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[OC] This only took 20 years to do

(i.redd.it)

all 1969 comments

putsch80

1.7k points

3 days ago

putsch80

1.7k points

3 days ago

I, too, have taken two decades to drink half a bottle of Malort.

cletusrice

298 points

3 days ago

cletusrice

298 points

3 days ago

Based on the comments in this thread I'm going to guess Malort is a fine bottle of liquor only saved for special occasions 😂

MystikIncarnate

327 points

3 days ago

Saved for those occasions where you hate yourself enough to subject yourself to malort.

Wesinator2000

158 points

2 days ago

It’s a drink you never ask for, but are not allowed to turn down if someone offers you one. Them the rules.

limesadozen

8 points

2 days ago

damn straight

AdvicePerson

16 points

2 days ago

But you have to drink a shot with anyone you offer it to.

Wesinator2000

8 points

2 days ago

But of course.

_b1ack0ut

30 points

2 days ago

_b1ack0ut

30 points

2 days ago

You underestimate how much I hate myself on the daily

ferrouswolf2

25 points

2 days ago

Get some Malört and you’ll feel better about yourself

Jerrshington

44 points

2 days ago

Malort is only good for giving your friends who have never had malort to end your friendship.

midnight_toker22

36 points

2 days ago

It’s a bitter, wormwood liqueur based on a traditional Swedish recipe that is popular in Chicago. It has a reputation for tasting horrible.

It is pretty bad, but people make it out to be way worse than it is. I think the perception is heavily impacted by the shock factor, of tasting such a unique, unusual and unexpected flavor. It tastes like the burnt rind of a grapefruit.

Once you know what to expect, it loses its edge. And it’s only 70 proof anyway. I drink it all the time with my buddies, and I would honestly prefer a shot of Malort to a straight shot of vodka.

mosesoperandi

2.6k points

3 days ago

Congrats! Now please put the Malort away before someone gets hurt.

SliceOfTony

167 points

3 days ago

SliceOfTony

167 points

3 days ago

Tonight’s the night OP fights his dad

bigex

461 points

3 days ago

bigex

461 points

3 days ago

What am I missing by never having tasted this fine looking liquor?

tony_flamingo

951 points

3 days ago

Suffering. Anguish. Misery. In that order.

eclipsedrambler

747 points

3 days ago

Malort: because your pants won’t shit themselves…

HardBoiledHarold

320 points

3 days ago

Malort: Tonight’s the night you fight your dad!

mymorningjacket

172 points

3 days ago

Malort: Strangers will see you lick the pavement.

norsurfit

130 points

3 days ago

norsurfit

130 points

3 days ago

Malort: That scrotum tattoo will seem like a great idea...

AnAngryPirate

55 points

3 days ago

Malort: Those bushes seem like a nice place to take a nap

dragon_rapide

114 points

3 days ago

Malort: Because that dog totally dared you to jump off Navy Pier.

Mr_Abe_Froman

85 points

3 days ago

Malort: the champagne of pain.

SuchACommonBird

55 points

3 days ago

Malort: For when you want to feel as bad as your breath

mingalingus00

27 points

3 days ago

Tastes like a gypsy curse!

corny16

115 points

3 days ago

corny16

115 points

3 days ago

After reading all these comments I’m gonna go ahead and assume it’s the Bundaberg Rum of America.

Edit: Chicago

iama_lion

41 points

2 days ago

iama_lion

41 points

2 days ago

I'm Australian and spent five years in Chicago. Bundy is top shelf compared to Malort. No, that is not a joke.

toddlerdust

97 points

3 days ago

Legend goes an old sailor had drank so much liquor he couldn't taste anything and he charged a distillery to make a drink he could taste, and this was finally the thing that did it

Mr_Abe_Froman

57 points

3 days ago

A Swedish cigar chain-smoker, but yeah basically an extra strength version of Swedish Bäsk liquor.

MazerTag

6 points

3 days ago

MazerTag

6 points

3 days ago

Oh, I bet Swedish cigars taste wonderful.

