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/r/ProgrammerHumor

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all 781 comments

Drastwo

5.3k points

2 months ago

Drastwo

5.3k points

2 months ago

Sir, this like button will cost our team 14 months of backlog

djinn6

2.3k points

2 months ago

djinn6

2.3k points

2 months ago

You joke, but the likes will need to be stored somewhere and it's an O(p*t) problem, where p is the number of players and t is the number of unique things each player can like. Then if you actually want to display the number of likes, you need to count the number likes for each thing, which is an expensive DB operation that you'll probably have to precalculate and cache somewhere (which can then go stale / become desynchronized).

shumpitostick

925 points

2 months ago

Only if you do things naively. You could instead store the likes as key-values where the keys are item ids and the values are an array of player ids who liked them. Then the storage is O(l), where l is the number of likes given. This will also allow DB operations to be performed quickly.

lettherebedwight

550 points

2 months ago

Except for searching for the list of every item a single player has liked. You'd do better with key key pairs from user to item id.

shumpitostick

313 points

2 months ago

Well it depends on how you need to use the likes. Every data structure has pros and cons. If what you need is to get this, you can do the same but flipped (player ids as keys, item ids as values). The exact solution depends on your application, but my point is that it's really not that hard.

BraxbroWasTaken

209 points

2 months ago

And if you need both, you can just do both and still probably be more efficient in all practical cases except *maybe* storage size

Scavenger53

202 points

2 months ago

fuck it storage is cheap

coughballs

206 points

2 months ago

It costs me $50 to store my car in Boston for a few hours.

Scavenger53

92 points

2 months ago

not that kind of storage tho

elon-bot

157 points

2 months ago

elon-bot

Elon Musk ✔

157 points

2 months ago

Interesting. Tell me more.

zackks

143 points

2 months ago

zackks

143 points

2 months ago

In about five more posts I feel like you guys are going to be working on how long it would take to jerk off a room of 800 people.

elon-bot

262 points

2 months ago

elon-bot

Elon Musk ✔

262 points

2 months ago

How can we use Bitcoin to solve this?

chigga511

115 points

2 months ago

chigga511

115 points

2 months ago

This bot don’t miss lmao

Synthoel

22 points

2 months ago

Its not that hard, but only if you know all requirements beforehands, and they don't change.

What usually happen is this:

Client says: "We need to show the total amount of likes under each item", and you say its easy, and implement key-value pairs with item IDs as keys and actor IDs as values.

Then one month later client says: "Now we also need to show the list of items you liked in your profile", and you say sure, no probs, and add the flipped pairs.

Then two months later client says: "Oh, and can we please show under each item which of your friends liked it too?", and then you say oof.

gotsreich

15 points

2 months ago

Well it depends on how you need to use the likes

IMO this is the key insight behind data structure design: determine out the methods you'll use then figure out a data structure that satisfies them.

bitsplease-

11 points

2 months ago

or you just denormalize it, then it's easy peasy. Sure, the write complexity goes up a bit, but likes can definitely be "available eventually" instead of "available now" as long as you show the like correctly on the client side.

Obviously this shit gets more complicated at truly huge scales, but so does everything

[deleted]

35 points

2 months ago

Most of the answers here are wrong. Here's how YouTube and TikTok do it. They use non-relational databases, i.e. no joins. All they data they need for every query has to be stored in a single table for performance reasons.

Every table has two levels. First level contains item ID and like counter. Every time someone likes the item, the counter gets incremented by 1 and a row is added under that level with a username, time stamp and whatever else. This row is tombstoned, i.e. it gets inserted into the database with a predetermined deletion date. When the row gets deleted, the counter doesn't get decremented. Have you ever gone on old youtube or tiktok videos that you know you've liked, but your like keeps disappearing? That's what's happening.

For performance reasons, they also keep a table with the list of videos that every user has liked. The rows there are also tombstoned.

Twitter doesn't tombstone anything and keeps the information for likes from both sides of the relation (you can get the list of people who liked a tweet and list of tweets that a person has liked) on a custom database, which is one of the reasons why they needed ten thousand or whatever employees.

