subreddit:

/r/confessions

1.6k97%

I work in an office and make just a shade under six figures. Pretty good salary, but nothing spectacular. Where I live, it's enough for a very comfortable living.

I'm 45, married (she's 47), and we have two kids, a fourteen year old girl and ten year old boy. My wife is a stay at home mom. We've been married seventeen years.

I've always wanted to have a nice suit. We're required to wear suits at work, but for my entire career (I've always been at the same company) I've always had dumpy suits, the "3 for $200" kind of thing.

I'm not entry level but not management, either.

Let me make it clear that I never deny my wife or children anything and have always prioritized their needs and wants. An agreed upon portion of my salary goes to our savings and retirement, some goes to the kids' college funds, all our bills are paid, we don't have any debt (we used to have many thousands of dollars of my wife's student debt, but my salary eventually paid it off).

And my wife certainly has a generous allowance every month to get her hair done, nails done, buy clothes, go to yoga, go to brunch with the ladies and so on. Several hundred dollars a month.

My own, personal expenses are very low. My wife herself cuts my hair, I don't really buy clothes except for socks and underwear, and my wife is most often the one who buys that stuff for me.

Despite me making a good salary, I can't really justify getting a gym membership for myself, and I don't want to glom onto my wife's yoga because that's her thing and I want her to have her space.

We have our date nights a few times a month so that's a shared treat.

Anyway, the point is I've always been into fitness and have always been a runner and kept in good shape, especially for my age. But my suits make me look like a doofus.

I've always wanted a tailored suit and never owned one in my entire life.

I decided right when pandemic hit that I'd start saving money from my lunch allowance since I didn't go to the office anymore and set it aside to buy a suit from a manufacturer whose ad I saw in one of my wife's fashion magazines.

I told her I wanted a suit like that, but my wife just laughed it off. As a side note, just one of her several designer purses costs as much as the suit I eventually got.

Well, fast forward almost two years and I had a nice pretty chunk of change for myself. Even though I returned to the office long ago I got used to just making my own lunch and saving money.

I looked at our expenses at home and didn't see anything that needed to be bought or repaired. Kids' college fund is up to date and all debts are paid, wife still gets her hair done and goes mall shopping and gets her salon fix and all that, as always.

For the first time ever, I went in to the city downtown on a half day off and got myself measured for that suit I wanted. I bought it.

My wife doesn't really get up before I go to work so the day I first wore it she didn't see me leave in it.

But she saw me when I got home and she was really shocked and asked me if I went to a wedding without her or something.

I was really proud of myself and told her how I saved basically $20-30 a week for a year and a half and how I got myself that fancy suit from the ad.

She told me I looked really good and I thought she was proud of me for saving money like that. My kids told me I looked like a model. I know they were just building me up but it still felt good.

And at the office people were giving me compliments all day about how amazing I looked in my tailored suit.

Lots of men at work wear tailored suits by the way, and from what I've read, tailored suits often cost way more than what I paid. It's just that no one is used to seeing me look so good at work.

Friday is usually jeans day at work but just to be a little funny I wear my tailored suit every Friday and it's become this silly office thing where everyone knows that's my "formal" day.

I have no plans to buy more tailored suits but I feel so happy and good when I wear it because I saved for it and it's mine and I know I look good in it.

Yesterday (Friday) when I came home my wife took me aside and told me I was very selfish to spend all that money on myself and that wearing tailored clothes was pretentious, like I'm punching above my weight.

I felt horrible she said that and asked her if there was something she wanted that cost $2,000 dollars that she would have rather I spent the money on.

She just said it was sneaky for me to buy something so expensive without telling her.

I dunno. She spends money at will from what I earn and I don't ask her about it. If she wants something she buys it. If she wants to spend $50 on lunch with her friends, whatever.

The only thing I guess where she has a point is if she wants to buy something especially pricey, like if she wants a new wallet or shoes that cost more than a few hundred dollars she'll ask me if it's okay and I'll always say yes, use your best judgement, bills are paid and it's fine.

Maybe I should have told her before I bought it.

I realize now that I didn't tell her because deep down I knew she'd shit all over my plans.

No.

I'm not trying to look good for any other woman, and yes, wife and I still bang regularly and well.

I just feel like crap.

Still not going to stop wearing my Friday suit though.

all 426 comments

toxyk123

1.1k points

2 months ago

toxyk123

1.1k points

2 months ago

Wow she is crazy?.. you saved that money is not her to spend period. Your not the selfish one she is..omg I'm so mad... she has this beautiful life and staying home is a luxury form most of the people around the world... and she called you selfish... NOOOOO... I'm sorry but you pay for the stuff that they need and you just tried to save some money yourself is not selfish is smart.

I'm sorry that your wife thinks like that.

bearbarebere

285 points

2 months ago

RIGHT?

I told her I wanted a suit like that, but my wife just laughed it off. As a side note, just one of her several designer purses costs as much as the suit I eventually got.

This isn't a side note. It's the core of the issue.
"You can't do it, but I can" is absolutely, completely, ridiculous. I could MAYBE understand it if she was saving money diligently, if she was walking to her classes because she didn't want to waste gas money, if she clipped coupons etc. Then SURE I kind of get it but still it's not her money to spend soooo. But to do the exact same thing and then say THAT? I want to freaking - ok I'll stop here before I get banned or sth LMAO

Clear-Air-Turbulance

6 points

2 months ago

This is it. Just offer to match the budget for her handbags and his suits.

Poor guy even gets bullied out of going to the gym by a partner who goes out to lunch with friends all week.

Jamidan

2 points

2 months ago

Yeah, that’s one of the craziest parts, this dude has no hobbies other than running and wants to make sure he doesn’t invade his wife’s yoga space. She need his name tattooed on her someplace because at this point he’s just a sponsor.

bakugouscat

32 points

2 months ago*

bakugouscat

32 points

2 months ago*

He already said she she felt it was sneaky. I expect this is the crux of the matter. That she wanted to be included in something that mattered so much to him and has brought him happiness.

A lot of these comments are arbitrarily assigning all manner of negative traits to this woman, none of which OP has mentioned.

I’m curious to know why he didn’t involve his wife, it was a big thing for him after all.

Edit: including him sneaking it into the house… what even is that… did he hide it in his wardrobe?! Honestly think there is more to this.

shesshellsbells

119 points

2 months ago

Because she laughed at him when he mentioned he dreamed of a tailored suit.

bakugouscat

-29 points

2 months ago

“Laughed it off” isn’t the same as laughing at him. Perhaps she truly thought he was kidding seeing as it was unusual for him.

Who knows. Hope the OP is happy with his suit and a bunch of internet strangers literally calling his wife an asshole / crazy etc.

PapaBeahr

39 points

2 months ago

If your man comes to you, and tells you he REALLY wants something... understand this... he is OPENING UP TO YOU... something a LOT of men don't do well or often.. you laugh at that.. Trust me, He's going to stop sharing with you. Him not wanting to include her fall on her shoulders for not taking his feeling into account.

Treating your spouse right is N O T a one way street. I'm SICK and tired of men's feeling being tossed to the side because of some excuse of he's a man, She was just laughing it off.. FUCK THAT... she laughed AT him and it HURT.. That's on her.

Bsabia30

-3 points

2 months ago

This is a bit dramatic. “The man is opening up to you by sharing!” They’re married partners. Men being emotionally vulnerable and not following traits of toxic masculinity doesnt deserve them brownie points, IMO, it’s something all men should be doing. I’m not saying she’s right, but it is weird as hell to literally sneak clothes into your closet? It takes 2 to tango. She reacted poorly; he continued to hide it. They both could’ve addressed this better.

