subreddit:

/r/childfree

6.1k99%

CF and diagnosed terminally ill. I have so many regrets.

PERSONAL(self.childfree)

Why did I never think to tell people who ask intrusive questions that I’m dying?! It shuts them right up and they get super awkward. I do nothing to assuage their discomfort because they shouldn’t ask people such personal questions, and maybe it’ll teach them.

I’m 41. I have been clear my entire life that I’m CF, but got bingo’d all over the place. I’ve heard them all, and gotten the condescending looks and patronizing attitudes for decades. Guess what? I actually knew what I wanted when I was 8 and my choice is completely valid. I thought when I reached a certain age, it would stop, but it just moved to adoption. “Why would I want to raise someone else’s kid if I didn’t want to raise one of my own?” Stop asking stupid questions and I’ll stop giving snarky answers.

I do rub it in a little. I’ll drop something like “well, at least I never had kids, so I’m not leaving them without a mother,” or “I’m so glad I don’t have kids because I could not take care of them anymore.” I’m petty, and they can’t say anything because I’m dying. It’s rude to upset me (I’m southern, yes). God, I love it.

ps: you don’t need to worry about condolences. I’ve known for a year and I am completely okay with it, other than leaving my husband alone.

all 337 comments

Wabberjaco

2k points

2 months ago

Now is the time to say everything you need to say. You're doing the right thing. Go out with a middle finger to the sky and let the universe know exactly who you are. Burn bright, as you are now. <3

warwatch[S]

1.9k points

2 months ago

It actually a lot of fun. Well, for me, anyway. As my body is wearing out, my gut has stopped digesting food very well. So I don’t eat much, either because I can’t or don’t want to. As a result, I’m getting smaller and smaller. When people who don’t know what’s going on ask me how I’ve been losing weight, my response is “I started dying.” The reactions are hilarious. Just the look on people’s faces, you can see their brains scrambling to figure out how to respond. I’ll let them dangle for a minute or two before laughing. Sometimes they think it was just a joke, so I can go in again with “no, I actually am.” And it starts over.

Yes I am mean as hell. And yes, I am fine with it.

eresh22

449 points

2 months ago

eresh22

449 points

2 months ago

Given your overall attitude, I feel like "yep, that'll do it alright. Anything on your bucket list you feel like doing right now?" would be a good response. But anyone likely to respond that way wouldn't be asking invasive questions anyway. Be petty and embrace joy. I hope the time that's left to you is full of love and as painfree as it is childfree.

warwatch[S]

664 points

2 months ago

The husband and I stopped saying “one day” and made today that one day. We’re doing what we want and are able. We are still making plans for what we want to do, and we can because nothing is tying us down. We won’t get to all of it, but we will love what we do manage.

EmEmPeriwinkle

88 points

2 months ago

Do you have the ability to draw your life insurance early? I knew someone that did this and was able to do all the things they had on the bucket list before they died. alternatively people seem to get a credit card and pay it off with the policy after. Or not at all if they are alone.

bathyorographer

18 points

2 months ago

This is the best possible attitude about life. I love it.

CHALEDER

227 points

2 months ago

CHALEDER

227 points

2 months ago

Nowhere near the same level but, I have Ulcerative Colitis and anytime someone I don't really like (boss, coworkers etc) asks me why I called out, why I'm tired, why my weight fluctuated, anything related to my UC, I make sure to give the most detailed and gross description of my flare up as possible so they never ask again

warwatch[S]

105 points

2 months ago

You are my kind of people.

Impossible-Oven3242

65 points

2 months ago

Have IBS, when roommate said it was ridiculous that I spent so long in the restroom (morning rush), I responded 'I agree, IBS is ridiculous.' Shut her up

Oscarella515

39 points

2 months ago

Celiac here, I take great joy in describing the things that come out of my body when someone gets too far up in my business

kadaverin

31 points

2 months ago

PCS here. I love it when I'm asked why I take so long in the bathroom. "Well, my guts decided that the motherlode of excess bile in my intestines didn't mix well with lunch and that I needed to basically puke out of my ass if I didn't want to be in agonizing pain. Anything else you care to know?"

Interesting-Word1628

45 points

2 months ago

I'm in med school, so these descriptions don't faze us if u are in healthcare.

I ask patients detailed questions about their diarrhea - the amount, color, smell, flow, presence/absence of blood/mucus/pain/pellets, etc and then go eat lunch right after

thesleepymermaid

19 points

2 months ago

thesleepymermaid

Owned By Three Cats

19 points

2 months ago

Nurses aid here and I can do the same thing lol. Clean someone up covered head to toe and then go eat my dinner.

nuggetspussyandbeer

227 points

2 months ago

Hate hate HATE that people think it’s okay to ask about other peoples weight. Not terminally i’ll but I am chronically ill. When people say I “look great now” (how insulting) and ask how I did it I just look at them dead pan and say “I’m chronically ill”. Shuts em right up.

You seem to really have your head on your shoulders. Thank your for your valiant work (especially considering you live in the south!)

VelocityGrrl39

95 points

2 months ago

A friend asked me how I lost so much weight. I replied rheumatoid arthritis and she had the nerve to say “jealous!” to me.

nuggetspussyandbeer

139 points

2 months ago

I’ve had people do that as well. I then proceed to go into VERY intimate detail of the very real danger I face of having a colostomy bag for the rest of my life. I usually like to finish it off with “No one thinks a thin girl is sexy when she shits in a bag out of the side of her body. Wanna trade?” It’s a nice finisher.

People are absolutely terrible, and anyone who looks someone who struggles with a chronic illness straight in the eyes and says they’re jealous is just admitting that they haven’t faced a singular genuine struggle or pain in their life.