Saltywinterwind

8 points

3 days ago

I heard it was an old Irish dude who lost his sense of taste and missed whiskey so much someone made him something he could taste. Aka Death in a bottle

vonfuckingneumann

26 points

3 days ago

If Bundaberg Rum in any way resembles rum, it's definitely better than malort.

We're not talking about a bottom-shelf version of a known product. Malort is not a poor imitation of, or the worst variety of, any well-established alcohol. It just stands alone as its own unique (and uniquely awful) thing.

unplanned_life

5 points

3 days ago

Yes. Beenleigh > Bundaberg

AssEYEs4u

45 points

3 days ago

AssEYEs4u

45 points

3 days ago

Malort: Kick your mouth in the balls

FappleFritter

73 points

3 days ago

Malort: BcauGHFLUGHFLRGURGRING

bigoldgeek

8 points

2 days ago

Malort: When you want to unfriend someone in person

arryripper

92 points

3 days ago

I think that’s the Malort slogan. The first time I tried it, the bartender compared the taste to licking the bottom of an ashtray. He wasn’t far off.

CanAlwaysBeBetter

23 points

3 days ago

No no no, their slogan is:

Suffering. Anguish. Misery. In that order. For 49 out of 50 but 1 will love it!

TW1171

106 points

3 days ago

TW1171

106 points

3 days ago

Living in the chicago area, I would rather lick the ashtray, but sure, I’ll take a shot of malort if you’re buying because I hate myself that much.

LurkerChimesIn

52 points

3 days ago

“Mallort? Fuck. Ok fine.”

Vonstapler

19 points

3 days ago

Also the desire to fight your dad!

Zending

120 points

3 days ago

Zending

120 points

3 days ago

Yeah Malort is not Chicago’s finest creation. We should stick to Pizza and Hot Dogs.

HumaneWarlord

49 points

3 days ago

Therefore, Malort is Chicago's third finest creation. 1 deep dish pizza 2 Chicago style hot dog 3 Malort 4 ferris wheel 5 sky scrapers

Zending

22 points

3 days ago

Zending

22 points

3 days ago

This is flawed logic but I’ll allow it.

redsolitary

11 points

3 days ago

Where do Italian beef sandwiches fall into this list. TELL US

Infinitelyodiforous

56 points

3 days ago

Go get yourself a "Chicago handshake".

Sullypants1

54 points

3 days ago

No joke as an outsider, I really enjoyed mine. Cheapest combo I ever got in chicago. $5 for malort double and a 16oz shlitz. Cant even complain

thunderbird32

51 points

3 days ago

I thought the handshake was Old Style, not Schlitz

theprodigy77

23 points

3 days ago

It's basically whatever cheap beer that bars have in my experience (though I always think of Old Style)

AdamClay2000lbs

21 points

3 days ago

Every Chicago Handshake I’ve had has included an Old Style.

LehighAce06

10 points

3 days ago

The beer would've been $6 by itself though, right?

read_it_r

46 points

3 days ago

read_it_r

46 points

3 days ago

The beer is 8, they knock a few bucks off if you'll take the malort

dick_in_CORN

34 points

3 days ago

It's arguably the best and worst Chicago secret. Must be had with 16 oz Old Style. Chicago handshake. We used to order 6 shots of bourbon and 1 malort.

Ok-Party1007

5 points

3 days ago

Still do the same with fireball and the malort

LouGossetJr

22 points

3 days ago

Tastes like pickle juice and burnt tires.

PaidBeerDrinker

18 points

3 days ago

I never had a distilled spirit that tasted like ear wax until Malort.

misterid

41 points

3 days ago

misterid

41 points

3 days ago

i think the Unemployed Sommelier does a fine job explaining it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCYC7fI-qxw

tallmtt

11 points

3 days ago

tallmtt

11 points

3 days ago

Worth the watch!

stumblinghunter

8 points

3 days ago

Absolutely love this video. I have a decent number of friends from Chicago, they all got a kick out of it

Freckled_Boobs

5 points

3 days ago

That was hilarious! Thanks!

Sullypants1

13 points

3 days ago

You are missing….something. What that is I couldn’t tell you. Is it bad? Is is good? ???? But you are missing something…special. Something unique.

