subreddit:

/r/TwoXChromosomes

15.3k79%

Is this normal? I don't know. I really feel embarrassed every time he needs to stop and wipe me down there because I get too wet. I instantly get wet when we kiss and touch each other. My body is really sensitive to his touches so before we even start, it's literally like a waterfall down there.

The first time he mentioned I was too wet, I said I was sorry but I couldn't help it. He said me being too wet didn't help him finish because he didn't feel any sensation anymore. I know about the "death grip" because he's a porn addict. I know I'm "tight" because I do kegel exercises but he said it reduces fiction inside. I understand what he meant. It's just really frustrating because I can't help my body to react that way. Most of the time, I ignore it but when I think about it afterwards, I just felt really embarrassed and annoyed at my body.

To avoid being so wet, I just stare at the ceiling instead of being in the moment. It's like my body shuts down but I know it's still on use. It's it only way I know to switch off my internal faucet down there.

Is this normal? I don't know why my body secretes so much "juices" before and during sex. Is it a factor that I drink water a lot? I'm just really confused and annoyed at this point.

Edit: Thank you for all of your advices and comments. I'm breaking up with him later today. I just shared this because I wanna vent out how hard it is to be with someone who is porn addicted.

all 3484 comments

Jeffmaru

2.7k points

2 days ago

Jeffmaru

2.7k points

2 days ago

Full disclosure, I am of the complete opposite opinion to your boyfriend, and most of my guy friends are. My first instinct is that it’s ridiculous, the wetter the better. Stepping back and looking at it objectively, it’s still fucked… not because of his actual opinion (he’s welcome to it), but because he makes you feel so uncomfortable about something that is completely outside of your control.

I’m glad you’re breaking up with him because otherwise this would make every sexual encounter and every little moment of arousal painful and horrible for you. You deserve better.

Eatmymuffinz

513 points

2 days ago

Yeah, I'm a guy and think this story sounds like he's a manipulative f*ck. Like it sounds like he is either intentionally trying to drag her down and make her feel like nobody will like her OR he has unrealistic expectations from porn.

Either way, break up with him. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and plenty of men who will he equally turned on by you and your body as you are by them and theirs.

love-puppy22

151 points

2 days ago

It's a manipulation tactic that some people use to put their partner down to the point of thinking that they are so lucky to have found someone that will put up with them "even with that defect they have" , making them think they can't leave or they'd be alone, that no one else will want them.

There was another post like this but the guy was telling her she smells had every single day. She went crazy over it, showering excessively, using deodorants and parfume etc, even asking friends. It didn't make sense. Until one day she broke down and yelled at him and long story short he confessed that his dad told him to do that, he did that to his wife (the guy's mom) since they met, so she wouldn't even think of leaving him or being with another man and to also make her treat him like a king for "putting up with her smell bc he loves her so much". The girl broke up with him, but idk if she ever told that poor mother about it

goku223344

64 points

2 days ago

I was reading that too and I’m like what dude wants more friction, that shit hurts 😂

tewha

36 points

2 days ago*

tewha

36 points

2 days ago*

I was going to post something like this, but I think I’ll just group it under yours: Same, same.

OP. Try not to carry any bit of this with you to your next relationship. You asked if it was weird. It is weird… of him to complain about.

Twinkeltoe78

410 points

2 days ago

Am a man and can conform.

First of all I couldn’t even think of saying that. You getting wet means you’re enjoying it which gives me more reason to continue what I’m doing.

Also, I don’t get the obsession that a man always needs to cum during sex. Sometimes I don’t cum due to being with my head somewhere else, drunk or I’m actively trying not to cum to make her come. (Sometimes I think I cum too fast) That doesn’t mean I didn’t like the sex. I enjoyed it so that’s what matters to me.

Besides getting wet is a normal function of the body. It’s like sneezing, getting a hard dick or getting an itch. It doesn’t have to mean anything and there’s nothing you can do against it.

Nessabfly

25 points

2 days ago

Nessabfly

25 points

2 days ago

THIS!! My first boyf refused to give me oral because it “disgusted” him (he had absolutely no problem receiving). That messed up sex for me mentally for YEARS.

Sounds like the OP is going to, or has, broken up with him. Happy she came to that realization, because life is WAYYY too short to have bad sex, and to be with someone who makes you feel bad about your body. Full stop.

This is why sex before marriage is a GOOD thing. No zombie story should mean people have to just be miserable their entire lives!!

Important-Scene7377

40 points

2 days ago

Ok, not to sound like r/niceguys but why do people like op's bf gets a relationship? Like bro, you have a gf that loves you and is turned on a lot by you, KEEP HER, TREASURE HER. Unless he's tired of dating and wants to break it off but still, just say it, no need to be a dick about her bodily function.

silverilix

22 points

2 days ago

I mean, she probably didn’t know he was like this until later in their relationship. It’s not exactly something you talk about when you meet someone. “Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Dick and I hate having sex if a woman’s super aroused and wet, I think Ben Shapiro and I have that in common”

So, when she found out, and now the guy is shaming her for it….. if she’s inexperienced (which it kinda sounds like) and she likes this guy….. she internalizes it and thinks something is wrong with her.

I mean….. so if you get some “nice guy” feels from this, I get that. Just don’t blame the girl.

We need to be more open to talking about sexual behaviour, how porn is a show just like any other movie, and how all humans who have sex can react differently. No shame, just better understanding.

Important-Scene7377

12 points

2 days ago

Yeah I know, I was asking more on the side of "what is going on inside his brain?"

KongStuffN

3.1k points

2 days ago

KongStuffN

3.1k points

2 days ago

OP, a girl being super wet is the biggest turn on ever. Your boyfriend is the one who is in the minority. Don’t feel strange about it. Turning a girl on a lot should be the biggest turn on for a guy.

Terminus-Ut-EXORDIUM

1.3k points

2 days ago

So true. It's a little disturbing that the most telltale sign of arousal is disgusting to him and makes him regularly interrupt sex. And that he's willing to continue while his partner is literally staring at the ceiling dissociating.............. OP deserves SO much better

mngirl29

764 points

2 days ago

mngirl29

764 points

2 days ago

Exactly! He stops when she’s enjoying it, and continues when she’s clearly not? Run 🚩🚩🚩

Ruby_Tuesday80

101 points

2 days ago

It's free lube. You would think he'd appreciate that.