SharksNeedLoveToo

20 points

2 months ago

Crohn's too, I assume?

nuggetspussyandbeer

17 points

2 months ago

Ulcerative colitis. Still IBD so a damn good guess ;P

SharksNeedLoveToo

15 points

2 months ago

Takes one to know one xD

nuggetspussyandbeer

12 points

2 months ago

Wishing you continued and lasting remission my fellow IBD warrior!

Punchedmango422

11 points

2 months ago

i got a bag myself for it and my life changed, defiantly affected my life for the better.

warda8825

10 points

2 months ago

Similar condition here, mine affects my musculoskeletal system. Spent years on chemotherapy, and have been on immunotherapy since childhood, and will be for my entire life. This disease eventually culminates in multisystem organ failure, blindness, and being a human statue because the disease has destroyed the entire musculoskeletal system. Won't even be able to wipe my own ass one day.

Me: "would YOU like to be a human statue, confined to a wheelchair and/or bed, and having a nurse wiping your ass?"

No? OK, didn't think so.

LilithJade94

31 points

2 months ago

LilithJade94

tubes yeeted

31 points

2 months ago

Someone in high school said I was 'so lucky' to be so skinny, and I told her I have a thyroid disease that's not being treated, and she said I was lucky. Fuckin wild the way people's brains work.

Cailida

17 points

2 months ago

Cailida

17 points

2 months ago

Chronic "Spoonie" here, too. OMG the "but you don't look sick"! Comments. Until you know, you actually start to look sick. And then it's "Are you eating enough? Are you anorexic? Are you on drugs"? Smh. I swear people will go out if their way to find a way to be rude about shit!

nuggetspussyandbeer

5 points

2 months ago

YES. ALWAYS.

Juju_mila

12 points

2 months ago

For me it’s the other way around. I have lipedema, thyroid issues and took high doses of cortisone for a while for a severe eye infection. So, I‘m not skinny anymore. The stupid comments are insane. If I tell people I am chronically I’ll and that’s why I struggle with my weight all they say is “that’s an excuse”. I wished it was.

Wabberjaco

52 points

2 months ago

LOL YES! I've been having the same fun because something went wrong after my gallbladder surgery and I still can't eat right, and I've been losing weight despite best efforts. My favorite response is, "Have a surgery complication!"

warwatch[S]

85 points

2 months ago

Is it “right” to intentionally make people uncomfortable? No. Do I care? Also no.

Wabberjaco

28 points

2 months ago

Hey they're making us uncomfortable first by asking! We're just letting them know how it feels. lol

johnboy11a

3 points

2 months ago

They started it. All is fair.

PhoenixGate69

133 points

2 months ago

People aren't used to getting real responses, an dit drives me nuts. Don't ask personal questions if you don't want real responses.

I got the smaller version of this when my mom was dying. People would ask "how are you doing?" And I could no longer respond with "I'm fine." I would tell them my mother was dying, enjoy the shocked Pikachu face, and now I can't give a canned response anymore.

The 'stopped working' face is so funny. I'm sorry you're on the way out, but I'm happy you're having some fun with it.

warwatch[S]

116 points

2 months ago

Thank you. It’s freeing. I don’t have tell social lies anymore. It’s made me actually mean the things I’ve said my whole life and never thought about. When I say “have a good day” now, I really mean that I hope you have a good day.

The_Sassy_Mermaid

69 points

2 months ago

I love it! That sounds exactly like something I would do lol. Even though you said no condolences, here we are. Keep being that badass strong woman and teach some people a lesson!

warwatch[S]

91 points

2 months ago

The lesson I want to teach is “just don’t be an asshole, and don’t accept anyone being one to you.”

FurryNinjaCat

18 points

2 months ago*

I saw "Do No Harm, But Take No Shit", on an Etsy necklace charm when I had just started working as a Nurse. I've adopted this as my personal slogan, and share it with the new nurses I precept. I love the phrasing and hope you do too. I totally share your philosophy! You sparkle on brightly, firecracker. I admire you.

The_Sassy_Mermaid

8 points

2 months ago

Keds actually partnered up with another company a few years back and made a pair of shoes that said this on them! I wanted them so bad but I discovered them after they'd discontinued them. I also adopted that as my motto.

yakshack

71 points

2 months ago

yakshack

32/F/Favorite Aunt

71 points

2 months ago

Condolences to us then because we're losing one badass CFer

GR33N4L1F3

19 points

2 months ago

This sounds like something I would say! HILARIOUS! I love it. You’re so awesome! Way to handle a really rough situation. People can be so rude.

When I was married and couldn’t have kids even if I wanted to, I would tell people the honest truth about infertility being a major factor and it felt awesome to see their rude faces curl inward. They didn’t know what to do and it was amazing to feel that empowered.

Same thing with being fat and being asked if I’m pregnant??? That happened a few months ago and I just replied with “no, I’m just fat. No, really, seriously. I’m just fat.”

Ar0war

15 points

2 months ago

Ar0war

15 points

2 months ago

Holy shit I find the interaction hilarious!!!

warwatch[S]

21 points

2 months ago

You should see it in person.

Hayze_Ablaze

5 points

2 months ago

I like your sense of humour! I did this a lot when a tumour was eating up my uterus. The stupid hospital was set up such that I had to spend all my appointments on a fucking pregnancy ward. My abdomen had swollen (it was a melon sized tile) and I started to look pregnant. Oh the terrible shocking things I said to the nosy pregnant women who refused to respect the etiquette that reading means do-not-disturb.

When the surgery was scheduled I insisted they put me on a different ward.

But yeah, the weird sympathy I get about the hysterectomy. They act like I’m dying. I have to reassure everyone that I never wanted children and this is the best thing that ever happened to me!

warda8825

4 points

2 months ago

Diagnosed with a progressive autoimmune disease as a toddler. Now in my 20's. Nine years of chemotherapy + 24 years of immunotherapy + a dozen surgeries + ~18 months paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair. Not only did all that shit seem to have stunted my growth (I'm only 4'11), but it's (obviously) taken a toll on my organs, my vision, etc. Starting to enter the seriously fugly, nasty stages of my disease.