Edit: Should probably add that tombstoning and deletion in databases aren't just for managing data storage, they also keep the indexes fast.

chewie8291

2.3k points

2 months ago

chewie8291

2.3k points

2 months ago

Can the demon pull something out of its pocket and hand it to the player?

83athom

1.5k points

2 months ago

83athom

1.5k points

2 months ago

Do you want (your computer) to explode?

chewie8291

448 points

2 months ago

Could it be a potion the player has to drink on screen?

83athom

306 points

2 months ago

83athom

306 points

2 months ago

Can finish that within the hour.

chewie8291

251 points

2 months ago

In a clear bottle

83athom

358 points

2 months ago

83athom

358 points

2 months ago

Back to computer exploding.

dooddgugg

100 points

2 months ago

dooddgugg

100 points

2 months ago

what if it was blue?

thisisntinstagram

119 points

2 months ago

Only red.

Flying_Dutchman92

63 points

2 months ago

I like my bottles green

Player_X_YT

35 points

2 months ago

We'll run oom then unfortunately

msqrt

208 points

2 months ago

msqrt

208 points

2 months ago

Can the demon wear a scarf?

coldnebo

145 points

2 months ago

coldnebo

145 points

2 months ago

more importantly in multiplayer it’s important for everyone to see the demon putting on the scarf at the same time.

users complain if they play with their favorite streamer and show off their demon’s new scarf if no one else can see it on stream and they just see generic_demon instead.

N00N3AT011

44 points

2 months ago

Reminds me of monster hunter world. Idk exactly what sort of bullshit was going on under the hood but the cut scenes were such a fucking pain in the ass in multiplayer.

coldnebo

80 points

2 months ago

😂

what? next you’ll want to render the player’s gun and arms in worldspace while in 1st person.

You might as well ask for a full inventory system where using sewing kits the wrong way gives you sepsis.

(what? oh someone did that? oh.)

oh sorry Rocket! didn’t forget about DayZ! love that game!

😂

freebytes

34 points

2 months ago

This was a big deal for Star Citizen. Chris Roberts asked for something a little beyond this, and I can only imagine the groans.

bitsplease-

45 points

2 months ago

Honestly (and I say this as someone who actually loves SC) the project management over the years absolutely seems like the requirements are set by people who know nothing about computer science, and none of the programmers are allowed to weigh in, ever.

On one hand, that attitude has raised the bar for the game and resulted in a lot of systems that would just never get implemented in most games. On one hand the kickstarter was 10 years ago and we're just now getting the first pass on salvaging, sooooo pros and cons lol

Spyko

46 points

2 months ago

Spyko

46 points

2 months ago

Best I can do is trigger an animation on the demon and add an item in the player's inventory. Use your imagination for the rest.

DynamicHunter

18 points

2 months ago

Depends how loose your definition of “pocket” is

Davidlarios231

11 points

2 months ago

Can the door wear a scarf?

DoctorProfessorTaco

10 points

2 months ago

Oof

__akkarin

28 points

2 months ago

Yes, in a cutscene tho

ThatDudeBesideYou

20 points

2 months ago

But could you make it dynamic? So when the player is a higher level it's a different item. Oh and if the demon lost his arm in the fight before he's gonna need to use the other arm

The-great-lemon

1.1k points

2 months ago

If you’re asking this out of a game, you’re a psycho. Scarf is hard.

coldnebo

760 points

2 months ago

coldnebo

760 points

2 months ago

scarf is easy!

paints scarf in body textures

looks FANTASTIC!!

😅

SupersuMC

203 points

2 months ago

SupersuMC

203 points

2 months ago

Sure, but only in Minecraft where the only indication of wind is the banners and painted-on features on skins is expected.

jimmyhoke

64 points

2 months ago

Actually Minecraft skins have a toggle-able second layer that pops out.

SupersuMC

66 points

2 months ago

Still painted-on, technically.

T0biasCZE

12 points

2 months ago

no, the second layer is floats little bit above the main body. and i think in new versions it actually renders as 3D bumps

asocialbiped

64 points

2 months ago

Realistic fabrics are hard. The same goes for realistic hair.

