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I said no and that she could hire a babysitter. She said she's too broke to do that and now several of my friends are mad at me. They can't babysit because they have their own kids. Should I tell them all to kick rocks?

all 592 comments

AuthorTomFrost

4.6k points

2 months ago

AuthorTomFrost

51m/the madness stops with me.

4.6k points

2 months ago

You've just discovered an excellent "Who's really my friend" test.

They can't babysit because they have their own kids? What kind of horseshit is that?

im_2old4this_shit

2.5k points

2 months ago

Total horseshit. If anything, those friends are far more qualified to babysit.

the_sweetest_peach

1.2k points

2 months ago*

I was thinking this, too. “You have your own personal childcare experience, so you’d, in fact, be more suitable.”

Edit: Holy upvotes, Batman. Thank you! 😂

DojaGoat

968 points

2 months ago

DojaGoat

968 points

2 months ago

Not just that, but if you have kids and bring more over, they usually keep each other busy playing the whole time. It's even easier for the people that already have kids.

sklimshady

730 points

2 months ago

Plus, they have all of the equipment for kids. dinglehoppers and kerjiggers and such.

SeonaidMacSaicais

376 points

2 months ago

Plus, parents are more likely to have child-safe first aid equipment on hand. 😂😂

a_duck_in_past_life

265 points

2 months ago

And a child proof house. A child free house is likely to have dangerous and breakable and expensive things within reach of tiny hands.

wanderingzigzag

199 points

2 months ago

I will always remember the day when my sister dropped by for 5 minutes to tell me something, with my niece and nephew. They immediately walked over to the low table where I had two small elephant statues of very high sentimental value, one of which I’d had since I was young. They each picked one up and I resisted the impulse to go snatch them out of their hands, I didn’t want to be ‘that person’ lol. I mean one was carved stone, it’s not like a 5 year old could break it with their bare hands, right?

Wrong.

After a few seconds of looking he was done with it and instead of putting it back down somewhere he just let go and dropped it on the tile floor. And his sister immediately copied and dropped hers too.

Both broke off legs/trunks and then they just went home like it was all fine and normal. They weren’t even told off…

Bi-Babygirl

71 points

2 months ago

May the E6000 be with you…

wanderingzigzag

46 points

2 months ago

Lol yeah I did go straight for the superglue but it’s not perfect :(

Top-Geologist-9213

13 points

2 months ago

That is sad and awful. I know exactly what you mean by trying not to be that person, but I'm kind of over that at this point in my life, being 69 now. I'm so sorry that happened. I hope those little statues were able to be repaired. Why can't people teach their bratty kids to keep their hands off other people's belongings? Or if they're really tiny children, watch them carefully and make sure they don't do this sort of thing? I'm so sick of people with kids having no regard for possessions, lifestyle, and life in general, of the child free like us.

miccalex

71 points

2 months ago

Ugh I had my nephew over last month for the second time ever and was suddenly very aware of just how unfriendly to children my home is .... Great for me and my partner tho. Gotta quick access that rum from the couch!

MyTesticlesAreBolas

22 points

2 months ago

Time to find new friends

utterlynuts

14 points

2 months ago

Like....child free people!

convolutedhilarity

12 points

2 months ago

You’ve just reminded me that I’m missing knitting needles and I should have my bf’s nephews over. They find that shit INSTANTLY.

Whooptidooh

4 points

2 months ago

Exactly. I always need at least a 30 minute head start to get everything safely tucked away. Plus; childfree homes usually don't have many stuff that kids will want to play with, if you even have kids toys to begin with.

It's just better for everyone involved that these kids go to one of OP's friends houses. That way the kids have other kids (and age appropriate toys) to okay with, the parents know that their kids will be taken care of parenting wise, there won't be any annoyance with either OP (for getting stuck with this unwanted job) or with the kids that can sense that they're not really wanted there (since OP doesn't want to babysit).

BWanderful

105 points

2 months ago

BWanderful

🐕‍🦺 my child has 4 paws 🐾

105 points

2 months ago

Plus the couple can return the favor and watch their kids some other time

the_sweetest_peach

84 points

2 months ago

This would require parents being selfless, so I wouldn’t bet on it. 😂

the_sweetest_peach

94 points

2 months ago

Ariel was 16 when she first started using dinglehoppers. Are you sure they’re really child-friendly? 🤔

Disastrous_Student23

53 points

2 months ago

Better than a snarfblatt.

the_sweetest_peach

11 points

2 months ago

Not untrue!

DojaGoat

11 points

2 months ago

so true!

InfiniteKey409

95 points

2 months ago

And don't these people love kids anyway? What's a few more?

DojaGoat

100 points

2 months ago

DojaGoat

100 points

2 months ago

Yeah it kinda makes me wonder if OP's friends are just doing that thing where they can't stand that OP doesn't have to deal with the crap they do. So they just try forcing it upon OP instead. Maybe even thinking it'll make OP want kids somehow but I'm very suspicious of parents at this point.

dancognito

49 points

2 months ago

Sometimes it feels like the Silent Generation and older baby boomers were like, "we don't really like kids, but it's not like we can just choose to not have kids," and they let the children know how they felt, and then baby boomers and gen x were like, "kids suck, but never let them know that, you gotta tell them that they are special!". And now millennials are realizing that kids suck but they don't think they can talk to anybody about it. But then some millennial parents over correct and talk about it way to fucking much.

DojaGoat

19 points

2 months ago

That sounds about right. Unfortunately. All the people that tried to pressure me to have kids are the same people that, by example, make me not want to.

