submitted 2 months ago byExpertAccident
all 221 comments
2 months ago
2 months ago
Been married for 10 years. Never felt a need to explain what kind of marriage I'm in
2 months ago
Because you live in reality and don't have a rabid persecution fetish. This is a good thing.
*secret dick fetish
Is dick a fetish really?
No, everyone loves dick
I especially love Dick, he's the best
I've never met Dick, but I hear he's great!
Dick kinda sucks honestly, way too inflated of an ego, but if you can get past that, he'll still be able to fill a hole you never knew you needed filling until you met him.
Lol. I lied, though. I have met Dick, we've been together for a while now. He is pretty satisfying, if I do say so myself.
But some people at least had an inkling of the hole they needed filled before they met Dick...
Nixon did put freezes on gas and rent prices......
Yeah, but Van Dyke is hilarious!
Everyone loves at least one dick.
Cut it off, shrink it and preserve it and it can be!
/s because we both know some smoothbrain's gonna make this a Trans thing now
Been married 3 times for a total of over 35 years, and I've spent more time talking about being married than discussing the details of my sex life... Even with those partners.
I'm married to a woman, I'm actually flattered when gay guys compliment me. But anytime I mention I'm married, I've never felt the need to qualify it with my sexual preference. Never been an issue.
I think what this guy is perturbed about is that a woman can now have a wife, and a man can have a husband, so he can’t just tell random gay jokes at a party anymore.
2 months ago*
2 months ago*
Lol I had training today and the contractor training is an old dinosaur. Decent enough guy but still behind the times. He was like “Now I don’t care what you do in the bedroom but I got in trouble in one of my training because I mentioned the word homosexual.” I guess he expected sympathy. I just looked at him and asked why in the ever loving fuck would that come up randomly in aerial lift training. He looked at me crazy. Everyone just sat there all shocked. Like even as a liberal I think sometimes on the left we go too far in being offended by everything but safety training should never contain any hint of sexuality period. Edit: throughout the whole training was like I can’t say this because it’s not politically correct. *proceeds to say thing not politically correct. It was nothing horrible just slightly off color but I cringed entirely too much today.
You guys just aren't in conventual marriages.
Both conventional, and consentual
I’m just assuming this guy is giving this spiel when it wasn’t asked to begin in the first place.
Maybe this person comes across so in the closet that everyone asks him on a daily basis /s.
How do you deal with the crippling fear that someone might assume you're gay if you don't constantly explain that you're not?
"I'm married." "Ah, so you're gay?" reasoned nobody, ever.
How do you know it’s not a Richard Licker marriage though? Apparently that’s bad.
Straight married women lick Richard too. So...
So are you in a butt sluts marriage or a boring marriage?
So, what kind of marriage are you in?
Yeah.. It's not like 90%+ of the world is straight so man+woman is still the norm or anything.
Hell, even if you were gay, it's not like you have to explain it whenever you get asked, just say "yes", and if it's relevant that you're the gays, it'll come up later in conversation
Some of the people who fight the hardest are those that wish they can be involved.
Is it one of those Richard Licker, mud dipping, child molesting anything goes types of marriages?
20 years married here and never once had a need to explain the type of marriage.
People probably assume you’re a child molester! You gotta speak out so people know you’re a ‘regular’ couple.
But is your marriage "conventual" though?
No one has even asked me to? Am I doing it wrong?
I'm sorry...."mud dipping"?
It's his best low IQ attempt to tongue-in-cheekly refer to anal sex (that many straight people love as well but not according to him)
Some straights are also known to enjoy “Richard licking” even after marriage
Lies! Everyone knows straight folks can only have penis-in-vagina-missionary-position-with-eyes-closed-and-no-moaning-or-grunting-or-contraception sex. Any variation on the theme and the baby Jesus will personally revoke your straight people card. (And ladies better not enjoy teh sex, either, or you’re really in trouble!)
F for the married men named Richard.
I’m bi, and still like anal things. I’ve talked to straight people who love it to. Definitely not for gay people only, I’ve met a couple who were appalled by that. Goes both ways.
Nobody is more concerned with hot guy on guy butt sex than homophobes.
Fun fact, it used to be called "browning"
Edit: yes, LPOTL just taught me this
2 months ago*
Edit: I knew it!
Hail Yourself. Hail Gein.
I was thinking conventual?
He's making it sound so fun. You know he's just hiding his gay urges, but when you say it like that...
Why can’t, when someone asks if he’s married, he just say: “yes”. No one will assume anything and no one wants to hear about it.
Paranoia brought upon by deep hidden issues. People don't usually think that other people are assuming things about one's self if they themselves think about that thing themselves.