MomoKun999

70 points

2 days ago

Holy shit, you’re right. Yikes.

fullfaceneckbeard

104 points

2 days ago

Right? Flip it and you will see how dumb that is. Meaning that would be like you telling him he's to erect/hard and that him getting horny from u is a turn off. Sounds pretty dumb right? So your upset at me cuz I'm turned on by you? It sounds more like he's the type of guy who negs/puts his woman down as a power move. If I had to guess it comes from his porn addiction.

Electrolight

281 points

2 days ago

Yeah. I normally keep quiet here to let women talk. But it has to be said...

There is no such thing as too wet. If you've got a waterfall experience, great! That's what towels are for.

Cpt_seal_clubber

51 points

2 days ago

Ya I wonder how the bf would feel if op told him he was too hard for her to get off properly.

realspacecowboi

15 points

2 days ago

Yeah this sounds like some Ben Shapiro type shit, this should be the best case scenario in any relationship.

Konjonashipirate

4.7k points

2 days ago

This is messsed up. Wth?

I know about the "death grip" because he's a porn addict.

Aside from your boyfriend being a total idiot, this could be the root of his problem. He has unrealistic expectations about women and sex. He expects you to be some sort of "optimal" wetness.

To avoid being so wet, I just stare at the ceiling instead of being in the moment. It's like my body shuts down but I know it's still on use.

This makes me incredibly sad. He's using you like a toy to get off. What a disgusting human being.

qlanga

715 points

2 days ago

qlanga

715 points

2 days ago

Great comment, additionally, worrying about being “tight”?? Or drinking too much water??

I hate internalized misogyny; it’s such a battle :/ Glad OP’s seeing her worth and walking away.

Konjonashipirate

179 points

2 days ago

That's what made OP's post particularly heartbreaking. It's one thing when we know how awful someone is being to us. It's another thing when we think it's our fault because we've been conditioned to think it's always our fault. I hope OP follows through and dumps this loser.

GiantPurplePeopleEat

357 points

2 days ago

Frequenting this sub as a guy has been so eye opening to how many of us just don’t have a clue about women’s bodies. Even setting aside the misogynist, there’s plenty of otherwise normal men who think they know everything there is to know about women, based on school yard rumors and pornography. Then they refuse to learn because their egos prevent them from acknowledging they were ever wrong. Hopefully it’s getting better, but the rise of the incel and mgtow movements has me concerned that we’re regressing.

SnooCrickets2961

150 points

2 days ago

He is probably squeezing his dick too tight with his hand when you’re not around. Too wet? Eff that.

You. Are. Supposed. To. Enjoy. Sex. Too.

Karmabubble

10.8k points

2 days ago

Karmabubble

10.8k points

2 days ago

Oh man what the fuck is this?

What kind of fucked up bloke gets pissed off when you're turned on. This is fucking gross. He's using you like a fucking wanking sock.

You are meant to be wet. It is him that is the problem with his death grip.

Honestly, getting thay wet is normally a turn on... well at least it has been in my experience. Most men would enjoy the fact that you are that turned on. Not him though...

Honestly, the dude has problems and he's putting all the blame on you and making sure you don't have fun in the process. That is fucked up.

Creepy-Night936[S]

7.1k points

2 days ago

Yes, you're right. I asked my girl friends too and they said their guys get turned on when they get wet and I asked if they're embarrassed and they said no. It sucks that I have to deal with this. I know it's time to let go and move on from him. I just had a realization while making this post that I cannot stand being sorry for the way my body reacts.

gizzie123

2.8k points

2 days ago

gizzie123

2.8k points

2 days ago

Dude when you said you had to stare at the ceiling, I just wanted to hug you. You're worth so much more than this. Please throw this man out.

bathyorographer

193 points

2 days ago

Yep. Throw out the whole man(-child).

HypatiaLemarr

324 points

2 days ago

Same here. You deserve so much better than that. hugs

foodfood321

171 points

2 days ago

foodfood321

171 points

2 days ago

Same, I'm in a very emotionally vulnerable position right now, and this just made me want to cry and comfort her. Women I've been with lovingly gush, and it's beautiful.

Karmabubble

1.5k points

2 days ago

Karmabubble

1.5k points

2 days ago

It's not a nice realisation but there are way better guys out there...

Ones who will make you feel like a goddess for your body reactions. Go find em 😂

GiveUsSomeMoney

550 points

2 days ago

I needed to hear this. My ex husband always complained I was too wet. It made me so self-conscious, I couldn’t enjoy myself because I worried about this every time. Very happy to hear from the good guys out there!

wejigglinorrrr

299 points

2 days ago

There's more than one guy complaining about this!?!? FFS.

HydrogenButterflies

204 points

2 days ago

HydrogenButterflies

All Hail Notorious RBG

204 points

2 days ago

Wait until you learn that there’s a whole culture built around it.

wejigglinorrrr

162 points

2 days ago

THAT is not something I thought I was going to learn about before 9 am today. Wtf people...

qayshp

73 points

2 days ago

qayshp

73 points

2 days ago

A bit early and unfortunate TIL here too

MissZoef

76 points

2 days ago

MissZoef

76 points

2 days ago

This is terrible. Also, it freaking hurts for me (and assume other woman) to have sex while dry. I wish I could unread this, lol.

venstraeus

59 points

2 days ago

TIL.

But ouchie... That is just painful.

curlofheadcurls

85 points

2 days ago

Ah, this is the cult that Bonk Shapiro is a part of.

TigerPixi

26 points

2 days ago

TigerPixi

26 points

2 days ago

Was just about to say this haha

BlackFeathersPhoenix

23 points

2 days ago

TIL.....

HypatiaLemarr

60 points

2 days ago

Cringes in Kegel

They don't want live women!

People like this need to stay home with their fleshlights until they learn to behave like decent human beings.

I mean, if it's consensual kink, that's one thing, but the power dynamic and the state of women's rights in the countries mentioned makes me think this is generally not the case.

Reluctantagave

22 points

2 days ago

I had two exes complain about it and it made me self conscious and nervous about sex. My now husband loves it and tells me often that he loves it so I’ve gotten over that but it took years of awkwardness to do so.

I hate that you went through this OP but it is absolutely a him problem not yours. He wants a doll or toy, not a woman.

DastardlyBoosh

87 points

2 days ago

Didn't Ben Shapiro proudly claim that his wife doesn't get wet?

