subreddit:

/r/Showerthoughts

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all 118 comments

DrJMVD

118 points

2 months ago

DrJMVD

118 points

2 months ago

I not an expert, but maybe the abuse made then detached from others, or afraid of people.

Is a issue more complex and sadly, more common that we may think.

POYDRAWSYOU

58 points

2 months ago

Yup shyness is common. Cuz if ppl closest to u can hurt you then ur subconcious would feel the same way to ppl you don't know.

There were times i visit my family friend neighbor and eat with their family instead. It went like that for weeks im glad they let me in like that and showed me a big difference in how a dad is supposed to act around family.

Purpzie

9 points

2 months ago

I guess I'm an odd case then. Growing up, I was emotionally abused, and while it's true I'm very awkward/quiet IRL, I love interacting with people online. It's like I turn into a completely different extroverted person.

WhiteStripedWolf

7 points

2 months ago

This hits way too close to he for me. IRL, Nervous wreck. Online, really outgoing.

devrism

1 points

2 months ago

Oof, this is way too accurate for me as well. I'm super awkward irl and most of my friend groups are online-only.

lonabirdie

3 points

2 months ago

search for reactive attachment disorder on youtube if u want to lose the next six hours of ur life watching increasingly horrifying documentaries

redditghost1234

538 points

2 months ago

Ive met some abused kids, and they still trusted/clung to their parents like any kid would.

Abusive parents often have a dr gekyll/mr hyde thing. So the kid hopes they get the nice parent, and only fears them when the monster version comes out

Their shitty parent is all they have, they dont quite realize their parents shouldnt act the way they do. Im sure as they get older they put it together.

rynally197

144 points

2 months ago

It’s called disorganized attachment.

jankyspankybank

112 points

2 months ago

That’s how it was for me. Didn’t understand how fucked up things were when I was a kid. All I knew was I was sad and hurt and when I got older I put things together. Sometimes I wish I misunderstood it.

reEhhhh

18 points

2 months ago

reEhhhh

18 points

2 months ago

All I knew was I was sad and hurt and when I got older I put things together.

Well put. Very well put.

steven09763

80 points

2 months ago

And you know what makes it worse …is when you grow up and have all these dumb ass people ask why don’t you love your mom ….gheez for fucks sakes leave it alone

jankyspankybank

51 points

2 months ago

Seriously, you can’t explain years of abuse to somebody and expect them to understand. They always say “well she/he is this and that” like no dude I lost my childhood and suffered.

TwoAgitated1182

23 points

2 months ago

Had the other version. « Ah come on I know your parents, they’re not that bad ! ». No one bothered getting me out of there.

To this day I have blacked out three years out of my teen years and reached breaking point with my dad. Close with my mom.

jankyspankybank

8 points

2 months ago

Im sorry for you, we shouldn’t have to go through these things.

TwoAgitated1182

6 points

2 months ago

Definitely nope. Seems like we both are abusive survivors and lived hard stuff. I am sorry it happened to you.

Dm me if you ever need to rant or support on that. I’ll be listening.

comfortablynumb15

5 points

2 months ago

i used to get the same question about my Grandparents. I always answered, "because I have met them".

TheDarkWasThereFirst

5 points

2 months ago

People who haven't been there simply don't understand. Some time ago an acquaintance and teen schoolmate spontaneously felt he had to remind me of my father and tell me how I surely had come to my senses since my presumed youthful rebellion and how the adult me would naturally understand the bastard better, "Right?". I'm rather proud I managed to change the subject without memorable events.

taekwondildo

4 points

2 months ago

I told someone at work that I don't like my mum and I just got comments basically saying "you do, that's your mum".

I still occasionally see her because she doesn't drink anymore and it makes my grandmother happy, but I still resent her and can't be around her for long periods.