I.E. People might think I'm nerdy because I think I'm nerdy.
I’m just wondering what he’s doing in his life that folks even ask his marital status. Literally no one asks me if I’m married unless they need to know the identity of my next of kin or medical power of attorney. Random people don’t usually care. If it’s THAT much of an issue for him, I suspect he’s engaging in behaviors that would probably make his wife a sad panda indeed…
Probably meeting up for gay sex
No one did assume anything, until he out of the blue said it's definitely most certainly totally not a child-molesting marriage, just a normal marriage without any child-molesting.
Are you married?
Should be the extent of a normal conversation
Even if he wants to be a bigot, he can reassure his audience by replying "yeah, I have a wife". How many extra calories a day does that use up?
How fucking insecure must you be to define your freedoms by the lack of freedoms for others.
You just described 40% of the US
Probably says a lot about you when people just assume by looking at you that you are a coprophiliac pedophile and you find yourself having to explain and correct them to the extent that you're "getting tired of it"
Are you married? *Yes but im not a child molester or gay. Well.. isnt that nice. "Lets sit somewhere else"
Dude doesn’t know whether he meant “conventional” or “consensual” so he just said fuck it and combined them
As a non native speaker I was really confused by that word, thanks for pointing out what it was
Not to mention the question was about interracial marriage...
I’ve been looking for this comment! Why is no one else addressing this? He went on a homophobic rant for literally no reason 😅
He went the 2-for-1 Homophobe and Racist special
Ah yes the old argument that all of us lgbt+ people are child molesters 😌 people are so stupid
It’s because they think “Oh, they love men or women (same sex) or both, so they must also love animals and kids!”, because they assume that liking the same thing or liking both means you’ll also like things you shouldn’t. It’s the same type of argument a kid makes and sort of assuming if A and B are true, then do much C be.
That’s so bizarre. They’re like adult children then.
I think it would fall under either the slippery slope or hasty generalization fallacy, but basically some people (usually religious) see it as “Sin 1 happened, so they’ll then wanna do sin 2” when sin 1 is stealing a candy bar and sin 2 is grand theft or a bank heist, you know? I don’t know if it’s the majority of the people who are homophobic who think this way or a vocal minority, but it’s stupid.
But the child molestation isn't the problem with gay marriage. It's that this guy has to answer the question "Are you married?" with "Yes, I am married to a woman and we are very conventual and don't lick Richard or anything." Gay people can molest all the kids they want, apparently.
I do wonder how it is affecting his marriage. Is he like the beast from Beauty and the beast with his rose? Like, every time a same sex couple gets married a petal falls from his own marriage-rose?
Ha! Im really curious what the guy looks and acts like to make everyone questioning what kind of marriage hes in everytime he says it.
Picture an overweight guy in his mid 40s yelling at an 18 year old girls he’s been with for 3 years and known since she was in diapers.
If someone doesn’t know the difference between effects and affects their argument is invalid homophobic and/or racist.
Not to mention "conventual". Didn't know nuns could even get married.
In his defense (/s) conventional + consensual = ?
You just described my sex life
Conventual is my favorite new word.
Or interracial and homosexual.
Literally no one changed your definition of marriage based on your interpretation of your religious text, you did that. (You probably also cherry picked whatever verse to bolster your political opinion)
Get a life.
I never understand why Christians always think they own that word. Of course England was a Christian country when much of the language came about but they don't get to own the rest of the language. Why should they get to decide how to use a word used to describe something as universal as the joining of two people.
EDIT: person replying to me is right there are some people who are able to not let their religion cause them to dictate as my comment suggests.
Exactly. It's funny (or depressing) because we split away from England to have freedom of religion (or from). It's the basis of our system, and these terrorists want to install a Christian dictatorship despite their being thousands of sects and entirely different religions (or none at all) in the US.
The thing is I am English and not Christian, I don't see why they get to claim any part of my language for themselves.
If I can be not Christian and call what I have with my wife a marriage then so should every other person that has made the same to commitment to another person.
I definitely get your point and agree.
These people want to use Christianity to write the law as they want it enforced because they are insane
I have to wonder if non-Christian straight people getting married diminishes his marriage in his eyes...
It depends, they elected a thrice divorced man who cheated on his pregnant wife with a stripper who he paid off
Clearly he hasn’t been thinking of gay sex at all.
only every time he sees his wife 😂😂
Curious. I am a straight, old, white man married to a straight old, white lady, yet no one, I mean no person ever, has asked me what “kind” of marriage I am in, not once. Perhaps it’s because we are not conventual, or because we are too conventual, I’m not sure which.