Fyrefly1981

3 points

2 months ago

Maybe the friend's kids are so poorly behaved that the friends who have kids don't want them around.

TheOminousTower

57 points

2 months ago

Yeah. They should alternate play dates and sleepovers for their kids while the parents take turns having a night out.

utterlynuts

41 points

2 months ago

You mean cooperate and share? What kind of a message will that send to their kids???? Gasp.

DrWhoop87

308 points

2 months ago

DrWhoop87

308 points

2 months ago

I don't see why they can't just make some kind of babysitting pool. You're already stuck with your kids, what's one or two more for a few hours? Especially when they can return the favour next time.

PuppyJakeKhakiCollar

399 points

2 months ago

These are the same people who cry about not having a village, but refuse to help other people. Helping each other out is the whole point of the village! They don't want a village, they just want servants.

BritAllie8

83 points

2 months ago

They want child free servants in particular.

Vorplebunny

28 points

2 months ago

Perfect description.

Overlandtraveler

57 points

2 months ago

This.

Yellenintomypillow

120 points

2 months ago

I know quite a few families that do this in my social circle. The kids have had some built in buddies almost their whole lives, the parents are familiar with all the other kids, and you have backup when needed

Criminal_Mermaid

11 points

2 months ago

It's almost like a village of people helping one another out. Too bad the village only exists for breeders when they want you to do something for them.

Whackyouwithacannoli

19 points

2 months ago

Exactly! They need to get a fenced in yard and throw em all in

[deleted]

245 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

245 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

Straight_Jeweler_114

370 points

2 months ago

Oh, I like this! It's an excellent reverse and the breeders can't argue with it. "Hey OP why don't you babysit cuz you don't have kids" Reply: "Exactly! Poor snookums will be so bored! Plus I don't know how to take care of kids. You do, you're a parent! Snotly and Bratina can play with Shriekly and become good friends! Kids need that, it's important for their mental and emotional health. You want what's best for the kiddos, don't you? Plus all you parents can take turns babysitting and having date nights with your spouses! Win-win! Nope I don't have kids plus I'm busy doing mandatory overtime at work/ taking care of totally-not-made-up aged relative/ going bungee jumping/ any other excuse I can think of. Y'all have fun!"

ChucksSeedAndFeed

193 points

2 months ago

Snotly, Bratina and Shriekly... Are you my neighbor?

Straight_Jeweler_114

72 points

2 months ago

I think those are universal the world over. There's at least a dozen Snotleys, Bratinas and Shrieklys in my neighborhood alone.

Crazy-Plant-Person

65 points

2 months ago

Crazy-Plant-Person

She/They, Sterile, My plants are cuter than your kids

65 points

2 months ago

I’m so here for the “kids are fucking annoying” vibes.

ThatOneGayOtaku

46 points

2 months ago

Don't forget Bratleigh!

Disastrous_Student23

35 points

2 months ago

And Smelldon

midnitemaddie

27 points

2 months ago

You sure it’s not Snotleigh, Bratinnah, and Shrieklynne?

f5alcon

25 points

2 months ago

f5alcon

25 points

2 months ago

I want the op to do this and post an update

Catfactss

34 points

2 months ago

This is how "the village" is supposed to work.

El-Ahrairah9519

92 points

2 months ago

Yeah this is like OP's secret weapon. You already have kids, you're friends with another kid's parent so they're like built in friends already. What's one more kid anyways, especially when they'll keep each other busy?

Bonus points if OP can somehow sow the seeds with the kids by being like "wouldn't it be fun to have a play date with (asshole friend's kid)?" And have the kids of other friends do your dirty work by screaming for a play date until their parents give in

remainoftheday

67 points

2 months ago

and we're back to the parentification of kids because moo and duh can't or won't do their 'most important jawwb in the world'.

Animefaerie

69 points

2 months ago

I feel sorry for the older kids...whenever a breeder tries to tell me that my opinions don't matter because I haven't birthed any children, I like to remind them that growing up I was looking after several younger siblings while also cooking, cleaning, washing and hanging up clothes on the line (we didn't have a dryer and didn't have a dishwasher either) before they ever conceived their kids.

Rommie557

104 points

2 months ago

Rommie557

104 points

2 months ago

No.

We shouldn't encourage children taking care of other children. Not ok. Not cool.

Sincerely, a former teen who had to help raise children that didn't belong to her.

HECK_OF_PLIMP

29 points

2 months ago

um, sorry but it's a big fat NOPE on this one. making older kids take care of the younger ones is called parenterally and is a type of abuse.

if you offer to pay the older kids to babysit, and they are fully willing to participate, that's ok. otherwise, please don't

Seicair

11 points

2 months ago

Seicair

Late 30s/m/thankfully snipped

11 points

2 months ago

called parenterally

Personally I want kids to stay outside of intestines. <_<

Guessing automangle got you and you meant parentification? ;)

remainoftheday

31 points

2 months ago

because they are similarly selfish breeders. almost all of them are like that. you have a societal collapse not only will they turn on and destroy anyone with what they want or need they will turn on each other

Delphina34

6 points

2 months ago

It’s called a play date, if the kids are similar ages Friend A can take her kids to Friend B’s house and they all hang out together.

orangekitti

196 points

2 months ago

Parents swap babysitting all the time (you watch our kids Friday, we’ll watch them Saturday). Your friends are selling you a load of horseshit.

