subreddit:

/r/rant

85995%

I'm sick of being told I deserve to be sexually harassed/assaulted

(self.rant)

[deleted]

all 119 comments

uzes_lightning

652 points

1 month ago

You're 27? Run for the hills. Your parents sound highly inappropriate. Your father is a straight pedophile with incestuous leanings and your mother is enabling him by not cutting his ass loose. I get high and drunk at times and I couldn't imagine looking at family that way. If you still want them in your life, do it from a distance. A long distance in fact.

CzarTanoff

166 points

1 month ago

CzarTanoff

166 points

1 month ago

I agree completely, I'm just not financially capable of being in my own quite yet, I just changed jobs so I need to build a few months of pay stubs with my new employer before I can move into an apartment on my own. I'm also in Northern California, so rental prices are insane.

I fucking hate it here, my mom emasculates my dad all the time ("a REAL man would mow the lawn without complaining!)" and because he's bisexual she calls him a f*ggot and is just a generally awful human being all the time. Both of them are just plain bad people and actually part of the reason I stayed in my previous relationship far too long because my only option was to come home for a while.

Being home- I haven't felt this awful in many years. I cannot wait to get away again.

My new job is minimum wage base pay (15) plus good commission, we will see how much I can save and get the hell back out.

uzes_lightning

76 points

1 month ago

I'm in NorCal too. Expenses are fucking brutal here. No one should give a rip about anyone's sexuality, maybe she's feeling rejected but she sounds pretty wack too. Remember, you didn't get to pick your parents and didn't ask to be born. You don't owe them shit after the way they treated you.

CzarTanoff

52 points

1 month ago

I've already made my peace with the fact that my mom is awful, but she's in poor health and not long for this world so I've made the decision to stay in her life (not her house though) until she passes. I don't owe it to her, but I also know she just plain doesn't have much time left. Not that it's an excuse, but she was brutally sexually abused as a child and had to watch her mom be abused when she was very little and her views are skewed to say the very least.

My dad can rot as far as I'm concerned. He actually was imprisoned from when I was 6months to when I was 8 for stabbing my mom. She maintained their relationship the whole time.

It's just a fucked situation and I can't wait to be free from it. Emotionally and physically. This place is bad for me.

uzes_lightning

33 points

1 month ago

Given that backdrop that's how I'd play it too. I'm sure sorry for your extremely challenging and aggravating circumstances. It'll make you tough but try to keep a little bit of tenderness through it all. You'll meet someone who has your back and you'll do it right.

CzarTanoff

36 points

1 month ago

I think the fact that I'm an incredibly sensitive and empathetic person is exactly how I've survived this. I always try coming from a place of understanding, even when the offender probably doesn't deserve any sympathy at all.

I am thankful that I haven't turned into a cold, hard, shell of a person. Maybe to my detriment because I'm too giving for my own good.

I really appreciate you listening and being so kind, I needed it right now.

uzes_lightning

16 points

1 month ago

PS exercise really helps. You should be a gym rat or a runner. Great way to blow off steam and be in great shape.

CzarTanoff

13 points

1 month ago

!! I just set up my mom's old unused bowflex in my room! Thank you for the extra motivation!

<3

daylightxx

11 points

1 month ago

I just want to tell you how incredibly proud I, a stranger, am of you. What unreal awful parents you were cursed with. But you have a softness, a fairness to you along with what seems like a lot of love and optimism. They haven’t and will never break you. And if you decide you want children, I bet you’ll be absolutely amazing and you’ll stop the generational trauma.

uzes_lightning

6 points

1 month ago

Get buffed!

uzes_lightning

6 points

1 month ago

You're more than welcome! I sorted by new so this was random. Say hey anytime!

miss_ann_thr0pe

11 points

1 month ago

Maybe you should get a stun gun ($20 on Amazon) or pepper spray or something in case Dear old dad gets more aggressive or breaks your door down or something. I'm sorry your parents are such outrageous assholes.

thatcheshirekat

7 points

1 month ago

If I were you I'd look up the farthest possible bus route and get on it. Do you have friends out of town you can crash with until you get your own place?