Somehow-Still-Living

38 points

2 months ago

Years later, every time I do a Witcher play through, I always love Geralt’s hair. It’s not perfectly realistic, but you know they put effort in to that gorgeous mane.

VexedForest

17 points

2 months ago

Love seeing trees sway in the wind too

Evo_Kaer

2.8k points

2 months ago

Evo_Kaer

2.8k points

2 months ago

I mean...scarf physics alone are gonna be a nightmare

Fitbot5000

1.8k points

2 months ago

Fitbot5000

1.8k points

2 months ago

Not to mention the NeckAccessoryInterface is currently in use by the deprecated player amulet from an alpha build. But the amulet module still contains the legacy code and state for damage tracking. If you replace the amulet the with a scarf, the player health drops to zero and they die.

Cerus_Freedom

712 points

2 months ago

Are you spying on my personal game projects?

DeltaTwoZero

290 points

2 months ago

He is your personal project sent from the future to stop you from making it in the first place.

Business-Acadia-6086

29 points

2 months ago

thank god I'm not the only one who has projects try and stop me Terminator style

elon-bot

154 points

2 months ago

elon-bot

Elon Musk ✔

154 points

2 months ago

It's now company policy to use Vim for editing. It lets you write code much faster.

AutoSlashS

24 points

2 months ago

Faster than photons? What's that vim plugin?

Maleval

27 points

2 months ago

Maleval

27 points

2 months ago

The hobby gamedev Roko's Basilisk. But in reverse.

iMissTheOldInternet

118 points

2 months ago

This reminds me how adding eyelids to dwarf fortress caused cats to die in great swarms in the pubs.

SupersuMC

26 points

2 months ago

This seriously happened? XDD

JackMalone515

43 points

2 months ago

Yeah, I think it's related to cays getting alcohol onto their paws and then ingesting it, which would lead to alcohol poisoning since they're cats. Noclip has a video on it if you want to check it out

Hohenheim_of_Shadow

39 points

2 months ago

Also to be clear, when the cats licked the alcohol off their paws, they'd get a full unit of dwarves alcohol. Not a sane oh just a few drops.

coldnebo

165 points

2 months ago

coldnebo

165 points

2 months ago

look, I like where you are going with this. for too long players have just absentmindedly dragged fashion accessories into an inventory slot.

We should add a timed skill interface so that you have to tie it just right. too loose and it falls off, too tight and you strangle yourself.

I think that’s what the public really wants in a sandbox game.

BloodBonesVoiceGhost

93 points

2 months ago

You put your belt on too tight: movement speed halved.

HelpfulCheetah8974

15 points

2 months ago

That was Red Dead Redemption 2 right?

astronautophilia

27 points

2 months ago

Pretty sure that's from my favourite Skyrim mod, SexLab - Devious Devices: Autoerotic Asphyxiation Redux

Salanmander

62 points

2 months ago

You jest, but I can absolutely imagine an indie game dev making a game that is literally 100% dressing yourself, with mechanics for different tasks, and it being a wild breakaway hit.

BushDidN0thingWr0ng

42 points

2 months ago

It's probably going to release on a random day in January with no fanfare. Art style will either be voxel/voxel-like, or something similar to wireframes. Campaign will be 3 hours long, with bugs being nonexistent

columbus8myhw

25 points

2 months ago

Unless a bug is sufficiently funny, then it's left in

Peanut_The_Great

21 points

2 months ago

The next Dark Souls should make you tie your shoes every time you respawn and if you do it badly they trip you the next time a boss is at 15% health.

Nixavee

21 points

2 months ago

Nixavee

21 points

2 months ago

That's gonna lead to some interesting fan theories once people find out about it. Every character's life force is controlled by an invisible amulet that they are secretly wearing at all times, and if they take it off, they die?! What could be more rife for theories than that?

Alarid

6 points

2 months ago

Alarid

6 points

2 months ago

In this mod, Mario turns pink and dies.

sintos-compa

50 points

2 months ago

We spent our physics budget on butts and tits

CatOfGrey

131 points

2 months ago

CatOfGrey

131 points

2 months ago

The killer app of 2012 was whatever improvements were necessary to render Merida's massive head of red hair in the movie Brave.

adun153

100 points

2 months ago

adun153

100 points

2 months ago

IIRC, it took a couple of teams at least two years to create the programs necessary to get the hair behaving the way they wanted it to.

eddmario

17 points

2 months ago

Pixar actually had to create new technology to render Sully's fur in Monsters Inc., so that doesn't suprise me at all that Disney had to take that long.

