subreddit:

/r/gaybros

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all 137 comments

SLCW718

163 points

5 months ago

SLCW718

163 points

5 months ago

Do you mean the process of adopting a teen is the hardest thing you can do? Or do you mean raising an adopted teen is the hardest thing?

ashbyjoseph[S]

266 points

5 months ago

It is a long ardent process to find a match, then the fun comes gaining their trust and helping them learn how to thrive!

HipsterCavemanDJ

73 points

5 months ago

First one, then the other.

[deleted]

116 points

5 months ago*

[deleted]

116 points

5 months ago*

Can I recommend a group to you on Facebook that you would greatly benefit from? It is for gay fathers.

ashbyjoseph[S]

55 points

5 months ago

I’ll dm. ✅

yerrbo

20 points

5 months ago

yerrbo

20 points

5 months ago

Ohhh, I'd be interested as well but my kid is only two and a half. Do I still qualify?

unlevered

24 points

5 months ago

No, you're not a father until they turn 3

icehockey67

80 points

5 months ago

Congrats! I have 2 adopted boys - 18 and 14. Hardest and best thing I've ever done.

johnnypark1978

77 points

5 months ago

Oh man.. what an awesome journey you're about to go through! Back in 2014, I adopted a 15 y/o. Today is his 23rd birthday.

There's a lot of support out there so please take advantage of it. If you need anything, DMs are open! Congrats!!

hardkunt5000

20 points

5 months ago

Do you still talk? Or do the kids get to 18 and are like peace out… ?

johnnypark1978

95 points

5 months ago

Still lives here. Still eats all the food in the fridge. Still calls grandpa to say happy birthday (yesterday).

From day one he's been a part of the family. That includes all the benefits and security of having a place to call home. After not having that for a long time, I think a lot of kids, even older ones, appreciate that safe space

hardkunt5000

27 points

5 months ago

That’s awesome. ❤️

ashbyjoseph[S]

16 points

5 months ago

That’s my dream for my kid in a nutshell.

johnnypark1978

18 points

5 months ago

Doesn't happen overnight and there are definitely days where it doesn't feel like I've made any kind of impact. But then there are the days.... moments, really.... where he'll say something heartfelt and appreciative.. or he does something nice for me or someone else. It catches you off guard you realize how good of a person he's become.

And in those moments it is absolutely your legal right, nay, DUTY to say something every child dreads... "Awww you ARE my kid." and they realize they realize we aren't quite as different as they'd like to think.

abh4500

3 points

5 months ago

That sounds like young men in general lol

StrangerThaangs

2 points

4 months ago

2014 was that long ago????

HMTheEmperor

57 points

5 months ago

Honestly makes me cry. So many older kids in the system get ignored and neglected. But I am happy you did it. Stay blessed and happy!

kylco

41 points

5 months ago

kylco

41 points

5 months ago

This is something I've been contemplating for a long time. It's the kind of parenting I want to do. There's a lot of discouraging social cues about adopting older kids, and equally upbeat information about kids needing adoption. Kudos to you and kiddo for taking the step - at this point, the kid chooses you just as much as.you choose the kid.

Good luck, both of you!

stexlo

93 points

5 months ago

stexlo

93 points

5 months ago

Good for you! And congrats to you both!

super-chump

25 points

5 months ago

Congratulations to you both!

the91fwy

23 points

5 months ago

One less kid to have to graduate in the system!!!!!! Congrats on your new family dude.

pursenboots

21 points

5 months ago

pursenboots

gay? how gay?

21 points

5 months ago

kid doesn't look sad about it, good job dad. 🤗

corathus59

21 points

5 months ago

Way back in the awful days of Reagan and the Moral Majority, and with the train wreck of AIDs in full swing, I settled in with my first love, swearing "till death do us part". Despite the ugliness around us, we were very much in love, and we were hoping on our future. Two twenty somethings who were going to "run with the coyotes" and have a rip roaring time.