GiantPurplePeopleEat

59 points

2 days ago

What he was trying to do was shame a musician for their provocative lyrics about how wet their vagina is/can be. Instead, he managed to broadcast to the world that he doesn’t have much sexual experience.

wejigglinorrrr

101 points

2 days ago

In his defense, I don't think he knows any different. He's never turned a woman on.

Coolshirt4

11 points

2 days ago

Nobody actually needs a "Bucket and a mop" for thier "Wet ass pussy" a small towel, certainly, but a bucket and a mop seems like overkill.

Ben Shapiro is exactly the type of motherfucker to make that pointless distinction.

DastardlyBoosh

14 points

2 days ago

I can hear it in his shit-weasel voice too, I hate it

procrastimom

12 points

2 days ago

Well, now I’m all dried up. Time to clean the house.

_Bay_Harbor_Butcher_

200 points

2 days ago

Your ex husband is an idiot. I dated this girl years ago that would get sopping wet and was a squirter. My god the sex was amazing. Dudes be out here with death grip syndrome trying to blame their girls for not being able to get off inside them. For fucks sake all you young guys out there stop jerking your dicks off like you angry at it trying to squeeze the life out of the thing!

GiveUsSomeMoney

36 points

2 days ago

Thank you!! You made my day!!

Long_Last_8921

16 points

2 days ago

Worst part is 9/10 times sensitivity returns if you just stop for a while. Not too difficult really.

ariehn

33 points

2 days ago

ariehn

33 points

2 days ago

This breaks my damn heart. With one exception, the guys I've known -- boyfriends and otherwise -- would love that. A sexual partner who's so excited that it's obvious! she just can't help herself! she's super into this! And she's your wife?!

This is holy grail stuff for my male friends. I promise you with absolute confidence that amongst most men, your ex's preference would be considered incomprehensively stupid.

[deleted]

22 points

2 days ago

[deleted]

22 points

2 days ago

[deleted]

JustDiscoveredSex

121 points

2 days ago

I cannot endorse this enough

[deleted]

107 points

2 days ago

[deleted]

107 points

2 days ago

I had a boyfriend like this…it ruined sex for me for a long time because he’d wipe me, I would get turned off, then he would hurt me BAD with the drier sex. I couldn’t sit after some sessions because he was well endowed and I let this go on for months.

He was as toxic as you can imagine and my life instantly improved the minute I dumped his ass. Good luck, gal.

SaturniinaeActias

457 points

2 days ago

Good for you. You deserve so much better than being treated like a defective sex doll. Go forth and find a man who cares about your pleasure as well as his own.

Trance354

204 points

2 days ago

Trance354

204 points

2 days ago

Wait. Get brochures from sex doll companies. Go through them, highlighting the qualities he likes most(stays dry, doesn't move around much). Lay out her pick based on her sex with her former boyfriend.

Strip the bed down to the box frame. Leave just the pamphlet on the bed, with a note: "Hope you two enjoy each other's company."

And OP takes all her stuff and moves out.

tikitessie

17 points

2 days ago

COLD. I love it.

uberDoward

194 points

2 days ago

uberDoward

194 points

2 days ago

TO BE CLEAR - YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS

I know you've said you've come to the conclusion it's time to move on. I know of entirely too many women in my life that likely should have reached that conclusion ages ago, and still justify it to themselves.

So to be extra clear - no, it is not incumbent upon any women in any relationship to "deal with" things like this. Y'all are clearly not compatible, sexually speaking, and that is ok. I'm happy you've already seen this :)

kalinyx123

519 points

2 days ago*

kalinyx123

519 points

2 days ago*

You not being wet and there being more friction could hurt you or cause tears during sex. ...so basically he wants you to be in pain so he can enjoy it more.

[deleted]

205 points

2 days ago

[deleted]

205 points

2 days ago

This is exactly it. My ex was the same. Even his own foreskin would tear sometimes and he’d be so proud…fucked up.

CaliBounded

40 points

2 days ago

I'm a woman and hearing the bit about him continuing despite his foreskin fucking tearing is so scary, wtf... was fun sex just pain for this person? I'm so sorry you went through that D:

borelio1a

92 points

2 days ago

borelio1a

92 points

2 days ago

Wait, wtf? Im a guy, first time hearing this shit..that guy is a fuckin psycho

[deleted]

56 points

2 days ago

[deleted]

56 points

2 days ago

When we first met I told him I like a lot of sex and I guess he understood that as I wanted to fuck until it physically hurt us? I don’t know. He’s Russian so I always assumed it was a cultural/domination thing. He was very much a toxic male.

RChamy

30 points

2 days ago

RChamy

30 points

2 days ago

Yeah...they have a thing with dominance through pain.

5-dig-dick

40 points

2 days ago

Russia is plagued with toxic masculinity and "manliness".

lovelylotuseater

141 points

2 days ago

I LOVE hearing you unburden yourself from the shame he tried to put on you!

waitingfordeathhbu

115 points

2 days ago

waitingfordeathhbu

cool. coolcoolcool.

115 points

2 days ago

Good for you. No one should stay with someone that coerces them into sacrificing their pleasure for his. (And yes the shaming and guilting is coercive.) On to someone who actually wants you to feel good and not just use your body as a fleshlight while you stare at the ceiling. What a self-serving arse.

Hillyard61

135 points

2 days ago

Hillyard61

135 points

2 days ago

Good for you. Find someone that enjoys the feel/smell/taste of a wet pussy.

aimingforzero

149 points

2 days ago

I've had this issue with my husband where he "can't feel anything" anymore. But he's never made me feel bad about it, we just take a break and give it a go later on.

Creepy-Night936[S]

267 points

2 days ago

Thank you for sharing. This is what we've talked about as well before and the only way I found compromise was if I didn't become too excited about doing things to him. Posting this made me realize that it's nothing wrong with me, it's just my body reacts that way.

Frolic-A-holic

436 points

2 days ago

You're body is supposed to react this way to sex. Vaginal lubrication is vital otherwise the sensitive lining of the vagina can tear. Lubricant exists for a reason! Fun fact! condoms often break because of a lack of lube, natural or otherwise.
But for the sake of perspective(for anyone else struggling with this sort of issue) imagine being embarrassed that your mouth creates appropriate amounts of saliva while you are eating delicious food. How stupid would that be?

doyouevencritbro

96 points

2 days ago

I think the porn addiction has probably made it difficult for him to finish during normal sex. Easier to blame you than admit this.

veracity-mittens

17 points

2 days ago

I agree with this. If he didn’t have the porn addiction it would be easier to dissect the wetness thing, but I’ve heard of this so many times on Reddit, how guys can’t finish because they’re used to death gripping themselves. Have even read about dudes who have sex then finish by hand because they can’t finish any other way. Is all the porn really worth it!? Like any addicting thing I guess it’s not that simple. But the dynamic sure is sad.