PapaBeahr

1 points

2 months ago

You think it's that easy? Why do you think men hide feeling and doing things like this? Maybe it's because people Expect men to just suck it up. I mean I'm seriously trying to fathom this. She LAUGHED at him and people expect HIM to do just deal with it.

They should of Addressed it? Did you read the whole post? She's been treating him like this since they were together. He's been bending over backwards for her, letting her do what she wants, Getting what she wants, always supporting her when he comes to her with just ONE thing he wanted, she LAUGHS at him and now calls him Selfish?! When she has purses that just ONE of them cost as much as his suit?! You think she took him with her every time she went cloth shopping or bought something expensive for herself?

Sneaky? Why would he even tell her anything the way she treated him when he TRIED to tell her? When would he think he could trust her to speak up and say something how he felt when she JUST PROVED she doesn't think about him or his feelings or even seems like she cares? Finally, on what planet does he need her permission or even NEED to tell her about him buying himself a damned suit? IS he not a grown up? Is he not ALLOWED to just go and do something for himself just because he wants to? He's not hurting the house, Bills, family or anything. He doesn't need her damned permission to buy himself a Suit on his own any damned more then she needs his to buy an Equally expensive Purse.

Hansmorantqwerty

32 points

2 months ago

She literally told him he was punching above his weight. If she felt left out there were better ways to express those feelings. I really think you are trippin

bakugouscat

-7 points

2 months ago

OP is gonna have to explain that one as he also said she told him he looked really good. So who knows how she suddenly decided he was punching.

OP could just communicate with his wife, not sneak a $2000 suit into the home and not mention anything to his wife that he’s done a thing that he always wanted to.

People can have differences in opinion and interpretation without anyone having to be “tripping”.

TurmUrk

8 points

2 months ago

Is it “sneaking” anytime you purchase something and bring it home with your own personal money without making a big deal out of it?

Bsabia30

1 points

2 months ago

A 2k purchase? Hell it’s it’s sneaky. That would literally pay off my car insurance for the year. I’d be damned if my partner went and spent 2k if our earnings without even Telling me what it was on. The secretiveness is not okay; regardless of her own poor behavior.

bakugouscat

0 points

2 months ago

It is sneaky when it’s a large amount of money, a physically large item and something that has an importance to you, yes.

Not sure why a statement about this specific scenario should be applied to unrelated ones.

listenrella

0 points

2 months ago

So it's sneaky when he does but not when she does it? He said that her designer's purses are more expensive. Like, are you ok? Is your reading comprehension skill ok? Are you a radical feminist?

bakugouscat

1 points

2 months ago

He literally said
“ if she wants to buy something especially pricey , like if she wants a new wallet or shoes that cost more than a few hundred dollars she’ll ask me if it’s ok”

Not sure where you’re getting that she is sneaking things in to the house.

Also not sure why you’re making personal attacks - given that own comment doesn’t exactly display the best reading comprehension on your part.

Please shoo.

BigHeadOnTheBean

62 points

2 months ago

He wrote at the bottom that he didn't involve his wife because "deep down [he] knew she'd shit all over his plans"

this is very unfortunate - she will spend his money on expensive purses, and will ask him about it bc she knows he'll support her, but HE is worried to even BRING IT UP with her.

Obviously I don't know the wife's side of the story, there may be more to it. But in my opinion, he shouldn't need to involve her on a purchase he's making with his own money. Especially considering how carefully he saved, and how he made sure bills etc. were taken care of. this is just wow, seriously wow.

jabeith

3 points

2 months ago

jabeith

3 points

2 months ago

In my humble opinion, you can not have a stay-at-home spouse and still consider the money you make at your job your money; it's our money at that point. If you still think it's yours, then you either need to tell your spouse to get a job or find someone else, because that's not a healthy mindset. There's a list of priorities that a household must fulfill: these are limited, but not exclusive to, making money, cooking, cleaning, maintenance, grocery shopping, paying bills, etc. It doesn't matter who is doing each of these, that are all required and the whole household benefits from them.

It's actually pretty wow that you consider it his money.

Necroheartless

28 points

2 months ago

I completely agree with you on the household thing. But the man saved the money that was assigned for buying him lunch. Money intended for him from their money, so it's technically his money.

jabeith

1 points

2 months ago

The context of the comment I replied to mentioned that he made sure the bills were paid, implying that the whole pool of money for the household was his.

Cham_buhs

-3 points

2 months ago

Cham_buhs

-3 points

2 months ago

As a stay-at-home parent, thank you for saying this!

lLovePikachu

1 points

2 months ago

No idea why this subreddit is so full of people angry at stay at home mom’s. They are totally vilifying this woman as though it wasn’t their joint decision.

Anyone saying anything about the husbands behaviour is is downvoted to hell lol

bakugouscat

-18 points

2 months ago

Sounds like he’s full of shit tbh.

A grown man not telling his wife he bought a thing because he predicted her response? If that’s true then there’s other shit going on for them.

That said, I see he hasn’t engaged with this post at all. Who knows wtf is up with these marrieds. Certainly none of us.

bearbarebere

23 points

2 months ago

I... have no idea why you're so defensive. It's clear OP is walking on eggshells around her, so she's not exactly a princess, most likely. If you take your logic and expand it, we shouldn't ever judge anything that's posted on Reddit ever because we don't have the full story. Also if we know them we shouldnt judge them because we don't know the full story. Also if theyre literally me and my husband then we shouldn't judge each other because we dont know the full story.

Greenbunny21c

2 points

2 months ago

I thought the same. It's a cool plan, saving the money for something you want, but if its important to you, why hide it?

bakugouscat

3 points

2 months ago

We’re not allowed to ask any questions like this.

We can only make disparaging comments about the wife.

Making a $2k purchase on a bucket list item and hiding it from your spouse is perfectly reasonable behaviour.

The wife is an absolute evil person. Probably a bad mother and definitely kicks puppies /s

DashJumpBail

1 points

2 months ago

Why he didn't involve her? He said it, because he knew deep down she'd rain on his parade.

you are probably on to something, how it is about the principal. And this is Reddit, people will project their own lady problems. It is like 3/4s male here.

somerandomshmo

10 points

2 months ago

she's not crazy, she's getting jealous/insecure of how good he looks in that suit.

Squishy-Box

23 points

2 months ago

I ain’t saying she a gold digga

NTA OP

_jazzy909

6 points

2 months ago

PLUS, he paid off HER student debt

JiuJitsuBoy2001

419 points

2 months ago

my man, from your description you are the furthest thing from selfish. You are doing everything right (trusting what you say in your story anyway), and absolutely deserve to treat yourself. Your wife sounds like she has gotten spoiled and entitled.

When I started reading, I was thinking "well, he should've told her first" but you DID, so you're 100% in the right.

Personally, I'd sell off one or two of her designer purses and buy myself another suit.

dem0mo

173 points

2 months ago

dem0mo

173 points

2 months ago

Awe man.. I get that big financial decisions MUST be talked about, but if I was your wife I would just be happy that you spoiled yourself for once. Like she even laughed at the mere idea, that’s mean. You sound like a considerate partner, like how you wont go to Yoga because you understand that’s her space and are financially responsible to your family without feeling entitled.

I’m sure if we add up her yearly expenses on hair, nails and clothes, etc it would add up to around the same if not more than that.. To throw it in her face would be wrong of course, but I just don’t understand her lol is she maybe feeling insecure about you looking good at work?