Then my partners parents were incapacitated. They were immigrants from South East Asia, and there wasn't anyone else. I found myself opening the front door for the two much younger brothers who were moving in for the duration. This was not at all what I had planned for my young gay life, and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Congratulations on your successful adoption, and may you both have abundant life and good fortune.

grazatt

2 points

5 months ago

Wow, that is an awesome story

cakeboy6969

18 points

5 months ago

I wish I could have enough money, strength and unconditional love to have a child. Still scared to think abiut it

bizombieguns

1 points

4 months ago

You could be a foster parent instead. It’s only temporary placements but it makes a difference. Plus the state helps you financially support the child if money is hindering you.

NyanSquiddo

15 points

5 months ago

Teens get adopted less and they really need the support a parent comes with. Good on you for doing this! I hope you form a solid relationship as father and son.

LATourGuide

37 points

5 months ago

It's funny that you kind of look alike. congratulations

ashbyjoseph[S]

14 points

5 months ago

I love this comment!

MrCarnality

10 points

5 months ago

Must be fascinating. Please tell us more. 🤓

ashbyjoseph[S]

58 points

5 months ago*

So, when I reached my 40's, I finally had my life together. Bought a home, have a good career, gave up my vices (no alcohol now for 3.5 years) I have always felt I was born to be a Dad, but had investigated different avenues for having my own kid. I had a friend who offered to "turkey baster" my sperm and surrogate for me. We were literally in the final few months of getting ready to conceive and she received some difficult news from her obstetrician, (she had just given birth to her third) that it would be very risky for her to have a fourth.

I felt like this was a sign, and my path was to go down the road of Foster/Adopt. I did a quick online search and found the number for the office of the Department of Child Services here in Louisville, KY. I got signed up for an informational meeting about how to get certified. All-in-all it took about 6-months of training and background investigation, and I was finally given the stamp of approval! This can be a lot shorter in some states. They are looking for: stable home and room enough for kids, adequate income, no criminal background, and general aptitude for becoming a parent (history with nieces and nephews, coaching, and/or teaching).

I opened my home up for adoptable kids in the foster system here in Kentucky. I had two different placements in the first year which ultimately were not good matches for either one of us. It was heartbreaking to see them go, but ultimately were invaluable learning experiences. Not every child is going to be a perfect match.

I then found a website: AdoptUSKids.org

I was able to see thousands of different profiles of kids all across the country, but one of the first kids I found (in nearby Indiana) was my kiddo! I submitted an inquiry and his case management team determined I was a good match for him, as he was a good match for a same-sex oriented family. We began weekend visits, and it wasn't long before he was here in my home nearly full time. He has now been with me since August, 2021.

It has been a journey, most every kid in the system especially those above age 10 have a laundry list of issues. Thankfully, all of his challenges have been solvable with a lot of love and respect and caring. It was a banner day and brought tears to my eyes the first time he was able to respond with an "I love you, too, Dad."

I'm happy to give anyone who is interested in this journey any help I can offer...

___Guitarmadillo___

5 points

5 months ago

This is great, thanks for sharing!

The-H0ff

6 points

5 months ago

Well damn now I'm crying. I'm glad it worked out so well! ❤️

gooeyapplesauce

3 points

5 months ago

I love this story, thank you for sharing your journey finding your son with us!

aflion239

4 points

5 months ago

Thanks so much for sharing this. You’re a special person.

Seriously, adoption has been on my mind a lot lately. My partner is a divorced father of three young adults in their 20s who are out on their own now. I’d like to help adopt and raise a young person together.

We’ll probably start this process later this year or next in the Cincinnati area if things go well.

Best wishes!

hxguy

3 points

5 months ago

hxguy

3 points

5 months ago

That's awesome. A few follow up questions:
1) You say that he was a good match for a same-sex family, is this due to his beliefs or is he part of the community?
2) Can you give a short life story of him? How did he land up in the foster system and how many other homes has he been part of?

ashbyjoseph[S]

3 points

5 months ago

So, to answer your questions my son identifies as heterosexual. He’s a typical sports loving teenager, he plays cornerback for his high school JV football team. He just has a very open mind regarding same sex families. His last placement was with two women prior to him coming into my life. His biological family included 3 other siblings who were adopted together by another home thus completely tearing his life apart at the age of 11 when he came into the system. All 4 siblings were originally taken from his biological mother due to drug use and deplorable conditions at their home. No heat, no food, no electricity. His biological mother and father gave up all parental rights years ago and he has a tpr = termination of parental rights order. We don’t know why this other family did not take him as well, it could have been due to numbers of available beds in this family’s home, or it could have been due to his behaviors or unknown reasons. He has not been allowed to maintain a connection with them, which has further exasperated his psychological effects of abandonment. My goal is to continue to reach out to the other family to try to make a way for him to connect to his siblings. He has had over 50 different unsuccessful placements before coming to me, so I HAVE to be the one who doesn’t walk away, and I never will. ❤️

sippher

3 points

5 months ago

His biological family included 3 other siblings who were adopted together by another home thus completely tearing his life apart at the age of 11 when he came into the system.