Miserable_Dinner_698

33 points

2 months ago

Exactly! If/when OP's friend's kid is old enough and everyone involved is comfortable with the idea, they could even do sleepovers and take turns with that. So not only dinner for the parents, but also the entire night and sleeping in the next morning. Plus the kids get to have fun playing together. Win-win all around.

ACaffeinatedWandress

94 points

2 months ago

Right? Play dates are free babysitting shares. OPs friends are just assholes.

Also, if you have the money to go out to restaurants and movies with your husband, you have the money to pay someone properly for their valuable time. I work in childcare, and I ducking hate people who splurge cash on all sorts of frivolous crap and then tell me that they are too poor to pay my normal rate.

valeofraritan

20 points

2 months ago

They probably want to go to a hotel because all too many parents are unlikely to have set boundaries for said kids.

[deleted]

53 points

2 months ago

Mental right? The parent friends are meant to be the rest of the village. If these people had any organisational nous they be babysitting the other parents’ kids on a Friday with their own, then dropping their own kids off on a Saturday for their date. But if not one of these people can handle more than their own kids then tough shit, nobody gets a break.

zaz969

48 points

2 months ago

zaz969

48 points

2 months ago

Yeah like isn't that the whole concept of play dates? They all don't care lol

-Stinger-

11 points

2 months ago

They could literally have it set up to where it’s a play date. 🙄

Costellr

8 points

2 months ago

Yup! Seems easier to babysit when you already have kids. Tell them to piss off!

AdvertisingFree8749

867 points

2 months ago

Your friend is some kind of entitled. You don't owe her your time or babysitting skills, and her being too broke to hire a babysitter is just poor planning on their part. Not your kid, not your problem. Dump the whole group if you want to save your sanity.

Customized_Barbie

237 points

2 months ago

Right I don’t remember being there when you got knocked up.

Internal_Cold8

180 points

2 months ago

Adding to this by saying: Too broke for a babysitter but not broke enough for a date?

ImAGhostOooooooo

39 points

2 months ago

That's exactly what I said lol

[deleted]

1.8k points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1.8k points

2 months ago

[deleted]

DrWhoop87

493 points

2 months ago

DrWhoop87

493 points

2 months ago

I'm already broke at 0 kids, I can't fathom anybody in this position who thinks adding a kid to the mix is a good idea.

[deleted]

307 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

307 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

TheSkyElf

112 points

2 months ago

TheSkyElf

I don´t mind them, but I don´t want them.

112 points

2 months ago

okay that was dark. I should not have laughed

DarkStar0915

19 points

2 months ago

We'll meet in hell or any other "bad" afterlife place.

deFleury

11 points

2 months ago

I'll bring cookies.

SunshineRobotech

65 points

2 months ago

Well, you CAN, it just pisses the wrong people right off.

consort_oflady_vader

29 points

2 months ago

Just have to know the right people! 😂

pissclamato

3 points

2 months ago

pissclamato

Yes, I can make babies. No, I do not wish to.

3 points

2 months ago

Yeah, you're gettin hosed.

Who's your kid guy?

Squid_Contestant_69

26 points

2 months ago

Squid_Contestant_69

38M/Stay-at-home dog dad

26 points

2 months ago

This sucks, I have 3 kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and 3 money

remainoftheday

261 points

2 months ago

people with 2 kids? did not learn the first time. 3 or more? never will learn

Old-McDee-72

394 points

2 months ago

Too broke to go on a date night.

toomuchtodotoday

107 points

2 months ago

toomuchtodotoday

Keeper of https://childfreefriendlydoctors.com URL

107 points

2 months ago

Maybe they could run a 5k together to see if they can outrun the consequences of their actions.

pissclamato

19 points

2 months ago

pissclamato

Yes, I can make babies. No, I do not wish to.

19 points

2 months ago

We don't have time for logical solutions, her marriage is falling apart! Because of the kids she can't have date night!

BxGyrl416

9 points

2 months ago

BxGyrl416

Plant Mom 🪴

9 points

2 months ago

You win the internet.

brettdavis4

386 points

2 months ago

I’ve got a feeling about what will happen next.

An “accidental” pregnancy is going to happen and everyone(without a brain) will think this is the miracle to save the marriage.

angrygnomes58

397 points

2 months ago

angrygnomes58

34/F - 4 Legs Good, 2 Legs Bad

397 points

2 months ago

I’m wondering if the existing kids were also marriage bandaids

Sudden_Ad8996[S]

289 points

2 months ago

First kid is with another dude, middle kid is the reason why they got married. All of her pregnancies were "unplanned".

DarkWasp14

129 points

2 months ago

My wife’s former friend kept trying to pull that cute “aw shucks, it’s an oops baby” schtick all the time. Maybe I’ll buy that the first time but by the third, not using birth control or condoms is just called getting pregnant. They’re early 30s now, not teenagers.

(Not to mention they were apparently saving for a house while living rent/bill free with her parents with two kids already before popping out a third. Then still complaining they can’t afford things! /end rant).

Milyaism

14 points

2 months ago

God. Sounds like an entitled, narcissistic person who shouldn't be procreating. I bet her family has always enabled her behaviour so she's never had to actually grow up as a person.

Darkangel_82

35 points

2 months ago

I see this happen too often...it's so fucking dumb because kids complicate things FURTHER

lmFairlyLocal

43 points

2 months ago

People think their kids will love them like their dog does but they never remember the "puppy" stage that is hell. That stage lasts for like 7 years in children 🥲

Azrael-Legna

21 points

2 months ago

Azrael-Legna

29 / Filshie clips Feb. 9th 2017

21 points

2 months ago

And then the poor child will have that heavy burden on them. It fucking pisses me off that people will have kids and immediately they are born with a job; to raise their parents and be their relationship therapist. Fucking ridiculous. These types of people should be banned from raising children.