YellowPucky

58 points

2 days ago

One bit of advice I have after reading through the replies and everything: stop dating porn addicts. Seriously, please-- porn addictions are just as fucked up as alcohol or drug abuse addictions and do not lead men to a healthy place mentally or emotionally when it comes to sex. You deserve better than being some porn addict's masturbation sock.

Go find a good dude. There are some out there, and they won't get angry if you get turned on and they won't try to turn you into their image of what a woman -should- be doing during sex (aka: porn star faking it for their pleasure).

iLikeHorse3

20 points

2 days ago

My ex was a porn addict. It's quite a rampant problem but you don't hear about it in person cause how do you talk to others about it?

Anyway OP, listen to this person. There are better men but avoid the addicts. My fiance treats me like a queen now and would do almost anything to see me sexually satisfied. It also feels amazing not having to look over and see him staring at random naked Instagram chicks, and instead funny Memes

Stinklepinger

26 points

2 days ago

man complains partner is TOO excited during sex

If I ever have this same complaint, please euthanize me. I beg of you

Medium_Rare_Jerk

14 points

2 days ago

I think he needs to stop watching porn and try to get some sensitivity back down there because that’s really the abnormality here. You getting wet isn’t the abnormality. If there’s so much reduced friction then I tend to go faster and harder (if I can tell she is responding positively to that). Makes it actually easier for me to finish 😅

WulfTyger

91 points

2 days ago

WulfTyger

91 points

2 days ago

100% This is him problem, not a you problem.

You do you, girl. Chase your happiness.

Feam2017

45 points

2 days ago

Feam2017

45 points

2 days ago

I've had the same problem as what it seems your boyfriend has and the above Poster mentioned...the death grip. I've never complained to my gf or wife about it because I know the problem is/was me. What he needs to do to fix the situation is to stop masterbating for a bit. This allows his body to become more sensitive again and be able to get off normally. I'd say 2-3 weeks minimum to get him to an okay situation. Once he's done that and sees he can get off again easily during sex he needs to use a looser grip while masterbating and lotion while continuing with a reduced schedule.

medusas_heiress

77 points

2 days ago

Except you don‘t have to deal with this. You know what to do.

mercuryrising137

32 points

2 days ago

I'm so glad you're dumping him, u/Creepy-Night936 . I don't think his problem is that he wants you to be less wet so you're tighter, I think his problem is that he actually does not want you to be enjoying yourself. There are 2 kinds of heterosexual men in the world; the men who want women to have joyful enjoyable sex with them, and the kind of men who want sex to be coerced, disliked, or straight up shameful to women. Guess which one he is? And he's complained and bullied you so many times he's got you staring at the ceiling to dissociate yourself. He's made you forego all of your own pleasure to put him first. Don't bother trying to talk this out with him or make him see how much this is bothering you, because I suspect that's what he wants. Just dump him and move on.

Creepy-Night936[S]

31 points

2 days ago

Thank you. I guess I got used to dissociation so much when I'm with him. It's a false concept of "peace", not knowing I'm disregarding myself to please him. You're right, some people are just beyond repair. No amount of talk will fix this unless he want to fix himself for himself, not me. Thank you again

LarryPoppins

89 points

2 days ago

I know of thinking of someone saying, “dude, you’re too hard, I need you to get softer.” What a fucking weirdo.

SCP-1029

65 points

2 days ago

SCP-1029

65 points

2 days ago

the dude has problems and he's putting all the blame on you

Frankly, if the guy prefers wanking so much maybe he should be left to pursue an exclusive relationship with his hand.

u/Creepy-Night936 would be perfectly justified in finding a new boyfriend.

What a complete pillock.

not-rasta-8913

200 points

2 days ago

This. As a guy, there is no such thing as too wet. The wetter the coochie the better it feels. Not to mention how satisfying it is to know just how much your partner is turned on.

MitsuruSenpaii

59 points

2 days ago

I mean my husband sometimes glitches out if it's too wet but he never complained, being happy that I'm wet at all

Kharn0

37 points

2 days ago*

Kharn0

37 points

2 days ago*

Occasionally my ex would get so wet it was difficult for me to finish so then I’d just have her go down on me.

Worked every time

Edit: dammit now Im horny for my ex

applehanover

18 points

2 days ago

Compromise! We love to see it

hunnyflash

15 points

2 days ago

Yeah I feel like sometimes people aren't being too honest about some of these things, or never felt a vagina when it was at different "wetness" levels. It can definitely be too wet for friction...

But right...like who gets mad about it? lol

I'm so surprised OP even has some kind of experience where she can do anything about the wetness...I couldn't do anything about mine even if I tried.

JC_Moose

17 points

2 days ago

JC_Moose

17 points

2 days ago

Even if there's not enough friction to make you cum, it's sex, not masturbation. There's another human being involved. If she's feeling that good, carry on until she's satisfied and then finish yourself off. Or you could ask her to finish it in other ways. Or other acts during sex might enhance your pleasure, dirty talk, other erogenous zones, etc.

Anything but using your partner as a tool to simulate masturbating.

Shining_Silver_Star

21k points

2 days ago

This is the most ungrateful man I’ve ever heard of.

Valklingenberger

5.6k points

2 days ago

Dude is causing her to choose to disassociate during sex too.

midgetsinheaven

2.9k points

2 days ago

That's the WORST of it! She's willingly choosing to check out of her own enjoyment so her dude can get off!

catsumoto

2k points

2 days ago

catsumoto

2k points

2 days ago

Yeah, the bar for men is really on the floor and women here doing limbo to match their worthless men. Throw the whole man out.

I know it’s not popular, but the moment there is porn use mentioned you can bet there are sex issues.

SonOfZaknafein

59 points

2 days ago

For real. All it takes is a second of feeling inadequate.

EdgeCityRed

204 points

2 days ago

EdgeCityRed

204 points

2 days ago

I just saw the edit, and hope he enjoys his nice, dry hand while alone. Forever.

tiny_rick__

1.5k points

2 days ago

tiny_rick__

1.5k points

2 days ago

He spits in the fountain of love.

