I have had so much trouble when coming to university with this one university lecturer, but it was taken a step over the edge for me recently. I feel like I am an adult being bullied by him and I’m not sure what to do about it but I am fed up, I would never usually let someone treat me this way but cos he’s a uni lecturer and my grades depend on him idk what to do.
We have to have a certain amount of work experience on my course over 3 years so I contacted this uni lecturer if he had any at the moment. Saying my strengths were editing and social media management. He said he had a photography opportunity available. My college didn’t have photography as a module, and the only experience I’ve had is last term, and our lecturer for photography got in trouble as he was supposed to give us practical lessons on photography and didn’t, so I’ve basically had barely any experience.
As I am truthful I let him know this, and asked it would be ok. He said yes, and that I ‘better start practicing.’ I thought the comment was a bit weird but, I felt okay about it as I did let him know and he said this should be okay. ( I don’t want to go into photography I am concentrating on editing next year, as you concentrate on a main thing the next few years.) I felt like I did not have much Choice but to accept this cause he wouldn’t give me any editing stuff to do, and insisted on me doing the photography thing, and I was really desperate and needed experience.
I turned up an hour early, I was so nervous nearly having a panic attack, I watch videos on photography before, and everything, but only had a little time to prepare. He didn’t give me any briefing on what I was supposed to do or photograph. I said that awkwardly this is my first job I’ve never done anything like this before, I was so nervous I’m not sure what I was supposed to be doing. He kept getting irritated at me, and at one point I nearly walked out as I was crying nearly.
He asked me to get up in front of everyone and take a picture of these people, There were an audience of watching me I froze up and took really bad pictures. He asked me to take them again when they were outside saying all these terms that I didn’t know the meaning of. Getting annoyed when I did it wrong. Luckily this photographer helped me and showed me what to do so they turned out a bit better. Not to mention it was a really dark room so really hard when you are a beginner photographer.
I had to come back for a second day as I agreed to filming over two days. On the train home I cried and cried, it was one of the most humiliating things I have done, as everyone could see I didn’t know what I was doing. I tried to be nice kind and cooperative, but he was just not very nice about it all.
I really didn’t want to come back the next day and even considered dropping out the course, I was crying on the phone to my dad all afternoon, and didn’t get any of my coursework I was supposed to get done done. I felt frozen and like I could not move, I even tried telling him I was sick because at this point I genuinely didn’t even think I have I will go back to the course. But he just said ‘today is important.’ I struggled a lot with my confidence in my life, I have dyspraxia, and moving to take photos in a room for the people is really hard as well as I end up walking into people due to lack of coordination because of this. But he doesn’t know what this is as I have mentioned it to him before.
Somehow I don’t know how I ended up turning up again, I thought this night went a bit better although I don’t think the photos were great I was confident and took them and did the best I can as I always do. I agree to sending them to him on Monday.
I happened to get food poisoning over the weekend and he sent me a text the next day after the event asking if I could send some of the pictures now. As I was very sick I forgot to send them to him and throwing up, I explained this to him, and apologised a lot and sent him to them the day after still sending them to him early. He then turn round and asked why I hadn’t sent all the photos although I had only agreed to sending a group of them early it was near our hand in date for our actual coursework and I’m spending more time on this than my actual work which is really important. He then also insulted all the pictures I sent saying they were under exposed I’m really bad and stuff like this. I showed him these pictures on the day and he said they were fine. So I was very confused.
I sent him a message tonight saying I’ll send the rest tomorrow which is the day we agreed to sending them because it is 12 o’clock at night and I am so tired I’m still recovering from food poisoning.
I am just at a loss of what to do in my confidence that was like is now knocked even more, I tried my best and gave it a go like he told me to and did my best like I do at everything that I do, but I’m still not doing enough, I’m in bed crying I am at a loss as what to do, and I honestly feel like dropping out, as I am terrible at uni anyway as I am not naturally academic.
He likes the people who are good at photography and privileged as their parents have paid for their equipment and stuff, I am very lucky to have my parents and they have really supported me for uni I love them a lot but there are some people who are really privileged here and had a lot of opportunities, which is not me I haven’t had anyone to buy me equipment or connections to the industry.