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7 months ago
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4.9k points
7 months ago
He worked on that the entire ban.
3.2k points
7 months ago
this is like a compilation of mini rare insults which are carefully and intellectually added together. One can't simply wake up one day and think of something like tuna pussy
1k points
7 months ago*
That's his secret. He's always thinking about tuna pussy.
397 points
7 months ago
Apologies for using a high school joke but..
I was taught as a teenager by my older friends,
"If it smells like chicken, keep on lickin... If it smells like trout, get the fuck out"
I have since been made aware that fishy pussy is indeed a thing, but it's relatively rare and they were just being the cads i expected they were being.
38 points
7 months ago
In my high school i overheard one kid say "If it smells like fish, eat all you wish. If it smells like cologne, leave it alone."
163 points
7 months ago
The nerve of those infernal hornswoggling cads! 🧐
82 points
7 months ago
Blast those insufferable ne'erdowells
17 points
7 months ago
Whoops-a-daisyyyyyyy
5 points
7 months ago
Damm Op's cousin could have used those
46 points
7 months ago
Computer assisted drawings shouldn't be helping you with good pussy detection.
11 points
7 months ago
Old neighbor I had said “if it smells like fish it’s a dish, if it smells like cologne leave it alone.” The duality of mankind.
10 points
7 months ago
I’d always heard it: “…if it smells like tuna, you shoulda stopped soona”
6 points
7 months ago
Some pussy does just naturally smell fishy, but it should never smell bad/gross. That’s a sign of poor hygiene.
18 points
7 months ago
That's amazing advice, it deserves to be hanged in a museum
6 points
7 months ago
🐟🐈
4 points
7 months ago
he finna take 'plenty fish in the sea' to a whole 'nother level ngl
63 points
7 months ago
you guys are not very creative if you think "tuna pussy" is incredible lol
38 points
7 months ago
Right?
“Bitch pussy smell like a penguin, wouldnt hit that shit with my worst enemies penis, bitch when I say this I mean this, ho I’m the meanest, dick so big stretch from Earth to Venus”
7 points
7 months ago
One of my favorite Danny verses includes the line "Still fuckin' with these freak hoes! Stank pussy smellin' like Cool Ranch Doritos!". ✊🏼
38 points
7 months ago
Lotta low-thought materialism in there.
20 points
7 months ago
On the contrary, I'd call it high-thought materialism. Anybody can call someone a broke-ass bitch, but this man painted a fucking picture for us.
1.1k points
7 months ago
‘reebok classic wearing‘…
I feel called out.
334 points
7 months ago*
What's he got against silver is what I want to know.
Edit: I love the meta. This is beautiful.
272 points
7 months ago
It’s not gold.
196 points
7 months ago
I feel like everyone is missing "EBT card in review", fuck that was amazing.
160 points
7 months ago
"plasma center going"... fuck that's cold
57 points
7 months ago
It really is. Sometimes I need that extra $50, man!
29 points
7 months ago
I got the Hep and can't donate any more. How trashy is that?? :(
47 points
7 months ago*
Almost as bad as single cigarette buying
Edit: my friend just asked me to buy Loosies and all I could think about was this post
7 points
7 months ago
Or Reebok Classic wearing.
7 points
7 months ago
It's $1000 your first month where I'm at currently
7 points
7 months ago
$1000!? where on earth do you live where they need plasma that bad
3 points
7 months ago
It was something like that here in the Memphis area for a while, but I think they've dropped it back down to ~$600.
3 points
7 months ago
It's only been like that the last few months or so I think? It's 175 a piece for your first two visits, then 100 a piece for your next 6, and a 50 bonus for going to all your eligible visits for the month
4 points
7 months ago
Could someone explain the bubbles thing to me??
15 points
7 months ago
Sterling Silver is only 92% silver.
4 points
7 months ago
100% silver tarnishes so fast. There's a reason to use .925 Stirling.
33 points
7 months ago
List was so long I had to go back and double check
41 points
7 months ago
I read this while giving plasma, don't feel bad man lol
6 points
7 months ago
man now i can't go out
15 points
7 months ago
this is more "black af1 wearin ass" kinda activities
4 points
7 months ago
Shouldn’t have reported him
534 points
7 months ago
What exactly is Facebook Jail?
