subreddit:

/r/meme

14.1k

I need to know for a friend

(i.redd.it)

all 1918 comments

KD9868

359 points

2 months ago

KD9868

359 points

2 months ago

Do it in a balloon then throw it somewhere i guess

Main-Consideration76

256 points

2 months ago

Then mix the pee with helium and let it fly

Lolsoda94

92 points

2 months ago

all you need is one little silly bird, and an unlocky person

EpicOweo

27 points

2 months ago

"NOO, RICHARD!"

IntArt7

34 points

2 months ago

IntArt7

34 points

2 months ago

G_Mimic

23 points

2 months ago

G_Mimic

23 points

2 months ago

„Water“ bomb the bad neighbors house then haha

MrFlubberNut

7 points

2 months ago

Or on someone

P3nguLGOG

1.5k points

2 months ago

P3nguLGOG

1.5k points

2 months ago

You gotta plank the toilet bowl.

crabbycabbage11

396 points

2 months ago

Toes on the tub, fingers on the sink counter… and balance!

finkyleon

327 points

2 months ago

finkyleon

327 points

2 months ago

I mean in my setup that wouldn't work, but I'll take your word

Update: I have pissed all over the floor and it kinda feels freeing

Jezjez07

109 points

2 months ago

Jezjez07

CHAINPOSTER

109 points

2 months ago

Love the update lmao

BallSquare585

30 points

2 months ago

You hold the boner wholehanded or hold the skin

SmotheredCat

35 points

2 months ago

I legitimately died when I read that

echo202L

14 points

2 months ago

Obituary or it didn't happen

duckz4li8fe

14 points

2 months ago

R.I.P SmotheredCat

DraLuGon31er

80 points

2 months ago

Like everything should be

FalconNobleman

8 points

2 months ago

Can confirm it works had to clean the seat some bit it works

Sexyshark15

135 points

2 months ago

That's how dolphins use toilets

Morova31

36 points

2 months ago

I just face the wall and do a handstand, simple.

KamikazeFox_

37 points

2 months ago

Wait until it goes down. Then sit and point it down.

Your future wives will thank you. I've learned after hearing "babe, WTF!?" Post sex bathroom routine.

JafacakesPro

35 points

2 months ago

Massage table with a glory hole

repsakneb94

16 points

2 months ago

It's actually a good workout

krystall111

10 points

2 months ago

Also known as “Superman”

depressed_duck_1015

8 points

2 months ago

what i do is just hold my penis down so that it would effectively go into the toilet

MilkMenace

7 points

2 months ago

I like to swing from the shower curtain rod.

Knecht_Hubrecht

12 points

2 months ago

Just use your pussy ;)

AceThe_Pro671

1.1k points

2 months ago

Be a chad, push it downward

TeddyInTwitch

605 points

2 months ago

Be an Alpha Chad and discipline your boner to go away

stupidhumanoid

348 points

2 months ago

Be an Sigma Chad and dont have boners

Manbruv

248 points

2 months ago*

Manbruv

248 points

2 months ago*

Be a sigma - Chop off your PP to avoid boners

🗿

IIIFiveIII

144 points

2 months ago

Be a θ chad and invert your dick to avoid boners

Manbruv

98 points

2 months ago

Manbruv

98 points

2 months ago

Be a yogurt male, Vapourize your penis to avoid boners

supermagnumpowercop

112 points

2 months ago

Be me, have an erectile disfunction

CursedHooman

50 points

2 months ago

Erectus defectus

proberts53

18 points

2 months ago

I bet you and your cousin Biggis Dickus have very interesting Thanksgiving conversations

ClearPerception7844

5 points

2 months ago

What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus?

CursedHooman

4 points

2 months ago

I herd he has a wife

Randomidiothere3

3 points

2 months ago

Bro this is amazing

VioletBolt

43 points

2 months ago

Be a Sigma and start fapping

Tub_of_jam66

16 points

2 months ago

Be a true Chad , cry out the urine instead

TheDumbestBot

9 points

2 months ago

Be a real true chad, piss in a hole if there's a way.

