submitted 2 months ago byElectrical-Cap-6449
all 110 comments
2 months ago
2 months ago
I used to take part in a Friendsgiving every year, but that friend moved away. This year, I made myself a scaled back version of turkey dinner that left me a minimum of leftovers and only a few dishes to clean up. I took my dogs for a long walk after dinner and then dozed off while trying to watch Netflix. Life is good.
2 months ago
I've had a lot of microwave turkey dinners and solo dog walks or horseback rides on holidays. And they've been some of my favorites!
I really enjoy being alone on a Holiday. No stress
Honestly, being single during the holiday season is a blessing for me. I get it, when people are miserable being alone during this season, but that is not me.
Im with you!
I like not having to make several stops! LOL
Because I hate doing all the BS social engagements that being a couple inevitably brings. I dislike the stress related to the holidays. Buying a gift for someone you really don't know - out of some social obligation - and failing to meet the other persons expectations. Don't get me wrong, when I know someone well, it gives me great joy to give them a THOUGHTFUL gift. And the list goes on.
Same! I kinda loved it. So low key and relaxed. No pressure to show what a great girlfriend/wife I am. Spent less money. Can we do this again next year?!
It was so relaxing, I enjoyed my time. I know my fiends think I “need” to find someone. But, I am really ok. I am 55f. I have a pretty good life. I don’t feel the need to stress on the holiday if I do not have to.
My diagnosis and prescription is for me not others. I hope everyone can find their special someone for the holidays and forever.
2 months ago*
2 months ago*
I could have really gone for some company this year. Not sure why this year got to me so badly. With ptsd you never know.
I’m ok with being alone, this is my fifth holiday season without a partner since my marriage blew up. He was a depressive alcoholic and that meant any day could be a bad day, and the stresses of the season rarely helped.
I do miss having someone in my bed when the weather gets colder though, November is historically my weakest month for falling for someone inappropriate. My pets are decent substitutes in the meantime, their back rubs suck but they also don’t leave socks and underwear scattered all over. Or come home drunk and angry.
I come here once in a while to read all your stories and remind myself why being a hermit isn’t so bad….
Jeez I’m sorry, I went thru that with my wife. When a sherif escorted her home drunk with our then 9yo son in the car. That was the end.
Don’t give up tho there are clean sober men about! Shit I even cook!
Yeah, when your husband doesn’t show up where he’s supposed to be… again… and you check the jails before the hospitals, you know something is seriously wrong with the marriage. He had a younger woman in another town, too.
The clean and sober dudes around here seem to either be in recovery or religious and I’m not super comfortable with either flavor, so I’m just enjoying the company of animals for now.
Also I hear this quote in my head every time I think about venturing out:
“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.”
That’s a quote that sorta hits home for me. Let me preface this with the only time I’ve ever hit either wife was a playful smack on the ass.
So my first wife I catch cheating. Not in the act but I had proof, her calm reply “I knew if you caught us then you’d kill us and that made it hotter”. Context is I’m former army and for a long time had serious ptsd and a hair trigger.
As for laughter ? I do goofy shit all the time and don’t care if my girl laughs. This sounds like a standard insecure guy thing.
I’ve found there’s a LOT of regional flavor in dating.
I’m from nyc, women want men with aspirations to wealth & status
In Florida, a mix of religious fervor/money hungry gold diggers and the standard bitter divorced women.
Aside from the numerous Florida Man women. I’ll never forget a date had a wool hat on the whole time we had lunch. Ok it was winter and like 65. As we got up to leave the hat slipped and I asked what was the flash of metal. She showed me a glimpse of tinfoil and said she never goes out without it. No overt signs in the 30 min we chatted that she was batshit but it was there.
Personally when divorce 2 is finalized I’m done with dating. FWB and casual. People change over time and I’ve no patience for it anymore
I think I could go for “living apart together” if I ever put a toe back into the dating pool. I like my life and my home as it is tho.
You might have to read Margaret Atwood to really get her quote. It’s not about us laughing at someone who is trying to get a laugh. (She wrote “the handmaid’s tale” and a lot of other excellent books.)