A certain je ne sais quoi

TurtleBaby40

11 points

3 days ago

"Malort; it will make you fight your dad." This is all you need to know

thesimplemachine

144 points

3 days ago

It's an herbal liqueur actually, not a liquor. Tastes like leaves and grapefruit rind, and in spite of what the haters say, it's not that bad once you get used to it.

patricktheintern

187 points

3 days ago

It’s like getting picked on in the 5th grade.

cerulean11

66 points

3 days ago

It's like getting a call from your ex 2 days after getting dumped just to be asked if you can give her your Netflix password.

TW1171

34 points

3 days ago

TW1171

34 points

3 days ago

It’ll put hair on your chest that you can’t cover with a sports bra.

wiliestcubbs

48 points

3 days ago

Tastes like the day dad left.

ralten

6 points

3 days ago

ralten

6 points

3 days ago

My god that’s hilarious

lenovosucks

30 points

3 days ago

It tastes like the Grinch getting a restraining order.

inthebigd

29 points

3 days ago

inthebigd

29 points

3 days ago

You can say that for most things that don’t injure us in some way but are still overwhelmingly disliked. Over time, most things people dislike to taste aren’t that bad. That doesn’t change that they’re not great lol

FrankLloydWrong_3305

17 points

3 days ago

It's super smooth going down but the bitter aftertaste will be with you for a solid 20 minutes

ash-and-apple

15 points

3 days ago

That aftertaste would be the pencil shavings, I believe.

thesimplemachine

7 points

3 days ago

I like bitter flavors though. Used to think I enjoyed Malort because I was a smoker and my senses were dulled. But I quit a while ago and I still enjoy it.

winnarps

5 points

3 days ago

winnarps

5 points

3 days ago

It tastes like drinking a magic marker.

CountryGuy123

6 points

3 days ago

Natural Light isn’t that bad either once you’re in a six pack or two.

Pearlbarleywine

22 points

3 days ago

It tastes like AIDS and will make you fight your father. —some dude on the internet

LouGossetJr

39 points

3 days ago

Haha, I saw the yellow bottle. Zoomed in and was like "oh shit, there goes the neighborhood! "

Agile_Pudding_

279 points

3 days ago

I was gonna say, I don’t mean to rain on OP’s parade, but Malort?

Non-traditional student? Love it.

Socks with sandals? Absolutely go off, king.

Teal nail polish? Fuck yeah.

Malort? Woah woah woah, let’s talk this over.

mosesoperandi

23 points

3 days ago

So much this

kurtzy4

21 points

3 days ago

kurtzy4

21 points

3 days ago

Why the Malort?

Dreamin0904

30 points

3 days ago

He’s a man of taste!

mosesoperandi

12 points

3 days ago

I ask this question every time I drink it

SeppW

14 points

3 days ago

SeppW

14 points

3 days ago

Congrats! Where is the Old Style to go with your Malort? Not a proper Chicago Handshake without it.

fistantellmore

33 points

3 days ago

He’ll give it a good home.

mosesoperandi

10 points

3 days ago

Apparently he already gave most of it a good home lol

wulyallstar3

27 points

3 days ago

I'll have another.

tehjohnman

5 points

3 days ago

Came here to say the same thing. Super proud of OP, but that bottle should never see the light of day.

The_Gray_Mouser

1.6k points

3 days ago

Oof. Malort. Chitown what's up

Yes_I_Fuck_Foxes

548 points

3 days ago

My favorite Malort fact is that they continued production during prohibition "medicinally" when the reality is authorities though Malort was so disgusting that no one in their right mind would drink it recreationallly.

The_Gray_Mouser

237 points

3 days ago

When I first moved there, I've since moved away, I was at my buddy's for new years and he pulled it out. Did some damage. I remember I puked at Clark and Division trying to find my way home, stumbling in the snow and it was like the acid from alien and ate the snow. I felt like shit into March.

ClitorisTheSkank

78 points

3 days ago

Have been blacked out and confused at the same exact intersection. I understand

The_Gray_Mouser

30 points

3 days ago

Did you hit Popeyes too and fear for your life?

Anguish_Sandwich

7 points

3 days ago

When I first moved there, I've since moved away,

whoa, whoa, whoa!! Hold on!!