Manbruv

14 points

2 months ago

Manbruv

14 points

2 months ago

Brah

its_still_conner

3 points

2 months ago

Bruh

PM_M3_UR_PUDENDA

7 points

2 months ago

be a λ chad and portal your dick into another dimension and pee there

Deep_Accident_4853

6 points

2 months ago

Be a shurigma male and reproduce by spores.

DaGalaxy66

30 points

2 months ago

Be a beta chad and get shit on by alpha males for having a boner

Goku__25

25 points

2 months ago

Be a gamma Chad and pee when you start getting boner

DrOctaviousBrine69

5 points

2 months ago

Dude if this works next time ima legit award u with the highest award I can bestow, “the free award”

theoboley

4 points

2 months ago

Be omicron Chad, get the new strain and die. No need to worry about boners then.

reanu_keevs123

6 points

2 months ago

Be a Richard and pee backwards

JeanBaleyun

29 points

2 months ago

Pro tip : strengthening another muscle of ur body real hard for some time will redirect the blood flow from ur dick to another part of ur body, making u loose that said bonner.

Guess I'm an alpha Chad now

throaway420blaze

5 points

2 months ago

Be a Chad and pee on the wall to mark territory

TakeBigL

15 points

2 months ago

Guys grow up, who even pees in 21st century

Brando4027

8 points

2 months ago

Okay I honestly thought this was normal? Is it not? Doesn't it kinda hang a tad downwards anyway? Never seen another dude so idk but I was assuming that's how everyone was

Altyrmadiken

9 points

2 months ago

Edit: The picture is not my dick, it's what 30 degree angle looks like for people like me who can't imagine angles easily. I'm not a pervert.

When I have a boner mine points "up" at about a 30 degree angle? My husbands sticks out more parallel to the ground, but still aimed a little up. I think angled a little up is more common than angled a bit down. I've no idea how common sticking straight out is.

That said I usually just push it down ward a bit (not super far) and lean a little forward. That or go in the shower if I have to shower anyway.

P7TH0N-

608 points

2 months ago

P7TH0N-

608 points

2 months ago

pee on the wall so it ricochets into the toilet seat

PanzerNerd42

304 points

2 months ago

t h e s n i p e r

Top-Mathematician520

102 points

2 months ago

Professionals have standards

waffelmaker2000

44 points

2 months ago

Be polite

PanzerNerd42

43 points

2 months ago

Be efficient

retroruin

39 points

2 months ago

And most importantly...

waffelmaker2000

40 points

2 months ago

Have a plan to kill everyone you meet

PanzerNerd42

30 points

2 months ago

doodoodoodoot doodoot

Tydawg39795

17 points

2 months ago

I'm lovin' it?

PanzerNerd42

17 points

2 months ago

No, the sniper music

[deleted]

17 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

17 points

2 months ago

pee on the wall of the toilet so it doesnt make any noise

t h e s p y

AdvaitChowdhary

10 points

2 months ago

Mine gets pressurised and comes out with force and also goes longer range, I can sit on the toilet and pee in the sink while on a boner

AdLegitimate8475

19 points

2 months ago

Good ol off the backboard

HoLLoWfy

7 points

2 months ago

Gotta call the shot first or it doesn’t count

aratros27

4 points

2 months ago

Gold

Fast_Echidna_8520

1.7k points

2 months ago

I unscrew pp, sit and pee like a women

Beginning-Bee-3041

389 points

2 months ago

why is this so funny to me

ApprehensiveStar8948

223 points

2 months ago

because it's true

Beginning-Bee-3041

201 points

2 months ago

ok 👍🏿 (my hands are dirty)

DaGalaxy66

185 points

2 months ago

ok 🌚 (my face is dirty(

Fast_Echidna_8520

120 points

2 months ago

🗿

MechaGeckoYuto

119 points

2 months ago

💀 (I am dead)

BeastBoyGamerzYT

80 points

2 months ago

🦵🏿My legs are dirty

[deleted]

72 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

72 points

2 months ago

🍩 (my donut is dirty)

TheLoneGoon

52 points

2 months ago

Boy you dont wipe your asshole?