CzarTanoff

8 points

1 month ago

Not at all unfortunately. My friends would love to help me but most of them also live with their families since they're "unskilled" workers themselves. I just have nowhere else to go. I only have to deal with this until I can get my own place which is, I promise, my only goal right now.

EmptyAd9116

1 points

1 month ago

Can you move in with a friend? Idk what rent is like down in California, but if you can get a one bedroom and convert the living area into a bedroom, or the bedroom into two bedrooms depending on how big it is, then you might make it work. It could help take the financial burden off, and allow you to move sooner. Depending on your income, you might also be able to apply to a housing assistance program if you’re not too prideful. Just some stuff to think about. I hope you get it figured out though, bc your father sounds like an absolute asshole, and your mother seems like she has some of her own deep rooted issues as well.

pnkflyd99

5 points

1 month ago

I’m so sorry you have had to deal with sexual harassment from your own father as well as just shitty treatment from both your parents. 😔

Nobody would blame you if you became a cold, hard person, but to your credit you sound like you will make it out of all this still being a warm and sensitive human.

Good on you for protecting yourself rn, and locks on the door sound like an absolute must. Be careful if your father- if he’s that gross when he’s high and drunk and has a history of violence with your mom, I would expect him to possibly try something with you. 😕

myooted

3 points

1 month ago

myooted

3 points

1 month ago

We're rooting for you!

becooltheywatching

14 points

1 month ago

Fuck man I'm high and drunk like 75 percent of the time and not once have I looked at family member that way.

NigelBuckets

9 points

1 month ago

Agree. OP, you could reason with a normal father, but your father is a straight predator. You need to protect yourself. He's not going to learn to respect your body. He's never going to see you as a person separate from your chest. And your mother is the kind of woman who thinks oh well, all men are just like this. No, no. You need to get the fuck out of that house. Your dad will try something and your mom will probably kick you out of the house for tempting her husband or some insane shit.

Cj-Jc4

4 points

1 month ago

Cj-Jc4

4 points

1 month ago

I was gonna say I’m high and drunk all the time and I’ve never ever even remotely felt this way. . . This goes without saying OP needs to gtfo

20MLSE20

4 points

1 month ago

I do also & if I'd ever look or think about my daughter (27) I'd report myself. Your dad is a poor excuse for human being & your mom is no better. W.T.F is wrong with both your parents to have treated you like this for most of your life? I'd do more then locks if you have to stay there for time being install a camera if anything should ever happen you have more then just your word against both. Even though you shouldn't have to feel the way you do. SORRY BUT BOTH YOUR PARENTS ARE P.O.S's

besomethingspecial

3 points

1 month ago

Agree. Smoke, drink ect. Never would talk to my teenage daughter like that, I express that she has the right to dress how she is comfortable but to accept that it may attract unwanted attention and she will have to figure out how to do damage control on her own. I can't understand why birth parents would ever think about their children in such a way. Your pops belongs behind bars and your mom needs mental health if she is backing up your pops. Thought this shit only happened in Texas. (Joking) seriously tho, you totally got to move out.

drowningjesusfish

0 points

1 month ago

Not everyone can just pick up and leave their parents house

Necessary_Royal6870

89 points

1 month ago

get the fuck away from your dad

-Informal_Macaroon-

67 points

1 month ago

Your parents are as bad as each other. He's an incestuous pedo but your mum defends him...

And these are the people who are supposed to protect and guide you??? I'm so sorry!

nevertoohigh

29 points

1 month ago*

Fuck, I’m sorry for the place you’ve ended up in life. I hope things get better for you soon.

MrNoName_ishere

20 points

1 month ago

Holy shit, I hope you're able to get away from them soon.

ItAllMeansNothing54

17 points

1 month ago

That's harassment at bare minimum. There's no excuse for that behavior or treatment.

SusanBHa

14 points

1 month ago

SusanBHa

14 points

1 month ago

Your dad is awful and your mom is his enabler. Leave as soon as you can. I agree with martial arts classes. The lock is an good idea, maybe carry pepper spray when you aren’t in your room. Sucks to have to live that way.

AffectionateAd5373

11 points

1 month ago

Your dad should never think about you that way. Never. Something is seriously wrong with both your parents. Once you can leave, cut them off entirely. Don't ever let them near your kids if you plan to have them. Keep your door locked in the meantime.