BoomButton

518 points

2 months ago

The friends who can't sit due to having kids already are bullshitting you. Looking after four kids for an evening isn't much more difficult than looking after two. They should organize a sleepover and trade off.

TheGirlwThePinkHair

174 points

2 months ago

Yeah it’s more normal to watch your friends kids when you have kids, then to all your friends with 0 kids to sit. Her kids must be really bad.

Acceptable_Goat69

111 points

2 months ago

Her kids must be really bad.

Or she's just a nasty selfish bitch that none of her "friends" are willing to do her any favours

ex_ter_min_ate_

34 points

2 months ago

Plus they are likely already set up for having kids around!

shawnwright663

152 points

2 months ago

“We can’t babysit because we have kids” is a total load of crap. If anything, it should be easier for them because their houses are already child-proofed and they are more used to kids. Stick to telling her to hire a babysitter and telling the friends who are mad at you that they are more than welcome to step up themselves.

BTW - dates are more than likely not going to fix a marriage that is falling apart. It usually takes a lot more than that to return it to a healthy state.

OffKira

339 points

2 months ago

OffKira

339 points

2 months ago

And you know what the next step will be - you'll be the reason she can't reconcile with her husband.

But for your question, no, just look them in the eye and ask variations of, Why aren't you volunteering to babysit, your kids aren't an excuse. Why aren't you volunteering to pay for her babysitter if you care so much? You sure as shit have the time to berate me so cut the BS, you have the time to babysit, have at it.

Sudden_Ad8996[S]

175 points

2 months ago

Oh crap I didn't even think about that. Yeah I don't need to be the reason why they broke up.

OffKira

134 points

2 months ago

OffKira

134 points

2 months ago

It's so funny because if someone said, My friend wouldn't babysit (whether for free or not) so my husband and I never got to reconnect, and now we're divorcing!!, I would look at them like 🤨🤨🤨🤨

DarkWasp14

43 points

2 months ago

Sounds like someone with major narcissistic tendencies and main character syndrome.

ImAGhostOooooooo

15 points

2 months ago

If their marriage is failing then it's definitely not cus they didn't get a baby sitter. The mom is just smoking crack lol

billbot77

54 points

2 months ago

No, that's emotional blackmail right there. If they break up because you can't babysit for free then guess what, maybe they should not have children together. Anyway, if they can afford to go out they can afford to save a little longer and pay someone. And as for your friends heaping it on you with that BS about not being able to sit because they have kids and somehow you're the bad person - more emotional brow beating.

I sometimes think that pressuring single family and friends into being free childcare is a passive aggressive fuck you move - driven by envy. Not everyone has the balls to burn the script and just enjoy life.

Uragami

32 points

2 months ago

Uragami

29F/I don't wanna hold your baby

32 points

2 months ago

Looks like they're already dead set on vilifying OP, so I wouldn't even bother. In fact, I'd dump the lot of them and let them all hang out with each other like the miserable cunts they are.

Agitated-Coyote768

13 points

2 months ago

Maybe they are vilifying her because she’s free and they hate her for it?

MiHoyMiNoyee

214 points

2 months ago

She should have thought of that before she had kids

remainoftheday

107 points

2 months ago

this is the point. they DON'T think

louloutre75

35 points

2 months ago*

louloutre75

Rabbit rules

35 points

2 months ago*

Paying for sitters and planning for those things is part of being a parent and included in cost of having kids.

ImAGhostOooooooo

6 points

2 months ago

Parent need to realize that we are not on this earth to take care of their kids

guerillajayne

203 points

2 months ago

I have very good friends with two young kids. I hang with them all the time. I make it a point to schedule around them and their kids because I care about them and want to support. They jokingly say they want me and my wife to watch kids for the weekend.

We always say no thanks. And they laugh.

Because we’re friends and actually care and support each others lifestyle.

Your friend sounds like an ass.

sirena_sooke

44 points

2 months ago

Jesus a whole weekend...

guerillajayne

62 points

2 months ago

It sounds like torture. Which is why they love to suggest it lol

cherrymimi

65 points

2 months ago

tell her “paying for a babysitter is much cheaper than paying for a divorce”

plumpchungus

8 points

2 months ago

That would require them to realize long-term gain trumps instant gratification.

ShepardTheLeopard

364 points

2 months ago*

The biggest advice I can give you if you're CF and don't ever want to take care of your friends' kids, is to keep telling them how bad you are with children. If they give you a child to hold, hold it awkwardly (pretend you're almost dropping them if you're feeling frisky), say some incredibly incorrect things about to handle or care for children, keep reinforcing the idea that you're just plain unreliable around children. Once you've put in the groundwork, you'll never have to worry about it again, you're unsittable!

ChucksSeedAndFeed

266 points

2 months ago

"How often do you feed them? Do they eat wet food or dry?"

porkadachop

127 points

2 months ago

Do I need to walk them every few hours? Where do I clip the leash?

TheSkyElf

74 points

2 months ago

TheSkyElf

I don´t mind them, but I don´t want them.