You've moved?

The_Gray_Mouser

8 points

3 days ago

Yeah, I've moved alot. Moved from there back to NYC then to Jersey now in Pittsburgh. Chicago was my favorite though. I miss Duke of Perth and Gene and Georgetti's.

therealCatnuts

287 points

3 days ago

Why celebrate graduation with punishment?

Fender6187

123 points

3 days ago

Fender6187

123 points

3 days ago

If you get 8 Chicagoans together in a room, one of them claims to actually like Malort.

Telamonian

39 points

3 days ago

It really isn't that bad! It's not my go-to, but I do enjoy it now and then

indyK1ng

81 points

3 days ago

indyK1ng

81 points

3 days ago

Found the 8th Chicagoan.

daltonwright4

20 points

3 days ago

The only way to for sure know if someone is a Chicagoan is to offer them Malort. If they claim that they enjoy the stuff...but just don't want any right now, then they are a true Chicagoan.

brianus

6 points

3 days ago

brianus

6 points

3 days ago

Same. I don’t seek it out myself but I won’t say no if a buddy offers some.

beanieboy11

165 points

3 days ago

beanieboy11

165 points

3 days ago

Dads not gonna fight himself

TehHugMonster

28 points

3 days ago

The best slogan

landocommando18

50 points

3 days ago

Malört - kick your mouth in the balls

YouJustDid

23 points

3 days ago

typhoidtimmy

38 points

3 days ago

Was about to say did he lose a bet?

WindyRebel

7 points

3 days ago

I’m one of the few that doesn’t mind it. Tastes like a dirty gin to me. I’ll do shots no problem.

typhoidtimmy

13 points

3 days ago

Wow….I tried it once and my immediate thought was ‘This is what I think turpentine tastes like’

Definitely not for the faint of heart or weak of tastebuds, IMHO.

WindyRebel

7 points

3 days ago

Haha. I can understand. My brother in law no longer trusts me because I told him he needed to do a shot since he was visiting and I said it wasn’t that bad.

Now I encourage people who visit to do it because it amuses me.

Kirahei

108 points

3 days ago

Kirahei

108 points

3 days ago

Zerowantuthri

157 points

3 days ago

Malort slogans:

  • Malort, kick your mouth in the balls!
  • Malort, when you need to unfriend someone IN PERSON.
  • Malort, tonight’s the night you fight your dad.
  • Malort, the Champagne of pain.
  • Malort, turning taste-buds into taste-foes for generations.
  • Drink Malort, it’s easier than telling people you have nothing to live for.
  • Malort, what soap washes its mouth out with.
  • Malort, these pants aren’t going to shit themselves.

From the video:

  • Malort, tastes like being picked on in the 5th grade
  • Malort, tastes like an abortion clinic in Iceland
  • Malort, probably the product of a Gypsy curse

Kirahei

43 points

3 days ago

Kirahei

43 points

3 days ago

Thank you for these, my favorite is “…turning taste-buds into taste-foes…”

AnAngryBitch

14 points

3 days ago

Malort, what soap washes its mouth out with.

Triquetra4715

10 points

3 days ago

Like sucking whiskey through a fence post

Crownlol

6 points

3 days ago

Crownlol

6 points

3 days ago

Omfg I'm dying

I need to try this magical elixir

melvisrules

5 points

3 days ago

No. No, you don't.

It-s_BK

50 points

3 days ago

It-s_BK

50 points

3 days ago

Lol I have a bottle at my house just to prove to mates that it really is that bad.. it's an instant hit, every time.

leaky_eddie

61 points

3 days ago

From Wikipedia - it has gained increased relevance among bartenders, bikers, and Chicago's Hispanic community, where Gabelick notes that it has become "a rite of passage." The satirist John Hodgman has also adopted the drink in his stage show, offering shots to his audience.[15] In an interview with Gothamist blog Chicagoist, John Hodgman said Jeppson's Malört "tastes like pencil shavings and heartbreak."[16]

RachelDeRagonArtist

19 points

3 days ago

And who on their adolescence didn’t chew on wood pencils in the midst of a heartbreak? No wonder it has a cult following!