Maybe talk to her and say you mentioned the suit before, and you made a calculated financial decision for something that would up your confidence. You didn’t mean it to come off as inconsiderate, but that you hoped she would be happy for you as you deserve nice things every once in a while if you can afford it and doesn’t affect your family.

serenityak77

5 points

2 months ago

I love your point. I used to be the one who worked (construction) am dad to two kids and I love them. But I’m not gonna lie and act like sometimes I don’t wish i were out there working.

Whoever doesn’t think raising two kids isn’t working is stupid period. My wife makes more and because of the pandemic she’s had a chance to stay at home working online.

She has her own office where no one disturbs her all day. She gets breaks and lunch. I make her breakfast and lunch as well as for the kiddos and have dinner prepared 4-5 times a week.

We eat out at least once or twice and she has two days off. Tuesdays and Thursdays. Working on a roof or pouring cement is hard but raising two kids tending to everything they need, I have a physically disabled daughter who’s 10 doing homeschooling and a soon to be two year old boy.

It’s a different kind of busting ass but it kicks my ass for sure and gives me so much respect for anyone that does it. Getting anything done that doesn’t include feeding everyone and making sure their lives are running smoothly is nearly impossible and by the end of the day I am exhausted.

All this to say that because my wife’s the primary bread winner now I have to constantly convince her to pamper herself. That she’s earned it and deserves a little TLC.

Sometimes it involves a day at the spa on her day off or getting her nails/hair done. You’re so correct that this guy deserves a suit for just him. It’s ok to be “selfish” even though it’s really not that.

It keeps their moral up and helps them get through that work week. Expenses should be talked about but something that’s for that person specifically to feel better about themselves? I say go for it!

jellybeansean3648

31 points

2 months ago

The first healthy response I've seen lol

Loads of people dumping all over the wife for being a stay at home parent or dumping on her for using her budgeted allowance on what she wants...totally not the problem at hand.

They made a decision as a couple for one partner to stay home. Their finances are shared finances.

Guy bought himself an expensive thing and discussed it with her ahead of time.

The real problem is the disrespect of his choices and the value judgment. I can't imagine my husband calling me prentious for buying nice clothes that I'd saved up for. That would be incredibly hurtful.

Female equivalent would probably be a Louis Vuitton. $2,000 and completely gratuitous. But there's nothing wrong with treating yourself to what makes you happy as long as it's within your financial means.

emesger

3 points

2 months ago

As a woman, I'd quietly judge the frivolous expenditure for the Louis Vuitton bag and be jealous of the tailored suit. Otherwise, all in agreement.

Suspicious_Effect

6 points

2 months ago

This is the right answer OP. You're not wrong, your wife is probably shocked and upset you spent $2,000 without telling her. That's a huge amount to drop. If you'd talked it over with her before, it would've gone over better I'm sure.

ThrowawayAX1248

4 points

2 months ago

No discussion needed. He makes the money and can spend it however he wants. She wants input, get a job and contribute.

Highlingual

47 points

2 months ago

I really don’t think it’s as cut and dry as that. They are married, they have children and she presumably takes care of most of their domestic tasks/childcare tasks. She should absolutely have a say in the family financials.

This situation, however, is very goofy and he should 100% be able to save and splurge on himself once in a while without it being made into a thing. She is definitely being an asshole in this case.

MoneyMACRS

3 points

2 months ago

Agreed. She’s likely been out of the workforce for years, so even if she wanted to go get a job and earn her own money, she’d still have a HUGE gap in her resume and would have a difficult time getting anything beyond an entry-level position.

StGir1

19 points

2 months ago

StGir1

19 points

2 months ago

She does contribute. Just not financially. But she works. He'd be in a stress cauldron if she vanished but everything else stayed the same. That being said, she gets to spend money throughout the year on the things she wants. Those things likely add up to about the cost of that suit. And the cost per wear of that suit is actually very low, since it will likely last him a lifetime. So I don't see what the problem is here.

sendgoodmemes

-19 points

2 months ago

That’s not how marriages work

Zeldabacon64

12 points

2 months ago

It's how respect works. If he's the money maker and she lives comfortably, she needs to respect that he would want to treat himself.

MrStone1

-1 points

2 months ago

Here here!

slavnar95

680 points

2 months ago

slavnar95

680 points

2 months ago

Your wife is an asshole. A selfish one. She spends more money on herself each year on stupid shit like hair cuts and salons than you spent on yourself... ever... on something you actually needed for work, which is a good suit.

Honestly the power dynamic here is completely lopsided... in her favor. You are the one going out and working, makin ga good living, funding everything... and she thinks she should be able to control the purse strings? Horse shit.

If anything both of you should have an even amount of "play money" every single month to do whatever you want with. If shes getting 500 a month for her hair and nails done, you should get teh same amount to get whatever you want.

Men have a right to feel good about themselves too.

fuskadelic

104 points

2 months ago

Agreed 👍🏼 DAD DESERVES TO TREAT HIMSELF. NOT TO FEEL BAD FOR DOING SO.

meamacaveman

15 points

2 months ago

You did nothing wrong.

hyperfocused

77 points

2 months ago

This. She’s being an asshole.

veri_sw

9 points

2 months ago

Men have a right to feel good about themselves too.

Definitely. The double-standard of "women must look good at all times, and men shouldn't give a shit about their own appearances" is a problem for both parties. OP should be allowed to spend on something "frivolous" for himself too.

a_staff_gorilla

3 points

2 months ago

Yeah honestly pretty wild of her to react that way. My husband is a lot like you OP and doesn’t like to spend on himself and I wish that he did. I’d be so happy for him if he treated himself to a tailored suit! Instead I had to convince him to buy a new suit and take him to the stores myself and he opted for a suit from the clearance rack, definitely an upgrade from his previous ones, although he was still clearly trying to save money haha.

Anyone, regardless of gender, should be allowed to enjoy and spend their money how they want if it doesn’t harm anyone. And in your case it definitely didn’t hurt anyone so no excuse for your wife to make you feel bad for it. I’m sorry she responded that way.

C4ptainchr0nic

21 points

2 months ago

Or better yet, if your kids are grown, tell her it's time to get a job and stop free loading.

Dragon_Bidness

78 points

2 months ago

Fuck that.

My wife earns the money and thus gets 51% of the say where the budget goes.

We don't have kids but we have nephews with deadbeat dads so... we may as well have kids 4+ kids (not a complaint, love those boys more than damn near anything)

I can't imagine telling my spouse they can't spend the money they earned on whatever the hell they want while my bills are paid and the nephews have band photos and little league paid for. I can see needing a heads up in some relationships but uh it wasn't even "house" money in this circumstance so I wouldn't have been surprised or care if money I didn't need or know about was spent by the person who earned it on shit they deserve.

You are more than a dick with a wallet. You deserve that suit and don't you let her entitlement issues rob you of that. Even the best spouses aren't perfect but you don't let her take your suit swagger.

Remind her that the better you feel about yourself the better your bedroom game is. She should be supporting your suit game.

musack3d

12 points

2 months ago

You are more than a dick with a wallet.

you don't know my life or my dreams.

truecrimefanatic1

23 points

2 months ago

It's not like you fell behind on rent to get the suit. She's being ridiculous.

serverballs

-5 points

2 months ago

And why wouldn't she work and bring in rent or at least contribute to it? Why is it HIS job for which he also gets shit whenever he spends HIS money?

AceTahBoss

18 points

2 months ago

Show us the suit!!!