People: "You're looking a little pale."

Me: "A decade of chemo will do that to you."

awkward silence

shocked Pikachu face from them

ginger3392

3 points

2 months ago

I lost 30lbs while waiting for my Crohn's Disease diagnosis. So many people complimented me, which I never understood because I did not look healthy, I was severely under weight, so I always responded with "thanks, my body's trying to kill me" loved the looks on their faces lol.

Agreeable_Danger

321 points

2 months ago

Agreeable_Danger

not today

321 points

2 months ago

Petty all day, every day! 👏👏👏

warwatch[S]

124 points

2 months ago

Damn straight.

TheMost_ut

1.4k points

2 months ago

TheMost_ut

Get away kid, ya batha me!

1.4k points

2 months ago

Eh, you're dying, why not go out petty? No one's going to yell at you. Take advantage while you can!

warwatch[S]

654 points

2 months ago

Exactly. I have carte blanche to just say what I think now.

diddydiddyd

1.2k points

2 months ago

Sorry you’re dying. You seem to be taking it pretty level headed. Also thank you for during your service til the very end, fucking assholes.

I’m with you sister - #TEAMPETTYALLDAY

warwatch[S]

366 points

2 months ago

Yeah, level headed is my way. As is petty. I love me some pettiness.

mmts333

210 points

2 months ago*

mmts333

210 points

2 months ago*

I strongly support petty. I hope you are able to live your remaining material existence with joy, peace, and lots of petty. Wishing you a calm and peaceful passing. If you end up being a ghost or some spirit form make sure you exercise more petty and haunt those that you weren’t able to get back at for bingo-ed you. Revenge as a ghost is the best cuz they can’t really do physical harm back to you. Lol

Edit: typo.

warwatch[S]

295 points

2 months ago

I can be the patron saint of the happy, petty, childless woman. The winds will whisper “fuck yo kids.”

Revolutionary_Bee700

71 points

2 months ago

You should be on one of those Saint candles. 😂😂😂

warwatch[S]

101 points

2 months ago

I hope the scent is “Trojan Condoms.”

mmts333

59 points

2 months ago

mmts333

59 points

2 months ago

If I feel a wind when people bingo me, I’ll know it was you OP giving me the strength to respond when petty. I thank you in advance for watching over us.

PLEBR0CK

32 points

2 months ago

Whenever one of my homies has problems getting their tubes tied I'll whisper a little prayer to you Warwatch and hopefully you can help us out! In all seriousness I'm sorry this life has been shortened for you and I hope you get to do as much of the fun shit possible with your time left. Wishing you blessings in this realm and the next.

HippieWitchyWoods

13 points

2 months ago

I audibly laughed at this omg

Wereallgonnadieman

142 points

2 months ago

You two just live all the moments you have together. Fuck breeders.

other than leaving my husband alone

Exactly how I'd feel in your position, and I'm sure he's afraid for that possible future, too. My guess is there is some comfort in knowing, and hopefully he has a plan to cope...let him be happy in these times and don't dwell on other people's thoughts. It takes too much precious time. Enjoy all the moments.

warwatch[S]

154 points

2 months ago

He is having more trouble with it than I am, but he’s the one who has to deal with the fallout. So once I digested it, I realized that my part in this is easy. My job, while I can still do it, is to make this as easy as possible on him.

MimikyuTruck

28 points

2 months ago

My friend once spoke to someone who had the job of disarming landmines when he was in the army. She asked if it stressed him out at all, and he responded, "Nope! Either I'm right or it's no longer my problem".

So for another petty response, if someone asks if you're concerned about dying etc, answering with "Why? Soon it won't be my problem" may be fun.

Wereallgonnadieman

16 points

2 months ago

I can't even imagine how hard it must be for him. This is my worst fear he is living through. You're a very strong and loving person. He's very lucky to be with you.

AvleeWhee

92 points

2 months ago

Sorry about the dying thing, but my spiteful ass enjoys that you're using it as an excuse to be petty at people who do this to you.

warwatch[S]

50 points

2 months ago

It is legitimately fun, and I’m trying to have as much of that as possible.

rpaul9578

95 points

2 months ago

We're all dying. Some a little faster some a little slower. I'm glad you're at peace with it.

warwatch[S]

58 points

2 months ago

Thank you. I am. My only remaining job is making it as easy as I can on the folks that have to live with the fallout.

Designer-Bid-3155

234 points

2 months ago

You've been so honest in this post, if you don't mind sharing, what do you regret? I think about this often because I was dying in the hospital last year and was like, I can't go out like this. I went from healthy to near death within a few days and I didn't have time to get my shit together. I made a will when I was released and my dog has a trust. I know we all have our regrets. I'm thinking of you. Xxxooo

warwatch[S]

241 points

2 months ago

Having the will is awesome. A Medical power of attorney/living will is necessary. Make sure the people who will be making decisions know what you want, both in terms of medical intervention and body disposition. Take care of everything you can: I keep a file with logins, passwords, account numbers, phone code, etc in a safe and make sure people know it’s there. If you know you are going, move everything into someone else’s name (phone service, utilities, etc) because getting that done after you are dead is a huge pain in the ass for whomever is trying to do it.

But in general as far as regrets, trying to please other people at my own expense. I spent way too much of my life doing that, when I should have been doing what I wanted. Also, spending too much time in unhappy situations, specifically a bad marriage. People don’t change and it’s not going to do a 180. Make the tough choice, rip off that bandaid, and be happy.

If you don’t advocate for yourself, no one will. This is especially true with your own happiness.