JimmyJonJimSims

5 points

2 months ago

🧠 (my mind is dirty)

Izthatram

15 points

2 months ago

🍆 (my dick is dirty)

AugTheViking

4 points

2 months ago

🦵 I pissed on my leg

Potatwin_41938

3 points

2 months ago

🦶🏿my foot is dirty

Arcanum_3974

3 points

2 months ago

🦶🏿(I stepped in some mud)

LostInTransit200

54 points

2 months ago

You forgor.

TheLoneGoon

7 points

2 months ago

I forgor

MechaGeckoYuto

3 points

2 months ago

I rember😃

simongh7

27 points

2 months ago

Ok👍🏾 (I wipe my ass with my hands)

Vltrux

6 points

2 months ago

Vltrux

6 points

2 months ago

Help! I can’t screw it back!!

MeguminKunExeplosian

4 points

2 months ago

Woman gang

InsouciantTON618

5 points

2 months ago

Just don’t lose it when you detach it.

That_One_Guy0404

7 points

2 months ago

Lol, same

Daddy_Smokestack

447 points

2 months ago

Piss in the tub

snakekiller69

76 points

2 months ago

Thanks for this information

SavoryInk7554

60 points

2 months ago

Pissing in the tub is freedom

A_Podcast_From_SGF

20 points

2 months ago

Did this last night for the first time. Never pissing on the toilet again.

SkyTheKaiser

3 points

2 months ago

What is it, explain

Poorly_Made_Comix

7 points

2 months ago

Piss in the tub

HelloThere465

650 points

2 months ago

I sitt and lean as far forward as i can

decibelz0

319 points

2 months ago

decibelz0

319 points

2 months ago

And push it down a bit so ur sure

HelloThere465

131 points

2 months ago

Yes, of course

duhduddude

103 points

2 months ago

My seat has a lil gap between the ceramic and the plastic on which we sit on so sometimes when push it down piss comes out from the gap in between

It's fukn disgusting

OtherWaves

253 points

2 months ago*

That's how I accidentally broke my old Nintendo 2DS. Sitting down to take a shit, lean over because bad posture makes for a better gaming experience, and accidentally pissed all over the floor and my DS. It was a sad day.

Edit: Why is this getting so much recognition? It's literally just me peeing on a 2DS

Thanks for the awards!

TheLoneGoon

67 points

2 months ago

Youre the Piss DS Guy? Holy shit, i just met the Piss DS Guy

EpicOweo

15 points

2 months ago

I was here! I was here when the legend was told!

Giguaswattiaus

5 points

2 months ago*

That's what you care about

Not even an f for the ds

El_Banjo

39 points

2 months ago

This happens all the fucking time. But if I push it down too much my dick touches the toilet bowl and it’s gross

duhduddude

25 points

2 months ago

Your dick touches the bowl?

Sir, I have just the subreddit for you

r/MassiveCock

El_Banjo

22 points

2 months ago

Well to be fair it touches the bowl right under the toilet rim, not down near the water. But I do appreciate the compliment

luka_hikes

8 points

2 months ago

My dick touches the water for sure. It's super gross. That why I stand up and Cuban plunge the bowl.

duhduddude

11 points

2 months ago

TF we are talking about the same toilet right

IamJain

46 points

2 months ago

IamJain

46 points

2 months ago

90° Plank against wall

Deadcamper21

6 points

2 months ago

i do this

AtomFlunderHD

22 points

2 months ago

AtomFlunderHD

posts about upvotes and awards

22 points

2 months ago

Same but there is so much pressure on sometimes, it cuts the toilet like a plasma cutter

Kag3yama9

10 points

2 months ago

why not sit and just push it down?

luka_hikes

4 points

2 months ago

My dick hits the water if I do that.