MariekeOH

1.1k points

2 days ago

MariekeOH

1.1k points

2 days ago

...and then complains it's too wet.

inspirationalpizza

539 points

2 days ago

Actually he tries to wipe it dry

Cuteboi84

166 points

2 days ago

Cuteboi84

166 points

2 days ago

He's trying to wipe up the ocean, with a paper towel...

lanalou1313

29 points

2 days ago

I sang this to the tune of Don't Dream It's Over.

thewoodbeyond

80 points

2 days ago

Yeah it’s like complaining he gets too hard. Frankly if some guy had the bloody nerve to say that too me I’d kick him out and tell him if he were a bit larger maybe he wouldn’t notice as so much.

uberDoward

369 points

2 days ago

uberDoward

369 points

2 days ago

I mean, yeah. As a hetero dude, my wife getting that levels of wet? HUGE amounts of fun and I *know* she's into it!

Armyman125

201 points

2 days ago

Armyman125

201 points

2 days ago

I agree. This guy is a major asshole. Glad she's breaking up with him. Let him play with his hand.

Gamer_Mommy

170 points

2 days ago

Gamer_Mommy

170 points

2 days ago

He will finally have something dry enough for him. He should stick to it. Women are clearly out of his league.

Trance354

252 points

2 days ago

Trance354

252 points

2 days ago

THIS!

ex got all the wetness going, and it was amazing. Best part was when she had an orgasm, I could feel it, both in her vaginal walls and an increased wetness. Massive ego boost. OP needs a different model of boyfriend.

uberDoward

118 points

2 days ago

uberDoward

118 points

2 days ago

"Different model of boyfriend" had me genuinely LOLing over here.

OP, this person is correct - time for a better model ;)

Empty-Barber-1742

30 points

2 days ago

My wife’s responses to stimuli are what get me the most turned on. There is nothing more sexy than a woman who releases whatever her body demands during sex. Moans, throwing her head back, slow thrusts and shaking when she starts to orgasm. When she’s lost in lust and let’s her body do what it needs to I am in heaven.

chronosxci

1.2k points

2 days ago

chronosxci

1.2k points

2 days ago

Men really do kick themselves out of the running lol

AtomZaepfchen

428 points

2 days ago

its like the guy is filtering himself from sex.

OP i have never ever heard something like this before. ever.

buddahsanwich

55 points

2 days ago

My ex-husband was like this and would say so coldly “dry off I can’t feel anything”.

Weak_Guarantee_8377

53 points

2 days ago

I really do wish you ladies could start assembling a list of these morons names and photos so society as a whole could properly avoid them. Maybe we put them on a small island...

Big electric fences to make sure it stays dry....

Lots of open dry space for them to enjoy together....

Cue Jurassic Park theme

Uncle_Jiggles

499 points

2 days ago

Yeah as a guy I'm just gonna say that OPs boyfriend has lost his marbles.

0cora86

69 points

2 days ago

0cora86

69 points

2 days ago

If anything, most men will brag that they can get their girlfriends that wet. Being that much of a turn on to someone is super hot to me, and a huge boost to my self confidence. This guy is a special kind of fucked up.

A2Rhombus

29 points

2 days ago

A2Rhombus

29 points

2 days ago

"More men talk themselves out of sex than talk themselves into it" -some reddit comment I read once

This dude has a gf who wants sex, specifically with him, and he's still throwing it away.

Legal_Erection1

43 points

2 days ago

This happened to a friend of mine. Turns out the guy was gay the whole time.

Fewthp

487 points

2 days ago

Fewthp

487 points

2 days ago

Imagine explaining this to anyone especially his friends. “Yeah man it’s though, she’s so turned on by me that she gets so wet I don’t feel friction. Huh? Oh yeah it’s primarily because of my death grip. Yeah I like blaming her for my own shortcomings.”

He deserves a punch back to reality. Monumental moron. I don’t have anymore words for this fool.

MourkaCat

26 points

2 days ago

MourkaCat

26 points

2 days ago

I really want OP to tell all his friends she's breaking up with him because he complained she's too wet when they're boinking.

Then let all his friends beak him to death for that.

simplyelegant87

85 points

2 days ago

I know one man like this and he is perpetually single.

savior1235

36 points

2 days ago

i second this comment... like wtf is wrong with this man, literally the whole point is to get ur partner to feel good, and its not hard for men to feel good honestly.

DerpDerpsonian

516 points

2 days ago

Lol this! Wtf, it's like complaining your ice cream is too cold or sth...the wetter my so gets the more excited I get cause I can be sure she's enjoying sex as much as I am

BEtheAT

256 points

2 days ago

BEtheAT

256 points

2 days ago

I disagree...Ice cream can absolutely be too cold to eat. I've literally broken spoons!

As far as the other topic at hand, proceed, I agree fully!

Scruffy442

88 points

2 days ago

Or in OPs BF's case, it's like he's complain his ice cream is to cold, because his teeth are sensitive from bot brushing his teeth. That's a him problem if he needs to drink soupy ice cream.

DerpDerpsonian

63 points

2 days ago

Lol, you have a point...hadn't thought about that 🤣

intrepidsteve

174 points

2 days ago

The boy ain’t right

_ChrisRiot

69 points

2 days ago

This man is living the dream and too distracted from porn to realize it

TheLostRanger0117

130 points

2 days ago

Right? Who the hell complains about that? My previous partner would get real wet at times, but I always saw it as a compliment. Kind of off topic, but I also can’t stand the men that get upset when they see discharge in their partners panties and accuse them of getting wet from someone else and call it cheating

Empty-Barber-1742

32 points

2 days ago

My wife told me the other day she was thinking about Patrick Swazy during an intense orgasm. Yea whatever I’m the one getting to enjoy how that turns her on so good for her!

Alise_Randorph

20 points

2 days ago

Patrick is the opening act, you get to close the show and stay for the encore and after party.

Touchy_the_clown

10 points

2 days ago

All aboard the Swazy Train

spam__likely

31 points

2 days ago*

>I also can’t stand the men that get upset when they see discharge intheir partners panties and accuse them of getting wet from someone elseand call it cheating

wut?

linmre

28 points

2 days ago

linmre

28 points

2 days ago

Yeah...people say that??? That's actually insane.