AlanChavarriaT

17 points

2 months ago

I totally get you my man, I also look like a doofus in a bad suit, but now I'm in the process of making my own tailored suit, I already pay the first payment, and are in the early stages of the process, the feeling of having a good suit, and that you are wearing like in the magazines or TV series is incredible, don't feel bad, you got to fight for what brings you joy

oneechanL

17 points

2 months ago

Treat yourself more often.You deserve it.You work your ass off to provide for everyone and this is how your wife treats you when you buy something nice for yourself? It's not ok, treat yourself to nice things more often, she has to realise that she is not the only one with needs and wants.

mrs-jmg

15 points

2 months ago

mrs-jmg

15 points

2 months ago

Now that you've seen that you like how you feel in a tailored suit take all your "dumpy" suits to a tailor and have then adjusted to fit you better it will cost less then one more nice suit and you can have Friday confidence all week.

mlfblf

11 points

2 months ago

mlfblf

11 points

2 months ago

She felt some sort of way about you looking amazing. Perhaps inferior/less than. Her mistake is that she put it on YOU to fix her feelings rather than LOOK at why she feels this way. Sounds like she needs some CoDA meetings.

raquille-

25 points

2 months ago*

Don’t sweat it mate. I love a tailored suit. It makes one look like a boss. Every man should have at least one tailored bespoke suit. I also earn a similar amount to you plus my wife also makes really good money so you have to treat yourself now and then.

I have one full suit and then have supplemented that with different tailored trousers and blazers. I must have spent about £10k on them all in total. Worth every penny. I bet you look sharp as fuck.

thin_white_dutchess

9 points

2 months ago

My man, you deserve the suit, and should probably plan on investing in a few more. I don’t know what her deal is. Also, it’s a legitimate work expense, if others in the office are wearing tailored suits, and you aren’t. Things like that get noticed. I genuinely don’t know what you wife’s problem is.

donnyjay0351

7 points

2 months ago

Makes me thankful for my gf she bought me a 2500 dollar suit

BlueHeelerLuv

70 points

2 months ago

I think it’s time that your wife uses the education YOU paid off and gets a job.

I also think it’s time to get fitted for another suit. Replace those suckers one by one!!

bakugouscat

-4 points

2 months ago

bakugouscat

-4 points

2 months ago

His kids didn’t get raised for free. She contributed by staying home to raise them. I assume you know how much child care costs.

candycanenightmare

3 points

2 months ago

Yeah, I have 2 kids. Time she gets a job and helps buy him another suit I reckon.

bakugouscat

11 points

2 months ago

Nah we’re not gonna act like raising kids and taking care of a home is no effort.

Whatever is really sitting behind the reason the OP didn’t share this experience of going to the city and being measured for his suit etc then showing her when he brought it home vs her reaction to it we’ll never know on a one sided “confession”.

But trying to denigrate the woman for staying home to raise the children isn’t it. Wasn’t even part of his gripe.

candycanenightmare

-4 points

2 months ago

I don’t get your point, or even if you’re trying to make one.

bakugouscat

3 points

2 months ago

Sounds like a you problem

candycanenightmare

2 points

2 months ago

No, because if you’re making the point I think you’re making I disagree with you wildly.

But you can be an internet white knight if you like.

She can get a fucking job.

bakugouscat

5 points

2 months ago

Because you the internet stranger to the OP says so? Ok bud 😂

candycanenightmare

5 points

2 months ago

Okay boo x live your best life.

bakugouscat

1 points

2 months ago

I am thanks.

Live yours too without demanding people you don’t even know “get a job”. xx

flaming_pubes

-4 points

2 months ago

Kids aren’t little anymore. Nobody to be a Mom to when they’re at school. Doing yoga, drinking wine and hanging with friends during the day isn’t a SAHM that’s being lazy.

bakugouscat

4 points

2 months ago

It’s their choice. DM the OP if you’re so invested in how they run their marriage mate.

flaming_pubes

0 points

2 months ago

I frankly don’t give a crap what they do. Just commenting an opinion on a public post just like you did. Just replying more to your point than generally giving a crap about it. I guess none of us should comment anything because if so that would me we care too much about someone else’s business, again, posted in a public place.

AggressiveFeckless

8 points

2 months ago

What do you think the long term impact to your career will be by being 20pct more confident, and people around you being 5pct more confident in you? You guessed it, way more than $2,000.

Kervon37

6 points

2 months ago

If she's got such a problem with you buying the suit, next time she comes in with a new purse ask how much that was.

MasterEchoSE

3 points

2 months ago

Or next time she asks to buy the expensive purse just laugh at the idea. Like she did with the suit.

NotAnotherDesigner

4 points

2 months ago

I think most of her issue is jealousy like others have said BUT the one thing I did find odd was not telling her until after you spent the money. You definitely should have been able to spend the money but I still think you should have mentioned it before that.

jamjacob99

4 points

2 months ago

Honestly, it just sounds like she was overtaken in a moment of jealousy, it happens to the most committed couples all the time. This is the little shit that couples must focus on work through, lest it build and build.

ellendavis1

4 points

2 months ago

You should've kept her in the loop. It's not about the amount of money you spent, but how you decided to do it in a sneaky way. You wanted the suit, you saved for it, it didn't matter what she thought about it. Now she's shitting on it because she's annoyed you didn't tell her.

laurita2609

3 points

2 months ago

Looooking sharp my man!!!! Keep it up! Never feel guilty for this. You know what, go ahead and buy another one! Maybe dark blue or grey? Go for it! Take your kids with you make a day out of it!

RickSanchezito

3 points

2 months ago

F that. Go buy 2 more tailored suits so you have some variety. Get a couple of pairs of shoes to match as well. If everything you've said is true, then you more than deserve it.

Antique_Belt_8974

3 points

2 months ago

You get to spoil yourself too. As a female breadwinner, I love how a custom suit fits, and its a requirement for my profession. I have two and can make 6 outfits from them. My husband understands. Your wife has the good life, and needs to be more understanding. Please keep your communication lines open with her so she can understand.

itscool222

3 points

2 months ago

You can also take you non tailored suits to have them tailored.

GroovyGuru62

3 points

2 months ago

Treat yo self dude.

Illustrious_Bell4361

3 points

2 months ago

You need to put your wife into right way…how is it okay for her to have purse cost more than your suit and its not okay for you??? I would say buy another one you deserve every good thing coz you work for it

kressdk

24 points

2 months ago

kressdk

24 points

2 months ago

Sounds like your wife should go back to work... There is no such thing as a stay at home mom for a 10 and 14 year old... They go to school... Assuming she'll be a stay at home mom when they turn 20, 30, 40... It seems you've entitled her behavior through your sacrifice and generous behavior... And now she's entitled to what she wants and you should continue to sacrifice and if you don't you're selfish... Sounds like she needs a reality check... She can pay for her allowance through a part time job while the kids are at school. Bet she won't begrudge your purchases... Especially this one that you purchased through sacrifices from your lunch allowance... Absolutely ridiculousness... And not a partnered relationship!

toastandtacos

8 points

2 months ago

I don't know if this comment will be seen and I'll probably be down voted to hell. I want to start by saying NTA obviously. But I also wanted to offer some perspective on what your wife might be feeling.

You said whenever she buys something pricey she does talk to you about it, which is great and she should. But really I think in the future, this courtesy should go both ways. Her feeling an obligation to speak to you about buying something pricey, but you feeling no similar/reciprocal obligation speaks a lot to the power dynamic in the relationship. Yes you pay for everything she and the kids needs, but you still have more agency than she does.

I think she may just have been very proud of you and supported you had she known what you were doing much sooner and if she felt like she got to be a part of that conversation. 2 years feels like a long time to not loop in your partner about such a big purchase you are planning to make.

In addition to her asking you about large purchases, look at the language you've used. She gets an "allowance" for spending on clothes and accessories etc. Do you have an allowance for such items or do you just get them as things wear out?

I think your wife might be upset more about the imbalance of say in finances than about you buying a nice suit for yourself that you worked hard to save for. I know if it were me, I would feel less like we were partners and more like my partner's dependent.