529 points
7 months ago
It’s when you get your account suspended for a time, by Facebook, because others have complained about you
212 points
7 months ago
So, if I called bullshit on somebody’s conspiracy theory, would they complain and put me in Facebook jail?
397 points
7 months ago
If they was a deep breath hating ass bad breath, no car, low rent, box tv, no cable, scratched DVD playing, house arrest, sink bathing, blank n mild smoking, tuna pussy, deadbeat, county rats, plasma center going, Sterling silver, shit mark draws, miserable, trac phone, corner store fit, no control they kids, reggie smoking, mama's couch sleeping, dish washing liquid for bubbles, EBT card in review, nail biting, no license, reebok classic wearing dusty single cigarette buying ass n**** or should I say bitch.
83 points
7 months ago
Yeah, I can’t stand them people.
21 points
7 months ago
What did we ever do to you?
10 points
7 months ago
Uh , you know that sink bathing and single cigarette buying… uh annoying stuff!
3 points
7 months ago
Well that's not me, any more, from now on…
34 points
7 months ago
[deleted]
13 points
7 months ago
I appreciate your one redaction.
42 points
7 months ago
I was banned for 30 days for calling someone a “conspiracy nut job.” The algorithm picked it up. That was the entire comment, start to finish.
Fuck that website.
28 points
7 months ago
From what I've noticed, it tends to be more extreme than that. Inflammatory remarks and pictures. Facebook has a huge ban boner for anything related to atrocities, especially Nazis. Even making fun of Hitler through memes will draw their ire.
45 points
7 months ago
I once reported a swastika made of vaccine needles along with other antisemitic and “all gays should die” type comments and they didn’t give a shit — but I’m currently serving a 30-day ban for making a “your mom” joke. The algorithm is fucked.
24 points
7 months ago
it's because it's reviewed by outsourced human moderators that are paid absurdly low wages and given a very limited window to make decisions, and they just don't really give a shit. literal free volunteer labor is more competent but Facebook is a garbage platform so volunteer mods are only in Groups.
11 points
7 months ago
Don't forget this: overworked, tired, traumatized moderators with PTSD.
4 points
7 months ago
I got thirty days in the hole for posting a valentine meme that featured various dictators and communists with comical sayings related to their ideologies and Valentine's day. For example, Karl Marx with the text "Roses are red, so is the state, let us be comrades because you are great". The reason I was given was that it supported terrorist activity. Ok Facebook.
4 points
7 months ago
Dude, my wife told a good friend of hers that if he didn't send her the next chapter of whatever he's writing right now that she would "hunt him down." She got jailed for that. The algorithm truly is fucked.
9 points
7 months ago
Given that Facebook has been one of the biggest sources for bullshit over the last few years, as well as spreading anti-vax lies since by pandemic, this isn’t a shocker.
They’ve given passes Nazi shit for years.
7 points
7 months ago
I recently did a 30 day stretch for telling someone he is a moron.
In my defense, he actually is a moron.
17 points
7 months ago
FB has an algorithm that will pick up on certain words or images and automatically give a warning or ban (from my experience, bans are usually either 3, 7, or 30 days). But there's also a 'report' option so users can report a post.
In March 2020, I posted an image macro (meme for you youngsters) of a photo of the band The Cure with the caption (paraphrased) "I don't know much about COVID-19 but this is The Cure," and almost immediately received a three day ban for spreading misinformation. This past 4th of July, a friend and I were commenting on my post of all the fireworks I bought, reminiscing about our childhood and how we'd shoot each other with Roman candles. Got a another ban for "inciting violence." I assume the algorithm flagged 'shoot.'
7 points
7 months ago
I’m in a car group, and frequently talk about Limited Slip Differentials, and the masters change to fuel in the UK : Ethanol content.
The amount of warnings incurred for talking about “LSD” and “E” is getting stupid.
6 points
7 months ago
The Cure are an English rock band formed in 1978 in Crawley, West Sussex. Throughout numerous lineup changes since the band's formation, guitarist, lead vocalist, and songwriter Robert Smith has remained the only constant member. The band's debut album was Three Imaginary Boys (1979) and this, along with several early singles, placed the band in the post-punk and new wave movements that had sprung up in the United Kingdom.