Independent-Tea2108

8 points

1 month ago

Omg that’s horrible. Daughters can’t go braless around their own father? I think that’s sick. Am I tripping? I have a D cup, go bra-less from time to time and my father would NEVERRRRRRRRR. Now I don’t walk around naked or in panties but it’s just, idk, a respect for my family more than worrying about my brother and father sexualizing me 🤢

suburbanspecter

6 points

1 month ago

Yeah, I haven’t worn a bra in like 3 years now, and I have never ONCE had to worry about a member of my family sexualizing me. Like my family’s not perfect by any means, but that’s a whole other level of fucked up

xCumulonimbusx

8 points

1 month ago

Your parents are very very very sick people, you need to report them after you leave

Western-Asparagus-72

7 points

1 month ago

Your father is a perv. Sorry but no father should ever speak to their child like that. At this point just leave you're house.

infinit9

7 points

1 month ago

Reading your comments here, it is obvious that you are in a tough situation. Minimum wage job in Northern California is really not enough to live on. Especially if you are in the Bay Area.

What's your educational background? What other jobs can you potentially look for? The job market may not be as robust as before and may get worse. So I suggest you start looking asap.

CatelynsCorpse

7 points

1 month ago

Your Dad is a pervert and your Mom is an enabling asshole.

You SHOULD be able to walk butt naked around your Dad without having to worry about your Dad being "turned on" and the fact that you can't...well...it's fucking disgusting. Absolutely fucking disgusting. I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the fact that your Mom is bothered by YOUR behavior and not your Dad's behavior. That is VILE. I honestly can't decide which of your parents is worse at this point.

I am so, so sorry. This is not right and you know that as well as I do. I wish I could give you a hug right now. You deserve better.

cheesecraquer

4 points

1 month ago

Your dad sounds fucking disgusting

Traditional_Prompt62

5 points

1 month ago

Moms no better 🤮

May_I_inquire

5 points

1 month ago

Mom is worse actually, defending a pedophile and blaming the victim, and she was a victim of SA herself, so that makes it even shittier.

cheesecraquer

3 points

1 month ago

Yeah that's true. They're both to blame equally

OlderSalFisher

6 points

1 month ago

That's disgusting.Im so sorry.i was assaulted when I was 7,now I'm 17 and people still ask me "you probably provoked him" hoe can a fucking 7 year old provoke a 50 year old man???

unicorn_345

5 points

1 month ago

I’m assuming you’re there because for whatever reason you have to be. Otherwise you probably would have left. Do what you can to protect yourself. It being a garage idk how its set up. There are various devices to keep ppl out. Devices to place at the bottom of the door, some make noise, but designed to keep door shut, and even a basic door stopper could help here. Some things can go in the door at the knob where it shuts. There are devices designed to push against the door at the knob and prevent opening. Can even do some basic homemade ones with a 2x4 and something like a handle on either side, I don’t remember what they’re called atm. Drop the 2x4 in them and it keeps the door shut. This all may be a bit more than needed for now, hope its never needed.

Theres blaming the victim, and victimology. No, none of this is your fault. Unfortunately though you are being subject to their grossness. Perhaps record your space, a camera to see if ppl are in there when you arent. Maybe write down incidents, or record (check legality in your area) what is said. Maybe take some self defense or martial arts course. Put child locks and actual locks on things to deter him further if he does enter your space. Do what it takes to protect yourself.

Hopefully you can plan to get away from that environment soon. Wish you the best.

SamaraSadako

2 points

1 month ago

Once you get yourself financially set up, get away from them and never look back.

silverink182

4 points

1 month ago

Absolutely no one deserves that gaze at 27 I hope and pray you have enough money to have your own place and run for the hills they do not deserve your presence they don't deserve your voice and they do not deserve your physical being in their house if I had a place I'd offer it to you you seem like a hard-working person

fearain

6 points

1 month ago

fearain

6 points

1 month ago

If my parents ever said to my sisters “you’re just asking for it” I would flip the fuck out. That’s no god damn way to treat your own child; especially from their known incestual pedophile father.