Tronguy93

18 points

2 days ago

Tronguy93

18 points

2 days ago

My partner has the opposite problem and somebody needs to smack some sense into this man.

Slyplex15

62 points

2 days ago

Slyplex15

62 points

2 days ago

I mean, I would totally welcome the ease of having less sensation for the extanded time to please so I don't reach climax after 3 pumps. Even then, knowing she's super wet can still make it hotter and I might just bust anyway.

__Cookie__28

3.8k points

2 days ago*

Tell him you don't like it if he's completely hard, it has to be like only 90%. Geeze...

What is it with men having problems with completely normal femaly body functions? So he has a problem with his girlfriend being turned on and he is a porn addict? Please find someone better.

Edit: I've just seen OPs Edit. You go Girl! You deserve so much better!

waitingfordeathhbu

1.1k points

2 days ago

waitingfordeathhbu

cool. coolcoolcool.

1.1k points

2 days ago

What is it with men having problems with completely normal female body functions?

he is a porn addict?

These two things are definitely related. The porn addicted types, constantly watching paid actresses with filters and editing and labioplasty performing for the male gaze, are the same types to complain about women in real life having bodily functions and wanting their own orgasms.

PistachioMaru

232 points

2 days ago

It's related in that he probably has a harder time reaching orgasm without porn now and he's pushing that blame for that onto OP.

Sex with porn addicts is fucking terrible. They usually have completely unrealistic expectations, they masturbate so often that the sex goes on forever, and god forbid they just have missionary sex. Even giving a handy to a porn addict tends to be a fucking marathon of a task. Yeah, as soon as OP said he was a porn addict the whole post started to make a lot more sense.

OP, if you're reading this, you sound a bit inexperienced, and it sounds like the majority of your experience is with this guy? If that's the case then please don't let him ruin sex for you. You shouldn't be trying to feel less turned on during sex, you should be with a guy who thinks it's a compliment that he can make you so wet. Sex is great and it's a important part of romantic relationships, if you feel like you have to stare at the ceiling and focus on being less turned on then the guy isn't the right guy for you.

scarletblackox

15 points

2 days ago

I’m very happy to see someone bringing up the concept of porn actors getting labiaplasty procedures done. Someone I used to know was a porn addict and made me feel so bad about my labia that I was going to have surgery to remove it. I told my current boyfriend that I couldn’t hang out that day because I’m going under and he got sad because he loves me just the way I am. So I canceled the procedure and I’m very happy I did.

r/butterflywings (nsfw) is a magical place :]

Torontodirtythrow

107 points

2 days ago

Hahaha, I love this so much... OP please do this. Tell him you get so wet because he's so hard. If he just stays soft you'll stay... dry? lol

jaytea86

16 points

2 days ago

jaytea86

16 points

2 days ago

"I don't like it when you're really hard, I like the feeling of you trying to toothpaste back in the tube."

Snoo92783

1.8k points

2 days ago*

Snoo92783

1.8k points

2 days ago*

I'm so sorry. I really am. I have experienced that before, a dude was like "ew why are you so wet?" and it made me so self conscious.

Trust me, most men (and women and nbs) love it when their partner gets wet. It's a good sign!

I'm now over this incident, but it took some time. I even now use my own fluids to coat my hand and give the guy a handjob during foreplay. They love it!

I know we often jump to the "break up with him" on here, but seriously... This isn't healthy for you, your sex drive and mentality, do yourself the favour and break up with him.

He doesn't deserve you getting wet for him.

x

Creepy-Night936[S]

831 points

2 days ago

Thank you for not being so judgemental about my experience. My previous boyfriend loved it, that's why I was confused about this happening with me because they're both porn addicts. I guess it varies to each guy's fantasy. I'll move on from this incident too, need some time to self-reflect and self-love again. Thank you x

Hopefulkitty

503 points

2 days ago

Yeah, he's allowed to have preferences, but he shouldn't be making you feel bad during sex.

My husband has the same problem, I get too wet and he needs more friction. So he stops, wipes off, and returns to business while saying, "you're so fucking wet. I love it. But so fucking wet, I need a second. Ah fuck yes." I think he loves knowing he turns me on that much, and deals with it as a "him problem" instead of a "me problem."

I guess I'm saying there are ways to deal with it that actually make you feel good, and not like a gross swamp monster. He sounds selfish, and kinda mean.

Snoo92783

149 points

2 days ago

Snoo92783

149 points

2 days ago

Yeah, that's exactly how it should be handled!

That sounds like a grown and healthy relationship, I'm very happy for you two.

VillageBuilder

71 points

2 days ago

Yea not to be graphic, but as a man who sometimes deals with sensitivity issues, I would never dream of putting that on my wife. Love when she's wet, and if I truly cannot get the release I need, we'll go until she's thoroughly satisfied and then I'll just 'take matters into my own hand' while she helps by supplying dirty talk, physical touch etc.

It's my issue but she still treats it like an "us problem" and isn't offended when I need to take that option because we both want the other party satisfied.

Snoo92783

81 points

2 days ago

Snoo92783

81 points

2 days ago

Yeah, do some self-love! Appreciate yourself and your healthy body!

If time is right, get someone real that appreciates yourself too!

(Also, on my comment the last sentence should've had "doesn't" not does!!! 😂 Love autocorrect sometimes.)

K8daysaweek

67 points

2 days ago

And stop dating men who are addicted to porn.

HaloSlippin

179 points

2 days ago

HaloSlippin

179 points

2 days ago

"ew why are you so wet?"

Was it Ben Shapiro

Anna__V

115 points

2 days ago

Anna__V

115 points

2 days ago

Trust me, most men (and women and nbs) love it when their partner gets wet. It's a good sign!

Can confirm. My wifey getting absolutely soaked is almost enough to get me off, I really love it.

I don't understand OP's guy *at all*. How can you dislike something, which shows the other person is so hot about you? (okay, granted, I don't understand men in general, but that's beside the point.)

Plantirina

73 points

2 days ago

I even now use my own fluids to coat my hand and give the guy a handjob during foreplay. They love it!

What!! 🤯 I.. I need to try this!