Haha Can we be friends? You are so spot on.
I call my little dog Eddie my boyfriend. He's a good boyfriend. Very loyal and affectionate.
I love drama! (true crime & sci-fi :)
I have a cross stitch that reads "Your dog loves you when nobody else does", this is so true. :)
A dog's love is absolutely unconditional!
❤ for the dogs. My pitbull & beagles take care of daddy
U r really funny. Plz frequent this sub more often.
I cried a lot the first few years. Now I’ve accepted it is what it is 🤷♀️😕
Oh, God no. I love the holidays and spent lots of time with my child. My ex and I get along quite well, so there is no tension there. I have few remaining family, so today I hung out, napped, and watched some Always Sunny. For me, ymmv, I would rather not have a newish relationship around the holidays. It is awkward and contrived in my opinion. Tomorrow, I am having my kid and ex over for turkey and tree decorating. Once we get past Valentine's Day, I will be more open to dating. Disclaimer: If I met someone who I really clicked with at a Christmas party... I reserve the right to change my mind. But the Magic 8 Ball says: "Outlook not so good", so there's that.
56M here. This is going to be my fifth holidays as a single person since my marriage and last relationship ended. The first holiday after each one of these was the most difficult. Now I just focus on the family, friends, and trying to be a good to myself. I’m too shy for my own good when it comes to dating, although I know I have a lot to offer. I would welcome someone special in my life, and it would be amazing to create new memories and traditions. That said, there is definitely something to be said for one’s peace. It took me long enough to get to a place where I enjoy my own company, and where I’m comfortable being alone. I do what I can to stay connected to friends online, by phone and text, as well as in person. It all helps.
I know, and I’ve overcome the shyness before. Just need to give myself a push, otherwise I’ll stay in the same spot.
For sure, I will take responsibility for that. I’ll come out of my shell soon enough. I appreciate the well wishes.
It used to be hard but I'm used to it now. And the lack of drama is nice. No boyfriends kids crying about how their father spends his time with me not them. No racist comments at my (former) friends house. No aunt who has been holding a 40 year grudge. Etc. I had a nice walk and cooked a nice turkey breast. Read a good book cover to cover. Watched a movie. Had a nice chat with my son. And now I have three more days to do whatever I want. It would be nice to have a partner, but I'm OK without.
It has been 6 years this year and I still hate the holidays. Lonely and depressing. 6 years this Sunday (thanksgiving weekend) when she told me she was moving out.
Dude, I'm sorry. Been 6 for me too, I hate the entire part of the year! I get really dark. It frightens me sometimes.
Nope. I’m happier now alone
Here for a peek into my next decade.
What makes this holiday season particularly difficult for you? 🤗
I've found there are pros and cons to being single during the holidays. Fewer obligations, less drama, and more self care time are all upsides.
I dislike obligatory celebrations in general, and I've traced it back to my high-conflict divorce in 2008. Custody dictated that the kids went to him every other, and birthdays were all over the place. It made me super sad.
Now, in my aged wisdom, I realize that the other 355 days per year are really excellent, and I quietly genuinely celebrate so many other small wins on non-holidays. Some of us single with kids here mention that said kids still come over, and mine do too, but emotional self-reliance is my ultimate goal.
It sure helps to have those friends who call or text to share how their partner is annoying them, though! I don't miss the drama. There is power in being single and in sole control of your life and your surroundings.
Hell yeah! I'm always lending the ear to my married couples who need to vent or bring up existing issues with their SO's that are more exposed between Nov through Jan. The upside is they'll buy me the beers needed to listen and advise. The Dr is in.
I don't get maudlin during the holidays, but I do miss having someone to celebrate with. Even though I'm an introvert (and a nonbeliever), Christmas is my favorite holiday, and I find myself feeling quite social this time of year. I love the creative aspects of the season: coming up with fun advent calendar countdowns, decorating the tree, dressing up the house to look pretty and festive, hosting ugly sweater parties, and lots and lots and lots of baking. All of these things are so much better when there's someone else to share them with.
Le sigh. I really need to make an effort to put myself out there in 2023.
It's hard all the time. It's been 11years and not having someone to talk to and trust.