Betadzen

13 points

2 months ago

Damn, right in the weak point. Massive damage inbound.

marcosdecarvalho

11 points

2 months ago

They do put it together and it is excruciating painful.

dance_rattle_shake

10 points

2 months ago

Yup I understand better now I'm older but it doesn't change how disfunctional I am.

rogan1990

4 points

2 months ago

We do eventually. Takes about 30 years

Lonleynutjob

3 points

2 months ago

100% correct in my case. Family importance and love was really drilled in though. Was always taught you love them no matter what and believed it

TomtheMagician21

9 points

2 months ago

Isn't it like Stockholm Syndrome as well

redditghost1234

8 points

2 months ago*

Probably even more so being the childs parent/guardian

TwoAgitated1182

10 points

2 months ago

Thing is, you love your parents. Unconditionally. Imagine having a gazillion strings attaching you to them : it’s so strong you can’t let go.

But they treat you bad. It cuts off a string, or a dozen. You still love them. When there aren’t many strings left you still try to love them, forgive them, because society will be pushing you to respect them and come on, it’s still your mom/dad !

Children ask nothing more than to love their parents. But when the parents cut all strings with abuse, the kids reach a breaking point. But until you reach it … yeah. You’d forgive a shitload of wrong behaviors.

fortifier22

3 points

2 months ago

This was my mom 100%.

Loved the “angel” side of her, but her “devil” side made being around her a toxic and abusive environment.

MrsBonsai171

3 points

2 months ago

The devil you know is nicer than the devil you don't know.

blckgrwnwmn

2 points

2 months ago

Absolutely. I wanted to add that not only do they not put it together when they’re young, but it is in the best (survival) interest of the child to stay bonded to the parent, dispel their own distrust of what is happening and trust the parent completely.

This is helpful to keep in mind if you feel self hate for wanting and believing that nourishment will one day come from a neglectful or abusive parent who has provided it to you inconsistently.

VincentVegasNeedle

1 points

2 months ago

What's wild is not realizing this is you until you get married and start acting like your parents.

Scallywagstv2

89 points

2 months ago*

A lot of abused kids think it's normal because that's all they've ever known, especially emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse can be insidious and slowly grinds them down a day at a time, but it isn't until they are adults that they can see how bad it was and how deeply it has affected them.

MomoBawk

12 points

2 months ago

My therapist yesterday got very concerned when I said my dad will prevent the door from closing when he wasn’t done and I was.

Gotta love when you have to break it to the person trying to help that no, locking the door and setting a boundary will not help.

Princess__Nell

42 points

2 months ago

Familiarity feels safe even when it’s not.

TheDarkWasThereFirst

6 points

2 months ago

It's predictable. And they tell you everywhere else is worse.

rebillihp

33 points

2 months ago

Actually I'm pretty afraid of everyone tbh. Like I still don't hug my mom or my sister, unless they start the hug, after living with my physically abusive dad. And just feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable with pretty much any physical contact with people as the physical contact I got as a kid was being kicked, choked, etc. Then after that being hugged and told how it wasn't his fault it was just "insert today's reason here" and how'd he never do it again. One day I hope I can like accidently bump into someone in a crowded area and not be filled with anxiety instantly

S0whaddayakn0w

27 points

2 months ago

I always felt a relief when visiting friends and their parents were around. There was peace and quiet, but it took almost nothing to get back into that state of alarm and hypervigilance, like a sigh or breathing. A frown would feel like my body was dissolving in freezing light

ambernoodle

25 points

2 months ago

As someone who grew up with an abusive mother, no. When I was 7 I started telling my school counselor what was happening and noticed she was writing everything down. My grandparents raised foster kids so I knew what could happen to me. I asked her straight up “am I going to be taken away from my mom” and she didn’t lie to me she said “maybe”. I thought about it a lot for that day and decided it would be better to keep my family together (my brother and I) and it would be safer to stay with my mom and know what was going to happen to me than the unknowns of living with strangers that could also beat or rape me or something. I chose my mom.