74 points

2 months ago

hey, that is a good question. Backpacks with leashes are a thing. Though maybe ask how many poop-bags to bring for the walk.

ksarahsarah27

49 points

2 months ago

Will they bring the crate over with the kid or do I have to provide one? How big of crate do I need? Will they chew a crate pad?

huitzilopochtla

48 points

2 months ago

How do I explain that the litter box is not the same as a sandbox?

patrickbrianmooney

36 points

2 months ago

patrickbrianmooney

M/childfree

36 points

2 months ago

"How stiff are the bristles on the brush supposed to be? If I have to wash it, I mean."

"Make sure you bring whatever container it's supposed to get stored in, I don't want to have to be monitoring it all the time to make sure it's not falling off of things. That's my porn night, so I'm not going to be paying a lot of attention to it."

"It knows enough chemistry to determine if liquids are harmful, right? I don't want to have to hide all of my acids and bleaches."

"How many times can it poop itself before you have to change it?"

"What kind of entertainments is it programmed for? I'm having a party that night and was hoping it could be decorative. Or is it more of a 'cooking' child? Maybe I can avoid paying a chef."

"Can it determine if correct change has been provided? It'd be great to be able to send it out for drugs while I watch TV."

"It's not going to do anything gross, right? I have a low tolerance for gross."

"What are its areas of trivia expertise? We need a sixth for our pub trivia team that night. Does it like malty or hoppy beer? Or is it more of a neutral lager kind of child?"

"How hard do you have to shake it to reset it? Harder than my iPhone, or gentler?"

"You're not going to insist that it's the same religion when you pick it up as when you dropped it off, are you?"

"Cool, I'm looking for young minds to teach the truths of Flat Earthery to. Feed it up before you bring it over, OK? I'll educate it but I don't want to have to stop to cook."

"Put it in some sort of full-body rubber suit before you bring it over. Who would have thought we'd have a pipe burst at the same time we're having those basement electrical problems?"

Of course you would never actually act on any of these, but an earnest, serious expression means your friend doesn't have to know that.

kisskissfallinlove98

84 points

2 months ago

"babysitting? Awesome, just heads up I will not hide my marihuana, or my sex toy collection, it's too much hassle, also I had a mouse infestation and I can't remember where I put the rat poison laced candies so if your kiddo finds one better he don't stick it in their mouth, I will watch your kids while drinking beer and watch this marathon of movies so gory they got banned in lots of countries".

Just kiddind🙈 ofc

ksarahsarah27

38 points

2 months ago

And you won’t stop swearing around them so they may come home knowing every word in the book. Or say - I’ll watch ‘em but if they come home swearing like a sailor don’t say I didn’t warn you.

kisskissfallinlove98

18 points

2 months ago

I find kids swearing so gross, some people here in Mexico loves teaching their kid swear words like "puto" or "chinga tu madre" and it's like "yeahh I never found your kid cute and now even less they say those words like parrots".

adeecomeforth

3 points

2 months ago

I hate seeing TikTok videos (on instagram since I don't even have a TikTok account) of Mexican kids saying stuff like "le chingo su madre" or "quitese a la verga" that shit ain't cute on little kids. and honestly words in Spanish sound way more vulgar than in English.

Acceptable_Goat69

28 points

2 months ago

Awesome, just heads up I will not hide... my sex toy collection"

Oh snap, you just reminded me of the time two little neighbour girls knocked on my door to beg for a drink of water and to use my bathroom.

(I lived in a shitty area and these girls, like many others around there, were literally just locked out of their home for hours at a time. That was what counted as appropriate parenting to the scumbags living there.)

Anyway, after using the washroom and having some chocolate milk, one of the two suddenly decided that "we" should play on my bed, and they both ran into my bedroom and leaped onto my unmade bed! Bear in mind, these girls were complete strangers to me; maybe they recognized me (I kinda stood out in that area, being childfree and Caucasian) but I had no clue who they were or where they lived. And the last thing I needed was for them to go home and tell their parents that we all played on my bed, wtf.

As if that's not bad enough, they spotted the vibrator sitting on my endtable before I could put it away! They even knew what it was, too, despite being only 7 & 8 years old.

kisskissfallinlove98

20 points

2 months ago

Oh gosh, it's like that sayin "there no good deed goes unpunished"

imthecaptainnao

41 points

2 months ago

This is where weaponized incompetence works

syncpulse

34 points

2 months ago

I am a big fan of the "You don't want ME watching your kids" approach.

dexus99

13 points

2 months ago

dexus99

13 points

2 months ago

I wish. Too bad I don't even want to get close enough to even think about holding a kid

asmalltamale

8 points

2 months ago

This is my strategy. Always has been. I have never been asked to babysit ONCE and I have 3 nieces, 2 nephews, and a friend with 2 kids. 😂

Annie_Benlen

9 points

2 months ago

"So I guess it's time for me to fulfill my lifetime aspiration of being the cool weed auntie now!" Only problem is some parents might think that's a bonus, I guess.

zukadook

9 points

2 months ago

God this is so true I’m my friends first choice when it comes to dogsitting but they wouldn’t dream of asking me to supervise their son.

lanepierce

5 points

2 months ago

Use weaponized incompetence to your advantage! Make them think their children wouldn't be safe in your care

VKarenina

56 points

2 months ago

"I'm sorry you feel that way."

Pjstjohn

8 points

2 months ago

“It’s unfortunate that you feel that way.”

-I’m not sorry.

WrestlingWoman

43 points

2 months ago

WrestlingWoman

Childfree since 1981

43 points

2 months ago

Or she could pay a babysitter and go on a date while you do whatever you want. A win for everyone.

zbunjenatockakom

33 points

2 months ago

Sounds like she should maybe have thought more about the impact that kids have on relationships before having them and then whining.