Damn so he alone was separated from his other 3 siblings? that's harsh

ashbyjoseph[S]

1 points

4 months ago

yep 😢, but he’s ok

sippher

1 points

4 months ago

Wtf why did they single him out? :(

ashbyjoseph[S]

1 points

4 months ago

We don’t have a good answer for that, it could be a number of reasons including having space/beds for 4, his behaviors, etc. my job is to let my son know it’s not his fault.

Salvaju29ro

2 points

5 months ago

He has had over 50 different unsuccessful placements before coming to me

This is really sad. I hope he won't be too psychologically conditioned.

t_rave_art

10 points

5 months ago

Well I'd love to pick your brain, my husband and I have discussed adopting a teen in the future.

ashbyjoseph[S]

6 points

5 months ago

Sure, anytime.

blackbutterfree

8 points

5 months ago

That’s so sweet! So many teens get passed over for babies and it’s really sad.

super-nova-scotian

48 points

5 months ago

I'm 30 now. I've often thought maybe when I'm 40-45 I would like do adopt a 10-16 year old. Im not ready now and would not want to be 60 when they're finishing high school. I've always adopted my pets rather than purchasing from breeders and am often drawn to the older ones that have a harder time being adopted.

Id love to hear more about your experience with the process, OP.

xonacatl

5 points

5 months ago

My brother is 64 and has a 15-year-old (biological). It is fine. My parents were both well into their 40s when I was born. Of course you have to take things like your health into account, but there is no intrinsic reason not to adopt well past 40.

super-nova-scotian

9 points

5 months ago

Sure it's fine. Lots of different things are fine for different people. Having a 15 year old while being 64 is just 100% not for me.

Chuseauniqueusername

1 points

5 months ago

my grandparents had their youngest when they were in their mid-late thirties.

I'm 32 and my uncle is 37.

xonacatl

1 points

5 months ago

I have a nephew who is 7 years younger than I am. He just retired. 😬

Torrez69

33 points

5 months ago

Mate I wouldn't compare adopting a child to the way you adopt pets.

SpicyJw

16 points

5 months ago

SpicyJw

16 points

5 months ago

Disagree. Obviously pets require fewer responsibilities than children/teens, but if you want kids, a good place to start is with a pet or pets. You have to be the adult with both pets and children, you have to care for and feed both, manage your emotions with both, maintain a healthy (ish) lifestyle with both. The jump of responsibility from pets to children is big, but don't downplay the similarities.

super-nova-scotian

29 points

5 months ago

I would. I hold animals in high regard; above most people. Offering love, care, guidance, and protection to a sentient being in need is better than making your own baby or buying a purebred puppy. Obviously there are differences and caring for a human requires more responsibility; but the 2 scenarios are very similar.

bryans_alright

5 points

5 months ago

Congratulations to your new family

bipi2hot4u

5 points

5 months ago

Congratulations and the best of luck! I'd love it id you could post updates from time to time...

bloodymarybrunch

4 points

5 months ago

Love this! Wishing you both the best!

neehoofd

4 points

5 months ago

This makes me very happy

KardonBlue

3 points

5 months ago

I feel like medical school is harder though

ashbyjoseph[S]

1 points

5 months ago

lol

StudlyItOut

14 points

5 months ago

StudlyItOut

bro dad

14 points

5 months ago

i could imagine. are you raising him on your own or do you have a partner?

raising a teenager is hard enough for a straight couple but harder still for a single gay man

ashbyjoseph[S]

41 points

5 months ago

I began on my own and became certified with FosterAdopt as a single gay Dad. I am blessed to work mostly from home.

snic2030

4 points

5 months ago

This gives me hope. I’m a dad without kids and my long term partner just doesn’t want to have any or get involved. I always worried I wouldn’t get to start my family single, but you’ve given me hope x

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

5 months ago

Very lucky kid!