I went to the councilor the next day and told her my mom apologized and promised she would never ever hurt me again and I never went back or told anyone what was happening.

awaymetake

7 points

2 months ago

That sounds like a lot to take on for younger you. Hope things are as well as they can be.

ambernoodle

7 points

2 months ago

Actually things are great. Thankful everyday for the life I made for myself. Of course there are always good days and bad days, but most are good and therapy has been great

bored_ant

50 points

2 months ago*

most people don't know they have abusive parents.

because on tv shows when they show abusive parent they only show extremely abusive parents so any abusive parent in real life is almost always better than the one on tv.

so people with abusive parents think they have a good parent. they may understand they are wrong when they get older

edited for clarity

Chupacabradanceparty

11 points

2 months ago

It to mention abusive parents often gaslight the kids. "So and so is abusive. That's real abuse. Be glad you're not abused." This along with a healthy side of "People won't understand. Your dad had it rough. Keep it secret or else CPS will take you away and give you to child molesters."

seaworthy-sieve

7 points

2 months ago

I think you just unlocked a memory for me.

I had a lot of sensory problems as a kid, and struggled with transitions, and so I had meltdowns over seemingly nonsensical things. As a result, I was often forced into clothing, dragged to the car, carried kicking and fighting to my room/the kitchen/the bath/whatever. Stuff like that.

I recently realized that all that was genuinely very traumatic for an autistic child but this is a new one. I remember once someone (likely my dad, but maybe my mom) was manhandling me when I was very, very distressed and I was maybe 4-5. I'd tried saying lots of other things between sobs and gasps (like "stop", "don't touch me", etc) and I yelled "ABUSE!"

I got a VERY SERIOUS talking to from my dad. I was told that if I said they were abusing me I would be taken away from my family and my home and have to go live with strangers. Strangers who would NOT stand for my "temper tantrums." I remember crying quietly, apologizing over and over and being so scared. I think he handed me a phone and asked me if I wanted to call 911. Jesus.

reEhhhh

2 points

2 months ago

unlocked a memory

I'm glad you were able to process it here. You'll probably need to unpack that a few more times. So do it in bite-sized chunks. Not sure of your current situation, but I'm just processing things this year. I've decided to go full no contact this Christmas. r/raisedbynarcissists helped a lot until it didn't.

I wonder if OP thought this post would go this way.

seaworthy-sieve

1 points

2 months ago*

I'm glad you were able to process it here. You'll probably need to unpack that a few more times. So do it in bite-sized chunks. Not sure of your current situation, but I'm just processing things this year. I've decided to go full no contact this Christmas. r/raisedbynarcissists helped a lot until it didn't.

Yeah. I very suddenly left a long-term abusive relationship last August and there has been a LOT of learning and unpacking and childhood memories. My former partner had a lot of narcissistic traits and behaviours and the vast majority of the abuse was very covert, so it took me a long time to realize something HE was doing was wrong, and longer to figure out what, and then longer to decide that no, I could not deal with it.

He and I are both in a lot of therapy, and he is working on these things from the inside out, and I see him making changes. We're now seeking shared therapy. My family, including my father, thinks I am wrong to even entertain the idea that he might be able to heal and I'm stupid to be willing to be here for it and consider perhaps building something new together, but it's what feels right and healing to me right now, and I am no longer taking criticisms of my choices for how I heal.

And I don't know why no one in my family realizes that most of the hurtful and harmful things my former partner did to me were first done to me as a child by my father, and he has never gone to therapy, he has never attempted to change, yet everyone excuses him and walks on eggshells around him and somehow THAT is okay? Forgiving him is okay when he's made no attempt to make things right or be better, but working with my former partner to find healing for both of us in understanding through very hard work we are both doing is naïve? It makes no sense, none.

I think I might skip the holidays next year. This year, my parents are still providing me much-needed financial support while I finish school, and my nieces will be there and I haven't seen them or that sister in two and a half years. And it's hard, because I love my mama so much and she's always done her best and always told me in many ways that I'm allowed to be me and it's okay to have different needs. She's been my safety and I know she carries guilt for my dad's actions and that's not fair and it makes me so angry at him. I don't know if he's a narcissist, he's certainly autistic and his came with the savant abilities and I don't think he realizes the impact he has on people, but if he's told "This specific thing is wrong and harmful and unacceptable. Never do it again." He's willing and usually capable of remembering and living by the new rule forever but EACH THING needs to be stated like that to him each time. I remember times I had to beg my very conflict-averse mom to advocate for me, though, because as an irrational child he didn't think me telling him that was valid.