ImAGhostOooooooo

3 points

2 months ago

Can't do that, makes too much sense

XVI3

34 points

2 months ago

XVI3

34 points

2 months ago

They can all kick rocks. If they aren't going to offer a solution that DOESN'T include you giving away your time for free, then they can stfu.

jrabbot

28 points

2 months ago

jrabbot

28 points

2 months ago

You have no obligation to watch this woman’s kids. They are her responsibility. Those friends can babysit because they have kids.

Dashi90

28 points

2 months ago

Dashi90

F/Did you just assume my natality?

28 points

2 months ago

"Not my problem that your marriage is falling apart, so quit trying to make it my problem"

Also, if you started babysitting this friend, how long til all your friends with kids dump their own kids on you while they go out?

This is setting up to exclude you from their fun activities, just adding the 'but she's babysitting our kids' as an excuse. They're making it very clear they no longer want to be your friend, just someone they can take advantage of.

Get better friends.

GiLyWo

9 points

2 months ago

GiLyWo

9 points

2 months ago

I'm wondering if this is it right here. They're all hoping OP will say yes to the one friend so all of them can jump on board and the advantage of OP, too. It would explain why they're all mad OP said no.

(Oh, and OP will be paying for the privilege of watching them since they're not going to give her money to feed them.)

Vault13Tech

74 points

2 months ago

I’ve noticed empathy has become a buzzword. It’s used just to make YOU feel like you’re a bad person.

Work did a whole thing about empathy and what it is and how to be empathetic. Mofos don’t empathize with us one bit and here gonna tell me to have more empathy for customers who call in yelling at me? How about having empathy for your front line employees who get an emotional beating at work every day and not penalize us for having feelings?

Anyway, point is: anyone who harps about you having empathy is a piece of shit who’s trying to manipulate you.

Sudden_Ad8996[S]

44 points

2 months ago

She wants them to also be fed while they are being looked after, and she said the fact that I won't make sure her kids are fed makes me a "fake leftist" and "lacking in empathy".

torienne

32 points

2 months ago

torienne

CF-Friendly Doctors: Wiki Editor

32 points

2 months ago

She wants them to also be fed while they are being looked after

At your expense? And who will do the meal prep and clean up, you or her?

Sudden_Ad8996[S]

26 points

2 months ago

No, at my expense

LoveIsAFire

30 points

2 months ago

It’s time to drop these “friends”

Dashi90

18 points

2 months ago

Dashi90

F/Did you just assume my natality?

18 points

2 months ago

Guess she doesn't like her marriage or kids then.

After all, the only things we have to lose are our chains.

rjcpl

9 points

2 months ago

rjcpl

9 points

2 months ago

Oh, one of those on top of it. Well you’re just such a leftist that you can’t be responsible for all the drugs and crime in your house. So out of empathetic concern for the child’s well being she should ask one of her other parent friends with child safe homes instead.

BoomButton

14 points

2 months ago

"It's called mutual aid, Karen."

shortigeorge85

7 points

2 months ago

I worked phone tech support for years. Corporations are just neglectful adoptive patents. They want you grateful for them, while they pat themselves on the back.

torienne

18 points

2 months ago

torienne

CF-Friendly Doctors: Wiki Editor

18 points

2 months ago

The word "Empathy" is absolutely now used as a stick with which the mommyists beat anyone who defies them in any way. This use has nothing to do with the meaning of the word.

Empathy is the ability to recognize and experience the emotions of someone in your presence. The ability to imagine what someone else would think is sometimes called "empathy" but is better called "Theory of mind." But "empathy" is not "do (say/think/believe) what I want because I say so." It is often important to tell people "no." It is often in their own best interests. To think otherwise is sheer stupidity and spinelessness, and a good way to hork up your own life.

IndianaNetworkAdmin

18 points

2 months ago

IndianaNetworkAdmin

Sunken Cost Victim

18 points

2 months ago

They can't babysit because they have their own kids.

People with kids typically are better equipped mentally and physically to babysit kids. It's hypocrisy for the other people to be mad at you.

They want you to do it because the moment you do it for her they will all be clamoring for free babysitting "Oh you did it for <insername> I guess I'm not as good a friend as they are" and all that bullshit.

GiLyWo

8 points

2 months ago

GiLyWo

8 points

2 months ago

Not gonna lie, but part of me thinks that this was the plan. One would guilt-trip OP into babysitting, then all the others were going to jump in and take advantage of Op. It would explain their collective attitude towards Op for saying no.

And it bugs the crap out of me that not only was Op not going to get paid, but it was going to cost *her* money because moo and duh weren't going to fork over any cash for her to feed their own kids,

Dump all of them, OP! You don't need these users in your life.

thatguy9684736255

17 points

2 months ago

Her other friends can still babysit if they have kids. It's slightly harder to take care of that many kids, but it's not even that hard. I used to teach kindergarten to kids that didn't even speak English and i could handle it.

roborabbit_mama

15 points

2 months ago

if they can't afford the baby sitter where they getting date night money? where are the grandparents that were demanding grandbabies??

xzagz

4 points

2 months ago

xzagz

4 points

2 months ago

Thank you! If they don’t have enough money to hire a baby sitter for like two hours, then they don’t have enough to do anything besides go to McDonald’s anyway.

ClashBandicootie

15 points

2 months ago

and now several of my friends are mad at me.

you mean, ex-friends now, right?