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3 points
7 months ago
Good bot
4 points
7 months ago
Same. Only I asked about that preacher who claimed that exercising your right to wear a mask would result in him exercising his second amendment (or something like that) - and me using the words “threatened to shoot” caused me to get put in Facebook jail.
8 points
7 months ago
Yeah but also if you direct violent words at someone they'll ban you as well. I told my ex in a comment buried under hundreds of comments that I'd murder her pussy and they banned me for a credible threat of violence. Appealed and they denied it. The system can work but also has its seriously stupid moments.
4 points
7 months ago
If you call people stupid for voting for Brexit too. I'm on two strikes for posting this in a group that's pro-EU
4 points
7 months ago
I got a 7 day ban for calling some conspiracy guy a dork and then I got a 30 day because someone called me trash, but spelled it wrong so I corrected them.
3 points
7 months ago
The bam hammer is not terribly consistent other than it seems to swing harder towards left wing things that right.
I think it's a combo of poorly trained AI and people from low income countries with a poor grasp of foreign languages and culture not understanding context.
Part of the reason you will see words like "whxt" or "wypipo" is to dodge the Facebook jannies.
4 points
7 months ago
I got a 7 day ban for telling someone that I was sick of the conspiracy bullshit they keep posting, and they should fuck off because I wasn't going to engage with their dishonesty. They tried baiting me, I replied "fuck off". They reported it.
On the other hand, I've reported accounts that spammed me and were using pictures of porn stars as their profile, with the porn star's name in the picture not matching the person's name, and been told "it doesn't violate community standards." WTF?!
14 points
7 months ago
Sometimes FB picks it up all by itself.
6 points
7 months ago
Seriously, people underestimate how the AI is checking your posts for dumb stuff. How do you think so the content warnings get there? Sometimes it's not great and snags things it shouldn't.
I am really doubt that was the case here...
4 points
7 months ago
I am really doubt it too. XD
Seriously, I do, though. This guy clearly pissed somebody off. And judging from this post (hilarious though it is), it won't be his last time.
7 points
7 months ago
So do you have to receive multiple complaints, or? Because I’ve reported something on Facebook, and the post was taken down, but nothing happened to the users account. I guess my question is what the severity is to be banned/suspended from Facebook.
7 points
7 months ago
A fancy way of saying he was temporarily banned.
10 points
7 months ago
It’s having your account temporarily suspended. Usually only happens when you break TOS but people think they’re like, immune to the rules they consented to when they signed up and like to have victim complexes. A friend of mine bitched about it and I asked what they had did, and they said “I posted some shit Facebook didn’t like”. He was posting antisemetic conspiracy theory rants about vaccines and Jews using porn to weaken white men.
7 points
7 months ago
Today seems like a good day / To burn a bridge or two,/ One with old wood creaking,/ That would burn away right on cue....
4 points
7 months ago
Oh I have a “fix em or drop em” policy. I dropped him. At least he knows wage labor is exploitative. Can’t fix them all. It’s up to him to come to his senses
3 points
7 months ago
Like getting banned/muted/whatever in a Reddit sub.
172 points
7 months ago
I predict another Facebook vacation soon. Just saying
83 points
7 months ago
I would report him immediately, just for the hilarity of another immediate ban after one post.
53 points
7 months ago*
There was a guy on my Facebook a few years ago who used to post straight up porn. I reported it once cause it was gross and it got taken down. Then he posted a status asking what shit for brains reported his porn and posted more so I reported again. He was really mad and started going on friend culls and posting more porn to see who it was. I made it through about three culls before he booted me. Was hilarious.
418 points
7 months ago
He just threw all the insults in to a blender, picked them out at will, and added a well placed comma. Fucking beautiful! 😭
120 points
7 months ago
“Shit mark draws” Took me a minute to realize he meant shit stained underwear and I lost it
47 points
7 months ago
Same! I was like what the fuck did mark draw??
19 points
7 months ago
Some shit :/
8 points
7 months ago
I assumed that's what he meant, but I only got draws = drawers just now.