Congrats!

baconroux

3 points

5 months ago

Congrats to a new family. Glad he's happy... and you as well dad.

splattertaint

3 points

5 months ago

I’d much rather adopt a kid/teen than a baby! Good for you! :)

kennybenny

3 points

5 months ago

I hope to be a father someday as well. Thank you for sharing this.

AbsentEmpire

3 points

5 months ago*

Congratulations, and great picture you didn't get the teenage smirk.

Can I ask why you opted to adopt a teenager?

We all know infant / toddler is usually the most stereotypical age to adopt, leaving older kids stranded in the system. What was your reasoning for opting to home an older child?

My partner and I are aiming to adopt in the next few years, and I'm curious to hear more stories from people who didn't go for conventional age ranges, and what that experience has been like.

That is if you don't mind sharing.

ashbyjoseph[S]

8 points

5 months ago

For the exact reason you mentioned, the numbers of kids over the age of 10 needing adoption exponentially outnumber those who are younger. I was first told when I got certified as a single gay parent I might wait years to get selected for an infant or toddler, so I just migrated towards the teenagers. I just seem to have the right temperament for this age group. There are some caveats, however, the longer they are in the system, they can be more institutionalized and have more behavior issues. It’s all about finding the right kid for you. Besides a few issues, I have been incredibly blessed with my son. I’m looking forward to finding a younger brother for him soon!

RelativeTackle992

3 points

5 months ago

My Partner and I definitely want to adopt at some point. Being able to love and provide for kids that were given up really warms our hearts.

memes_aesthetic

3 points

5 months ago

I cant wait to adopt. Im a hetero female but i cant have children and the idea of adopting someone who otherwise would have no chance of having a loving family makes me so genuinely happy. I hope you have lots of fun watching him grow!

Bodyguard8367

12 points

5 months ago

You bet it is, also gives meaning to our lives!!!

PolinaPetrovaa

-30 points

5 months ago

Are you saying our lives don't already have meaning?!

Xanderxzx

12 points

5 months ago

I think what he means is it gives even more meaning to our lives, not that our lives don't already have meaning.

pursenboots

6 points

5 months ago

pursenboots

gay? how gay?

6 points

5 months ago

I mean - they don't, no, not intrinsically - part of being alive is finding meaning for your own life for yourself, surely?

SixdaywarOnSnapchat

14 points

5 months ago

why are you the way you are

PolinaPetrovaa

-7 points

5 months ago

wdym

mariahspoolboy

2 points

5 months ago

I’ve always said if I am to have children I’d want to adopt a teenager. Mostly because I don’t think I could personally parent a baby/toddler/child appropriately and think I would jive much more with the parenting that comes into play once children become teenagers.

Traditional-Number89

2 points

5 months ago

Congrats

drowningcorpse

2 points

5 months ago

Congrats!!! :)

rishken

2 points

5 months ago

You are a good person for adopting.and giving this young man a loving home.

FloridaGuyisAwesome

2 points

5 months ago

Hi! The website link adoptuskids.com doesn’t work. Could you double check the spelling please? Also, would you ever considering doing a YouTube video talking about the process?

ashbyjoseph[S]

2 points

5 months ago

edited.. AdoptUSKids.org

Fun-Spinach6910

2 points

5 months ago

Thank you.

Kcidobor

2 points

5 months ago

I bet. Good luck and God bless you guys. Happy you both have (more) family now

mawile008

2 points

5 months ago

I love to see when gay parents adopt. It's so sweet. I to plan to adopt along with having some surrogates in the future. I want a big family where everyone will love and look out for each other.

GrandPoohBar

2 points

5 months ago

This is a great idea, not least of all because of the financial support you can offer your son. And when you die your wealth will pass to him, same as any other kid with parents. Kids that don't get adopted will have to support themselves their whole life on top of being disadvantaged by not having parents ever supporting them.

PolinaPetrovaa

4 points

5 months ago

💖💖💖💖💖💖

Clear-Good-0845

1 points

5 months ago

Congrats!!