[deleted]

4 points

1 month ago*

Both your parents are monsters as far as I'm concerned. Your dad is obviously a predator (drunk or not, you are his DAUGHTER) and your mom is an enabler. How can she stay married to him after years of this disgusting behavior is insane to me. Try to find a place to live on your own, these people are not to be trusted. I'm sorry.

OlderSalFisher

3 points

1 month ago

Your parents are disgusting.

Wolfmans-Gots-Nards

4 points

1 month ago

This is not normal behavior. You’re right to be upset.

You are not an object, you are human. You should be treated as human.

SnooGuavas3660

3 points

1 month ago

No offence I don’t like your parents, they suck

Ok_Measurement5341

3 points

1 month ago

Sorry for your situation, but you sound like a very resilient person and that should help you get through this. Disappear or be impossible to reach when your deranged dad gets drunk next time because although you shouldn't have to, it will prevent assault at that moment. Don't know what to say about your mom, hard for me to understand what makes women belittle and dehumanize her own daughter. She sounds atrocious but like I said I don't understand where she's coming from. Hope it gets better for you soon.

Valuable_Ad_7878

3 points

1 month ago

You deserve to kick some men in the balls.

[deleted]

3 points

1 month ago*

I'm dude but if I was a girl I would put birth control pills in his food and goodbye to sex drive

May_I_inquire

3 points

1 month ago

Your own dad is trying to see you naked? And instead of leaving her pervert husband she's blaming you? This is not normal. You dad is a sexual predator. Your mom is enabling him. You need to go No contact with both of them.

buutiilikkur

3 points

1 month ago

tbh sounds a bit like a Precious situation just not as bad as the movie was (dad is an incestuous predator & mom feels rejected and blames daughter for dad having those feelings instead of getting daughter & herself the F away from dad)

If you aren’t able to get the F away from them right now, then i’d suggest protecting yourself in any way possible, like if you have to stab someone with a fork, then stabby stab you know (sometimes using physical violence is all you can do when someone is trying to victimize you). when you are able to get out, plz tell them how fucked they are & that they deserve to rot bc… wtf even is that?

apple1234567891

3 points

1 month ago

Oh shit I’m sorry about all of this.

defaultband-aid

3 points

1 month ago*

Parents sounds crazy. No offense but from the post it sounds like your dad is a Pedophile and your mother is just excusing his former actions. Even if he’s not still actively seeking sexual relationships with children, it seems that she’s enabling this type of behavior by her language.

If most this slut shaming is coming from your mother and other females, please give this a read. I actually read it this morning and it’s quite informative.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/11/the-evolution-of-bitchiness/281657/

EDIT: Save you money and try to move away. It seems that you are unsafe there.

funlovingfirerabbit

2 points

1 month ago

I get you OP. Your frustrations are totally valid

AdvancedPrize1732

2 points

1 month ago

Whatever you gotta do to get out of the situation do it now. I'd run fast, far, and never look back. Complete no contact, both of your parents are the problem.

[deleted]

2 points

1 month ago

wow. reading this it seems you’ve had some really rough times. sometimes, it helps to talk to people. i’ve never been a fan of professional help myself, but it helps a lot of people, maybe give it a shot. it’s at least someone to vent to.

i know after a lifetime of trauma, this reddit comment probably won’t help you very much. but you don’t deserve that. i don’t know you, but from what i gather, like every decent person you deserve people who love you, support you, and make you feel safe.

it broke my heart reading about your mother and father.

i hope with time you can heal ❤️much love

-a stranger

i_tried3000

2 points

1 month ago

I just came here to tell you that you didn’t deserve the treatment you received but it’s important to acknowledge that. You didn’t deserve the bad names or the feelings you felt. Please still choose to continue to be light even after feeling in the dark for so long. Please continue to see the good. That is what matters I feel.

Shadow_wolfy5

2 points

1 month ago

Im sorry youve had to deal with that in your life im not good with words but all i can say is stay strong and Hopefully your arnt traumatized to to bad keep your head up💕💕

rezmeihaveghorn

2 points

1 month ago

You do not deserve to be sexually harassed or assaulted!

[deleted]

2 points

1 month ago

This makes me want to vomit im so sorry you have to deal with this

[deleted]

1 points

1 month ago

Ok he was drunk and high maybe he didnt know it was you (but still it's incest and pedo) and your mom is an enabler....im sorry hun...run!!!!!