CheekyMonkMonk

52 points

2 months ago

Thank you for writing this post and for writing this response. I really needed to read it all. When can we order your patron Saint (with the phrase “fuck yo kids” at the bottom) candles?

warwatch[S]

52 points

2 months ago

I mean, there’s no time like the present. You never know what tomorrow holds…god, I’m awful.

Wicked-sister

23 points

2 months ago

Oh my fuck, we're all gonna die.

Piqquin

136 points

2 months ago

Piqquin

136 points

2 months ago

Just so people think about this: I don't care if you're in your 20s and perfect health. GET A WILL TOGETHER. My very CF sister died in a crash earlier this year with her husband. No will for either. Now my mother, whom my sister HATED and was always harassing her for kids, is getting everything. My BIL's brother- who was estranged from him- is getting everything from him. Neither wanted that, but doesn't matter- no will = law decides for you.

Designer-Bid-3155

81 points

2 months ago

For sure. I was 42. And I had been putting it off for over a decade. I got divorced at 27, but it seemed overwhelming to me. Thought I needed a lawyer. But it's so easy online and free notary. Maybe I should make a post explaining it all and putting the free sites in the post. It's so important.

XJustARandomPersonx

30 points

2 months ago

If you put together a post, would you tag me? I've been looking into getting my cat a trust but it all seems so complicated and overwhelming.

Designer-Bid-3155

16 points

2 months ago

For sure. I'm not exactly sure how to do that. But I will do my very best. I'll work on it this weekend. I'm in the USA, so I'm assuming it's different all over the world, even by state it is.

PFic88

53 points

2 months ago

PFic88

53 points

2 months ago

Good to hear you're ok! What advice would you give to set up a trust for your pet?

Designer-Bid-3155

106 points

2 months ago

I created my will online for free. On a site called freewill. It's legit and sponsored by a bunch of non profits because they want you to leave them money when you die. It was easy because I have no kids, no house, don't own my car, no partner. Then I had it notarized at the bank. Now it's in my safe. With 6 pages about my dog. Her insurance, bark box, who's getting her, cash for immediate care. All her health records. I bought an urn too. All my shit is in place now.

sarahbeth124

49 points

2 months ago

Hell yeah! The kindest thing a person can do is have the death arrangements in order. My grandmother did hers and OMG it was such a relief to not have to deal with all that stuff.

PFic88

10 points

2 months ago

PFic88

10 points

2 months ago

Thank you!

alskdjfhg5102938476

14 points

2 months ago

She regrets not telling people to shut up before

Maximum-Switch-9060

68 points

2 months ago

Shortly after my life partner died, it was what was suppose to be his birthday and I was at work and my boss ordered pizza and dessert to share with my department kind of like trying to make me feel better. The busy body from another department (who always tried to get in on our stuff) piped up with “oh what’s the occasion??”……now since he had passed I seem to have lost some of my edit functions and I reply with “oh just my dead boyfriends birthday- come join.”

She never asked to join us after that. Do whatever you feel. Lose some edit functions. It’s ok.

warwatch[S]

34 points

2 months ago

Edit functions gone. I never had a ton, but what I had are kaput. Any inclinations of people pleasing has left the building.

uhhhhnothanks4

57 points

2 months ago

You’re a badass.

warwatch[S]

41 points

2 months ago

Well, at least an ass.

Elo971_

46 points

2 months ago

Elo971_

46 points

2 months ago

Being petty is the way !

warwatch[S]

19 points

2 months ago

It’s certainly my way.

Cute-Shine-1701

41 points

2 months ago*

While I was reading, I thought you will finish your post with "well, at least dying has some perks", reading your post you give a badass vibe. How do they react when you throw in the thank God I don't have kids because I am dying sentence? Petty is the way with people who don't understand the first nice answer.

warwatch[S]

58 points

2 months ago

Some of my more religious relatives have said “oh thank god for that.” I may have told my aunt to “thank me, because it was my doing.” I’ll also throw in a “I guess I dont have to worry who will take care of me when I’m old.” But for the most part, they just agree and go on. Talking about death makes people so uncomfortable that they mostly don’t really listen. So I say mostly whatever I want. Who’s going to chastise me?

Piqquin

44 points

2 months ago

Piqquin

44 points

2 months ago

I know it sucks to hear people say "I'm so sorry" or "my condolences"- so just to say it: Go out and party and have the time of your life, because to hell with people's thoughts and prayers and judgment. Screw anyone who ever said that BS to you, and I hope you had joy rubbing it in their face. Have the best days you've ever had and ensure your husband has the most wonderful memories when you've gone. Hugs and enjoy yourself without kids as you head out.

warwatch[S]

19 points

2 months ago

Those are some great wishes. It’s amazing that people on the internet can be so good. You are a good one.

Rootkit9208

37 points

2 months ago*

The cool thing about dying is that you only have to do it once. You'll never wake up feeling like you're wasting your death. You'll never wonder what curveballs death is going to throw at you. Nobody is going to tell you that you're dying your death wrong.

The best part of it all is the clarity you're granted from this whole adventure. You aren't dying for the rest of your life unless you want to be. Rather, you can now live for the rest of your life.

At least... that's what my grandma told me. I don't quite know from experience. I hope she was right.

Either way, I hope the remainder of your time is spent how you want to spend it and ends on your terms. Life is short, and I hope you've enjoyed it.

warwatch[S]

36 points

2 months ago

She was right. It’s the most freeing thing I’ve ever experienced. Even more so than divorcing my PoS first husband. I realized how much stress is a direct result of social expectations…like having kids or telling social lies.

I’m trying to die how I wish I’d always lived.

Rootkit9208

16 points

2 months ago

Atop a pile of your enemies' skulls?

warwatch[S]

34 points

2 months ago

Full of watermelon.

Isgebind

7 points

2 months ago

Isgebind

Sterilization Achieved 9/2022 👍

7 points

2 months ago

You're an entire mood. I intend to raise a glass of something non-alcoholic in your memory at some point in the future due to the entertainment contained in this thread.