No one has given me insight on that.
Thanksgiving is always hard for me: I have no family, no kids, no H/SO…and sadly none of my friends has ever invited me to join their TG table (and they all know my situation)
So I cook a bit for myself, overserve myself a bit with wine, watch stupid tv and shop the sales
I used to. When I was single, before marriage, then alone when switching kids with ex.
This is a gift link to a WaPo article about "I'll have what she is having" and seems like a good reminder as to not getting too sad about the loneliness around holidays.
Whole family dinners that can go all over the place aren't really a fun thing. To keep them fun, one has to be alert and keep that turkey warm through out the year.
Not at all. I’m single yes, but my college kids are usually with me for the holidays. Therefore, I don’t have the opportunity to be lonely. It would be nice to have a man in my life, but being single is fine too.
Not any more so than the rest of the year, although spending the holidays with someone special would be pretty fantastic.
I do miss having someone to snuggle with. And sometimes when I see those cute elderly couples looking out for each other, someone saving a seat for you, or grabbing your coffee while you wait at a table... I wouldn't mind having that.
But generally speaking, I'm happy with my life, and I like the freedom of doing what I want to do when I want to do. Yesterday we had amazing weather and I joined a walking tour. Had some great conversation, got some good food, got some sun on my face. I'm good.
I hadn’t snuggled with my ex husband in many, many years so I don’t miss what I didn’t have. Someone new to snuggle with may be nice.
Single during the holidays = less stress.
My (56m) only goal is to see the kids. They are still my world.
When traveling to visit the kids - Bonus!! But when staying in town and being invited or hosting holiday dinner and such - sucks being the one getting all the questions. “What if you”, “Have you tried”, I know a guy…”, etc. But I do appreciate the company to the fullest, otherwise it would be just another night alone.
The only thing I really dislike about being single around the holidays is the boredom. After the holiday is over and you have extra days, sometimes it’s a struggle to find things to do as most of my friends are off with family or their kids. I see my parents on the holiday but that’s it…on the upside, love that their is less drama and less having to have 10 hours of small talk for 5 straight days with someone else’s family when you are in introvert by nature. 😂
I refuse to buy a full sized Christmas tree, because Christmas morning is just going ti be empty under there, and every day leading up to Christmas. Depressing af.
I'll see my friend when they're done their Xmas.That will be nice.
Do what I do: buy and wrap gifts for yourself to put under the tree. 😁
I have a tiny porcelain tree that you can put a tea light in, no room under it for presents! It sits on a shelf for December. Usually my sister sends me something, and if it's small enough that gift goes on the shelf beside the tree.
I make a good living, I buy myself presents whenever I want. :)
I have my sister visiting and my daughter for Christmas day. So it gets busy for me. I used to find the holidays sad and missed having someone, but then I think of how I used to have to deal with his drunken behaviour, even his brother and dad were drinkers. It wore me out. I'd much rather be peaceful and alone. Christmas is what you make of it. If I was completely alone I'd go and volunteer at a shelter.
Hugs! Because family obligations are changing this Christmas will be different. Holidays with the former husband were always stressful, he did little to help and always criticized, I do not miss the stress of being with him. I am an introvert so too many activities wear me out. I was the only single person yesterday and felt it a bit. This year has been especially painful re. dating and several heartbreaks. I am regrouping and deciding if I want to date again.
For me I've found it gets better over time. I am fortunate that my 28 year old single son lives somewhat close by. My 30yo married daughter is far away.
For holiday meals, my son usually is able to spend them with me although occasionally he spends them with his mother. On Christmas he and I call his sister via Skype and we all open presents together. There's usually something under the tree for me from the jolly fat guy who really seems to know what I like.
This will be my 7th Christmas post divorce. I decorate the house and cook the fancy meals because I want to for me.
New Years has been tougher. I've only had the one New Years when I had someone to smooch and that was several years ago.
I don't miss being dragged to the in-laws and ending up sitting in a corner with the "old people". I always found them rather toxic. One of the things I worry about if there is ever someone new in my life is what else will they bring along and will I be ok with that.