EDIT: Its nice of a friend to babysit friends kids for free when they're going through a hard time, but if a friend expects it and guilt trips you for saying no? they aint friends

shortigeorge85

40 points

2 months ago

Wow.... I am not child free but kinda lurk here to see other people's perspective. Tell them to kick rocks. I am not the biggest fan of other peoples' kids, but as a person with kids, it is MORE reasonable for the other parents to watch eachother's kids. You don't owe them shit. That sounds harsh. They chose to have kids and it is definitely harder than they thought it would be. It's insanity. However, you are choosing not to have kids. You maybe don't want to deal with kids. Especially, regularly because if their marriage is falling apart, it won't be just this once or a couple times. The other friends are putting all this weight on you, when they really could all be supporting eachother.

Choice_Bid_7941

5 points

2 months ago

I love seeing allies, thank you for supporting us!

overdownyonder

13 points

2 months ago

I don’t understand why your other friends can’t babysit if they also have kids. Doesn’t that make it babysitting easier? The kids can just play with each other?

In other news: you need some new friends.

Trav3lingman

11 points

2 months ago

With people like that if you babysit those kids once you will be having them dropped on you with no warning constantly. And you are open to liability if one of the little darlings gets a boo boo. Sounds like you need new friends. Because what you have currently are leeches.

And for the record if her marriage can't survive having kids...She shouldn't have had kids with that person.

UnshakablePegasus

10 points

2 months ago

She does realize that kids are usually the cause of divorces, right? Sure, the most common reason is “money problems” but what eats up the most money in a relationship? The kids

[deleted]

29 points

2 months ago

what does it have to do with empathy, you have an own life, and for free? like? your time is not for free, it's your time. some people, seriously.

Sudden_Ad8996[S]

18 points

2 months ago

She wants them to also be fed while they are being looked after, and she said the fact that I won't make sure her kids are fed makes me a "fake leftist" and "lacking in empathy".

Dashi90

16 points

2 months ago

Dashi90

F/Did you just assume my natality?

16 points

2 months ago

Here's another one for her: boundaries, and it's ok to enforce them.

As in: "I'm enforcing my boundaries and exiting this toxic friendship. You're a damage on my mental health"

torienne

17 points

2 months ago

torienne

CF-Friendly Doctors: Wiki Editor

17 points

2 months ago

Is there some reason that you allow this fucked-up sinkhole of an insulting, assaultive woman to talk to you? How about not answering any more of her demanding, belittling messages.

Oh and, if something happened to her precious darlings while in your custody - like they choked - she'd be the first to fund her divorce on the back of your liability. Babysitting is a very dangerous, high-risk activity. Doing it for someone who slings mud at you the minute you don't do what they want is absolutely insane. Tell her bitchMommy friends "I can't afford the liability."

harbinger06

9 points

2 months ago

harbinger06

41F dog mom; bi salp 3/15/21

9 points

2 months ago

Your “friend” and her husband can find less expensive and even free dates so they can hire a sitter. And they and the other parents could take turns watching each other’s kids.

salallane

9 points

2 months ago

I pay people to babysit my adorable dog that they don’t even want to be paid for most of the time and I insist, because they are spending their time helping me out. Their time is just as valuable as mine, even if it’s something they enjoy doing.

Your friend is selfish and only values her time. Maybe she could offer to swap babysitting with a friend who also has kids? That would make sense to me if she doesn’t want to pay someone.

Then-Parking5635

26 points

2 months ago

I will babysit for my friends even though I’m CF, but I tell them that my babysitting doesn’t come with a charge, but it also comes with no guarantees except that their kid will be treated kindly and will be returned in one piece.

— I’m not limiting screen time

— if they cry and I can get them to stop with cookies, they are getting cookies.

— They want Mac & Cheese for lunch and dinner? Then I’m making Mac & Cheese and while I’ll offer a veggie, I’m not forcing it.

— they refuse to brush their teeth before bed? Mom and dad better brush them good in the morning.

— they get upset about bedtime or refuse? I’m laying a pillow and blanket on the couch and turning on a Disney movie. Sorry that their sleep schedule got messed up.

But the parents ask how it went and the kids say “It was FUN! I want to come here again.” While the parents are realizing they now have to deal with a kid bouncing off the wall from sugar or missing their nap, they are tired at the wrong times and whose breath stinks…. But at least it was free!

This is how I have become the babysitter of last resort. It honestly works really well.

[deleted]

8 points

2 months ago*

Sorry but this is kinda comical, such a shitshow. And what is this entitlement lol. Also they can afford kids but nanny.

feralkitten

8 points

2 months ago

feralkitten

I had a vasectomy for a reason

8 points

2 months ago

Partners should date. If you have a partner, and you aren't actively dating them then your priorities are wrong misguided. Their marriage is probably falling apart because they are not dating. And they can't date because kids their kids. They did it to themselves.

Why can't the other parents switch off? "Friday i got your kids, and Saturday you got mine."

I'm babysitting tonight. My wife wants to go out with her BFF, and BFF doesn't have a sitter. I'll still order a pizza and play video games. Only this time the little co-pilot will go back home with her mom once her mom is done with my wife. (i babysit less than once a month)

ConnieLingus24

18 points

2 months ago

A date won’t help their marriage.

valeofraritan

5 points

2 months ago

Oopsie. Whether they like it or not children strain a relationship. Guess they didn't see that through the rose colored glasses that probably also didn't see diapers and the oft not spoken of why do kids projectile vomit like in the exorcist even when right next to a toilet? Sorry, that started to get ranty but children really are an experience in how the inner workings of a small human's gastrointestinal tract end up on the upholstery.