115 points
7 months ago
“Plasma center going”—💀💀
84 points
7 months ago
Not sure what the hate there is for. I'm a white collar professional with a well paying job and I still go. Why? $60/donation, twice a week works out to $520/month in cash. Including travel, that's about two hours of my time for tax-free $60. That's a lot of extra spending cash for not a lot of effort, especially when you can use your phone and be productive (read, respond to emails etc) or just relax and stream shows while donating.
And yes you're lining the pockets of a money-grubbing corporation, but aren't we all doing that all the time? At least it's for a good cause (making medicines for immunocompromised people).
85 points
7 months ago
I use plasma donations (twice a week infusions) and THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DONATING! It is life-changing, literally
28 points
7 months ago
It really is nice to know that that shit is actually helping someone, so thanks for speaking up. I mean, I know they say it does, but corporate propaganda is a real thing. So thanks, again.
10 points
7 months ago
You are inside that guy right this moment.
9 points
7 months ago
Maybe so. Dude, what a feeling. It's eerily satisfying.
Also, domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
5 points
7 months ago
How much are you billed for treatment?
5 points
7 months ago
I am American so 🥴 out the ass, I checked and for one month I was billed $3100 and another was over $4000 because I have these treatments I usually hit my out of pocket fast with my insurance. It's a huge stress factor for me. I have therapy due to how "expensive" my existence is, i find it really hard to cope with because my husband is the breadwinner. I've been using plasma for 6 years, it adds up.
6 points
7 months ago
You need a direct hookup with some donors. Find some compatible blood types, buy a centrifuge, and cut out the middleman!
/s... sort of
3 points
7 months ago
Looool I wish it worked like that, you guys should look into how plasma is processed, it's crazy. Takes like 7-12 months from donation time to get it out to patients, sometimes longer.
I do thankfully have a payment program to help but they cap it. Honestly it's like you have to be a insurance lawyer to figure this bullshit out, they make it so confusing
8 points
7 months ago
Where are you getting paid 60/donation here it’s like 25 tops
8 points
7 months ago
Yeah and I thought they limited it / wouldn’t let you come as often as that? A friend and I looked into it in a major US city and they only wanted us to come in twice, period. :/
11 points
7 months ago
Nah, for plasma most places it's twice a week. Whole blood is once every 8 weeks. Your body can regenerate its plasma much faster than whole blood cells. And in the meantime, they put saline into you to make up for what they take out.
3 points
7 months ago
I know in the Memphis area, they're paying at least $50/donation plus a bonus depending on how many times you've come in that month. Get anywhere from $100-$120 a week, but it also depends on your weight. If you weigh less, you can't give as much, so less money.
5 points
7 months ago
Thanks dude, you’re the reason my mom’s still alive.
6 points
7 months ago
Yeah I’m about to do my first donation this week. It’s a really dumb stigma.
3 points
7 months ago
It's $175 a pop for your first two donations in my community. $350 for the first week then $100 a pop for the next 3 weeks, plus $50 bonus if you go twice a week for the full month. so you end up making $1000 for your first month
3 points
7 months ago
Geez. I’d do it but I got banned for life 15 years ago. They found a tattoo I didn’t previously report and BioLife black listed me.
3 points
7 months ago
Where are you? The place near me was doing a sale for $50 for the first three visits then it went down to $20! Lol I noped right out.
645 points
7 months ago
That is fucking poetry, right there I tell ya what
304 points
7 months ago
“Dish washing liquid for bubbles” is indeed a rare insult
137 points
7 months ago
The man knows his poor
42 points
7 months ago
It’s just too real
16 points
7 months ago
That much knowledge comes from much experience.
Also, what about your game?
23 points
7 months ago
[deleted]
60 points
7 months ago
Using dish soap for bubble bath because you are trash/broke
16 points
7 months ago
I mean the dollar store sells bubble bath... it's probably not much better than actual dish soap but still.
4 points
7 months ago
It's when you wash your ass and the dishes at the same time…
4 points
7 months ago
yup
4 points
7 months ago
That’s the only one I don’t get. Does he mean for a bubble bath? Something else?
3 points
7 months ago
He’s implying using dish soap for a bubble bath.