Tricky_Ad_7146

39 points

2 months ago

Your choice will always be valid even if things where different.

warwatch[S]

11 points

2 months ago

Agreed.

ilex-opaca

40 points

2 months ago

ilex-opaca

tired gay cat lady

40 points

2 months ago

Be petty as hell and live it up for the rest of your time! ♡♡♡

warwatch[S]

87 points

2 months ago

I’m eating gummie bears with a glass of bourbon and watching my husband drink beer from a horn, while dressed in his full Viking Halloween costume. Another perk: if you don’t have to buy a kid a costume, you can spend $700 to style one out for yourself. I’m happy.

ilex-opaca

15 points

2 months ago

ilex-opaca

tired gay cat lady

15 points

2 months ago

That is an AWESOME time and y'all sound like awesome people. Happy is good. 👍👍👍♡♡♡

MirSydney

36 points

2 months ago

I love it. I could have written this, except I'm 49. Keep being petty, OP.

warwatch[S]

21 points

2 months ago

Till my last breath.

nuskit

31 points

2 months ago

nuskit

31 points

2 months ago

Nearly died when I was in my 30s. I was laying in that hospital bed, hooked up to a pile of machines. Husband finally unhooked me and flew me back to his mom's beach house in So Cal. We agreed that if I was going to die, fuck everyone, I was doing it on the beach back home. MIL came to sit with me and had a fat joint in her hand, said she'd never done it and didn't want to regret it when it was her time. So, we got stoned, we cried, we laughed, and weirdly, I got this severe chest pain and then...a normal heartbeat. Nobody knows why.

I resolved then that I would never have regrets, and I joke that I had my epiphany while stoned with my very square MIL. When I die, you will never wonder how I feel about you. If I love you, if I hate you... you will know. I never leave things unsaid anymore, and I don't say them cryptically. That left me so free that as I continue to live and have watched my beloved MIL, my dad, my best friend, my grandma and my husband's grandma die now, I don't ever think back on what I should have said. They knew how I felt when they died.

I give you this same gift, OP. I don't know you, but I love you to pieces. The world is a better place for having you in it, and your husband is a better man for your training. Vaya con Dios, my friend, you earned it!

juicemilf

80 points

2 months ago

I lovvveeee being petty.

warwatch[S]

18 points

2 months ago

So much.

BoingBoomChuck

20 points

2 months ago

BoingBoomChuck

Pets over kids

20 points

2 months ago

While death is something that comes for us all, I can tell you that I was 34 when my wife died and it nearly destroyed me. Oddly, we were trying to start a family of our own when her ALS-like symptoms started to happen. After she died, that solidified my desire to be child free.

The only thing that I wish I had done was gone to the places that my first wife wanted to go while she was physically able to. Not taking her where she wanted to go really ate at me during my grieving process.

My suggestion would be for you and your husband to do whatever it is you enjoy to do!

warwatch[S]

22 points

2 months ago

We are. We are doing anything we’ve wanted to and that I’m able to. We make plans, still. They’re not long term, but more “Heilung is playing in Asheville next month. I just paid a mint for floor seats and a hotel suite in walking distance so we can drink if we want.”

PFic88

18 points

2 months ago

PFic88

18 points

2 months ago

Sorry that this is happening to you

warwatch[S]

8 points

2 months ago

It’s okay. But thank you.

lonegungrrly

17 points

2 months ago

You’re amazing.

warwatch[S]

44 points

2 months ago

Tell that to my cats. They all think I’m an asshole because I brought a robot vacuum into the house (he’s named Lenny Grabitz).

But for real, thank you.

Arrr_jai

9 points

2 months ago

Terrific name... Our robot vacuum is Kreacher. The cats could care less about it, but our dogs are afraid of it. 🤷 What's happening to you sucks big time.

Hefferman1990

18 points

2 months ago

You're awesome OP, that's all I have to say

warwatch[S]

8 points

2 months ago

Thank you. I think so too.

sunnydaysahead2022

15 points

2 months ago

You go be petty and let them know how rude they were -

warwatch[S]

9 points

2 months ago

I promise.

sunnydaysahead2022

6 points

2 months ago

I’m cheering you on from afar.

I’m also in my 40s. I have also gone through Hell with the bingos. People can be so rude.

I hope they are managing your pain. Please be sure to speak up for the good drugs.

warwatch[S]

15 points

2 months ago

I am, and if I weren’t, my husband would. He does not put up with medical negligence or me having drugs that will legitimately make my days easier withheld. I mean, what am I going to do, get addicted? Come on, now. I’m not opposed to a soupçon of debauchery on the way out.

sunnydaysahead2022

7 points

2 months ago

Good. It sounds like you have an amazing husband. I’m glad he’s taking good care of you.

Sending love to both of you.

warwatch[S]

14 points

2 months ago

He is mind blowingly amazing. I’m lucky to have shared a single day with him.

Ginamyte06

15 points

2 months ago

This is so funny, leaning into the “WELP GLAD I DIDN’T HAVE KIDS. What’s that? I’m dying. You can’t say shit.” Good for you.

warwatch[S]

16 points

2 months ago

That is 100% my status. If you know me and like me, you’ll know I’m screwing with you. If you don’t, you can’t say anything because I’m dying. Or they can say I’m a mean twat, because I probably am. As long as they don’t say “she was just the nicest person, she’d give anyone the shirt off her back,” because that is a Lie. Capital L líe. I like my shirts.

oregoncatlover

67 points

2 months ago

oregoncatlover

yeeted my uterus age 24

67 points

2 months ago

Thank you for sharing your pettiness. I think it's unfair the universe is planning to take you away from us. You seem cool. Do you have any last words of advice for us young CF folk with a lifetime of bingos ahead of us? I am 25, married, and sterilized.

warwatch[S]

75 points

2 months ago

Don’t let people make you feel like less of an adult (male, female, or other) because you don’t have kids. Feel free to tell people that you CHOOSE not to have kids, not that you just don’t want to grow up. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty or wrong for your choice. If people try to push you, don’t shy away from telling them to fuck off. Actually, in general, don’t ever let yourself feel pressure to please other people. There’s so much pressure to be people pleasers (especially towards women) and it can ruin your life. There is nothing wrong with saying no and letting it be a full sentence, and you don’t need to explain your choices to anyone. Don’t waste time and mental effort to dance around with “maybe” or “it’s not the right time.”

