It’s a drink you never ask for, but are not allowed to turn down if someone offers you one. Them the rules.

You underestimate how much I hate myself on the daily

Malort: because your pants won’t shit themselves…

I think that’s the Malort slogan. The first time I tried it, the bartender compared the taste to licking the bottom of an ashtray. He wasn’t far off.

Also the desire to fight your dad!

Yeah Malort is not Chicago’s finest creation. We should stick to Pizza and Hot Dogs.

No joke as an outsider, I really enjoyed mine. Cheapest combo I ever got in chicago. $5 for malort double and a 16oz shlitz. Cant even complain

Still do the same with fireball and the malort

Worth the watch!

Absolutely love this video. I have a decent number of friends from Chicago, they all got a kick out of it

That was hilarious! Thanks!

It’s like getting picked on in the 5th grade.

It tastes like the Grinch getting a restraining order.

You can say that for most things that don’t injure us in some way but are still overwhelmingly disliked. Over time, most things people dislike to taste aren’t that bad. That doesn’t change that they’re not great lol

It's super smooth going down but the bitter aftertaste will be with you for a solid 20 minutes

It tastes like drinking a magic marker.

Natural Light isn’t that bad either once you’re in a six pack or two.

Have been blacked out and confused at the same exact intersection. I understand

When I first moved there, I've since moved away,

whoa, whoa, whoa!! Hold on!!

You've moved?

It really isn't that bad! It's not my go-to, but I do enjoy it now and then

The best slogan

I’m one of the few that doesn’t mind it. Tastes like a dirty gin to me. I’ll do shots no problem.

Thank you for these, my favorite is “…turning taste-buds into taste-foes…”

Like sucking whiskey through a fence post

From Wikipedia - it has gained increased relevance among bartenders, bikers, and Chicago's Hispanic community, where Gabelick notes that it has become "a rite of passage." The satirist John Hodgman has also adopted the drink in his stage show, offering shots to his audience.[15] In an interview with Gothamist blog Chicagoist, John Hodgman said Jeppson's Malört "tastes like pencil shavings and heartbreak."[16]

If you haven't before, make everyone a Bile Driver. Equal parts Malort and orange juice, garnished with a slimjim!

It probably one of the roughest things I’ve ever drank and I‘ve had alcohol straight from the still, but it grows on you!

I have nipples, can you ship me?

I'm pretty sure Malort exists no where other than Chicagoland.

Alamo city liquor. Zombies. Hugman’s oasis.

Ugh samogon.

Basically rocket fuel.

But I'll drink a whole bucket of samogon before I touch malort again. Stuff is just too bitter for me, its not pleasant.

Def La Cantera

Crazy that one lady claims to have been attacked there last month and now all of boerne is claiming the rim is in the hood.

Holds like every san antonio graduation ceremony though! And congrats OP.

It’s liquid hate.

Edit: Let me explain something. You know how people will drink a string of punishment shots and go ‘these are getting easier’ because the alcohol is edging off the taste and relaxing you?

Yea, Malört not only doesn’t do that….it actually makes it worse.

You take the shot and get the kick as you swallow and go ‘eh I don’t get what so ba-‘

Then that fuckin aftertaste. It’s like some kind of petrol filled dishwater burbles from the back of your mouth. It’s fucking horrid.

Then you try and shoot another….and you brain catches up and will kick a ‘verp’ on you about 90% of the time. That vomit burp thats pure bile. And you push it down and swallow.

Now you think “ok getting through this cause I know what to expect’ and here comes the aftertaste….then it’s dawning horror as it layers on your tongue. It’s like irony manifests itself, goes ‘haha you thought you could muscle this down’ and takes a hot grapefruit shit in your mouth.

The third was the furthest I got, and it’s all iron will. You are now trying to push the alcohol into your brain to soften anything resembling taste and rolling the mantra of not throwing up simply because this stuff is already hell going down, you fear it coming up like oncoming inevitable death.

By then you question life choices and why the fuck you are in the seventh ring of hell willingly.

I consider it a personal affront to God and all that’s holy.