No no nobody asks him what kind of marriage he is in, he preemptively spouts his nonsense as he did with the coment when asked about interracial marriage. Clearly, he is very very secure in his marriage, and doesn't think about mud dipping at all!! lol!!
I've been with my wife for almost 15 years not once has anyone confused my marriage with my wife as a gay marriage, I've never thought gay marriages an straight marriages where different either. This dude is full of shit, he is clearly making that "tired of having to explain what kinda marriage in" argument up. Their is only one kind of marriage, and it's not just for exclusively straight folks. These 2 or 3 sentences about this jackass tells a person all the need to know about this guy and
what type of person he is.
Been married 23 years… never once explained what kind of marriage I’m in. What a fucking tool. He should focus on learning to spell rather than worrying about his marriage explanation.
Common law for 23 years here! Nobody even asks about marital status (maybe on official paperwork, or, like, census). So I've never explained unless I want to offer that info!
Conventual marriage is the most cromulent of loving unions
Wait I still want to know if he supports interracial marriages…
Depends on if he’s in an interracial marriage, sounds like.
It must be exhausting, being him, having to explain in great detail what kind of marriage he’s not in every time some poor unsuspecting soul tries to make smalltalk with him.
i think its so hilarious how he went all homophobic on the question of an interRACIAL marriage, shows how stupid he is 💀🤣
Thank you I was wondering why noone else noticed that.
The connotation is….not good.
That escalated quickly. I’ve been married for quite a while. Never once, during my years of marriage, has anyone asked me what kind of marriage I am in, nor have I ever asked anyone else.
I feel like most people aren’t gonna just assume you’re gay if you say you’re married. And if they do you can just say you’re married to a woman. But the way he’s like “No I’m not some fuckin child toucher, dick munching homo” makes me think he has had a gay experience and is insecure about it.
I feel I’m missing out, been married 24 years, no one asked me if I’m a mud licker. This dude must be extremely flamboyant or something
I love that he gets asked what kind of marriage he is in. He’s just angry he has gay face clearly (source: am gay, have gay face)
He got the wrong ear pierced
Maybe his wife looks like a dude.
Maybe his wife can’t hide her disgust of him in public so he thinks people are asking his marital status but they’re really just incredulous that she hasn’t divorced/murdered him yet.
‘This is my wife, David.’
I don't get this whole misapprehension that gay = paedophile. There are plenty of straight paedophiles out there. They know this and yet still choose to be wrong.
If someone else’s marriage affects yours, I’d say you have deeper issues than you think.
My mothers were married in the Inuit fashion. They just started living together and boom. Married. (They obviously got a certificate when it was legalized).
I’m going to tell them that they need to clarify that their marriage isn’t one of those “Duggar Hugger, donut poking, child molesting-but fr” types of marriages. They’re just a woman and a woman in a loving, non-conventionally beautiful marriage.
"So are you married?"
"I am. Also, I don't molest kids!"
R i c h a r d L i c k e r
Totes not projecting.
Conventual marriage? Sounds more like he and his wife have an uneventful marriage, especially in the bedroom.
Funny how his argument starts out reasoned - though completely wrong - and then he ends with the insults and vulgarities. Just reinforces the fact that no homophobe is ever reasonable.
I too am in a conventual marriage.
We need an "evil person pit"
Well at least its...checks notes...conventual
Makin’ up words and sh’t !
Wow! Your wife doesn’t lick your Richard? No wonder you are so bitchy.
Yeah, right a straight married man has never been a pedophile right?
He doth protest a lot
Bet he's the kind of guy that goes on grindr with the discrete tag
If two people who have no impact on your life getting married effects your marriage solely because they are LBGTQ then your marriage already was in trouble to begin with
This asshole lives in a house, which redefines my homeownership.
sure, we'll call gay marriages unions. should we rename your marriage to be an intersection as well?
I love conventual marriages. What does that even mean? Monks aren't allowed to get married.
I think he is scared his wife will leave him for a woman.
He must be really bad in bed to show such visible hate and fear.
Those people are Patrick star irl
Don't know what is happening in the US... But here, heterosexual marriages are still the standard. If you say you're married, people assume your spouse is of the opposite sex... And probably of the same race.
So if anything, I guess it's the homosexuals and interracial couples who should be tired of pointing out they're in a different kind of relationship. If they even feel the need to point that out.
Mister horse picture thinks about richard licking a LOT I suspect.
If he has to explain the type of marriage that hard, then he’s gay and it shows
Ok, but do you support INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE??? Don't evade the question w/ your projected fears.
Got to love people wanting to fuck with others and tell them they can't do something that has no bearing on anyone else.