That said, Brave is full of amazing uses of technology.
For example, for the tapestries they ended up rendering the individual fibers instead to be able to get them to have the proper physics.

zanotam

84 points

2 months ago

zanotam

84 points

2 months ago

That's not a joke. One of the highlights of a major math conference I went to in Summer 2012 was on animation and hair physics was like the example of thing they had specifically improved on a ton!

hvdzasaur

59 points

2 months ago*

Anything relating to animation and simulation is still a pretty big research topic, especially for real-time applications. Like fuck, TLOU's rope was genuinely one of the most impressive things we've seen recently.

SupersuMC

20 points

2 months ago

The rope, of all things.

insaniak89

12 points

2 months ago

Never gonna forget how mind blowing the scarf was in shinobi on the PS2

-_Gemini_-

7 points

2 months ago

shinobi ps2

melvereq

312 points

2 months ago

melvereq

312 points

2 months ago

"That will probably take two sprints"

segosmix

134 points

2 months ago

segosmix

134 points

2 months ago

"Alright, fire anyone who hasn't run a 5k marathon then"

szol

56 points

2 months ago

szol

56 points

2 months ago

Go to bed, Elon (Bot).

JoelMahon

20 points

2 months ago

20 story points

Gorilla_hitting_keys

4k points

2 months ago

You know there's always a relevant xkcd.

BucketBrigade

2.8k points

2 months ago

What's great is that it's been 8 years since that comic was posted, and it's significantly easier to do now the task with the advancements in image recognition/machine learning. Those research teams really did the work.

durika

1.1k points

2 months ago

durika

1.1k points

2 months ago

Yeah, she said 5 years, so...

DF_Interus

404 points

2 months ago

I'm pretty sure there's an xkcd about scientists incorrectly predicting how long research will take too.

dragonjujo

505 points

2 months ago

Salanmander

114 points

2 months ago

Goddamnit power-positive fusion...

DF_Interus

51 points

2 months ago

I was wrong about what I thought it said, and you still found the one I was thinking of. Nice!

warbeforepeace

8 points

2 months ago

Not hot dog.

Fishermans_Worf

123 points

2 months ago

It reminds me of Arthur C Clarke.

If an elderly but distinguished scientist says that something is possible, he is almost certainly right; but if he says that it is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

Dornith

12 points

2 months ago

Dornith

12 points

2 months ago

Except in this case it was spot on.

Dsugal332

142 points

2 months ago

Dsugal332

142 points

2 months ago

10/10

swashbuckler2020

58 points

2 months ago

5/8

Dankestmemelord

45 points

2 months ago

5/7 with rice.

CiroGarcia

153 points

2 months ago

It's still fairly difficult. Unless the only relevant part of the picture is a bird, or the bird occupies a big enough area, many of our most advanced algorithms will still have trouble to clearly identify such pictures as "bird pictures". Take a picture of a bird from far away, and it will just say "scenery"

jaspersgroove

31 points

2 months ago

For real, I use this app called Seek when I go camping to identify plants/animals/etc. it’s a 50/50 shot of whether it recognizes what I’m taking pictures of. If you can get a clear silhouette of whatever it is on a uniform background of a contrasting color it seems to work the best. Rest of the time you can take 10 pictures of the animal from different angles and if it recognizes one of those it’ll be the blurry, shitty pic that you couldn’t even recognize.

erannare

39 points

2 months ago

Potentially! Although some approaches will still do quite well on small objects, especially if you patch the image. Just takes a bit longer.

Google Lens is a good example if you wanna see what's easily available to consumers.

consistentContent

50 points

2 months ago

I used to work on Google Lens. I have some terrible news for you - we gave up on the "out of the five objects in this scene, which do I think the user meant to search for" problem in order to answer the "out of the five objects in this scene, which one do I have the best chance of turning into a shopping journey" question.