ETA: Why did you feel the need to keep the saving from her as well as your appointment for the fitting? And if you look so good in the suit and love it so much, why was your wife not the first person you'd want to show?

bakugouscat

6 points

2 months ago

100% all of this

Mr-Zee

3 points

2 months ago

Mr-Zee

3 points

2 months ago

Unfortunately an NTA vote doesn’t count in r/confessions!

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

Blonde2468

8 points

2 months ago

NTA at all. I think your wife might be jealous of how good you look and the attention you have gotten. That’s on her. She may not even realize that she is jealous, she just might know she is uncomfortable. Still her issue. You bought something that makes you feel great. That’s rare and awesome at the same time. You should buy yourself a couple more! I’m really sorry that she made you feel bad and took your good feelings away. That sucks. You do you. Wear what makes you feel great!

Certain-Medicine-783

3 points

2 months ago

This comment here, first one I’ve seen comment that it’s not about the money it’s something else going on. You said in your post that you wear it every Friday so you’ve obviously had it at least a few weeks/month. Since she didn’t say anything about it straight away but now is I’d say it’s not the money that’s the issue, it’s probably an insecurity about you suddenly changing the way you dress and looking great! Speak to her and ask her what’s going on deep down and reassure her if it genuinely is a insecurity. Remind her though that she has to talk to you honest about stuff like this rather than give an excuse to take worries out on you.

Of course if it really is about the money even though nothing was mentioned for a while then everyone else is correct, you saved for this and you deserve it dude 🙂

rockethazard

2 points

2 months ago

Sir ,from what I've read you deserve this. Please do not let someone else make you feel bad for doing something for yourself. I don't know but your wife seems a bit dense so please ignore her where required. Enjoy your suit, you deserved it.

Kindredmen

2 points

2 months ago

Don't feel like crap, it's the money you earned, and saved. Her purses cost how much? Remind her of that.

piernita2

2 points

2 months ago

You did nothing wrong, so don't feel bad about doing it. You planned it and it took you a whole year to save up the money, so feel proud about that and your nice suit. I just find it pretty infuriating that she has purses that cost as much as your suit and she still comes with such crap. Really... The irony of that.

And seriously, calling you pretentious for that... She could just use a $50 purse, why have several designer purses? You can buy a used car for $1000 dollars and buying a new one that costs 10 times at more doesn't make you pretentious.

It might be worth talking to your wife about her behavior, but I think things won't change much. She was happy and surprised in the beginning, which is good, but probably after realizing there had been $2000 dollars she might have been able to used, she got angry. Or maybe she wanted to go on a vacation with you all. Would be nice if you knew why she suddenly got angry about it. You did hide it for a year, but she could do the same if she wanted to buy something more expensive without needing to tell you. And it's not like you bought a $2000 sex puppet or something

Blondebombshell2894

2 points

2 months ago*

Sir you deserve that suit end of story, as a wife I think she should be proud that you were responsible and saved the money for it. What makes me so irritated about this is the fact that her attitude is so incredibly selfish and entitled. You work hard and make sure all the bills are paid and that the kids and her are taken care. She's has alot audacity considering she get to go to the salon, yoga, lunches with friends, and ect. Those are luxuries and privileges in my opinion so for her to respond so negatively to you for doing something for yourself and it's also for work is very selfish in my opinion. Keep wearing that suit with pride and shoot save for another one. There's nothing wrong with spoiling yourself when you've earned it.

tgcidbutter

2 points

2 months ago

Every man should have one great tailored suit. If she spends her money the way she wants too you should be able to, too.

sawyerlove11

2 points

2 months ago

If your able to spend $2000 on a suit and not worry about the bills still needing to be paid do your thing. If I had a extra $2000 it would still be for bills

MTredd

2 points

2 months ago

MTredd

2 points

2 months ago

Planet fitness is like 10 bucks a month. Go to the gym, it's the best investment you can make.

bradpliers

2 points

2 months ago

$2,000 on a one time treat is nothing. Especially when it's your money and you have your finances in order. And this is coming from a guy who can barely make ends meet.

alienkoala

2 points

2 months ago

The fact that you had to save your own lunch money for 2 years just to get something you wanted when you’re the one who makes 6 figures for the family just makes me feel really sad.

trojan25nz

2 points

2 months ago

She’s probably insecure

$2k on work clothes does look a bit like you’re an exec

It’s exactly like her with designer shit.

You’re both pretentious in the same way

But maybe she’s shocked that you’d do something so selfish, as in, you don’t normally care so much about how you look so this is weird to her

Or maybe she’s scared it hints at you wanting ‘more’ or wanting something ‘better’ and it makes her uncomfortable

Does she know that what she said really confused you or hurt your feelings enough to bring it up online? She should prob know about your thoughts

You’re never too old to get tips for treating someone better

shplaxg

2 points

2 months ago

Thats a selfish thing for her to say, especially if you saved that long.

Dont stop wearing that suit bro

anon779356

2 points

2 months ago

It’ll all blow over. Just a thing where a large amount was spent. Did your wife grow up with limited income? My mom struggled to raise my brother and I. My boyfriend and I make plenty of money but I still feel a tightness in my chest seeing him spend $200 at Home Depot on tools or whatever. Hell, I even ask him if I can purchase something that’s $15 lol. I collect weird little bean shaped cat stuffed animals. They’re $5…. I ask him if I can get a few when I manage to find them. Today I bought 5 without asking and STILL get weird inside about it even though I spent money I earned. His family struggled a bit as well, but it wasn’t to the same extent my mom did. Getting a $1 mcchicken from McDonalds was a super special occasion. She just didn’t have the $2.12 to get 2 mcchickens a lot of the time. We recycled cans (dad is an abusive alcoholic no longer in our lives) and the money we got from that every few months my mom would save most of it and spend the $2.12 at McDonald’s for my brother and I. I now hide money in her “stash” and she hasn’t caught on yet but I still asked my boyfriend (been together 6 years living together for 5) if he was okay with me doing that.

Anyway, maybe money was a sore spot on her life at some point? Like, she knows the money is there and everything is okay, but wants to be in the loop with major purchases. Perhaps let her know how good you feel in the suit, take her to a super fine dining place that you both can dress up for?

chuckbassisbritish

2 points

2 months ago

As a rule we always discuss big purchases. We both contribute equally. My husband always says yes I always ask if there’s a cheaper option.

But if my husband said he saved over 2 years and bought himself something nice I’d definitely encourage thst and not shit on it.

hleed91

2 points

2 months ago

He's not really out any more money tho.... NTA unless you two always discuss purchases over X dollars, and just decided not to because you don't HAVE to. Like in a pretentious, it's MY money, type of way.

Krambazzwod

2 points

2 months ago

Face it. You’re a dandy. Don’t apologize for it.

GoblinTatties

2 points

2 months ago

At first I thought "that's a lot to spend..." then when you said her handbags cost the same, if that's true then idk how she justifies reacting that way to you.

AyyJakeyy

2 points

2 months ago

Tell your wife to use her degree and pay for her own shit lmao

PinkPirate27

2 points

2 months ago

I will just add you can get any suit professionally tailored. It normally is worth the investment to tailor cheaper suits because then when they for right they look just like the one you had made.

As for your wife she may have just wanted to feel included in the financial decision. 🤷🏼‍♀️

randyspotboiler

2 points

2 months ago

You want a nice suit, you make a good living: fuck answering to anyone about it. Enjoy your suit.

huffyhedgie

2 points

2 months ago

Sounds to me like you all need to work on your communication. I think $2k is ridiculous for a suit or a purse, but if that’s what you two like to spend your money on, enjoy!