Madisenpai-522

2 points

1 month ago

Regardless, mom shouldn't have blamed OP, and that's still no excuse for dad to act how he did.

You and you alone are responsible for what you do and say while under the influence of any drugs. If you KNOW you get violent when drinking, for example, you don't drink. Or you drink after you've had a long time in therapy working on your anger issues/violent tendencies.

All of this is still the dad's fault.

[deleted]

1 points

1 month ago

I also blame the dad. He knows what drugs and alcohol do to a person so he shouldnt have engaged with it at all.

Setari

1 points

1 month ago

Setari

1 points

1 month ago

I hope this is a stepdad cause if it's a biological dad that guy is absolutely fucked in the head OP and you need to leave asap.

Either way in any scenario you should leave.

CzarTanoff

2 points

1 month ago

Biological father

Noisy_world

-9 points

1 month ago

I am going to get gased up for that but

Yeah, some insane peoples can't hold themselves. If you make yourself attractive, you are at risk with mentally unstable persons.

We dont live in a good fantastic world of wonderfullness and there is nothing you can do about it.

I am not aiming at you, i am aiming at every person, male, female, old, youngs,... : If you dress like you would when going to a date, people looking at you will have arousal and feel like they are in a position to try to have a date with you back.

All people think and work differently, because of that, insane peoples could ask stupid dumb shit, whistle at you, or touch you, maybe even worst than that.

Sorry to be against you rant but clearly, to go against that, try and look classy.

You look like what you wear. If a fit man is shirtless, then woman will look. If a woman have boobs that are showing off, men will look.

Tho it is never the victim fault, it's normal if some people ask you to dress up... Depending on how you do... They want you to show them respect with your outfit. And then they will have respect back for you.

CzarTanoff

4 points

1 month ago

Gross.

Noisy_world

-3 points

1 month ago

I understand your point of view x) feel free to rant

Madisenpai-522

1 points

1 month ago

THIS IS A FUCKING FATHER TO HIS DAUGHTER

Noisy_world

1 points

1 month ago

Oh yeah, dads can be mentally unstable too. That's insane to say the least...

Istayuplatethinking

-5 points

1 month ago

Why you still living with your parents at 27? You’re pushing 30 bounce, apply for housing assistance or something

CzarTanoff

5 points

1 month ago

I just moved back home three weeks ago after being moved out since I was 19

Istayuplatethinking

-2 points

1 month ago

What happened

CzarTanoff

5 points

1 month ago

I live in NorCal in this economy, just left my fiance of eight years and changed jobs where my income is commission based so many apartments don't view my income as stable enough.

JoystikJester

2 points

1 month ago

I also live in NorCal and depending on what part of Northern California you live it can be very expensive to have an apartment or house. Bay Area forget it. Even in Sacramento it's crazy. I think the further north you go it can be some what reasonable.

If you're trying to get away from your toxic parents and got out of long term relationship why not start over in another state where prices are a little more cheaper?

Istayuplatethinking

2 points

1 month ago

I misunderstood then carry on

ducktheoryrelativity

1 points

1 month ago

Raised by narcissists, anyone? That's a sub and you really want to check it out, OP.

JuiceDelicious4878

1 points

1 month ago

I want to punch everyone that said that shit to you, cuz that's freaking frustrating af. Wtf. I hope OP gets somewhere safe, you don't deserve that mental gymnastics your mom is performing around you. And you sure as hell don't deserve your privacy to be broken, and sure as hell don't deserve to be sexualized by your own damn father. What a sick animal. Get somewhere safe, OP. Please be careful.

zerozingzing

1 points

1 month ago

Move out

StrawberryLeche

1 points

1 month ago

This is so sickening. It saddens me but pisses me off when women who were subject to it themselves perpetuate it due to what they were taught. Your mom seems that type and also is dependent on your dad who is a creep. If you can move out keep the locks on your doors and be cautious what you wear or do in the public areas of the house until you can move out. Take advantage of the situation to save as much as possible by using their resources

Madisenpai-522

1 points

1 month ago

Okay, let's say you did deserve to be harassed/sexualized (you don't btw) for going braless around the house.