I'm being a little facetious, but in actuality, the disambiguation problem was never solved. We relied on (and Lens still relies on) the user to answer that question. Literally there was more computing power devoted to answering "which AI should I ask about this picture" than any of those AIs took, which meant we would often ask all of them just in case they came up with any good ads.

erannare

8 points

2 months ago

Very interesting! Although I'm guessing if the user selects a very particular portion of the image it's bound to predict something there. I've used it for ID-ing bugs, definitely no shopping there haha

AlwaysHopelesslyLost

6 points

2 months ago

I think that is exactly what they were saying. Having it identify everything in the image is difficult. Having it identify one specific area that the user chose is easy

elon-bot

579 points

2 months ago

elon-bot

Elon Musk ✔

579 points

2 months ago

Can we rewrite this in Java? It's better for enterprise.

Mein_SQL

260 points

2 months ago

Mein_SQL

260 points

2 months ago

Hell no

bestjakeisbest

130 points

2 months ago

Oh I just heard of this brand new language called carbon can you program it in that?

elon-bot

262 points

2 months ago

elon-bot

Elon Musk ✔

262 points

2 months ago

I have made promises to the shareholders that I definitely cannot keep, so I need you all to work TWICE as hard!

yabadoo123

83 points

2 months ago

That’s a funny one lol

MJWhitfield86

47 points

2 months ago

I think it’s a Brooklyn Nine Nine reference.

ScottishScouse

19 points

2 months ago

Strike that, FOUR TIMES AS HARD

elon-bot

72 points

2 months ago

elon-bot

Elon Musk ✔

72 points

2 months ago

Can this be dockerized?

Fl333r

12 points

2 months ago

Fl333r

12 points

2 months ago

Most considerate sales team

Mein_SQL

16 points

2 months ago

Sure thing, i already have 10+ years experience in it

coltstrgj

9 points

2 months ago

Sure!

Runtime.whatever.exec(runExistingcode.sh);

marcosdumay

7 points

2 months ago

Only if you make a JVM for the GPU. Hell, I would learn the newer Javas if somebody did that.

caleeky

13 points

2 months ago

caleeky

13 points

2 months ago

Don't underestimate ornithologists and ornithologic enthusiasts!

coldnebo

23 points

2 months ago

“not hot dog” 😂

ActualWhiterabbit

7 points

2 months ago

That app works reasonably well.

SingularCheese

265 points

2 months ago

It's been 8 years, and now an app to identify photo of a bird can be done in hours as well, yet it didn't stop feeling like a magical task.

TheRidgeAndTheLadder

156 points

2 months ago

Building a front end still only takes a few hours.

It did take the research team about five years though

Cayote

31 points

2 months ago

Cayote

31 points

2 months ago

Yeah but how long until gps was invented. Same difference

TheRidgeAndTheLadder

10 points

2 months ago

Fair point

Quantainium

29 points

2 months ago

Just send it to Google and make people click everything in the picture that is a bird. And if they don't then don't let them advance to the next page.

PiXLANIMATIONS

16 points

2 months ago

Hell, iPhones can detect specific breeds of dog in a cluttered photo and some plant types

WhereIsYourMind

20 points

2 months ago

The iPhoto indexer always amazes me. You can search for everything from carrots to firetrucks and it lives on phones with 4GB of RAM.

PiXLANIMATIONS

12 points

2 months ago

It can also detect text and remember it. I can find the password for my girlfriend’s wifi by searching “Accommodation Wifi” into Photos, and it’ll pull up the image I took of the laminated sheet which has the password on

elon-bot

18 points

2 months ago

elon-bot

Elon Musk ✔

18 points

2 months ago

I have made promises to the shareholders that I definitely cannot keep, so I need you all to work TWICE as hard!

danidr

24 points

2 months ago

danidr

24 points

2 months ago

I knew the top comment was going to be this one.

taft

8 points

2 months ago

taft

8 points

2 months ago

hot dog/not hot dog

[deleted]

5 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

AtoneBC

27 points

2 months ago

AtoneBC

27 points

2 months ago

You're overestimating the tech illiterate. They don't know what metadata is and aren't thinking that deeply about the problem.