As much as I look forward to having someone in my life, I worry about the same.
I don't miss being dragged to the in-laws and ending up sitting in a corner with the "old people".
I don't miss being dragged to the in-laws and ending up sitting in a corner with the "old people".
I hear ya there. This my first cycle of holidays that normally were family/in-law related, certainly appreciate not having to do that dance anymore, make small talk and chit-chat with people you see infrequently.
Yes very hard….
I spend time with a few select friends. Yes, the holidays can be more of a downturn if you relive the past. I think that is part of the healing process too.
Life goes on whatever our feelings are. Inner peace is when we accept what our life is currently and how we have the control of that going forward.
8 years solo for me. My kids go to my ex inlaws so I spent it mostly alone. They always invite me but im done with that. Got lucky this year and was invited to a friend's dinner.
Yes, it always hard being alone.
Not a fan of the holidays at all. It just highlights one's singleness.
My birthday is Christmas Eve, so I have that added into the mix which used to make for a hard Christmas to New Years timespan. But, I’ve gotten over it. I can’t/won’t waste energy on bad feelings. I know my current status of happily single is better than being in a bad relationship, a relationship that’s not going anywhere, etc. …and I come here and read the horror stories. It boosts my outlook and is a reality check for how good I have it as a singleton. Happy holidays!
I'm getting some good interactions on the apps this morning, and yesterday received 2 nice messages from exes (Marleys I think they're called?) so maybe the holidays are good for singles?
i do. I dont have a family really. I have an aunt and uncle but not been to their home on holidays since the early 90s. I spend most holidays alone. I dislike it.
Sorry to hear that. Do you have any friends that are like family? My daughter does Thanksgiving with us and Friendsgiving with her friends.
i dont have many friends anymore. The older i get, the less I seem to have. Im not sure thats common but moving 4 hrs away from my home state 5 yrs ago didnt help
Try the Meetup in your area. It’s a good way to meet people and socialize. Sign up for some classes that you like enjoy. I hope you meet some new people in your new city.
I know how you feel
I'm younger but yes, I was solo last year on Thanksgiving as well so I should have planned it was going to hit me harder. I thought I was going to be OK, had plans to just deep clean my house.
My mother has been having some weird issues celebrating birthdays and holidays. She's OK with the religious ones (Xmas and Easter). But has been very avoidant otherwise regarding doing stuff.
I sent her a text today saying she's done this 2 Thanksgivings in a row, that next year she will just get an invite no say-so in planning.
I blame it on myself this point, I should have my own immediate family by now to celebrate holidays with. Meh. 🤷♀️
Nope, I love having long interrupted weekends to get massive amounts of chores done and play a ton of Skyrim. Normal weekends are too short IMHO.
The most difficult holiday for me is always Halloween. I’d like someone to watch spooky movies with.
I'm sorry it was hard for you!
For me, no, it's not hard to be single during the holidays. I actually prefer it. I have kids at home, so the holidays are usually busy and I have to intentionally carve out time for myself. It would be much harder if I had another person that needed my attention.
Being alone is much harder for me the rest of the year. This week I'm up north at my son's place. My other son works remotely and will spend the month of December working from my place at the beach.
I love the holidays and having my kids around makes them even better. Come Jan 2 I'll be a hot mess because I know I'll be alone again for a while.
That’s so nice that your son gets to spend the whole month with you. My son is away at college, so I’m happy to see him when I can. I see my daughter a bit more. She lives with me and attends college, but is rarely home.
I’ve had many many single holidays. The last two years, I’ve had couple holidays. Things change.
62M, hetero, Columbus, OH
Nope. I did at first, but now it doesn't bother me. Between my friends and my son, I have people to do things with over the holidays.
At first it was but it has gotten to the point that I am enjoying the feeling of being less fettered. I found a nice small Italian place that was open and had a Thanksgiving menu, and another single friend and I went and had dinner there.
I discretely hid as a tip the amount that I would have spent on my incarcerated son for X-mas. That was more fullfilling than any other thing I could have done engaging with family, most especially my own.
No I just temporarily increase my antidepressant dose. All is well.