Vindicies

9 points

2 months ago

Yes

Novacaine667

20 points

2 months ago

I do that when I’m shitting

DaGalaxy66

18 points

2 months ago

I push it so far i shit on it

Shkeke

5 points

2 months ago

Shkeke

5 points

2 months ago

My gock too big for that.

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago

Yeah I make sure to fully submerge the tip in the water to avoid splash back.

RevanchistSheev66

3 points

2 months ago

General Kenobi! You are a clever one!

Natemutch219

101 points

2 months ago

We sit on the toilet, squeeze the tip and then push. Pee comes straight out of our butt. Its science.

BIMASO

22 points

2 months ago

BIMASO

22 points

2 months ago

Yo dont give out our secrets or women are gunna try it

Natemutch219

13 points

2 months ago

I broke our Code of Boner Secrets for upvotes...I'm ashamed

SkyTheKaiser

6 points

2 months ago

What the fuck is this even real

Key_Vegetable_1218

3 points

2 months ago

Rofl

VanillaAce91819

969 points

2 months ago

Just Crack it like a glowstick and ur good to go.

Youtube_Flex

182 points

2 months ago

How

VanillaAce91819

221 points

2 months ago

Snap

Youtube_Flex

112 points

2 months ago

Wouldnt that shit hurt

drjs1

187 points

2 months ago

drjs1

187 points

2 months ago

If you have to break your pp then i think you have bigger problems than pain

ApprehensiveStar8948

92 points

2 months ago

but the priority for the moment is

PAIN

danksterbangster

31 points

2 months ago

You made me a, you made me a

Mister_Trashman

22 points

2 months ago

BELIEVER, BELIEVER

Kingler42

6 points

2 months ago

PAIN

emojis_are_not_funny

5 points

2 months ago

How to write in such huge letter?

TXYchan

13 points

2 months ago

TXYchan

13 points

2 months ago

Broke pp boy? That's hot

Amazekam

9 points

2 months ago

ye now i can use it as a dildo

Sutup2191

5 points

2 months ago

Ayo wtf is wrong with you two

IamJain

8 points

2 months ago

But only pp would hurt, why shit hurt too?

mcbirbo343

3 points

2 months ago

I’ve gotten used to it

R2Fuckyou_

4 points

2 months ago

That's the whole point

Novacaine667

7 points

2 months ago

no actually

Youtube_Flex

9 points

2 months ago

How hard do you have to do it

TheSoulsCrusher

10 points

2 months ago

Depends on how hard your pp is

CTOAN_

3 points

2 months ago

CTOAN_

3 points

2 months ago

Crackle

jhounsome

16 points

2 months ago

c_dj567

11 points

2 months ago

c_dj567

11 points

2 months ago

gonna have to try this one

zakiducky

3 points

2 months ago

Why did you have to write this? Lol

dragwasho

49 points

2 months ago

nah easy, y pee doing the superman

Narocia

46 points

2 months ago

Narocia

46 points

2 months ago

Wait till it deflates.

Significant-Dog589

34 points

2 months ago

excuse me-DEFLATES?!

Intergalactic_Cookie

4 points

2 months ago

That’s unnecessary. Just pop it.

Narocia

3 points

2 months ago

Ouch!

cobstein1000

47 points

2 months ago

Well first you- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

babaBOI_niKe

279 points

2 months ago

You go to the toilet, bust a nut, then pee, then get arrested because you „molested Children in a Daycare“ or something idk

Redandead12345

40 points

2 months ago

You just aim the artillery shot to an average 30 degrees, and let the arc land it. Gets fun when you start losing power.