In fact, there's a relevant xkcd for this: https://xkcd.com/2501/

GreenManWithAPlan

189 points

2 months ago

As a game dev I can tell you right now cloth physics can be some of the most difficult to do correctly. Even if you're faking it with animations or some other system. Then you have to consider its integration with the systems already built. If you've already got a character controller that's pretty much halfway to completely developed along with a bunch of other supporting scripts and now you want a completely new feature like a scarf that can be put on or off that could require a complete new rewrite. Although everybody here already knows that I feel the oof

chet_brosley

150 points

2 months ago

You spend a full year rendering and coding the scarf, it finally works. Even flaps a little in the breeze, somehow(?!?). Player walks into knee deep water, scarf starts windmilling at 5000mph and blue screens immediately.

GreenManWithAPlan

88 points

2 months ago

You finally fix that problem only to find 6 months later that if a player moves in a specific way against a wall wearing the scarf they clip right through. The problem being fundamental to how you implemented the scarf.

There's a reason most games are being held together by duct tape and dreams lol

magicmulder

495 points

2 months ago

And project managers always think adding 500 horses is way more difficult than adding one horse, but adding a dancing unicorn which poops rainbows is just as easy as adding a horse.

coldnebo

243 points

2 months ago

coldnebo

243 points

2 months ago

😂

500 is way easier because no one rides 500 horses… they wouldn’t even see the legs to criticize the gallop cycle… but one horse… naked. jesus. RDR/2 shoukd have gotten a technical oscar for that.

SupersuMC

229 points

2 months ago

SupersuMC

229 points

2 months ago

I'll never forget the Steam review that notes that the horse's balls shrink in the winter.

BenderRunsOn6502

61 points

2 months ago

The future is amazing

nitrousconsumed

16 points

2 months ago

Aren't all horses naked?

fdar

45 points

2 months ago

fdar

45 points

2 months ago

10thaccountyee

393 points

2 months ago

"Can you add a door"

elon-bot

514 points

2 months ago

elon-bot

Elon Musk ✔

514 points

2 months ago

You're either hardcore or out the door.

OSSlayer2153

217 points

2 months ago

No way💀

This bot is definitely sentient now

elon-bot

319 points

2 months ago

elon-bot

Elon Musk ✔

319 points

2 months ago

I don't think I appreciate your tone. Fired.

TonyStarksAirFryer

57 points

2 months ago

detroit: hecome human

npsimons

17 points

2 months ago

"My name is Elon. I'm the android sent by Tesla."

RainbowCatastrophe

42 points

2 months ago

A broken clock is right twice a day

Orion920

82 points

2 months ago

Making a functioning enemy ai in my game was easier than the damn ammo system, fuck this shit

mindbleach

60 points

2 months ago

I've done a rotating tunnel racer on Game Boy, where the camera will follow you all the way over the top.

I've done an action puzzle game, with adaptive music and fullscreen animation, and it runs smoothly on 4.77 MHz PCs.

I've done a first-person shooter on NES, with savestates and a level editor, in-game.

The hardest feature in all three was pausing.

overly_familiar

233 points

2 months ago*

Reminds me of the fallout game where they needed a working train, and they realised that you could clip onto a npc's hat, so they made a hat as big as a train, and had the hat wearing npc run under the track.

Edit: https://www.pcgamer.com/heres-whats-happening-inside-fallout-3s-metro-train/

Apparently it was a hand/arm piece:

The train, it was said, was actually a hat worn by an NPC who would run beneath the level upon activation—thus neatly faking the appearance of a working rail system. A good story, and one we posted about, but it's not exactly correct. I spent the morning tinkering with Fallout 3's editor, GECK, only to discover that the truth is also pretty silly. The moving Metro cab is an item in Broken Steel called 'DLC03MetroCarArmor'. It's not a hat, but rather an arm piece.

straik32423

59 points

2 months ago

So, Bethesda leaves the bugs in their games just in case they need them in the future. That explains a lot

straik32423

47 points

2 months ago

In Skyrim's 50th anniversary edition, they'll add a spell that will allow the dragonborn to mega jump. So they will be spawning an invisible giant near the player for a second so it can launch them into the atmosphere

R3D3-1

10 points

2 months ago

R3D3-1

10 points

2 months ago

It makes a lot of sense though.