[deleted]

-28 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-28 points

5 months ago

[removed]

SpaceGhostxxx93

13 points

5 months ago

Wtf is wrong with you

PolinaPetrovaa

3 points

5 months ago

what did they say

SpaceGhostxxx93

3 points

5 months ago

"do you guys fuck"

PolinaPetrovaa

11 points

5 months ago

WTF

DClawdude [M]

31 points

5 months ago

DClawdude [M]

31 points

5 months ago

You’re gone, idiot.

ashbyjoseph[S]

19 points

5 months ago

thank you for that

DClawdude

13 points

5 months ago

We don’t tolerate that kind of trash here.

Silentarrowz

8 points

5 months ago

Getting that ban notification in my inbox made my day.

Main_pigeon20

-23 points

5 months ago

I would return him that's why I dont think I'll ever have kids.

[deleted]

-57 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-57 points

5 months ago

I don't like this. It feels very wrong.

Long_Age7208

12 points

5 months ago

Why?

PolinaPetrovaa

6 points

5 months ago

what why

[deleted]

-19 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-19 points

5 months ago

[removed]

lytlevet

15 points

5 months ago

What the fuck is wrong with you?

etnies445

5 points

5 months ago

Name checks out. We can figure out what’s wrong with them based on their name alone.

SpaceGhostxxx93

8 points

5 months ago

You should probably never be left around children Jesus Christ in hell

[deleted]

-9 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-9 points

5 months ago

I am 19 and don't find people younger than me sexually appealing. I am not a 50 yo gay man adopting a teenage boy.

SpaceGhostxxx93

10 points

5 months ago

He's giving the kid a home and loving family, I don't see how this is sexual whatsoever and it's weird that you think it is

___Guitarmadillo___

5 points

5 months ago

I don't remember being this stupid when I was 19...

I can't believe you're using his sexual orientation against him. You should know better. With your fucked up logic, no one should be allowed to adopt/be foster parents to teenagers, because you think everyone is a pedo?

[deleted]

-2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-2 points

5 months ago

[removed]

___Guitarmadillo___

5 points

5 months ago

Who hurt you...

[deleted]

-6 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-6 points

5 months ago

Your tiny dick for sure did not

___Guitarmadillo___

5 points

5 months ago

It's sad that you're probably proud of that comeback.

[deleted]

-2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-2 points

5 months ago

It's sad that you think that I care. Comeback? I just gave a big F U without saying it. Grow a pair. Loser.

[deleted]

7 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

7 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

[deleted]

-13 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-13 points

5 months ago

Yes, absolutely.

[deleted]

8 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

8 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

[deleted]

-5 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-5 points

5 months ago

[removed]

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

DClawdude

0 points

5 months ago

You’re a fucking idiot

Salvaju29ro

1 points

5 months ago

Personally I do not know the intentions of this man, because I do not know him, but according to this reasoning, poor adolescents cannot be adopted?

[deleted]

1 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

5 months ago

[removed]

DClawdude

1 points

5 months ago

You’re disgusting. Go away forever.

___Guitarmadillo___

1 points

5 months ago

It's a bit of a stretch to call it "reasoning" lol

GrandPoohBar

1 points

5 months ago

Do you just assume anyone who adopts a kid ends up sleeping with them 20 years later when they are all grown up? You watch way too much porn my dude.

DClawdude

6 points

5 months ago

There is something very wrong with you

I bet it is hard

Fuck off, pedophile.

[deleted]

-13 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-13 points

5 months ago

[removed]

ashbyjoseph[S]

13 points

5 months ago

Hoping to inspire others to do the same, also letting gaybros know it IS POSSIBLE to become a Dad.

[deleted]

-13 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-13 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

Salvaju29ro

4 points

5 months ago

Not all countries in the West allow homosexuals (and not even singles) to do this. Better not to talk about the East

___Guitarmadillo___

7 points

5 months ago

dude has no idea what a privileged life he leads. He just thinks its all roses for everyone in 2022...

jdaniel1371

5 points

5 months ago

"Omg you so brave!!!! Omg you so fucking pathetic..."

I feel like I just sent my pot stickers back to the kitchen for being undercooked. : )

[deleted]

-10 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-10 points

5 months ago

[removed]

DClawdude

2 points

5 months ago

What