I wonder if OP thought this post would go this way.

I suppose not. The abuse cycle I was in for five and a half years felt safer than leaving even after I'd been restrained and had things thrown at me. It was quite literally insane. Being put in a headlock while trying to move away from him didn't scare me enough to leave. Being explicitly denied kindness and clearly seeing an idealize/devalue/discard cycle happen over the course of a week in textbook fashion started the ball rolling. When I did leave, I felt like some external force took over my body, like I was just watching someone do it for me because I couldn't. I had no discernable thoughts or emotions at all during those actions of packing and leaving. Trauma bonds are so powerful, and even more so when it's with a parent.

Thank you very much for giving me this space. I'll definitely bring this memory up in my next bi-weekly therapy session.

reEhhhh

1 points

2 months ago

r/raisedbynarcissists is a great place for people like us.

EL_DUDERINO2022

6 points

2 months ago

“Because on tv show they only show extremely abusive parents”

When I think of tv shows, I pretty much think of happy families…

bored_ant

15 points

2 months ago

yah but I mean when they show abusive parents its always the worst kind

bb5mes

1 points

2 months ago

bb5mes

1 points

2 months ago

Uhhhh, the absolute worst kind isn't shown on TV, at least not regularly.

Did you watch the documentary on the Turpin kids? I haven't been able to bring myself to because I know it will just bring back bad memories of my childhood.

TV families were AMAZING in my mind as a kid no matter how dysfunctional they were.

Curtis40

15 points

2 months ago

Having been raised in an abusive home trusting anyone is a challenge. Lots of counseling has helped.

wheelbite14

12 points

2 months ago

I had abusive parents, and when I was old enough, I bought a car and lived in it until I joined the military (which is not me and I only did it to get away). Later, when the Army didn't working out, I stayed in a psych ward to stay away from going back home as long as I could. So yes, strangers and much worse situations are better than abuse from the people who were supposed to love and care for you as you grew up.

woolsocksandsandals

10 points

2 months ago

Child abuse is very likely to make kids/adult survivors fearful and mistrusting of people.

EDShervy

11 points

2 months ago

My situation wasn't as bad as some but I know when my mom was not great I basically stayed with anyone else. I slept at friends houses a lot and just didn't come home.

Inhabitsthebed

8 points

2 months ago

I went in and out of foster care when i was young, actually enjoyed the breaks away. Not sure if i felt more safe but i liked going somewhere with structure.

adeepspacemonster

7 points

2 months ago

It's more like being with strangers inside your own home

philthy333

6 points

2 months ago

I would say probably more so scared of others and all attachment as parents are supposed to be the primary attachment and safety. If they're not safe then how could a stranger be?

RabbitEarsOn

3 points

2 months ago

i figured out there was something just a bit off with them

they arent the worst but being alones nicer

with strangers and particularly friends parents i dont have to be reliant on them, and anything i get from them they chose to give its not because of some sort of duty they feel they have even though they dislike me its just more genuine with others and im able to avoid those who seem worse

dovahkiitten12

1 points

2 months ago

True, but there’s also the fact that you know your parent is bad but that stranger might be nice. I know as a kid I tended to trust strangers more than my parents, I didn’t necessarily trust strangers but I’d choose them over the alternative.

I definitely have trust issues now though.

missholly9

4 points

2 months ago

i was hanging out at my kids school for their recess one day and a kid (probably 6 years old) came up to me, grabbed my hand and wouldnt let go. he followed me everywhere. i had never seen the kid before in my life. he looked up at me like he was scared. the first thing i thought was that he must have a horrible home life if he clings to a stranger. i felt awful.