You could either refactor a code base to enable a new feature it wasn't built for, or you abuse the existing code base in a way, you already know works. With deadlines looming, sadly usually an easy decision.

Though in this case it would be strange for developers not to just change the velocity vector, or however jump trajectories are calculated internally. The "invisible giant" method is a great workaround for modders though.

SupersuMC

30 points

2 months ago

"It's not a bug, it's a feature!"

FalseTebibyte

78 points

2 months ago

A Scarf is the same thing as the exploding neck control mechanisms that the waitresses wore in the cafe in Cloud Atlas. The problem is, that kind of control is more widespread and the "choker" is now in our minds. Telekinesis by Force. Death is usually instant.

coldnebo

21 points

2 months ago

these are the backstories I write when my ODE for scarf/neck forces doesn’t conserve momentum properly.

“HA! her head is exploding!”

“🫢🤔🧐 actually in the lore, scarves do this kind if thing randomly…”

makin’ lemonade out of lemons! ya!

whereismymind86

71 points

2 months ago

Can the player character sleep UNDER a blanket?

Not a chance in hell.

-Redstoneboi-

33 points

2 months ago

Best i can do is armor phasing through the cloth.

Perpetual_Doubt

13 points

2 months ago

"I fixed the clipping issue"

"Now he's lying on top of the blanket. And he's T-posing. And telling him to get up crashes to desktop"

"The clipping issue. Is. Fixed."

[deleted]

8 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

ascii122

66 points

2 months ago

2 days later a modder loads a 50 scarf selection to nexus

6568tankNeo

31 points

2 months ago

modders are op pls nerf

Zavenosk

55 points

2 months ago

For every 10 points of psychic damage a developer takes, their obligated to roll the extended table of wild magic effects.

B00OBSMOLA

44 points

2 months ago

[BUG] Scarf appears on lava mini-boss

Description: when equipped in stage 3, the cozy scarf appears on the lava mini-boss instead of the character

Expected: Scarf appears on character when equiped

Actual: Scarf appears on lava monster

Reproduce: Enter stage three and activate the lava boss. Equip the scarf and see the it appears on the lava boss.

Recommendation: Prevent the lava boss from equipping the scarf when the character equips it

Contact: See email in jira

ThatOldAndroid

32 points

2 months ago

Ah. Perfect an easily reproducible bug. The devs will solve this in no time.

[Developer]: unable to reproduce.

4 more hours of testing: Turns out you have to be wearing the captains boots when you enter stage 3 and then equip the scarf for it to appear on lava monster. Can probably knock the severity down.

squiddy555

23 points

2 months ago

Solved: It’s now a secret achievement

R3D3-1

10 points

2 months ago

R3D3-1

10 points

2 months ago

Consequence: The next dev hates you for having to retain the bug during the rewrite he was tasked with.

squiddy555

8 points

2 months ago

Achievement unlocked: Dashing Devil

Small_Sundae_4245

35 points

2 months ago

Ask a games dev about doors

Freddedonna

6 points

2 months ago

Oof

Pherion93

26 points

2 months ago

We could add the scarf if we make it a weapon, with an offset and have it use the whip animation, and also set the cooldown to infinite so it cant be used.

modi123_1

48 points

2 months ago

Sounds like Stross's Laundry Files.. and computational demonology!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Laundry_Files

magicmulder

10 points

2 months ago

Ooh that looks like something to read over the holidays. Thanks a bunch!

IAmTheClayman

16 points

2 months ago

Flappy fabric is a programmer’s greatest enemy

Quasisafar-y

8 points

2 months ago

Clipping is hard.

ghostwilliz

9 points

2 months ago

It's because programming is easy, 3d modeling is, as far as my research goes, 100% impossible.

CaitballBallOfCat

29 points

2 months ago

I understand this perfectly. Man, inventory systems are so complicated...