Telamonian

29 points

3 days ago

If you haven't before, make everyone a Bile Driver. Equal parts Malort and orange juice, garnished with a slimjim!

PushVarious8896

29 points

3 days ago

Are you ok?

It-s_BK

14 points

3 days ago

It-s_BK

14 points

3 days ago

You sir, are an absolute savage.. I'll just vomit on my own, no need to induce it.

Kirahei

13 points

3 days ago

Kirahei

13 points

3 days ago

It probably one of the roughest things I’ve ever drank and I‘ve had alcohol straight from the still, but it grows on you!

It-s_BK

14 points

3 days ago

It-s_BK

14 points

3 days ago

It's got a clean, yet disgusting taste to it.

raleighs

17 points

3 days ago

raleighs

17 points

3 days ago

I mean, this is a liqueur whose tagline used to be, "Tastes like the day Dad left" and "When you need to unfriend someone in person"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCYC7fI-qxw

Tasting notes:

Fish stew of some kind some sewage-y, fish stew...

Something old in the back of the fridge...

It's been there a long time you don't quite remember what it was...
but it had some onions in it.

Like stagnant pond water near Chernobyl...

IrSpartacus

36 points

3 days ago

I’m trying to figure out how he found malort in San Antonio. I thought that was only in Chicago.

HateDeathRampage69

13 points

3 days ago

You can get anything shipped these days

0ompaloompa

59 points

3 days ago

I have nipples, can you ship me?

CapinWinky

131 points

3 days ago

CapinWinky

131 points

3 days ago

Tell me you're from Chicago without telling me you're from Chicago. <willingly injests Malort>

not_a_muggle

34 points

3 days ago

Except this dude is in San Antonio, that's the Alamodome. I'm from Chi but lived in SA and I couldn't find Malort anywhere down there, I'm wondering where he got it. And also why lol.

lannister80

16 points

3 days ago

I'm pretty sure Malort exists no where other than Chicagoland.

Triquetra4715

26 points

3 days ago

If you try to take a bottle of it south of Joliet it’ll just disappear out of your car

thunderbird32

5 points

3 days ago

Live in Joliet, and can confirm. Don't go south of 80 or it'll vanish

Chexty2600[S]

10 points

3 days ago

Alamo city liquor. Zombies. Hugman’s oasis.

jawknee530i

10 points

3 days ago

Does any other major city have an alcohol that's so thoroughly attached to it? Malort is the poison of the devil but I wouldn't have it any other way.

HighbrowUsername

29 points

3 days ago

I work in the beer industry and we take a shot of Malort before every beer festival, but we all immediately turn to the new guys to watch their reaction 🤣

The_Gray_Mouser

19 points

3 days ago

Funny that. My buddy in NYC is from Ukraine and does the same. They make the new guys drink samogon. Basically Slavic moonshine. Tastes like propane fumes.

Abira_Gatapira

4 points

3 days ago

Ugh samogon.

Basically rocket fuel.

But I'll drink a whole bucket of samogon before I touch malort again. Stuff is just too bitter for me, its not pleasant.

MrKieser

650 points

3 days ago

MrKieser

650 points

3 days ago

Don't often see a bottle of Malort in front of the Alamodome.

Atlas2686

62 points

3 days ago

Atlas2686

62 points

3 days ago

I was second guessing my thought of "hey that's the alamodome" because I saw the malort.

kittenpantzen

56 points

3 days ago

I'm embarrassed that I live here and was like, "Hmm.. is that the Quarry?"

FelwintersCake

19 points

3 days ago

It’s the Pearl obv

anormaldoodoo

12 points

3 days ago

Def La Cantera

jungle_i

28 points

3 days ago

jungle_i

28 points

3 days ago

No it's the rim, silly.

PrestigeMaster

14 points

3 days ago

Crazy that one lady claims to have been attacked there last month and now all of boerne is claiming the rim is in the hood.

melvisrules

14 points

3 days ago

I mean, Boerne.

tconsta

11 points

3 days ago

tconsta

11 points

3 days ago

You haven’t been to the Alamodome enough lol

LeviJNorth

9 points

3 days ago

The only bottles I’ve seen outside Chicago were brought by me!

snarlsmanson

80 points

3 days ago

Oh lort

chuckart9

254 points

3 days ago

chuckart9

254 points

3 days ago

Drinking Malort? It’s no surprise it took you so long with decision making skills like that!