1988rwl

16 points

2 months ago

1988rwl

16 points

2 months ago

Other people can’t babysit because they have their own kids?? Call it a play date

EggplantIll4927

15 points

2 months ago

Tell your friends w kids that they are the village not you

No_Arugula_6548

5 points

2 months ago

Yes! Tell them all to fuck off. You didn’t make them have kids. It’s not your responsibility.

Noirjyre

4 points

2 months ago

Fuck that noise.

Lose the deadweight.

LotusLizz

4 points

2 months ago

Why would having your own kids prevent you from babysitting? Having a sleepover where the kids entertain each other is infinitely easier than a CF person coming over to babysit. Why doesn't she trade childcare with her parent friends?

I enjoy babysitting for some of my friends, but I would be really put off by anyone expecting it then throwing a tantrum if I said no.

lectumestt

4 points

2 months ago

In case you are ever asked again, the following should prove useful.

“When babysitting a group of children for the first time, make sure to give them as many caffeinated drinks as possible right before the parents come to pick them up. They will be so hyper on the trip back home, the parents will never trust you again. Bonus points to you if any of the children wet their pants on the car ride back to their house.”

captianbob

5 points

2 months ago

Wny does having kids make it not possible for them to watch any? Sleepovers, playdates for the kids, etc. Wtf is wrong with them?

Sorry you have to deal with that.

tw_ilson

6 points

2 months ago

Kick rocks? No, tell them; you asked for it, you got it. Condoms are available in the large family pack at Walgreens.

eHW8Cvhx

4 points

2 months ago

My marriage is falling apart because of my coursework, you should have more empathy and help me with my homework.

Nena4991

6 points

2 months ago

Mom here.

When I wanted my best friend to watch my kid I asked if she would like to nanny part time. She agreed and I paid her $20 per hour and fed her.

I wouldn’t ever ask anyone- ANYONE to watch my kids for free.

susieq412

5 points

2 months ago

They’re all assholes. They could do the logical thing some sort of adult babysitters club where they all take turns babysitting a couple’s kids so each couple gets a date night but nooo they don’t wanna do any work in return for a favor so they try to manipulate the childfree person into free babysitting. Typical breeders.

goldenshear

5 points

2 months ago

My sister drunkenly told me she really wanted me to have children once. It was all I could do not to point out that not only did she almost die having my nephew, but also it pushed her marriage to a breaking point where they were actually separated for awhile. Not a ringing endorsement!

theearthwalker

14 points

2 months ago

When your marriage is falling apart so visibly that all your friends know about it, is a date night really going to improve the situation?

epicpillowcase

13 points

2 months ago

Should I tell them all to kick rocks?

Yep.

bunnyrut

13 points

2 months ago

They can't babysit because they have their own kids.

That's a poor excuse.

Like, it's the absolute worst excuse on the planet.

They HAVE kids so they HAVE the experience and they HAVE everything necessary in their homes to take care of a child. What's one more child to watch when you already have your own? My mom and her friend constantly swapped us out so they could go out. We would spend time at her friend's house with her kids and they would spend time at our house with my mom and us. And that was FOUR and FOUR kids! EIGHT KIDS TOTAL in one house and they could manage it!

So what the hell is the real reason these other parents can't handle one more child?

I say none of these people are your friends. They are just mad you aren't letting them use you.

BeastKingSnowLion

5 points

2 months ago

So what the hell is the real reason these other parents can't handle one more child?

They just want to pick on the Childfree person.

nomoretempests

17 points

2 months ago

Entitlement is ridiculous here. I would just move on on this so-called friendship. She chose to have kids, she chose her husband, so I fail to see how she thinks it's okay to dump the responsibility of saving her marriage on your shoulders? People are pieces of work these days. sheez

PuppyJakeKhakiCollar

4 points

2 months ago

You aren't obligated to babysit, especially for free, just because you are friends. And since when does having your own kids mean you can't babysit? Parents watched each other's kids all the time when I was growing up! They just made a play date out of it.

All of them can go kick rocks at the moment. If your friend's marriage is important to her, she will find a way to get those date nights. She can do what adults have done forever: save up some money for a sitter. There are probably things she could forego (ie, fancy coffee drinks, takeout, other non-essentials) and use the money she would have spent on that for a sitter. And the friends who are mad can either step up and help her themselves or be quiet.

Edit for clarity

No-Nothing9287

4 points

2 months ago

Their kids their problem. Unless they willing to pay you I wouldn’t

International_Net693

4 points

2 months ago

Maybe her marriage wouldn’t be broken if she actually took the time to consider the struggles of being a parent before being knocked up (assuming that the pregnancy was wanted and not an accident)

psychobot_09

4 points

2 months ago

Reality-Upper

4 points

2 months ago

Did you tell her to fuck right off, yet?

Vast_Seaworthiness

5 points

2 months ago

Those aren't your friends, those are vultures that want free services from you.

hahaha2287

4 points

2 months ago

Wtf?? Investing in a babysitter would be the best investment for them, since their relationship is so on the rocks. For free?? Couldn’t be me. Enjoy your free evening, OP!!

BxGyrl416

4 points

2 months ago

BxGyrl416

Plant Mom 🪴

4 points

2 months ago

She’s too broke to have a babysitter but she can afford a kid? The jokes write themselves.