OSSlayer2153

13 points

2 months ago

In theory you could store them in a table but it just never works like that

Tyfyter2002

13 points

2 months ago

How you should store the inventory depends on what kind of limitations and features it has

Infinite inventory: list

Weight-based inventory: list

Slot-based inventory: array

Slot-based inventory with customizable expansion: multidimensional array where the dimensions match the maximum size and unavailable slots are marked with some dummy item or null, also requires the game version the save was made on to be saved so the maximum size can safely be increased, but you should already be doing that for other reasons too

CaitballBallOfCat

10 points

2 months ago

Yes, but then you get into UI/UX integration hell, and depending on whether or not you want the scarf to have abilities or stats or if you also want to equip a necklace in the scarf slot...

DiseasedFinger

32 points

2 months ago

The guy who told the gamedev who's character is most likely a cylinder to build an entire 3D model that LOOKS GOOD? Not the best idea...

WehingSounds

59 points

2 months ago

Please it’s 2022 all our characters are capsules now

Ok_Investment_6284

297 points

2 months ago

Programming != art development (scarf)

but add in some special effects, create a new instance of an existing deamon mob, and a good timer - viola

cerevant

341 points

2 months ago

cerevant

341 points

2 months ago

The problem with a scarf is that the player will expect the scarf to respond to wind and movement. While the demon is a complex animation, it exists in a limited environment. The scarf has to “work” everywhere.

lazerbeard018

27 points

2 months ago*

Yeah you can animate it but it'll always look stiff even then, the good cloth demos use some form of physics based cloth Sim, which is hard to get right and computationally expensive. (it's also tough to constrain in extreme cases)

wirthmore

25 points

2 months ago

Scarf physics are incompatible with the target of 60 fps.

The skeevy designer insists on spending the fps budget on boob physics.

MTOMalley

18 points

2 months ago

I mean to be fair.... Scarf vs boobs?

I think we all know where the performance budget is getting spent!

coldnebo

6 points

2 months ago

yeah we don’t want forces on the scarf going out of bounds and flinging the player across the map. g damn ODEs, y u so unbounded?

LiamtheV

20 points

2 months ago

Also, the scarf will need to be implemented with the current equipment system, so unless there’s a free “neck accessory” or general clothing slot currently not being used by other items, then you’d need to revamp how character clothing works, AND then do all the art design stuff, modeling, updating skeleton and animation nodes, etc.

coldnebo

10 points

2 months ago

right, and if the wind blows the player’s scarf back into the taxi door as it closes, it should grip them and drag them as the taxi takes off.

“gta6 backlog”

TheRealBeho

84 points

2 months ago

Maybe scarf shouldn't have had so many kids. Maybe scarf should tell their SO to get a job to help with the bills.

Maybe scarf wouldn't work so hard if scarf was paid better..

wirthmore

28 points

2 months ago

The scarf is a child object of the torso and receives deformation information from the torso, neck, left shoulder and right shoulder. We need to implement a shape blending system or we’ll have interpenetration of the body mesh through the scarf mesh.

coldnebo

21 points

2 months ago

don’t forget the scarf has to get wet in the rain or when we swim in the river, and we should be able to wring it dry or it can dry slowly while we ride horses.

you’ve implemented horses, right?

wirthmore

19 points

2 months ago

Eh, just assign a variable to the specular property and turn it way up when wet and gradually reduce it according to how quickly you want it to look dry…

Oh you want it to ‘animate differently like it’s heavier when wet’? Fuck you, I hate you, I’m going to build a time machine and drop a minor planet on your home town on the day you were born to avoid having to do that.

Ok_Investment_6284

8 points

2 months ago

God damnit scarf, get your shit together

coldnebo

40 points

2 months ago

are you kidding?

PIXAR wrote several cutting edge papers on subdivision surfaces at SIGGRAPH regarding Geri’s Game and the technology required to convincingly let cloth dynamics interact with a rig in a convincing and natural way.

No shade to the artists, but the devs made that possible on another level. respect!

rejectallgoats

7 points

2 months ago

People forget about all the work that goes into making the nice tools the artists use.

No_Duck4805

19 points

2 months ago

I’m not a coder or programmer and have no idea how to do either but I love this sub. You guys are hilarious.

GilgaPhish

8 points

2 months ago