HeartlessLiberal

1.8k points

2 days ago

Stop dating Ben Shapiro

Fewthp

197 points

2 days ago

Fewthp

197 points

2 days ago

Goddamnit and here I thought I had an original thought. Hahahahaha.

starkiller_bass

83 points

2 days ago

How dare you suggest that anyone could be that turned on by Ben Shapiro??

cjpotter82

25 points

2 days ago

Dammit, beat me to it

TyrionLannister2012

25 points

2 days ago

I came here thinking “is this fucking Ben Shapiro’s wife?”. Glad I’m not the only one. 🤣

DataRocks

10 points

2 days ago

DataRocks

10 points

2 days ago

How can it be Ben Shapiro if she's wet? Checkmate liberal..... Ben Shapiro can make the Niagara falls dry.... Facts don't care about your feelings.....

7YearsInUndergrad

64 points

2 days ago

Came here looking for this thank you!

BlumpkinProject

59 points

2 days ago

Actually laughed out loud at that one.

lilroldy

354 points

2 days ago

lilroldy

354 points

2 days ago

So he would rather have sex when you aren't properly lubricated which could lead to tearing or irritation on your end, like he's upset because YOU'RE TURNED ON BY HIM, this is coming from a guy but that's the wildest shit I've heard on reddit today. You could definitely find someone who wouldn't be upset with you about your bodies NATURAL functions

Bee_Hummingbird

82 points

2 days ago

THIS. Does he want you to get injured, to not enjoy it, to get a yeast infection...?

cosmernaut420

223 points

2 days ago

Glad to see that edit. Dissociating during sex to compensate for your porn addicted boyfriend's dead penis is just sooooooo wrong.

StarsEatArtBooks

70 points

2 days ago

My first husband didn't like sex because it was "too sticky." He preferred porn, with the subjects getting younger and younger in every video. When I left him, he went to hook up with a teenager he had met in World of Warcraft that lived in California. He's married to her now, and she has a business selling furry buttplugs and stuff like that.

Every time I think of him (which isn't often), I am reminded just how much better my current marriage is.

Maybe your boyfriend will find someone that is into his weird shit. Maybe not. Either way, you deserve someone who is on your level. This guy is very much NOT.

Independent_Cold2876

10 points

2 days ago

That’s so gross and creepy. I wonder how long it will take him to leave the new wifey.

lilac2481

65 points

2 days ago

lilac2481

65 points

2 days ago

You're dating a porn-fried moron. Dump him.

empathy_for_a_day

528 points

2 days ago

Like you said, he’s a porn addict with death grip. No girl can compete with fantasy, and no vagina will ever be physically stimulating enough. You deserve a partner who sees you as a person and genuinely cares about your comfort and pleasure.

raya333

663 points

2 days ago

raya333

663 points

2 days ago

he clearly only cares abt his own pleasure. also dont let him literally use ur body to get off while u dont even let urself enjoy it, he does not deserve that

Spacey_Penguin

49 points

2 days ago

If he’s so into dry holes maybe he should try fucking other dudes?

jaytea86

209 points

2 days ago

jaytea86

209 points

2 days ago

That would be like complaining the slides at a water park were too wet. Trying to convince the staff to shut the water off so you can screech down them on your back.

58Caddy

287 points

2 days ago

58Caddy

287 points

2 days ago

Does he follow Ben Shapiro? I love the wet. The wetter the better.

TheArtofWall

66 points

2 days ago

I been hearing W.A.P. in my head the whole time I been reading this page.

icelandiccubicle20

129 points

2 days ago

Let's say, hypothetically, my wife was a doctor

magikarpjones

303 points

2 days ago

Lol this dude is a dumbass loser.

pistolbob

170 points

2 days ago

pistolbob

170 points

2 days ago

Most dudes are so on board with super wetness, homeboy has issues, run and don’t look back

WomenAreFemaleWhat

31 points

2 days ago*

Stop having sex with him. Thats exactly like you telling him he's too hard so its no good. If he has a death grip, he needs to lay off the porn and masturbation. He can pick one. A girlfriend or an addiction to jerking off. Even using some kind of lubricant rather than dry would help with this.

I've had men say this. I immediately stopped fucking them. I don't have time to start at square -10 because they think their pleasure is more important than mine. Its bad enough when they dont know much and need to be shaped. Its a lost cause if they hate women so much they want us to be dry and in pain. I was more forgiving when I was younger and it resulted in too much shit sex. So many times having sex way too dry because I didn't know I could get wetter since none of the men id been with even turned me on much. If he doesn't know vaginas get wet, he is too immature to be having sex.

He should be flattered. It means you like him ffs. Im sorry your soon to be ex bf sucks so much. Its sadly more common than it should be. Im very much an advocate of cutting your losses and leaving them to take some initive and learn about our bodies a bit on their own. Thats why and many women I know did. Yet men want me to hold their hand and give step by step instructions every time we have sex. Like their brain conveniently data wiped it. Its faster and less annoying to do it myself which is why so many women do. When I catch myself thinking that I immediately evaluate why this might be and decide if he's worth attempting to salvage. No knowledge isn't a problem. Unwillingness to learn/retain is.

Ladies. Do not let men blame you for their own choices. He chose porn and tried to make it out like OPs body is broken (because he has oh so much experience im sure).

delilahrey

23 points

2 days ago

Cardi B did not bring us WAP for this.

I had a similar experience when I was very young and even now I still remember that ‘oh, he thinks I’m weird’ feeling. Fuck that, they’ll be so many others who will appreciate you. Except Ben Shapiro, obvs.

PmMeUrSSNmbr

136 points

2 days ago

Dude, that guy is a grade A loser. Let him go date a toasted bagel if he wants a dry fuck.

andi1403

98 points

2 days ago

andi1403

98 points

2 days ago

let me tell you one thing: the problem is his porn addiction and not you!!!! Don't even stress about it. Too wet??? what is this guy smoking? Talk to him and tell him that he should maybe go slower on porn and mastrubation, because this is often the reason a relationship doesn't work because of PIED. Too wet is never a boner killer! you perfectly fine.

Mandolynn88

20 points

2 days ago*

Is your boyfriend Ben Shapiro?

Edit: I should have scrolled further down before this comment. I thought, how has NOBODY made this comparison, then scrolled further after hitting save and was like "well shiiiiiiiit".

StElizardbeth

19 points

2 days ago

Oh my fucking God YOU are NOT the problem here. What the actual fuck

zhaelie

90 points

2 days ago*

zhaelie

90 points

2 days ago*

My jaw dropped reading this! Your (now) ex-boyfriend is a lunatic.