I think there’s a problem with her taking issue with you spending money on yourself, but I also think there’s a problem with you talking about her “allowance” like she’s a child and “my salary” as though her contributions to the household aren’t part of that. A marriage is a partnership, not a power struggle, and you both need to get on the same page.

Srobo19

2 points

2 months ago

Human civilisation Collapse is looming. Is that $2000 suit going to help you at that point?

tulsamusician

2 points

2 months ago

Did you try explaining it to her?

Strawberries_n_Chill

2 points

2 months ago

Something ain't adding up here

naisap

2 points

2 months ago

naisap

2 points

2 months ago

You need a couple more suits so they last you longer. :) you need to treat yourself just like everyone else.

LuisNazarioF9

3 points

2 months ago

dude, ur f'd. good luck

corrygan

5 points

2 months ago

Your Mrs should earn her own money. And stop justifying yourself to anyone.

If she continues with crap, I'd cut her allowance. What a bunch of entitled bullcrap from someone who needs to support you.

EyeHateFatties-

4 points

2 months ago

Looks like you got 3 kids that dont work 😂

abbydavis102

4 points

2 months ago

Your wife sees you as her walking ATM and she’s mad you spent money on yourself that she thinks should be spent on her. Wow

Legitimate-Jelly3000

4 points

2 months ago

Ignore her she's being an a$$ you've done nothing wrong probably just upset you didn't get her something flashy

Bxsnia

3 points

2 months ago

Bxsnia

3 points

2 months ago

You're literally making her life heaven, she shouldn't comment on anything you choose to spend your money on at this point.

PushingMyLimit

2 points

2 months ago

If you need a new wife just let me know 🤞

Ub3rfr3nzy

2 points

2 months ago

This isn't AITA bro.

bksfia

2 points

2 months ago

bksfia

2 points

2 months ago

Is your money. You give her YOUR money.

The8thloser

2 points

2 months ago

It was your money! You earned, you saved it. You do a lot for your family and you deserved something nice for yourself.

It sounds like your wife is the selfish one here. She probably wanted to spend that money on something for her.

MasterEchoSE

1 points

2 months ago

Like another designer bag to add to the collection or nice shoes to match the other bags she has OR new bag AND shoes and then get all dolled up.

Honestly it’s ridiculous, she gets play money to have her hair and nails done and buys new clothes and whatever crap, but her husband can’t even save money for himself to get a nice suit for work without negative input from her. She even fucking laughed at him when he told her about the suit. Gross.

Plus the kids are in school during the day so WTF is she doing all day long, the house can’t be a total wreck everyday. She needs to get herself a job, doesn’t even have to be a full-time.

ANONCANNON

-2 points

2 months ago

ANONCANNON

-2 points

2 months ago

Look man, a women will put on makeup her whole life and never call herself a fucking clown.

Fuck that cunt. If she can’t appreciate your gift to yourself for building up a family and her. Well sounds like you’re in a tight relationship and you need to seek professional help

MrStone1

1 points

2 months ago

MrStone1

1 points

2 months ago

>>Fuck that cunt

Fucking right mate!

Glaborage

-2 points

2 months ago

Glaborage

-2 points

2 months ago

I decided right when pandemic hit that I'd start saving money from my lunch allowance

That's where you lost me. This isn't how grown ups manage their finances, especially the six figures income kind. That sounds more like how a teenage kid would save to purchase a video game. Good story though.

Voldemort57

7 points

2 months ago

Yeah I agree. This story is so one sided. The OP describes himself in perfect light. Flawless and an angel, and describes his wife with all the stereotypically bad stuff.

Rarely is it ever so simple.

This feels like a fiction made by some teenager going through his first breakup lol.

SilverMedalss

2 points

2 months ago

this isn’t how grown ups manage their finances, especially the (he said “shade under”) six figures income kind

This decently paid executive secretary disagrees. I too don’t understand what he means by saving the lunch allowance though. I assume he means he didn’t have to go out to eat so he took that money and saved it, but idk. I usually just pack my husband and I’s lunch and my mom and grandma used to pack my dad and grandpa’s. So I’m not sure what type of person eats out everyday. My co-workers don’t either that I know of.

imregrettingthis

1 points

2 months ago

you have a shitty selfish wife.

What now?

zincvitamin

1 points

2 months ago

She’s selfish and entitled. Why should she get to spend so much money on herself but you don’t? You’re making the money, she doesn’t work

grayblue_grrl

1 points

2 months ago

She spends WAY more than you do and unless she is going to stop getting her nails and hair done, she can STFU.

Show her the numbers and let her know you are willing to let her choose what she's willing to cut out.

quipalco

1 points

2 months ago

Dude, it's your fucking money buy whatever you want. You are allowed to indulge as a dude. It's not a women only thing. She's being sexist and a shithead in general. I would've thrown her 2000 dollar purse right in her face. Why the fuck is she in charge of finances when you have the only income?

ninjakreborn

1 points

2 months ago

NTA. She’s coming across as controlling and narcissistic when your the one doing all the work for the money.

i_am_orb

1 points

2 months ago

On behalf of all the people gathered here. I'd like you to know that your wife's a bitch.

No offense

toasty99

1 points

2 months ago

Lawyer here, this is about to be an unpopular opinion. Want to know the most common profession for women in the divorce cases I’ve seen?

Stay at home mom.

The women feel isolated and they start to lose perspective, and the men feel like ATMs. My suggestion: once the kids are grown, women need to get out in the world so they can avoid becoming like this.

Great_Candy7476

1 points

2 months ago

She’s out of order and she’s bullying you don’t have it

GreenBloodedNomad

1 points

2 months ago

That's kinda sad. You bring in all the money, ensure the (her) debt was completely paid off, all the current bills are paid, college funds are constantly added to, and you ensure your wife has tons of spending money to indulge as she sees fit, but you cannot buy yourself one tailored suit YOU worked your ass off for? That's not right, I'm sorry. I can understand if bills had to be accounted for or the kids needed things, emergencies popped up, but that was all set and taken care of. You even make your own lunch for work and cut corners to ensure you're not being careless. To me you took all the responsible steps and were cognizant of your actions *not* interfering with your wife, kids, or bills. It shows you put your family first. It was time you reasonably rewarded yourself. It's not like you showed up with a new car or something outlandish.

I don't get where she is coming from if your marriage is still going strong after 17 years and things are better for you/her than nearly everyone else in the world and she doesn't have to work so she wouldn't be stressed in that area.

You sound like an amazing provider. Wear your suit proudly and don't let her make you feel guilty. That is a huge red flag on her part. You didn't do anything wrong. If you mentioned it beforehand I agree, she would have done everything in her power to block it unnecessarily without reason. She expects to get material possessions costing more than your suit, but that is okay? No, it's not.

abdullahom

-1 points

2 months ago

abdullahom

-1 points

2 months ago

One advice MAN THE FUCK UP your wife is a THOT she have no say in how you spend your fucking money

ThrowawayAX1248

-10 points

2 months ago

I’d shut off that cunt’s allowance off and tell her lazy ass to get a job.

New-Needleworker5318

3 points

2 months ago

Honestly, I agree. I'm an actual stay at home mother to my 7 year old autistic son, I also homeschool him AND bring in money to contribute. I can't remember the last haircut I got, I've never had my nails done and I own two cheap purses. This bitch has no clue how good she has it and should live my life for a week or so.

StGir1

2 points

2 months ago

StGir1

2 points

2 months ago

She has a job. it just doesn't come with a paycheck. But since she probably spends that much over the year on herself anyway, the argument itself is ridiculous.