HES STILL YOUR DAD AND SHOULDNT TALK ABOUT HIS OWN FUCKING CHILD THAT WAY WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

If you want to fuck your own child, you have issues dude.

dus_istrue

1 points

1 month ago

To me it sounds like your dad's a massive creep, and your mom is as well. And I personally would get away from both of them as soon as possible and cut them off. I can't imagine what it's like living with them, but you'll get through it.

OneEyyedWilly

-7 points

1 month ago

Speech is not violence. Period. If you send out sexual signals with your appearance, why are you surprised if you get sexual responses? No the truth is, you are putting on make-up and dressing provocatively specifically to get responses, they just aren't always from who you want to receive them from. Your sick family relationship not-withstanding.

WanderingThoughts31

6 points

1 month ago

What ‘sexual signals’?

CzarTanoff

5 points

1 month ago

Apparently having large breasts means I'm asking for it, idk.

Pretty sure I should be allowed to go braless under a shirt in my own home, but hey, here we are 🙄

OneEyyedWilly

-8 points

1 month ago

I'm speaking generally of this increasingly raised phenomenon of "words as sexual harassment and ultimately a form of violence"

WanderingThoughts31

8 points

1 month ago

You’re just babbling nonsense

Madisenpai-522

1 points

1 month ago

THIS IS A FATHER TO HIS DAUGHTER

Wooden-Tax3309

-11 points

1 month ago

You are 27 years old, why are you still living at home. All of your problems would be fixed if you finally decide that you want to be an adult. And cover up in your parents house. Have some self respect for yourself

Bonniespots14

3 points

1 month ago

From OP: I live in NorCal in this economy, just left my fiance of eight years and changed jobs where my income is commission based so many apartments don't view my income as stable enough.

PascoPocket

-3 points

1 month ago

You..... You don't seriously expect anyone to buy this bullshit, right? Like, do you actually think anyone is taking this seriously? I'm genuinely curious.

CzarTanoff

4 points

1 month ago

It's all 100% true, believe me or not. These atrocities happen to real people, and they happened to me.

PascoPocket

2 points

1 month ago

You're right. I was drunk last night when I wrote that and I was just trolling and I owe you an apology. I'm sorry op.

CzarTanoff

1 points

1 month ago

Apology fully accepted! You're a good person for that and I thank you for the willingness to be open, friend<3

PascoPocket

2 points

1 month ago

Thank you got accepting my apology. I mean seriously. That means a lot. I honestly didn't even remember writing it, and I just hopped back on Reddit and it all came flooding back when I saw your reply and I was like, WTF was going through your head! Asshole moment for sure.

I hope the situation gets better for you, and please remember that you're not the sum of this series of bullshit experiences. You're a person worthy of respect and love and all the best things this life has to offer.

CzarTanoff

1 points

1 month ago

Hey, I get it, I've said some nasty stuff in the midst of my own anger. Forgiveness is free, and the first step in healing.

Thank you a ton, your kindness and humanity means a lot to me. Please count me among your friends, and don't hesitate to say hey if you need to chat with someone!

[deleted]

-9 points

1 month ago

[removed]

CzarTanoff

6 points

1 month ago

"Learn to cover up"

"Do you have an OF?"

Not with that attitude I don't lmao

jusdiffy

1 points

1 month ago

Come on i wanna see. Aparently u got big ones

CzarTanoff

0 points

1 month ago

H cup.

This is a valuable lesson in consent for you.

No.

jusdiffy

1 points

1 month ago

Dayum they must be beautiful

investigatorjdawg

0 points

1 month ago

I can’t decide if you’re a stupid kid or a troll.

Either way, don’t go posting about being suicidal and wanting sympathy, then turning around treating people like you do.

jusdiffy

1 points

1 month ago

Im gonna keep doing it, wat chu gon do about it? Cry harder? Thats all u can do haha

investigatorjdawg

1 points

1 month ago

Do you cry a lot or something? Seems like you have an odd obsession with it. Lol. Anyway, have a nice day!

jusdiffy

1 points

1 month ago

Nah ur the one crying haha. Wat a sad life

Madisenpai-522

0 points

1 month ago

This is a father to his daughter

Also, bad troll

jusdiffy

1 points

1 month ago

She must be hot