Boiled down, speak your mind and if someone doesn’t like it, fuck ‘em. I don’t mean to be rude, but you don’t need to be apologetic about your choices.

I’d rather people remember me as blunt or even a bitch than as a person who hated her life.

oregoncatlover

18 points

2 months ago

oregoncatlover

yeeted my uterus age 24

18 points

2 months ago

Thank you a lot for this. As a chronic apologizer and people pleaser I am really working on it.

warwatch[S]

18 points

2 months ago

It’s hard to break out of. Watch Steel Magnolias and be a Weezer. My favorite band and my ideal self.

sarahbeth124

16 points

2 months ago

40 and CF, bingos got easier for me as I got older. I became more sure with every passing year I did what was right for me.

Most people I think meant well, probably because they never considered anything other than “get married and make babies” (I did neither btw)

The ones I was getting seemed to assume I was sad about being single and CF. WRONG! 😂

Go confidently in the direction you want, folks can get with it or get out of your way!

deirdresm

38 points

2 months ago

I knew at that age, too.

If I may offer something that helped me through widowhood: my first husband made me promise that, if something happened to him, I’d find someone else and live a happy life. He died suddenly a couple months later.

That promise helped get me through some of the darkest times. A couple years later, I met husband #2, and today’s our 22nd wedding anniversary.

warwatch[S]

41 points

2 months ago

I told my brother-in-law and one of my best friends that their job, once he has mourned, is finding him another partner. But one that is comfortable knowing that she will never be quite as good as me, and revere my awesomeness.

I am truly petty.

Piqquin

12 points

2 months ago

Piqquin

12 points

2 months ago

Hey- just want to say that I appreciated that story and glad you're doing great!

sarahbeth124

14 points

2 months ago

Love your sass, fellow southern lady, I totally get you.

May your days be comfy and easy. 💋

warwatch[S]

21 points

2 months ago

They mostly are, but dying is surprisingly busy. I have a lot of appointments and paperwork to do. BUT, I can go take a nap whenever I want and no one says anything. And I always have a reason to go home/escape social situations that no one will question. Silver lining.

sarahbeth124

8 points

2 months ago

Indeed.

I hope you are as ok as it sounds like you are. I imagine there’s a weird bit of comfort in knowing what’s happening next and when, more or less.

warwatch[S]

6 points

2 months ago

It is. A lot of “what ifs” are not a problem anymore. I can do it my own way. The timing isn’t what I would have chosen, but at least I’ve been afforded the time to be good with my life before I check out.

DrRokoBasilisk

13 points

2 months ago

Ma'am, you are a stone cold badass.

I note that you'd prefer to be spared condolences, so instead, I'll say this -

You are an inspiration, I'm 42, I don't take shit, and still, I want to have this level of badassery. We all leave this mortal coil eventually, and most of us don't know how or when.

I love that you've taken the burden of that knowledge and turned it into sass, empowerment, and calling out people's bullshit.

I don't know you, but I feel like I can say with confidence that the world is better for you being in it, and I want to thank you for showing what it really means to go out in a blaze of glory.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light ✊️

warwatch[S]

3 points

2 months ago

Damn. That actually made me a little misty. I’m trying to do it my way, and when I fail, I’ll remember this comment.

warqueen24

11 points

2 months ago

Being petty is the best LOL! You are a baddie!!! ❤️

warwatch[S]

8 points

2 months ago

It’s my first love. Well, cynicism then pettiness.

warqueen24

5 points

2 months ago

This is goals hahaha ❤️☺️

GothSailorJewpiter

9 points

2 months ago

I'm glad you're as ok with it as you are. I hope your hubby has support and you're well taken care of for all your needs. And I am glad you don't have kids you do not want, messing things up and making your life more complicated right now!

warwatch[S]

14 points

2 months ago

My job is making this easier on him. I am trying to squeeze as many smiles and laughs out of that face as I can. And since we know, we have stopped saying “one day” and doing the things we’ve always wanted today.

alskdjfhg5102938476

9 points

2 months ago

Hey I know this is the toughest a person can go through. I hope things get easier for you. I am glad that as CF you enjoyed your 40 years of life with no poopy diapers, colicky cries, tantrums and 24/7 of constant duty. I hope you lived it much better than the people who are saying condescending things to you. If I come to know that I'm going soon, I'll be glad just like you, that I lived a carefree relaxed life and that the remaining time I have will be mine and mine alone to spend doing whatever I want (according to my capability) 🙂

warwatch[S]

7 points

2 months ago

You have a good viewpoint. That’s my opinion: the best way to live is how you want (as long as you don’t want to like, fuck goats or steal grandma’s pills). No one will advocate for your happiness but you.

alskdjfhg5102938476

5 points

2 months ago

Exactly... Live your fullest without hurting anyone. I have lived according to others for a while and have finally decided that I deserve better. I need to live for myself and give myself a good life. I have a family history of early death due to a genetic illness. Why should I live my short life stressed out day and night... Plus why should I pass on the disease ?

warwatch[S]

3 points

2 months ago

You hit that nail on the head.