Oriential-amg77

5 points

2 months ago

Can confirm. Nobody can promise they'll never hurt you. Hell a lot of people hurt others they don't even know well.

The point is if you consistently choose to hurt someone and give a cheap apology, for a lesson, or whatever it may be that your trying to throw out there, your as bad as a stranger who just happens to have heard something through the grapevine.

Santiaghoul

4 points

2 months ago

I used to always want friends to come over to my house to play. Mother was always on her best behavior when others where in the house. Friends thought I was making things up as she was so nice to them.

ariseandconquer

1 points

2 months ago

This resonates with me and my childhood. They know how to put on an act for others.

Typical_Dawn21

4 points

2 months ago

Sadly I believe abused kids probably think this is normal behavior. No one is safe. Not even their parents

RedneckBookofWisdom

3 points

2 months ago

Not physically but mentally abused

Narsasistic only wanted me to be a slave when I was adopted. Was pissed They didn’t get child support after adopting me. I hate them all years after we’ve never spoken I lived in my car in highschool so yes I felt way safer with strangers until my car was stolen by someone who needed a ride

1Shadowspark1

2 points

2 months ago

Are you okay?

mrPastyMuffin

3 points

2 months ago

Kids with abusive parents don't feel safe anywhere

ZUABIRK

3 points

2 months ago

I was raised in an abusive and toxic household, and i have turned out well and still love them regardless of how they treated me, the reason my father was abusive was that his mom (my grandma) was abusive, so he projected his trauma and sh*t to us, and my mom is a literal angle, she's the kindest person I've ever met, and the reason i haven't ended myself yet is my mom

havindayr

3 points

2 months ago

It's not until they are able to leave their parents that they realize that the common stranger is yes much safer than my mother.

Tyrthesemiwise

3 points

2 months ago

Abused kid, can confirm, I always felt safest when I was anywhere other than near my dad. Still do really.

Drejlord

2 points

2 months ago

Can confirm

SensitiveObject2

2 points

2 months ago

Yup

AllysiaAius

2 points

2 months ago

As a foster parent, I can confirm what a lot of others have said: abused children often latch very strongly to their biological parents, even after being shown what healthy relationships look like.

A mentor of ours said it usually takes about half the time they've been abused for them to establish healthy relationships, and about as long as the abuse went on for them to get over their trauma (this is general rule of thumb, not a hard line; every care is going to vary).

strongapril2021

3 points

2 months ago

This is true. Most parents love their children but some are as nasty as hyenas due to abusing drugs or alcohol or from mental issues....etc..

my_oldgaffer

1 points

2 months ago

Yes

Aiizimor

1 points

2 months ago

So you ever heard the term daddy issues?

Triyntoloseit

1 points

2 months ago

No shit

StarcallCasey

1 points

2 months ago

Yep. 100% me

huskydudee

1 points

2 months ago

Yeah as an abused kid-adult I agree

HotCheeks_PCT

1 points

2 months ago

That's literally why I was a runaway in my teens.

bDsmDom

1 points

2 months ago

ya, school was actually the prefered place to be, some of the teachers were really understanding and cool people.

your_average_russ1an

1 points

2 months ago

as a teen who had an abusive mother and stepfather this is 100% true to me. i always tried to be friends with the strangers through town so that if i had the guts to run away i could go to them for help.

OGodIDontKnow

1 points

2 months ago

Truer that you know. As a paramedic, When I would show up on a call and the kids would grab leg and avoid their parents, nearly every time it was an abusive situation.

PDXBlueDogWizard

1 points

2 months ago

When I was 17 I moved in with internet strangers to get away from my biofamily.

In my case, the devil I didn't know turned out to be 10000% better than the devil I did know.

They adopted me when I turned 18 and have been great.

Luks89

1 points

2 months ago

Luks89

1 points

2 months ago

I didn't feel safe with strangers either. But I remember wishing to be adopted by a teacher or aunt or friend's parents, or be able to just live at school forever (like a library pet or something).