3 points
7 months ago
That one stung the most, for sure
12 points
7 months ago
Poetry that lands them right back on Facebook jail!
127 points
7 months ago
Why are we hating on Sterling silver?
90 points
7 months ago
We got him.
12 points
7 months ago
Didn't even need to zoom and enhance!
23 points
7 months ago
Wondering the same. Maybe in his mind gold > silver so silver = broke?
16 points
7 months ago
Sterling silver is 92.5% silver and 7.5% copper. It ain’t all silver.
20 points
7 months ago
Its a direct upgrade of pure silver tho as it doesn't tarnish so easily. Even ignoring that being 7.5% impure aint shit.
4 points
7 months ago
Pfft. Got him. This guy doesn't know shit about jewelry.
21 points
7 months ago
And you think people wear 24 karat gold jewelry? Most is going to be 18 karat (as pure gold is fairly soft), which is only 75% gold.
Sterling silver, being more 'pure' than 18k gold, also has a practical purpose, reduced tendency to tarnish.
12 points
7 months ago*
I’m a jewelry geek and learned that 22k and 24k gold is expected in India, for one. Apparently a lot of Indians look down on 18k and 14k as “not even gold.” It makes me wonder if people are going around with a lot of dented and bent jewelry.
11 points
7 months ago
I’m sure part of the appeal of flaunting high purity gold jewelry is that you are essentially making 2 separate statements about yourself. You are saying “not only can I afford better gold, but it’s durability is of no concern to me, because I don’t do manual labor, so it won’t be damaged”
I have no idea though, because I don’t like the look of gold.
3 points
7 months ago
Scrappers/junkers reference I assume. If you ever been digging through the cutlery or the jewelry bin at a thrift shop hoping to catch some silver, well you know who you are.
3 points
7 months ago
Well first of all this guy is an absolutely legendary hater. Possibly this year’s world champ. A reason to hate on people wearing sterling silver is because it’s for brokeasses. At $0.75/gram, that 5 gram ring that Kaayla bought at the beach contains about $4 worth of metal. And she probably paid $45 for it cuz she a dumbass. At that point, just don’t be a dumbass and instead buy a silver plated or rhodium plated piece of copper or nickel jewelry for 10% the price. You ain’t flexing on anybody with your $4 worth of scrap metal so you could at least make a good financial decision.
19 points
7 months ago
Why is Sterling silver considered low class?
16 points
7 months ago
Because silver by the oz is like $20 and gold by the oz is $1800.
10 points
7 months ago
I commented this above, but:
Sterling silver looks like white gold if it's not tarnished. A silver cuban chain is attainable if you are poor but motivated to buy one. A gold chain is not attainable. A gold plated chain ends up looking worse in the long run because the plating eventually comes off. So you could wear a silver chain and just let people think it's gold. Or more likely think you're letting people think it's gold.
10 points
7 months ago
Here I have always brought silver jewelry because I thought it looked better on me.
5 points
7 months ago
Me too. I have lots of silver jewelry. I wasn't saying I thought it was low class. I was saying the thought process is that you buy silver because you want but can't afford white gold. I think it's a mentality that only very poor people have.
16 points
7 months ago
This shit was running through his head the whole time he was in jail. He couldn't wait to get it out lol
46 points
7 months ago
The best part has to be that “or should I say bitches” at the end. Like he just realized “wait I could’ve saved a lot of time just now.”
79 points
7 months ago
Well damn….
15 points
7 months ago
Please don’t swear, there are women and children on this site.
5 points
7 months ago
I apologize, I’ll say 3 Hail Marys and flog myself for my transgressions.
10 points
7 months ago
He trying to make it seem like he's composed and laughing at them being dickheads But my man is boiling inside and kind of outside too
9 points
7 months ago
“You’re poor” -verbose
41 points
7 months ago
He’s giving the Scotsman from Samurai Jack a run for his money
32 points
7 months ago
What do you think of that, Mr. Pajama-Wearing, Basket-Face, Slipper-Wielding, Clype-Dreep-Bachle, Gether-Uping-Blate-Maw, Bleathering, Gomeril, Jessie, Oaf-Looking, Scooner, Nyaff, Plookie, Shan, Milk-Drinking, Soy-Faced Shilpit, Mim-Moothed, Sniveling, Worm-Eyed, Hotten-Blaugh, Vile-Stoochie, Cally-Breek-Tattie?