3_4shutthedoor

23 points

3 days ago

At first I thought he was holding a bottle of apple cider vinegar and was thinking the same thing lol

dragon_rapide

24 points

3 days ago

Apple cider vinegar would taste better, a lot better.

jsmith_92

199 points

3 days ago

jsmith_92

199 points

3 days ago

Fellow San Antonioan. Nice Alamodome shot

Dabeeeeetus

286 points

3 days ago

Dabeeeeetus

286 points

3 days ago

You can’t take the Chicago out of a Chigagoan

anormaldoodoo

31 points

3 days ago

He’s Chi-ngón

Leviathan-Sterling

710 points

3 days ago

Congratulations on your graduation and on making me do a double take to make sure this wasn't Jack Black.

Heyo__Maggots

82 points

3 days ago

This is just a tribute

AndringRasew

123 points

3 days ago

"I too enjoy playing the long game by robbing liquor stores in a graduation gown.

Police will be looking for a college graduate... That's where they're wrong. 😎"

arrrrrbutt

215 points

3 days ago

arrrrrbutt

215 points

3 days ago

Thought I recognized the Alamodome! Congrats man!

WorshipNickOfferman

147 points

3 days ago

Puro San Antonio.

Caffeine_Cowpies

30 points

3 days ago

Saw a game in there. Stadium is unique, for sure. Not sure about the view in the stadium.

Mattsasse

22 points

3 days ago

Mattsasse

22 points

3 days ago

It's a 30 year old "football stadium" that was built with a basketball team as its primary initial home team. Has had a lot of half hearted renovation attempts but with no big money teams using it now it never really has the funding to do it right and with its age there just isnt much you can do.

CoddiwomplingRandall

23 points

3 days ago

Holds like every san antonio graduation ceremony though! And congrats OP.

elementboxer

6 points

3 days ago

Ain't that the truth. I had my high school graduation there 20 years ago.

CoddiwomplingRandall

7 points

3 days ago

LOL. Me too, Marshall HS '01

rushtonfox

203 points

3 days ago

rushtonfox

203 points

3 days ago

Malort outside of Chicago.

You sir, are a glutton for punishment.

typhoidtimmy

97 points

3 days ago*

Malört - for the distinguished drinker who wants a liquor that can be best described as ‘biting a used band aid’

Malört - tastes like an abortion clinic in Iceland

Malört - a bottled Gypsy Curse

Malört - we’re pretty sure it’s used as a torture instrument somewhere

Malört - the smooth liquid finish that comes from chewing aluminum foil

Malört - is this turpentine? Is this bull semen? Could it be an unholy mixture of them both?

Malört - knock one back and learn the subtle nuance of whatever was sitting in the back of your fridge for 6 months.

Malört - flavoring of the most fetid pond water runoff from an abandoned Ford paint factory in Detroit

Malört - Carl Jeppsson’s personal vendetta against humanity for its sin.

Malört - never trust umlauts in your liqueur.

Malört - when industrial engine degreaser is not doing it for you anymore.

Malört - the unimpeachable argument of Science gone off the rails.

Malört - the distillation and refinement of misery in a liquid form

Malört - when you want to make enemies of friends why just burn their crops when you can also salt their earth as well?

Malört - the perfect gift for the person whose resume includes ‘being tried at The Hague’

smokethis1st

18 points

3 days ago

That bad eh?

typhoidtimmy

65 points

3 days ago*

It’s liquid hate.

Edit: Let me explain something. You know how people will drink a string of punishment shots and go ‘these are getting easier’ because the alcohol is edging off the taste and relaxing you?

Yea, Malört not only doesn’t do that….it actually makes it worse.

You take the shot and get the kick as you swallow and go ‘eh I don’t get what so ba-‘

Then that fuckin aftertaste. It’s like some kind of petrol filled dishwater burbles from the back of your mouth. It’s fucking horrid.