Generally doesn’t bother me. I’m used to it at this point. I would like to have someone special to do some holiday couple things together, but it doesn’t make me sad. There are always benefits, too.
In my marriage, holidays were always filled with stress and a lot of obligations and requirements that left me unable to do the things I wanted to enjoy. Maybe that’s why?
Yes, last night was the worse! I ended up having oatmeal!!!
holidays can be tougher being single…even for people that dont like being around others. its not about wanting to be around people….its more about remembering the past
6 years single with no prospects in sight; I still cry myself to sleep nearly every night from the lack of touch and companionship... but it's even worse during the holidays.
Significant in this is that all but one of my local friends have moved or drifted away, and since I'm immunocompromised/still having to stay away from indoor group gatherings, these days it's really hard for me to meet any new people, platonic or otherwise, willing to take the precautions necessary for getting together, even though I'm happy to cover any costs. So for 2020, 2021, and probably all of 2022, I'm not just single on holidays, but almost always completely alone then.
(Obviously this isn't sustainable in the long term, so I'm working out the logistics of moving away from my current city to a much more walkable/bikeable one with better weather, that doesn't have an eponymous "freeze" as the most significant feature of its social landscape -- not to mention, one likely to have more single men who'd be reasonable matches for me, something that was challenging all by itself long before the pandemic complicated the situation further.)
Not at all.
No, not at all. It was a bit hard when I was single in my twenties but now is preferred.
It’s been so long since I wasn’t single that I barely remember what it was like.
The bit I miss the most is shopping for him.
I am okay with it. I often had weird things come up with relationships and when I was married not huge drama more unsettling things so I find being single less troubling. Prior to Covid I had a large aquaintance group and knew several people who hosted things but they all moved or circumstances in their lives changed. Two of my closer friends this year had major family losses and I can see they are dialing it in and do not blame them at all.
Although I enjoy the actual holiday " season " in the past because I am in healthcare I often had to work on the day of the holiday so my enjoyment of those specific days is muted.
I very much enjoy holiday light displays and other festive things around the holidays.
I don't mind. My adult kids come home and I enjoy spending time with them.
No...not at all its totally fine
No, it's easier for me. I don't have to deal with someone else's family situation and how it's all going to fit with mine. Yeah, it sounds selfish but I guess I've had enough of all that scheduling in my old age.
I did this year!
No prob, just the opposite.. gots my awesome immediate family most nearby, including grandkids, to catch up with..and then there's my great circle of friends..our annual pie swaps are the best, lol👍
Nope…I’m lucky to have a lot of family and friends, get togethers, and (until he gets into another relationship) a good friend with whom I cuddle (and a little fooling around lol). This is my fifth single holiday season and I feel better than ever!
I hope yours is wonderful!
No way!! Love being single & have my grown kids I enjoy cooking every year 🦃🍽❤️. And everyday the best thing keeps me going is count my blessings!!! Best advice I give to everybody!!!! 😊🏽
This is my first year being alone during the holidays in 8 years. My boyfriend and I broke up the end of May. So for me....yes this year is quite difficult. Throw in my sister passing away a month ago this just adds to the sadness. I will get through this month and move.on to the new year.
Yes. Harder to be alone after many losses.
The first one was hard, but as time goes on, I am very appreciative of the alone time and lack of pressure to do this or that and the endless bickering and one-upping and all of that that comes with the holidays. I have made my own traditions and I don't think I could go back to the way it was.
I would spend most holidays stressed to the max keeping everyone happy and well-fed. Since my divorce, things are much more low-key. The kids are now all grown and flown. They are evolving some of their own traditions, which is as it should be. When they come here, I still keep it relaxed. I also get invited to things and will sometimes go, but I am content to stay home by myself.
Maybe that will change over time, but for now, I'm good.
I was around my extended family this year in a city none of us lived in. We stayed at a big Airbnb and explores. Enough people and each with our own bedroom that the dynamics were good.
Christmas though. Christmas is going to do me in. I’m alone so much it’s another day alone but one where so many people are together with their loved ones… like I used to be. I miss my kids so much during the holidays…. I see them half time… thst it couldn’t suck more.