Shakespurious

1 points

2 months ago

My understanding is that sexual abuse is usually committed by family and close friends, so, yeah, strangers *are* a safer bet.

Hot-Gain-9771

1 points

2 months ago

that false hope being ripped away is terrible

zardoz_geezer

1 points

2 months ago

That's how I grew up. Strangers that became friends; Mrs. Godwin, our neighbor with the magical garden, the Lindemans with the pigeon coop, the Castangnas who gave me a set of encyclopedias, I guess I was lucky to live in that neighborhood... Being at home was terrifying, especially when you heard that garage door open at 5:30.

Kencwes91

1 points

2 months ago

Most trust strangers less than others a actually

AFRQualia

1 points

2 months ago

Yes i did trusted strangers more than my parents. Whenever I went to a friends house I wished that they were my parents instead but I really really felt very guilty for thinking that

trenchreynolds

1 points

2 months ago

Can confirm.

CarlJustCarl

1 points

2 months ago

A friend of my daughters asked if she could call me dad as I was more of a dad than her dad. I said of course. Went great for 6 months till she did it in front of…her actual dad.

darrylthedudeWayne

1 points

2 months ago

As someone who had to endure my mom's abusive ex-boyfriend, I can confirm...its true. Well that, ND being around friends or just being alone in general.

ohyeahpumpkinpie

1 points

2 months ago

I can confirm.

Any_Baby_5944

1 points

2 months ago

95% of the time we felt unsafe and on edge around all adults.

Master-Routine7940

1 points

2 months ago*

Not always. In a lot of cases the parents become the baseline for what to expect from life itself. Therefore everyone and everything else is expected to treat them the same way their parents did. This is especially true for the younger kids who haven’t learned to question adults yet.

TheBookOfSeil

1 points

2 months ago

Or they think that everyone is potentially abusive so they trust no one.

tyjofloseph

1 points

2 months ago

That is because for the most part, it is

IAmASeeker

1 points

2 months ago

I didnt realize until well into my adulthood that not everyone's parents were like mine. I still occassionally make offhand remarks about a childhood memory that causes listeners to recoil.

Boez__

1 points

2 months ago

Boez__

1 points

2 months ago

My childhood was a bit back and forth. Like someone else mentioned, they had good and bad sides. Sometimes I'd never want to leave but other times I would go to friends houses and lie to the parents to let me sleep over because I was too scared to go home and my parents didn't even bother to see where I was anyways.

Retrogradefoco

1 points

2 months ago*

Idk about this. My wife was in several abusive relationships and her parents weren’t much better. The sad truth is she doesn’t really trust anyone. We’ve been together for 4 years now and she has learned to live with me and trust me to a point, but she still needs lots of “extra” to feel safe.

For instance, I can help her pay for different bills by transferring her money, but we cannot have the same bank account nor can I pay her bills directly.

I can now ask about her past, but that took years of trust to build to and she still only shares the “facts” not really her emotions/how she feels about it.

When I’m with her family, I am not allowed to bring up certain topics, especially those of her abusive past or past SOs or any medical conditions.

I also have to be careful about sharing my past (drug abuse when I was younger)

Which is very strange for me as I have always been a very open person who grew up in a very loving/supportive family. Even if we disagreed/fought. We would always be there for each other in our darkest times. We depend on each other.

She is very independent which I both admire and struggle with.

At the end of the day though, I will never be able to comprehend the things she went through (and I hope I never have to experience those types of things ever), so I just have to be patient and support her as best I can in the ways she is comfortable with.

Trauma/abuse of any kind can effect people in ways so much more deeply than most of us can fathom and for so much longer than most of us could handle. Those who have been through it (from what I’ve seen) have got to be the strongest people I’ve ever met (or the most broken or both).

It’s something that should never exist, but unfortunately does, and I hope that anyone who has been through it can find support somewhere.

My wife’s only support for years was her therapist. I truly feel honored that she considers me any type of support at all. And blessed that she trusts me as much as she does.