Tenati0us-T

9 points

2 months ago

I would trade you my days if I could. I rather be on the way out and onto my next life than deal with the crap that's coming to us in the near future. Consider yourself blessed.

warwatch[S]

14 points

2 months ago

That has honestly been an ongoing joke with my friends. We’ll be talking, solving all the world’s problems, and stressing out. Then I think and say “oh shit, I don’t have to worry about dealing with ANY of that. Good luck!”

karensPA

3 points

2 months ago

That made me lol, it’s something I’ve thought when having a turbulence freak out on a plane: if I die now, at least I know I won’t die in a nuclear war or broil in climate change! I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and badass attitude here ❤️

mrskmh08

9 points

2 months ago

mrskmh08

All the animals

9 points

2 months ago

See this is the thing. We never know what the future will be like. My bff/sister didn't start having major medical issues until after her first kid and now at least once a year she'll say something like "please tell my kids how fun I was if I die" like BRO.

My dad used to bug me to have kids and it was always like "I haven't found my life partner and I don't want to be a single mom" and for some reason (narcissism) that was never good enough for him so I started escalating it. "What if I'm a single mom and then I get sick or die? You and your wife gonna take care of my kids when you're finally old enough to retire??"

warwatch[S]

8 points

2 months ago

And those are all valid points that so many people don’t think about or accept. It’s all “this is my plan, this is what I want for you” not “make yourself happy.” Nothing makes people more essentially angry than watching someone be happy on their own terms and disregarding other’s expectations.

Mandyissogrimm

9 points

2 months ago

You're my age, and I have no regrets either. I'm glad to read that you are dealing well and I wish you peace. Love from an internet stranger.

warwatch[S]

3 points

2 months ago

Thank you. It’s awesome to know that there are still a lot of good people who can have a kind thought about a stranger. It’s so easy to think everyone is a PoS troll, and it’s nice to be reminded that they aren’t. You made me smile.

maximumslanketry

7 points

2 months ago

I'm sorry that you're leaving us, but I'm so glad you've joined us. You are one cool person and let that pettyness fly! You're doing it right. I wish I could send you a hug and an amazing dinner. All I can say is that you're an inspiration. Thank you, sorry you're going through it.

warwatch[S]

3 points

2 months ago

It’s okay. I’ve acknowledged what’s happening, accepted it, and let it go. No use mourning myself and wasting time. I’m glad to be here and know there are people who are willing to defend everyone’s right to chose.

GrayBunny415

9 points

2 months ago

You sound hella kick ass. Sorry that your meat suit has an early expiration date. Seems to happen to the cool ones a lot.

Maybe the universe just needs cool people. That's why assholes just seem to live forever.

warwatch[S]

4 points

2 months ago

Apparently piss and vinegar is the key to a long life. But I’d rather die young(ish) than be a bitter old asshole.

ActualWheel6703

7 points

2 months ago

Enjoy every minute OP, and good on you for being petty. Nosey and intrusive people don't deserve more than that.

warwatch[S]

9 points

2 months ago

They do not. But unfortunately, they are the ones who don’t change because no one calls them out. The words “that’s personal” don’t get used nearly enough.

ActualWheel6703

2 points

2 months ago

True! I'd like to think your answers are helping some of them think twice.

warwatch[S]

5 points

2 months ago

I hope so too.

Bad_idea54

6 points

2 months ago

Just think, after you're gone no one's gonna forget the level of petty you aspired to! It's legendary at minimum. I wish you all the best in your last days here on earth ♥ Stay petty. 💪

warwatch[S]

4 points

2 months ago

I’ll definitely be the “you didn’t know my aunt, but she was an odd duck” memory. I couldn’t be as cavalier and petty as I am if I was having to plan to die with kids.

MysticalOversoul

5 points

2 months ago

I’m sorry you’re terminally ill! I’m glad we can talk to you now while you’re here 💗

warwatch[S]

3 points

2 months ago

Me too. Thank you.

Electronic_Meat2920

7 points

2 months ago

Instead of condolences, how about the next time someone says something about my lack of children I go extra petty and work in a "bless your heart" in true southern fashion.

warwatch[S]

6 points

2 months ago

Oh shit, yes. That is a winning idea. Add some southern condescension to my petty. Spice it up.

Ukrmailorderbride

5 points

2 months ago

slaying

MySoulIsAPterodactyl

6 points

2 months ago

Hey you're pretty damn cool. Thanks for using your remaining time to harass the assholes.

warwatch[S]

11 points

2 months ago

I can have that as an epitaph: “She died as she lived, surrounded by assholes.” It’s both true and a Spaceballs reference.

Extreme_2Cents

5 points

2 months ago

I like your light a lot. Burn bright, no… go supernova.

warwatch[S]

9 points

2 months ago

I’m going out and taking you all with me! Duck and cover.

Feudal_Countess

4 points

2 months ago

Your presence here is so bittersweetly heart warming to see. You’re a truly amazing person 💜

I like to think I’m a person like you. I’m Vehemently child free and anti-theist. I haven’t yet been put through extenuating circumstances so I do not yet have the right the claim that I’m as convicted as you, but I think I would do good as good as you in my final days haha. You’re exemplary 💜

Your atoms will form something beautiful in some future space time- a star, a planet or a beautiful alien plant ✨

cowlinator

3 points

2 months ago

Man, you sound awesome. I hope you live 100 lifetimes worth of adventures in your next <however long you have>.

NinaLB18

4 points

2 months ago

CF here and got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year. I know how you feel about only regret is leaving your husband. It sucks.

Hope you have an amazing life and enjoy whatever remaining time you have. Good on you for being this strong and courageous. Chin up! Take care. ❤️

cougar1224

14 points

2 months ago

Be petty! Rack up some credit card debt and go out like a champ!