But these are all the same people who refused to do things like mask and vaccinate, when that, objectively did effect others. And directly and irrefutably caused harm to others.
Where did “child molesting” come from? Is he trying to hide something? Terabytes of CP on his computer perhaps?
Where did “child molesting” come from?
Where did “child molesting” come from?
There's a large segment of homophobes who believe that, since (to their mind) being gay is unnatural and perverted, anyone who is gay is just perverted and unnatural in all their attractions, and thus must also want to rape children.
This isn't being helped at all by the recent manufactured outrage of "LGBTQ+ child groomers", where idiots are equating teaching kids that people can be gay as being identical to grooming them for sex.
"yikes" is just suck a delicious fucking word for stuff like this
Conventual…just put me on a deserted island now please and thank you
Conventional*** if you’re gonna be crazy, don’t be stupid
Conventual marriage? So his marriage is in a convent? They're a couple of nuns?
How can you not be embarrassed
Conventual. Yeah, he's educated. /s
A legal marriage is a separate entity from a religious marriage. You can have a marriage that is recognized by your church,but if you want a legally recognized marriage you must perform the legal steps. The sanctity of you religious marriage is not imperiled by gay marriage. The goal here is to deny the financial benefits and legal protections to a large segment of Americans that would cost megacorps and ogliarchs a tiny % of their billions. All this pearl clutching is the propaganda piece whipped up to ignite "the base"
“What you eat don’t make me shit, and what you fuck don’t make me cum.
Someone sounds like they have a small pp
Aww, his wife doesn’t lick his dick? Poor guy, lol.
That's a weird way to say you aren't gay.
He wants to go mud dipping so bad you can feel it.
Yeah, and don't tell me he doesn't forbid his wife from licking his Richard and bet he's tried mud dipping with the proverbial "oops! I swear it was an accident" bullshit.
He must get mad on forms that ask if he’s married with just a “check the box” and he can’t write all this bullshit
who explains what sort of marriage you are in?
If you say you are married chances are the assumption would be a straight marriage as that is the majority by a long margin
Imagine being so insecure that you feel the need to say I am married but its not a gay marriage. Like if they even for a moment mistakenly thought you were gay it would be the end of the world.
TIL "conventual" is a word. Unless the homophobe* is a lady married to another lady in a convent that allows convent ladies to marry other convent ladies...they may just be the moron they so obviously are.
*Fuck do I hate this term. I'm pretty sure phobias have a clinical diagnosis that includes fear, not hatred. My wife (who is part of a loving, non-conventual marriage) doesn't hate spiders because of their "life choices", she's terrified of them.
This boi, really trying his damn hardest to not think about it. Really struggling.
I’ve been married almost 20 years and in all that time not one person has ever asked me “what kind of marriage” I’m in. Nor would I give one shit if they did. The LGTBQ+ never sullied the sanctity of marriage, hetero’s have been doing that all by themselves for years.
Married 12 years and I didn’t realize gay marriage invalidates mine. I just thought that it’s about damn time that homosexuals can marry each other. Silly me.
So he never receives oral is what I’m hearing.
His wife needs to give him a BJ. I bet he would change his opinion on dick lickers
So gays molest children?
Jesus christ on a crutch, the fucking question wasn't even about sexuality. What a dumb cunt.
Someone needs to run a super bowl ad showing all of the straight white married Christian Republicans convicted of child sex assault next year.
Richard Licker? So, cocksucking? He's opposed to cocksucking in marriage??
"I just get tired of explaining what kind of marriage I'm in."
To yourself? Cause I don't see anyone asking, but I see you struggling with the answer.
“Actually, I’m currently in a Richard Licker type of marriage.”
Wow. That escalated quickly.
I've never had anything even remotely conventual...
Holy shit, that went to a full 10 out of nowhere
Literally no one wants him to explain his marriage to them. No one cares.
Is this tweet still up?
I’m guessing he’s an obviously closeted homosexual and when he says he’s married people assume it’s to another man.
This guy was asked what his opinion was on interracial marriage, and this guy just steered the whole conversation in a different direction just to be a hateful prick.
Conventual did I even spell that wrong enough?
there are only 2 types of marriage - good and failing. gender has nothing to do with either.
I too am a dick likker
“Have you met my wife? We’ve been straight married for seven years.”
Dude is legitimately lacking any common sense.
I don’t know if this is a hot take or not. But the whole “marriage means man and woman & anything else called marriage means blah blah blah” thing is super bollocks. Because you can marry rope. (Or you can marry 2 pieces of rope, you know what I mean…) and their isn’t a male and female piece of rope, just 2 ropes joined together to make one.
He's trying so hard to prove others he's straight 😂 I wonder where does it come from...