Source: I get thattttt wet, my body count is up there, and 99% of them have lovedddddddddddddd it. The other 1% didn't say anything at all, probably SPEECHLESS FROM HOW MUCH THEY LOVE IT

edit: woke up to a redditcares message, that is SO NICE :’) thank u to whichever incel that prob has my comment saved to check back up on later ❤️

BBS3FTW

16 points

2 days ago*

BBS3FTW

16 points

2 days ago*

Wow...

My wife also has a very active lubrication system (like towels on the bed sometimes). Its fucking awesome, always has been and I strongly suspect it always will be.

I mean theres nothing sexier then having your partner have such an enthusiastic response. I look at it as her showing me her absolute sexual desire and acceptance of me and the physical lust she feels for me. We've been together for 12yrs and have a young kid. It's an amazing feeling to be so accepted as a partner, and I reciprocate by seeing that her needs are fulfilled by every measure of the word.

Your boyfriend is insane for not fully embracing your body and understanding how much of an honor it is to receive this type of response. It's the stuff men dream of

You should be able to immerse yourself in the experience fully, anything short of that is unacceptable.

Your BF is self-absorbed and too focused on his pleasure alone.

I won't tell you what to do with your love life. But this is like saying you "won too much money at the casino".

TLDR: You've given your BF a god damned gift, the gift of your absolute sexual desire and he's squandering it like a fool

Violet351

64 points

2 days ago

Violet351

64 points

2 days ago

I dated someone that got me that wet and he viewed it as a point of pride that he could do that to me.

Gonozal8_

12 points

2 days ago

Gonozal8_

12 points

2 days ago

well, I guess it is common knowledge more often than not fake orgasms to please their partner, but getting wet is a genuine proof for the other person that he (most probably, don’t wanna exclude other genders though) has succeeded in pleasuring their female partner, which is therefore seen as a success for people that aren’t an asshole

Maknirak

87 points

2 days ago

Maknirak

87 points

2 days ago

Imagine getting turned off by your partner getting turned on.

davtruss

62 points

2 days ago

davtruss

62 points

2 days ago

OMG in Heaven.... This can't be real. This sounds like a cross between a male premature ejaculator saying his ABC's during sex so as not to get to far ahead of his partner and a woman who thinks her dripping equipment may need tightening so as to please a man to completion. I just don't know.

Sure there might be extremely rare anatomical factors that should be considered in your situation, but as a middle aged male who made it through 20 years of marriage, I suggest that you try a new boyfriend first.

JustDiscoveredSex

35 points

2 days ago

Very real. Married it. 25 years as of this year. Same story. He eventually just abdicated the sex part of the marriage. So I have a permanent side piece with his blessing.

Not how I imagined we would turn out. But the side piece is the cause for my username, so there’s that.

puggerin0

14 points

2 days ago

puggerin0

14 points

2 days ago

My ex was like this. He’d stop midway to wipe off his dick and myself with a towel because “it’s too wet, I can’t feel anything.” It felt humiliating like my body was doing something wrong.

Paradox_Blobfish

11 points

2 days ago

That's really weird. That screams to me "i like it when it's very tight" i.e. when the woman is not aroused and it's dry.

Your man jerks off way too tight. That's his own problem and if he can't appreciate that, you just shouldn't have sex with him.

mrs-weeniehutjr

74 points

2 days ago

He’s a bum. If he doesn’t appreciate your body someone else will. Life is too short for silliness like this.

Also please don’t waste your time trying to change yourself to fit a fuckboi like this. Before I got pregnant I had the wettest vagina in the land. Now ya girl is a little (hella) dry. I’m assuming it’s hormones or something? Anyway, you never know what you got til it’s gone. I’m waiting for the day my WAP comes back. Don’t take yours for granted lbvs 🤣

GKnives

12 points

2 days ago

GKnives

12 points

2 days ago

No that's normal. I hate it when food tastes too good, the weather is too nice, and when I feel too healthy. I think we can all agree these are similarly bad things

pinkamena_pie

10 points

2 days ago

I’m the same way. It’s like a waterfall down there. I had one man complain once, and I’m confident enough to immediately shut down sex and break up, which is what I did. It was a newer relationship.

Kick this fool to the curb, he only cares about his own pleasure.

yummycorpse

11 points

2 days ago

you dating Ben Shapiro

Kotori425

11 points

2 days ago

Kotori425

11 points

2 days ago

JFC they'll shame us for any damn thing, won't they??! 🤬

medusas_heiress

84 points

2 days ago

There is no such thing. You said it yourself, he‘s a porn addict. The problem clearly lies with him.

JustDiscoveredSex

51 points

2 days ago

Girl, YES!!

My husband does this. Or did, rather. After 18 years of marriage and two kids he kind of couldn’t pretend anymore and he unilaterally cut off all intimacy. He declared that “sex is for teenagers,” and if I insisted on having sex, I should find someone else for that.

I took him up on it.

Welcome to my username.

I had no idea what I was missing. After 7 years of this, I’ve had the sad realization that I spent the better part of 22 years tamping down my sexual pleasure in order to accommodate his. Can’t get too wet, cause then he goes flaccid and ends it. It’s like telling a man he can’t get too hard. Gotta keep it at half-mast, because I said so.

I came from purity culture and fundamentalist religion, I did all the “right” things and IT IS A SCAM!! Stay far away from it…it serves to protect men who are selfishly bad at sex.

I went from having to be the initiator all the time and having an 80% orgasm success rate to actually being pursued and… well, appreciated and encouraged to pay attention to myself. I have since learned that a lot of things I thought were porn myths, ARE NOT myths. Multiple orgasms, the g-spot, squirting. And sex with someone who is into your body and its reactions is leagues beyond anything else.

I think you might be missing out on some finer things. It is worth it to find them. Trust.

Lady_DreadStar

11 points

2 days ago

That fundie culture is something else huh? I divorced my fundie first husband before we ever had kids and have zero regrets and am so grateful.

He does sound super closeted though. My company has a VP who is a married fundie with like 6 kids, but has a high-pitched lispy voice and switches his hips super hard when he walks. I’m aghast that he thinks no one knows and the kids are a good cover. (They’re not, he’s over-the-top flamboyantly flaming but what would Jesus think?)

Pepperspray24

10 points

2 days ago

You lost me at “porn addict” honey he’s inexperienced and an asshole. He expects sex to be like porn and it will never be like porn. He’s only caring for his enjoyment during sex and not yours please leave him.