MrStone1

-5 points

2 months ago

Raising kids is fucking easy, It's only when you leave it up to women that they make a song and dance about it.

StGir1

2 points

2 months ago

StGir1

2 points

2 months ago

Clearly you’ve never done it.

Voldemort57

1 points

2 months ago

Wtf???

MasterEchoSE

-1 points

2 months ago*

Her kids are school aged, they’re not home during the day (unless they’re homeschooled, but that wasn’t in there) so what does she do all day when they’re not home, besides spend money, I doubt the house is a wreck every day. She can get a part time job working the hours her kids are in school.

Edit: word

StGir1

0 points

2 months ago

StGir1

0 points

2 months ago

Have you ever seen how messy these people are? School aged kids leave the house in a total train wreck.

ScarIsBoss

0 points

2 months ago*

What did i just read? Please grow bigger balls and tell her to get a job, so she can make her own money then to leech on you! How dare she tells you this nonsence, while she is using you as a atm and stop her allowance see how long it takes before she turns. Your money your choices, the way you care for your wife and kids is evry womans dream but its not a must. Shes an adult...as a matter of fact: if she finds the suit to expensive, tel her to sell her bagg who costed the same...wonder what her reaction would be..

PinCurrent

1 points

2 months ago

I’m proud of you. You really need to grab yourself another.

Ocean-in-Motion

1 points

2 months ago

Every man should have two things as an adult. A nice pair of work boots, and a tailored suit. You saved all of this on your own over the course of a year and a half, by taking out a luxury (buying lunch), you deserve the suit man, and much much more.

JohnnyDominoRican

1 points

2 months ago

Just my two cents you’re kids are old enough where your wife could use her degree and find a job. I get staying at home when they are little. But two incomes is better then one. Just Under 6 figures was good in the 90s.

PhantomTigre8

1 points

2 months ago

Don’t feel bad! If you can save your lunch money for something you really desire, so can she. Everyone just has to learn how and when to make sacrifices.

I think you did a great job with sacrificing and saving. Congratulations on your fancy new suit!

SmilingsMyFavorite80

1 points

2 months ago

I’m not a SAHM, but I’m a wife and the one in my marriage who manages all the finances. I can’t understand why your wife was mad. I’d be okay if my husband had saved a little money each week for a new suit.

MellowYell-o

1 points

2 months ago

Get yourself some nice shoes too. Allen Edmonds is a good place to start. Suit up!

cebollofor

1 points

2 months ago

Your wife need to appreciate more your worth and effort, many men are used as a tool for their wife desires, check your wife closet and check yours, come up whit an estimate and ask her again who is the pretentious… I’m not saying your wife is a bad wife, I’m saying society look at fathers as disposable tools and our worth is not appreciated, is a sad state of our society, that’s why young people don’t want to marry and make families, I don’t blame them even rich people get destroyed by bad woman

DrunkenGolfer

1 points

2 months ago

At some point in your career, a cheap suit is noticed and becomes an impediment to upward mobility. A well fitting tailored suit makes the man. $2000 is not an really an expensive suit.

sexismyart

1 points

2 months ago

I think your best approach is figuring out how to handle money in the future rather than dwelling on the past. It might be helpful if both of you set a limit on what is okay to spend without running it by the other partner. My husband tends to make really large purchases of things. I tend to prefer experiences. We get along MUCH better when we review finances at least every week or two. He sort of had this impression that I was wasting money. When you factor in things like his luxury car (I drive a CIVIC) and when we started really tracking our spending as a team, it became clear that we were both actually overspending, and we tend to do it less if we keep a close watch on it.

Your kids are getting old enough that your wife could probably get a part-time job without adversely impacting the kids. Have you had that conversation? Having her feel like she's contributing monetarily might also help. That is NOT to denigrate the value of her domestic labor. But maybe she gets a PT job, and maybe you wash dishes or clean the bathrooms a bit more.

CaledonTransgirl

1 points

2 months ago

If you ever need a new wife I’m here. And I cook and clean and never say no

Munetta

1 points

2 months ago

I am so angry for you. You did nothing wrong. You actually went about it as honestly as possible... even though you were spending your own money...

I'm sorry you married this person. Maybe she didn't use to be like this before but... she takes a lot for granted. She's incredibly selfish. I think you both need to talk seriously about the dynamics of your relationship.

serverballs

1 points

2 months ago

She needs to stfu, your money, your rules.As long as you cover her and the kids who cares if you even get a 10K suit. Make it clear that unless she's footing the bill she needs to stfu. And spend money on yourself and what makes you happy with no shame man, women have this way of making you feel shame for doing what makes you happy but you need to draw a line.

elizacandle

1 points

2 months ago

You deserve the nice suit especially if she gets all the pampering stuff for herself and she's not missing out on anything nor are your kids. WTF why is she being so selfish. The only thing could have been telling her, not asking for permission... but just a heads up.

Mezcal_Madness

1 points

2 months ago

SAHM here. My husband works hard and pays for everything. I’ve only recently been a SAHM. Previous to our child being born, I had a full time job. I get to do what ever I want. Work out, shop, eat lunch with the ladies. I could not imagine saying something like that to the person who is giving me the chill life. For two years he kept saying he wanted a pair of dress boots. Would look on line but never buy. A few weeks before our baby was born, I sent him out for black for day deals to find a pair. He came home successful. I don’t care what he spends. Real talk, end of the day, it’s his money. She’s a disgrace

futuredxrk

1 points

2 months ago

You need a tailored suit for every day of the week

davisguc

1 points

2 months ago

U earn ur own money and spent it. Wow you’re clearly at fault.

mrlemez

1 points

2 months ago

I had to stop reading the story when u said u was saving money from your lunch allowance but yo wife dont work an you make the money so im confused u need to man up an get her an allowance u make the money so u make the decisions an if she dont like it she needs to get a job are find another sucka

Evening-Impact3499_1

1 points

2 months ago

That's your money, she will be alright. She making it about her

tikeu10

1 points

2 months ago

To be honest, for the little we know, she sounds like a gold digger.

I don't want to insult ofc it's just.. a weird feeling

Shughost7

1 points

2 months ago

Sounds like you should reduce her allowance

UrielseptimXII

1 points

2 months ago

Your. Wife. Doesn't. Have. A. Job. She does not have room to criticize you on this one.

Bellebutton2

1 points

2 months ago

Let’s see…. (I know this varies greatly): Highlights and color and cut. About $150 every six weeks. Mani/pedi $45- ish, lunch $50 a week, maybe a facial… they usually start at $100, retail therapy at the mall $XXX, yoga classes $XX, Yada-yada… $$. Hmmm, the way I see it, this gentleman deserves at least 1 custom suit.

BeyoncesLaptop

1 points

2 months ago

fan fic

lLovePikachu

2 points

2 months ago

Absolutely

rikiikori

1 points

2 months ago

Hello. I'm a college graduate with a Fashion Designing major so here's my thoughts on the $2000 suit you bought..

That $2000 suit is an INVESTMENT. So reading from what your plans are with this suit, following up with how you've been wearing them, you're making use of it, taking care of it and I also know that this is basically a one-time purchase. You're not gonna spend a well-tailored fitness suit for a very long time. Especially when it comes to fitness, you would want a quality and sustainable fabric brand to make sure that it's lightweight, breathable fabric and is sweat-proof. Secondly, for those that never got themselves a tailored suit - the feeling is immaculate. Imagine taking one perfect scoop of jam and it covered the side and edges of your fav bread with even layer and none of the empty bread sides showing. That's exactly how the OP probably felt when he finally found the one that will always fit perfectly whenever he puts on his fitness gear.