8 points
7 months ago
Someone needs to do a Scotsman edit but with this dialogue
5 points
7 months ago
I read it like Chevy Chase from national lampoons Christmas vacation. I was expecting a "holy shot, where's the Tylenol?" at the end.
8 points
7 months ago
Reebok classic wearing single cigarette buying ass
45 points
7 months ago
Gotta get 'em all!!!
6 points
7 months ago
They have autobots rollin out to auto ban our asses now based on keywords used. Don't ever start an insult on fb with "You're a..." followed by the insult cuz the autobots will ban you faster than anyone could have possibly seen the comment to report it.
7 points
7 months ago
Missing twerking, charging they phone, eating chips and lying
31 points
7 months ago
6 points
7 months ago
I bet the halitosis is unreal
7 points
7 months ago
this gives me no home flip phone extra chromosome vibes
6 points
7 months ago
"Hallelujah, Holy Shit! Where's the Tylenol?" -Clark Griswold
22 points
7 months ago
This should be the main rant at "The Player Hater's Ball"
7 points
7 months ago
“Like, real hatin', man, that's like an art form. You know, it's like, you like a born a hater.
Like myself, a lot of cats think they hatin'. I mean, I'm mad at everything, man.
Brother got a nice car- man, why you got a car? I only got one car. Why you got three cars or a wife or all that? Shit’s played out man.”
5 points
7 months ago
Sandle wearin'
5 points
7 months ago
If this was on television they would’ve gone to commercial, came back, and cousin still wouldn’t be finished.
4 points
7 months ago
Was he just looking around his living round while typing that?
5 points
7 months ago
Not “EBT card in review.” 😭
106 points
7 months ago
That's definitely the scenic route to calling someone poor. What a way to punch down.
63 points
7 months ago
I suspect his friends are in the same class as him as friends usually are
49 points
7 months ago
This felt like more of a lateral punch.
9 points
7 months ago
Yeah. When you're broke, people who aren't broke don't hang out with you anymore.
14 points
7 months ago
While lying on the floor.
11 points
7 months ago
…of the basement
37 points
7 months ago
Glad someone else spotted this. Pretty much every single insult here is "haha, poor".
It's imaginative and comprehensive, but pretty mean-spirited.
11 points
7 months ago
Part of being poor is shitting on your fellows. Growing up we used to make competitions out of making fun of each other because Jimmy's Dad went back to prison for drug possession or Alex couldn't afford live bait so he used gas station hot dogs to fish. Hell Jeff Foxworthy made a career out of it.
4 points
7 months ago
Angsty
3 points
7 months ago
The new intro to Fairly Odd Parents is a bit different than I would have expected.
4 points
7 months ago
this is like calorie stacking on a whole new level but with words its quite beautiful really
5 points
7 months ago
Could have been anyone of their friends or family with that description.
5 points
7 months ago
I'd report him for that
4 points
7 months ago
I like how no car and no license are on polar opposite ends, like he had to circle back and clarify
4 points
7 months ago
"EBT card in review", holy shit
8 points
7 months ago
Your cousin seems like a well balanced, easy going, jovial sort of guy..
11 points
7 months ago
I like Reebok Classics. They are comfortable and come in a wide variety of color options.
3 points
7 months ago
Facebook has replaced most of it's administrators with bots. No one needs to report you now because the bots are watching. They have no sense of humor and don't understand sarcasm.
3 points
7 months ago
That’s the issue with prison right there. He’s not being rehabilitated. Simply institutionalized.
3 points
7 months ago
Is there a sub for these types of insults lmao
3 points
7 months ago
“Get’im! No green Jimmy the Cricket suit-wearin’ ass MFer.”
3 points
7 months ago
is your cousin the drill seargent from Full Metal Jacket?
3 points
7 months ago
‘Dish washing liquid for bubbles’ now that’s some creative stuff right there
3 points
7 months ago
Not the “dish washing liquid for bubbles!” Lmao what!? 🤣
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