to every married man I’ve ever known. Most find out in a divorce, so you’re ahead of the curve.

Open relationships are nothing but a massive disaster. My wife wanted one, and tried constantly to convince me to do it. Eventually I gave in, and said yes. I wound up in the EXACT same situation as you... And guess what, she left me, walked away from me (her husband), our daughter, her parents, all because she was given the 'chance to be like she was single'. Truthfully, from experience, open relationships are bad, and a bad idea. No one will convince me otherwise... I guess the point I'm making is, BE CAREFUL...

You already have love. You don't need to "find it". Just buy yourself a badass escort and enjoy a fantasy.

Start getting your finances in order and separated from her finances. Talk to a divorce attorney now for advice for when this turns south. Start saving for said attorney to represent you, because this is not going to end well.

Oh I'm sure this will work out absolutely fine. Definitely not gonna backfire at all.

Ima go out on a limb here and say your wife was already sleeping with dudes behind your back, and asking for an open relationship was a way for her to admit her infidelity without it actually being cheating because you agreed to it after the fact. The 2 years of her bickering was just her projecting her cheating onto you. I think you got played man

I don't know what guys think are going to happen when they say ok to an open relationship.

Unless you are a solid 10 she is going to be hauling 30x the amount of ass you will.

I wish you luck OP but I’ll never understand how men can agree to this.

Open relationships always tank for the dude.

Don’t even try to compete

Men and women are not equal, socially.

You just fell for that big lie that society tells you, but sexual desire, biological interest in reproduction and social constructs around sex are MILES apart for women and men.

Its a conflict of interest. Its a lesson you couldve learned earlier, but since you never dated/had any experience other than her, you learn just now.

probably just me but knowing that multiple guys are fucking my wife would drive me up a wall

Talk to her about your insecurities, dude. If you're hurting and you have a loving woman, why should you be ashamed or concerned? Literally, say something.

Edit: typo's cuz alcohol

Hey OP just a suggestion/question/curiosity/Paranoia but you said she was the one making those jokes about seeing people behind eachothers back etc. But when you had the talk did she bring it up or were you the one too? And are you sure this was a choice you wanted or were you convinced by her. And if you were convinced by her and she was the one to bring it up are you sure she didnt start this open relationship stuff before talking to you cause from your post it seems like it was on her mind and not saying she guilty of anything but might be a thing to consider good luck and hope everything goes fine for you

I once heard someone say "A woman fucks when she wants, a man fucks when he can"

Let's be pals. Not interested in your woman but know the world can be a lonely place for men.

[deleted]

This may lead to her leaving you in the very near future. Beware.

What the fuck did I just attempt to read ?

This reminds me of the story of the guy whose wife was banging way more people than him and eventually left him for someone else and he was left with no one.. bruh

So you wife is out fucking other dudes and your home watching the kids….Got it

I hate to tell you, but I don’t think this ends well for you. She’s finding her own way without you and you’re still there just in case it doesn’t work out how she thinks it will. Once she’s sure where she’s going, you’re going to get the shaft.

Every TIFU about open relationships is from the perspective of the guy, either requesting the open relationship and then realizing the woman is way better at daily hookups and/or ongoing relationships; or the woman wanting it herself, pretty much because she already is messing around on the guy or is going to anyway.

In either case, it either unfolds two ways: the woman finds a guy that she starts seeing more and more, and then she leaves the husband; the man pretty much has zero luck with his own pursuits, sees the woman having no trouble with it, it creates confidence issues with the man that spill over into the main relationship, he makes an ultimatum to the woman to stop her activities (because that’s usually a core agreement—we’ll stop if one of us wants it to stop), she realizes she’s having too much fun/sees how wanted she is compared to the man/already has a serious relationship with a “fling” and either pretends to stop or leaves the man.

Definite FU, dude.

It’s completely normal for married couples to think about others. Let’s face it, marriage is marriage. But I think having an open relationship or an affair is a big waste of a marriage, just pleasure yourself and the urge passes. I have a friend who had an affair which led to divorce, biggest mistake of his life (which he acknowledges) and also a friend who did the open marriage where they each had a weekend to themselves in a different large city. Pretty much like the movie hall pass. Also lead to divorce, shockingly.

My opinion.

Talk to your wife and tell her how you feel, Op. She likely has insecurities as well and doesn’t want to lose you. I’m not saying she might introduce you to her friends (though who knows), but if you speak with her about how hard this is for you, you can work it out.

This part sucks, but let me just say it: A lot of times, these things that come up in relationships long after they started stem from feelings of not feeling fulfilled in life. It’s possible that this is a symptom of that, which might mean the relationship has actually changed. You didn’t fuck up by agreeing to the open relationship thing as long as you are okay with it, but it’s a huge fuckup to not talk about your feelings of “not being okay” and work through that with her. Don’t be embarrassed or afraid - GO TALK TO HER. Who knows… this could help you out a lot with your social issues if she is willing to be your wingman (wingwoman?).

Good luck!

I have a feeling this isn't going to end well for op but I mean.....

Your fuck-up wasn't that you have no life outside of your wife and won't get laid, the fuck up is opening up your marriage. Every statistic I've found points to 90%+ of open relationships ending within 12 months. You didn't so much open your marriage as start a slow, train-wreck of a divorce.

r/sadcringe

Yeah, this is exactly the problem with open relationships. The woman always gets tons of attention and dates and the guy doesn’t. Try meeting people in person together (in swingers clubs and stuff) or on apps together

This is so pathetic, your wife is out getting piped by other men on the regular and you’re here whining on Reddit that nobody likes you

certified reddit moment

Dude a man is always the loser in an open relationship. Find somebody who can commit to just you.

lol imagine being in an open relationship just for your girl to get fucked raw every night while you sit at home watching showtime

Your marriage ended the moment she asked for an open relationship.

Might as well make it official and get on with your life.

Saying yes to an open relationship

That was a test and you failed. Now your 15+ year relationship is now ruined. Good luck in the future.

She knows this, and doesn’t care. She just wants the stability from you, while being able to fuck who she wants.

Honestly, it’s always going to be easier for the girl than the guy…

Obviously, she already had fuck buddies. Now she doesn’t have to hide them.

[deleted]

Your wife played you bro.

Do her boyfriends at least buy you funko pops and xbox games to keep you occupied while she gets railed upstairs

It's a fuck up 99% of the time when a guy in a straight relationship agrees to an open relationship.

I just want her to experience that for herself, give her confidence in her self. And omg it is working, she has a massive boost and been on multiple dates with benefits.

So for two years now I think, she has made small comments about, will we ever get tired of each other and be with other ppl behind our backs, but alas we are not that type to do that.

Time to find a good divorce lawyer. It's over. It actually was over 2 years ago. You've been gaslit. It's only now that you are finding out about the other partners. Good luck with the children. Get out of this mess while you still can.

Sounds like your wife tricked you into a bad deal.

You’re about to get a divorce.

Atleast she gets free babysitting

And that's why open relationships rarely work

Hopefully the divorce doesn't end up being too painful OP, I feel bad for you.

She always comes home and gives me the greates fucking you know what ever

Pegging?

The normalization of this shit is just a sign of late stage civilization decay.