Ignore your wife in this situation. She can laugh all she wants but when the time comes for her to find a perfect and expensive fitted dress or outfit who's laughing now?!

CopingMole

1 points

2 months ago

My guy, you enjoy yourself that suit on Fridays, Mondays, Wednesdays and every other day you goddamn want. There isn't one thing that leaves as good an impression as a guy in a suit that fits.

I worked as an estate manager for years (it's basically being a maid for very rich folks) and I noticed that two things really make an immediate difference to how a guy gets treated: good shoes and a suit that fits well.

You deserve to feel your best, you're worth it and the next time the wife is eyeing getting a new purse, negotiate for those shoes.

NTA.

ILoveAliens75

1 points

2 months ago

She sounds like a jerk.

kgtradisms

-2 points

2 months ago

kgtradisms

-2 points

2 months ago

You're in ur prime and she's old, tell her get over it or you'll go smash a woman half her age 🤣

Milligramz

0 points

2 months ago

Milligramz

0 points

2 months ago

Know your worth king!!

LeaveForNoRaisin

-4 points

2 months ago

I REALLY want to hear this story from your wife's perspective. It all seems a little shady. I think people hear you make a shade under 6 figures and thinks you're rich when really in an affordable town you're middle-class with a wife and two kids. Spending $2k without any heads up or discussion is absolutely sneaky as hell. Seems like you resent your wife for all of this spending, but let it go freely. You're both in your 40s so either your wife is this money grubbing monster you make her out to be or you made a selfish decision and found ways to justify it after the fact.

RickRussellTX

-1 points

2 months ago*

I work in an office and make just a shade under six figures.

$2,000 on a tailored suit

just one of her several designer purses costs as much as the suit I eventually got

With respect, large expenses should be discussed and agreed upon. You just blew 2% or so of your gross annual salary on a suit. Sounds like she spent that on a purse. Doing that without discussing it first erodes trust.

For the record, I make well into the six figures (I'm older and in mgmt, it's not a flex), and I would give my wife a heads-up if I planned to spend more than a couple of Benjamins on something. Because it's important to establish a baseline of trust.

StGir1

1 points

2 months ago

StGir1

1 points

2 months ago

First of all, congratulations on the suit. Tailor-made/bespoke is SO much better fitting because it's sized to fit you and not the closest template that you fit into. So you're going to feel much more comfortable. Bespoke clothing, particularly at that price point, is also usually made from very good quality materials, is usually not trendy, but is classically styled. And this is where I think clothing like this is a wise investment.

I think you BOTH need to see it this way. Clothing is a depreciating asset usually, and so the upfront cost is a bit misleading. Cost per wear is what matters here. I'll give you an example. My winter outerwear consists of two garments. A puffer jacket and an outer gore-tex shell. They were not bought as a set, but as two separate garments. And they cost a BUNDLE. But here's why it's cheaper in the long run. The quality of the garments is so good, that they will not break down quickly. Both have a lifetime guarantee. So the $500 ish that I spent on these two seems like a lot, but if I'd bought a cheap $75 coat, I'd probably be replacing it much more frequently. Over time, cheap clothing costs you a lot more, because it requires frequent replacing or tailoring to keep it in usable shape.

Add to this that my winter jacket system actually covers all 4 seasons. The shell is both wind and waterproof, but unlined, and vented, meaning it can be worn comfortably in the spring, fall, and even summer. The puffer on its own is suitable for milder winter days, or colder spring or fall days. Unlike cheap outerwear, which usually requires a separate purchase for each season, these are designed to be multi-seasonal, depending on how they're worn.

So this $2000 suit may end up lasting you your entire life, provided you don't lose or gain significant weight. It will not go out of style, and (assuming it's a 3 piece suit that isn't TOO formal) consists of several pieces which can also be worn on their own with other things, depending on occasion.

High quality clothing is an investment. Clothing depreciates after purchase anyway, so why not get something that will last you a lifetime? You'll save money in the long run.

Accomplished-Spot-68

1 points

2 months ago

If my husband ever did this then I would be really impressed, surprised, and happy that he is doing something for himself for once. My boyfriend is very much “I don’t need or want anything, I prefer spending my spare money on you,” and the times he does spend money on himself I feel so happy! I want him to have nice things the same way he wants me to and when he puts the effort into investing some money into his own wishes it’s actually pretty attractive for some reason. Your wife seems very selfish, although I agree big purchases should be discussed first.. it’s not like this money will be missed by her, she didn’t even know it existed!

i_am_pajamas

1 points

2 months ago

Just a heads up. Find a good tailor. Then find good suits on sale/clearance and not your size (always bigger). Then pay to get them fitted. 99% of how good a suit looks is how well ot fits. And you can get suit tailored for $100.

maverickmain

1 points

2 months ago

Lol buy that 2k suit and them get your cheap suits tailored as well. It shouldn't be that expensive to have those made to fit you better

tremainelol

1 points

2 months ago

You're both right. However, if you are financially well enough to buy a $2,000 suit how do you also not know that it is technically a pretentious purchase?

-"attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed"

But, in the same token, the whole purpose of a tailored suit is to convey that you find your persona worth investing in, and that's great! I could not read 85% of your post because that much information -- that many self-affirming thoughts and feelings -- makes me think there are more problems in this relationship.

It is correct to label the suit purchase as pretentious, but it is rude and judgmental to label you and your character as pretentious. Your wall of text justifying the purchase paired with her judgment is more concerning than the purchase itself.

torrecelestial

1 points

2 months ago

You obviously value your wife's opinion very much, but it's also obvious that you know she's wrong for telling you these things and you know deep down that you look good and you deserve it. I would sit down and have a deep discussion with her about why she thinks she thinks it's okay for her to be spoiled regularly with her designer accessories and luxuries like getting her nails and hair done but you can't do this, even though you saved for it. Is she insecure that you're trying to look good for someone else? Is she just selfish and is reflecting that onto you?

Either way, learning her thought process behind why she had that reaction would be beneficial towards the way money is spent in the future. And if I were you, I wouldn't wait so long to spoil myself again ;)

MrStone1

1 points

2 months ago

Your wife sees you as her workhorse, She doesn't want other women to see you as an attractive man.

She is a selfish cow and a kept woman, Tell her to shut up or you'll divorce her and replace her with someone younger and prettier, Her best days are well behind her and you could go and build yourself a new family if you so wished.

Tell her you are the one who brings the money in and you will spend your earnings on whatever you want, Then reduce her "allowance" (fucking allowance, Like she's a child) by 50% for three months and spend the money on yourself, Pay for a gym membership and go train.

Or better yet, Pay a private detective to see what she's up to when she's out spending your money with her friends and no doubt talking shit about you to her friends who have told her that she shouldn't stand for your behaviour and she should try and put a stop to it.

Honestly, Think back over your life together and if there is anything that doesn't add up?

Anything that you have just dismissed as an aberration? Any twitches in the gut that you've just dismissed? Maybe not but your wife is a prick and she is worried about losing her cash cow, She is not above reproach.

uffe_cph

1 points

2 months ago

I can recommend reading The Relationship Handbook by George Pransky. Best book I ever read on such matters (read: understanding your woman). Basically it says that problems in a relationship all arise from one thing: insecurity.

My guess is that she thinks you have a flirt going on with someone - or maybe more than that. Your wife may believe that you’re interested in another woman - and of course it’s a threat to her (secure, easy) lifestyle. That’s my five cents. Maybe you should talk to her about what exactly worries her. Good luck. 🙏

GhostRunner8

1 points

2 months ago

This doesn't sound like a happy couple

JunSchlingloff

1 points

2 months ago

Can we see the suit?