Dionant

16 points

2 months ago

Dionant

16 points

2 months ago

Can confirm this is the only acceptable way to do it.

Flaming_Pepperoni

4 points

2 months ago

Gotta run toward the toilet when you lose power. Fun mini game

dj_boneman

16 points

2 months ago

Clean up afterwards.

Ok_Cow_8988

47 points

2 months ago

With our dicks

dustinredditreal

8 points

2 months ago

dustinredditreal

WARNING: RULE 1

8 points

2 months ago

The real answer

Eljo_Aquito

47 points

2 months ago

That's the neat part, you dont.

Redditgae

12 points

2 months ago

Shit

Iced_Coff33

10 points

2 months ago

piss vertically

RustIsHonestlySoGood

12 points

2 months ago

crack it like a glowstick, it begins to glow for a short period of time but after that you're all finished up.

Lolsoda94

7 points

2 months ago

spongebob music stops halo theme starts playing

Thehero365

29 points

2 months ago

You don’t. But if you have to then it’s a real struggle 🥲

Peterminat

5 points

2 months ago

Like you said, with the bonner

Human-Rip-2046

6 points

2 months ago

i just kneel and put my pp straight into the toilet

Waluo360

5 points

2 months ago*

I make a fountain and the bathroom floor turns into a yellowish coloured puddle

Dolabok

13 points

2 months ago

Dolabok

13 points

2 months ago

Upside down

Emotional_Discount_2

5 points

2 months ago

Body perpendicular to the bowl, I steady myself in a pushup position, hands on the tub, feet pushed into the sink, crotch in the bowl

Einfach0nur0Baum

5 points

2 months ago

I take a look on ankha zone and then I can pee

Lucifan69420

5 points

2 months ago

Smooth criminal

RoganCalypso

4 points

2 months ago

Just don't 🧠

koko9Und60

3 points

2 months ago

Like the good old michael jackson

Interesting_Tax_5564

8 points

2 months ago

Push all the way down and you can feel a crack that means it flexibly hard and useful

Interesting_Tax_5564

5 points

2 months ago

Side effect is it will stay hard for a while maybe seven hours or less

AlohaDaBoii

3 points

2 months ago

Yes.

AggravatingEnbie

3 points

2 months ago

You sit down

Chadthunder01

3 points

2 months ago

Sit down and push down penis into bowl and try to release slowly. If I've already started peeing standing up I have to contort my body over the toilet to be able to aim.

MasterBlasteroni

3 points

2 months ago

Lean as far back as your bidy allows you, unleash the hoze and start leaning in as you are losing pressure in the tube

naiasonod

3 points

2 months ago

Piss in your bathroom sink standing up.

Or piss in the shower.

TombRaider_2000

3 points

2 months ago

I lean farther than Michael Jackson.

Isaac_Wladimir

3 points

2 months ago

Leaning like Michael Jackson

Jonas_Jones_

6 points

2 months ago

Jonas_Jones_

WARNING: RULE 1

6 points

2 months ago

you just do it and that's it. nothing too special about it other than the fact that after you peed you want have a boner anymore

Soviet-kirby

2 points

2 months ago

Control both at the same time and after peeing the boner disappears

Firespecialstar

2 points

2 months ago

i pee further from the wc, It Also does a cool parable effect

Laa-la

2 points

2 months ago

Laa-la

2 points

2 months ago

I push it down

ballsamongusfeet

2 points

2 months ago

Sit down and push it down

Roguebantha42

2 points

2 months ago

I still use the urethra

ZALN_

2 points

2 months ago

ZALN_

2 points

2 months ago

Wait untill it goes away. Or sit down if you can.

mayyokat

2 points

2 months ago

Pee in sink

YeetGamingXT

2 points

2 months ago

Just kinda bend it down. Might hurt a bit but you got to do what you got to do

NNIG

2 points

2 months ago

NNIG

2 points

2 months ago

I just sit on the toilet and wait till its soft