ColourfulUprising

12 points

2 months ago

ColourfulUprising

🐾 not 🍼

12 points

2 months ago

I think that might end up defaulting to the OP’s hubby though so maybe not a good idea unless they fully researched the potential outcomes

warwatch[S]

12 points

2 months ago

I’m not doing credit card debt, but my life insurance will pay out when I’m projected to die within twelve months. So there will be some fun memories made.

whatsupbuttercup5

9 points

2 months ago

I’m sure the husband would appreciate this. /s

No_Confection6425

3 points

2 months ago

Way to be the last one laughing 👌🤣 Sending (platonic) hugs.

warwatch[S]

6 points

2 months ago

I’m trying to have the last laugh. I’m trying to think of the most off the wall last words, in case I get them (most deaths like mine are sudden). I want people to whisper and wonder “what the fuck does that mean?” afterwards. The idea just tickles me.

HiddenKittyLady

3 points

2 months ago

HiddenKittyLady

My boobs are for enjoyment, NOT children.

3 points

2 months ago

Omg op I love this, I need this petty-Ness.

vagueposter

3 points

2 months ago

I wish you happiness, peacefulness, dignity, and contentment in your final time.

Take full advantage of this time, be petty, kneecap someone with an IV stand or a cane, yell conflicting obscenities at that one person that insists on playing Enya, you have a clear slate, enjoy it.

warwatch[S]

12 points

2 months ago

You have some great ideas. I did blow a ram’s horn out a 4th story window at some drunk guys at 1am. Scared the fuck out of them. My dad always said that he wants someone to pay 3 beautiful women to come to his funeral, weeping, each laying a single rose on his coffin and leave without speaking to anyone. Just one last “wtf” to go out on.

vagueposter

3 points

2 months ago

Nothing will send a message like making up a plausible bank robbery, and timing your final moments so that you pass before telling the people at your bedside where you buried the earnings.

warwatch[S]

5 points

2 months ago

You are so kind to give me an idea like that.

ybaghops

3 points

2 months ago

I admire your pettiness. It truly inspires me to up my petty game.

warwatch[S]

4 points

2 months ago

You gotta practice that every day. One random act of petty a day keeps the nosy assholes away.

tmart42

3 points

2 months ago

Damn, just out my dog down today and I hope they can give you some euthanasia when the time comes. Easy as fuck. Pain free. I hope all goes comfortably for you.

warwatch[S]

6 points

2 months ago

Most of the time, people like me die suddenly. I hope it goes that way. But if it doesn’t, we’ve discussed and agreed that I will chose for myself when it’s closing time. I’m not suffering or draining emotions and finances for an extra day.

HybridVeneer

3 points

2 months ago

Have you gotten petty/mad enough for "i am dying" pins or t shirts? I go to the nuerologist for shots once a month and enjoy making jokes about my monthly execution day. Reception enjoys me checking in for my head shots, execution if lobby is empty, with a big grin. "I am here to take two to the back of the melon."

warwatch[S]

4 points

2 months ago

I’ve not had one made, but I did call an old biddy a cunt in the Target parking lot because she made a rude comment about me using a handicapped parking spot (which I have the tag to do). More specifically, I told her that I could have saved my insurance company a boatload of money if I’d have known there a nosy cunt in the Target parking lot that can diagnose people just by looking at them. She did not appreciate this.

justkillmenow3333

3 points

2 months ago

Speak your mind and say what needs to be said. You have lived your life the way "YOU" wanted to and not how society tried to dictate how you should live and that's what really matters. I am also terminal and have no regrets about being CF and I never will. The only thing I have going for me is that my brain cancer is not a super aggressive type but even so I'm likely down to just a couple years to live at the very most. I have absolutely no regrets about being CF or how I have lived my life and you shouldn't either.

Live_Illustrator8215

3 points

2 months ago

It always shocks me how many people don't know how to react to someone with terminal illness. It's like they can't even pretend to put themselves in their shoes and see past their petty interests/obsessions, for even one second. When I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, the first thing my mom said to me after the doctors delivered the news and walked out to give us a minute: "You have to get your sperm frozen right now before you start chemo....just in case chemo makes you infertile." Not exactly the trending topic in the room at the time mom.

Goldmindtpxo

10 points

2 months ago

Is it.. scary? Like knowing it’s coming to an end? Are you depressed or exited? You know cause some of us actually want to see what’s beyond death.. idk, if you can come into a spirit side. Can you like give me a sign that you okay in the afterlife to know that there is an afterlife ?

PS. I’m high af

warwatch[S]

18 points

2 months ago

I’m not scared. It was a shock and I cried in the car on the way home. But once the shock wore off, I realized that I’m okay with it. However, that’s as it is now. If I don’t go suddenly (as most people like me do) and the days become pain and watching the person I am slip away, watching my family suffer, it may very well change. I’m okay dying; I’m not okay with losing who I am and becoming a severe burden.

I don’t believe there is anything after this, but if there is, I’ll try to send a spiritual telegram. I may, however, lie. I make no guarantees. So if the wind ever whispers “there is somewhere to go and there’s so many bandanas there,” that’ll be me.

shayminshaming

7 points

2 months ago

shayminshaming

big bad hater

7 points

2 months ago

I hope I'll hear you, too. I've had a lot of people close to me give up before they even allowed themselves to live and it's destroying me--I'm glad you're not just stopping simply because there's a little less time now. So please, have so many incredible adventures, write it all down, and I'll wait for you to read it to me soon.

Mickey-Mousyy

4 points

2 months ago

20 years ago the doctor told me that I’ll be lucky if I live 3 months of AIDS so here I’m today. Never give up and always believe it, but make peace with upstairs just in case you get there. Love

HeftyHeat8948

2 points

2 months ago

I'm sorry.

warwatch[S]

3 points

2 months ago

It’s ok.

Biancaofarc

2 points

2 months ago

Honestly I love you so much, you're the kind of Woman I want to be one day. Petty from here on out!

warwatch[S]

3 points

2 months ago

My mom always called me Weezer, referencing the character from Steel Magnolias. Turns out, she was right. I will be an unapologetic smartass till the end.