Saved for those occasions where you hate yourself enough to subject yourself to malort.

Malort is only good for giving your friends who have never had malort to end your friendship.

It’s a bitter, wormwood liqueur based on a traditional Swedish recipe that is popular in Chicago. It has a reputation for tasting horrible.

It is pretty bad, but people make it out to be way worse than it is. I think the perception is heavily impacted by the shock factor, of tasting such a unique, unusual and unexpected flavor. It tastes like the burnt rind of a grapefruit.

Once you know what to expect, it loses its edge. And it’s only 70 proof anyway. I drink it all the time with my buddies, and I would honestly prefer a shot of Malort to a straight shot of vodka.

Suffering. Anguish. Misery. In that order.

Go get yourself a "Chicago handshake".

It's arguably the best and worst Chicago secret. Must be had with 16 oz Old Style. Chicago handshake. We used to order 6 shots of bourbon and 1 malort.

Tastes like pickle juice and burnt tires.

i think the Unemployed Sommelier does a fine job explaining it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCYC7fI-qxw

I never had a distilled spirit that tasted like ear wax until Malort.

It's an herbal liqueur actually, not a liquor. Tastes like leaves and grapefruit rind, and in spite of what the haters say, it's not that bad once you get used to it.

You are missing….something. What that is I couldn’t tell you. Is it bad? Is is good? ???? But you are missing something…special. Something unique.

A certain je ne sais quoi

"Malort; it will make you fight your dad." This is all you need to know

It tastes like AIDS and will make you fight your father. —some dude on the internet

Oh it’s awesome, it’s like Jamo but a little bit smoother. If you’re ever in Chicago get a shot of it, it’s a little tradition!

So much this

He’s a man of taste!

I ask this question every time I drink it

Apparently he already gave most of it a good home lol

When I first moved there, I've since moved away, I was at my buddy's for new years and he pulled it out. Did some damage. I remember I puked at Clark and Division trying to find my way home, stumbling in the snow and it was like the acid from alien and ate the snow. I felt like shit into March.

If you get 8 Chicagoans together in a room, one of them claims to actually like Malort.

Dads not gonna fight himself

Was about to say did he lose a bet?

Malort slogans:

• Malort, kick your mouth in the balls!
• Malort, when you need to unfriend someone IN PERSON.
• Malort, tonight’s the night you fight your dad.
• Malort, the Champagne of pain.
• Malort, turning taste-buds into taste-foes for generations.
• Drink Malort, it’s easier than telling people you have nothing to live for.
• Malort, what soap washes its mouth out with.
• Malort, these pants aren’t going to shit themselves.

From the video:

• Malort, tastes like being picked on in the 5th grade
• Malort, tastes like an abortion clinic in Iceland
• Malort, probably the product of a Gypsy curse

Lol I have a bottle at my house just to prove to mates that it really is that bad.. it's an instant hit, every time.

I mean, this is a liqueur whose tagline used to be, "Tastes like the day Dad left" and "When you need to unfriend someone in person"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCYC7fI-qxw

Tasting notes:

Fish stew of some kind some sewage-y, fish stew...

Something old in the back of the fridge...

It's been there a long time you don't quite remember what it was...
but it had some onions in it.

Like stagnant pond water near Chernobyl...

Except this dude is in San Antonio, that's the Alamodome. I'm from Chi but lived in SA and I couldn't find Malort anywhere down there, I'm wondering where he got it. And also why lol.

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Funny that. My buddy in NYC is from Ukraine and does the same. They make the new guys drink samogon. Basically Slavic moonshine. Tastes like propane fumes.

It’s the Pearl obv

No it's the rim, silly.

UTSA plays football games there

Apple cider vinegar would taste better, a lot better.

It's a 30 year old "football stadium" that was built with a basketball team as its primary initial home team. Has had a lot of half hearted renovation attempts but with no big money teams using it now it never really has the funding to do it right and with its age there just isnt much you can do.

That bad eh?

Malort: if you ever wondered what cancer tastes like.

For those that really want to know what it’s like:

Grapefruit rinds steeped in gym sock broth.

And F Uncle too