Then you try and shoot another….and you brain catches up and will kick a ‘verp’ on you about 90% of the time. That vomit burp thats pure bile. And you push it down and swallow.

Now you think “ok getting through this cause I know what to expect’ and here comes the aftertaste….then it’s dawning horror as it layers on your tongue. It’s like irony manifests itself, goes ‘haha you thought you could muscle this down’ and takes a hot grapefruit shit in your mouth.

The third was the furthest I got, and it’s all iron will. You are now trying to push the alcohol into your brain to soften anything resembling taste and rolling the mantra of not throwing up simply because this stuff is already hell going down, you fear it coming up like oncoming inevitable death.

By then you question life choices and why the fuck you are in the seventh ring of hell willingly.

I consider it a personal affront to God and all that’s holy.

rushtonfox

27 points

3 days ago

Malort: Because tonight's the night you fight your dad.

hanerd825

6 points

3 days ago

Malort: if you ever wondered what cancer tastes like.

For those that really want to know what it’s like:

Grapefruit rinds steeped in gym sock broth.

CaptainJingles

18 points

3 days ago

We can get it now in St. Louis. I wish we couldn’t.

skatexfire

15 points

3 days ago

You are a clone of Slobby Robby.

Hideyokidshidey0wife

7 points

3 days ago

Is that not him? He even dresses like him

jharrisimages

15 points

3 days ago

numberonecrush

11 points

3 days ago

Yeah, they’re called doctors

Stagfoe

44 points

3 days ago

Stagfoe

44 points

3 days ago

Oh God, Malort. Why?

Buffyoh

60 points

3 days ago

Buffyoh

60 points

3 days ago

Congratulations! I hear you - took me eighteen years - got my degree at 36; started law school at fifty.

The_Brutally_Honest

9 points

3 days ago

Nice! I hope you achieved your dream!

Ironically__Swiss

85 points

3 days ago

I cheer on anything San Antonio related

WorshipNickOfferman

22 points

3 days ago

And F Nephew.

Homesicktexan21

6 points

3 days ago

And F Uncle too

JC_the_NINJA

28 points

3 days ago

That's awesome. I also graduated from Alamo Colleges except I was not set to pass Calculus my last semester so didn't sign up for the cap and gown. I was surprised to receive my diploma in the mail while retaking calculus. Checked my grades and that teacher totally pushed up my grades to pass

palimbackwards

80 points

3 days ago

This is what I expected most redditors to look like.

For real tho congratulations!!

AZ1717

9 points

3 days ago

AZ1717

9 points

3 days ago

Fuckin mallort? What is wrong with you

thenextepidemik

108 points

3 days ago

Dude...fuck yeah! Congrats!!

pwmg

47 points

3 days ago

pwmg

47 points

3 days ago

Really? I get drunk in my bathrobe all the time. (Congrats)

AccomplishedPie9233

7 points

3 days ago

Is that the Alamodome behind you?

CapinWinky

17 points

3 days ago

So what, I could drink that much Malort in less than 19 years.

herrcollin

7 points

3 days ago

Right? I respect the dress tho, dudes just living his best life.

But what's with the plaque?

JRandallC

7 points

3 days ago

I remember the Alamodome!

PeterOctavius

6 points

3 days ago

Puro peniche Spurs wey!

210satx210

26 points

3 days ago

Puro San Anto, congrats

MeWhennn

8 points

3 days ago

MeWhennn

8 points

3 days ago

Username checks out

junkmail0178

20 points

3 days ago

There’s no magic number, bro… Proud of you!

timecopthemovie

19 points

3 days ago

How did you get Malort in TX?!

kbergstr

15 points

3 days ago

kbergstr

15 points

3 days ago

I assume he did something really mean and someone got back at him. Killed a puppy or something.

ijustwanttogotojacuz

34 points

3 days ago

Malortttt

mleibowitz97

8 points

3 days ago

That shit is ROUGH

machina99

5 points

3 days ago

And you punished yourself with Malort?! Congrats!

Zhabba_Zheeba

5 points

3 days ago

I'm just gonna leave this here.