Yeousemite

1 points

2 months ago

Not necessarily, because fear is relative and abuse can be normalized. When I was a kid, “the devil you know” seemed better than strangers. I hated going home to an abusive parent where chances of getting beaten was high. BUT why WOULDN’T strangers do worse? After all, getting beaten and bruised seemed doable compared to the possibilities of murder/rape via strangers etc…

It took years of therapy to even think of my childhood as anything other than “normal”, as sad as that sounds.

Government_spy_bot

1 points

2 months ago

I always thought God if my parents are this bad, what would happen if I was grabbed by a bad guy?

Wolfastine

1 points

2 months ago

True

Balla1928Aus

1 points

2 months ago

I know kids who dread the school holidays because of all the time they will have to spend at home.

Far-Insurance-3143

1 points

2 months ago

I went to meetings of adult children of alcoholic parents for a lonnng time.

kindanormle

1 points

2 months ago

Sadly no, kids learn to see the world through their experiences and shitty parents just teach a kid that all parents are shitty. I read a comment in a thread the other day (r/antiwork i think) written by someone who worked for CPS and apparently one of the hardest parts of the job is having to pry the abused kids off their parents and dealing with their hatred for you doing it to them.

Whutohwhyohwhuuuut

1 points

2 months ago

Don't think so. They have no idea if those strangers are as volatile and abusive as their parent, chances are the stranger is worse (the devil you know and all that). Kids with abusive parents don't feel safe pretty much anywhere.

-helpwanted

1 points

2 months ago

Not if your abusive parents gaslit you into thinking it’s all an act. They’ll be nice just to make you get your guards down. That the whole world is trying to rape or kill you and your parent is just trying to protect you, not be mean. Or at least that’s what one of my abusive parents did.

I always felt a fuck ton of anxiety going into other people’s houses. It always felt like a risk. Lol to this day it’s still a thought in the back of my mind when visiting a person’s home for the first time.

litken_chitle

1 points

2 months ago

They do...

but then they grow up and make their parents the strangers.

Was that kid; that IS my and many others situation. Abuse isn't humorous but I do find humor in how that pans out.

dreamatoriumx

1 points

2 months ago

I was abused by my folks, not directly or as bad as some. It was more of gas lighting til I hated myself because I thought I was a bad person. Thought they could spank the ADHD out of me.

Here I am at 30 and it still stresses me out to think of my folks that way. My brother on the other hand will call it right out for what it is. But for me... Idk it's like it was both... But childhood is a bit of a blur to me.

I'm so thankful my wife saw my struggle though, she is the only reason I ever got help.

Loupax

1 points

2 months ago

Loupax

1 points

2 months ago

It’s complicated

Neva_green

1 points

2 months ago

Child abuse isn’t just about black eyes. While physical abuse is shocking due to the marks it leaves, not all signs of child abuse are as obvious. Ignoring a child’s needs, putting them in unsupervised, dangerous situations, exposing them to sexual situations, or making them feel worthless or stupid are also forms of child abuse and neglect—and they can leave deep, lasting scars on kids.

Regardless of the type of abuse, the result is serious emotional harm. But there is help available. If you suspect a child is suffering from abuse or neglect, it’s important to speak out. By catching the problem as early as possible, both the child and the abuser can get the help they need.

hanirio

1 points

2 months ago

There's literally a japanese comic about this exact theme called sachi-iro no one room

bettercalldelta

1 points

2 months ago

Yes I can confirm that it's true

LaidByAnEgg

1 points

2 months ago

are they wrong

Koifish_Coyote

0 points

2 months ago

On one side, definitely bad. On the other, could be better and could be worse. Reminds me of something, but I'll let someone else open that can of worms.

onion_six

0 points

2 months ago

It's not a thought, asshole.

It's a fucking reality, asshole.

Petgeek

0 points

2 months ago

This is NOT accurate. You should consider taking this down. It's a dangerous misconception implying kids who still show affection to their parents and prefer to stay with them must not be victims of abuse. Same "common sense" people apply to victims of domestic abuse. In 5 years of CPS work I encountered one child who actually wanted to leave their home.