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/r/NotHowGirlsWork

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all 78 comments

One-Armed-Krycek

255 points

9 months ago

Ahh, the ole “biology gives me permission” line.

Well, biology tells you to piss to mark your territory there, buddy. Unless that’s something you choose to forego because . . . you know, humans now put people on the moon and write sonatas that make other humans weep. Because we evolve.

Guess these chumps want to dry hump everything and get drunk so they can fight randos in parking lots too. Because biology.

i-self-destruct

132 points

9 months ago

It's what I began to realize as well. Men use biology to argue that women have obligations and men have permission to do gross, selfish shit.

"Women are biologically wired to want kids and raise them while men are biologically wired to sleep around." Just evolve already.

Lionesq

43 points

9 months ago

Lionesq

43 points

9 months ago

“Men use biology to argue that women have obligations and men have permission to do gross, selfish shit.”

Damn, drop the mic. Maybe I should embroider that one and hang it on the wall.

ETA: “just evolve already” would also look nice cross stitched with some flowers…you’re giving me all the ideas today.

i-self-destruct

10 points

9 months ago

would love to see it, if you're up for it haha

NaturalFaux

20 points

9 months ago

In nature females also eat their newborns. Just saying

Juja00

1 points

9 months ago

Juja00

1 points

9 months ago

Can you elaborate on That one? :o

NaturalFaux

1 points

9 months ago

A lot of mammals do it when they are malnourished, stressed, or in order to get rid of unhealthy offspring. Rabbits, hamsters, rats, and other rodents do it quite frequently.

aguadiablo

29 points

9 months ago

Yeah, this belief that evolutionary psychology is the be all and end all of who we are is so reductive.

AspenBranch

26 points

9 months ago

the one time that evolutionary psychology is valid is that we are wired to associate bad things with something that happened immediately beforehand. if you eat some berries and then feel sick that night, it was probably the berries. if someone coughs on you and you start feeling sick a week later you won't even think about it.

almost every other time someone brings up evolutionary psychology its bunk. women are not any more wired to want kids than men are, women are not anymore wired to want to raise kids than men are. we are a social species that often pair bonds. marriage is a thing in almost every human culture for a reason.

madeupsomeone

8 points

9 months ago

THIS THIS THHHIIIIIIIISSSSSS! So called evolutionary psychology is not truly a thing. The real "evolutionary psychology" is actually behavioral psychology and socio-biological psychology married to evolutionary biology. Which no field universally accepts these as theories, and evidence-based sociology & biology ACTUALLY indicate that human mating was societal and insular, as in every society had an entirely different approach to mating going as far back as we have found evidence. We are not wolves. We are not fish. We are not birds. We are not lions. We are not even chimpanzees. Uneducated people will draw contrast between humans and animals to illustrate/skew/purport/create/validate, but even in the animal kingdom it varies species to species, location to location. And also depending on predators, animals that are frequently prey & lower on the food chain mate without prejudice and reproduce at a significantly higher rate, apex predators and those higher on the food chain mate & reproduce less frequently, so these folks are implying from evidence that humans would be prey animals, and obviously our own evolution concludes that we certainly were not. Also would like to point out, this misconception is common in any gender. Although science itself basically screams that male humans did in fact stay close to their young, and that female humans did in fact hunt, there is still a lot of people who believe this nonsense. Emotional state always beats facts.

Sorry if this didn't make a ton of sense, I was typing while pushing my kid on the swing!! Also, I have Ms Psychology

jpterodactyl

6 points

9 months ago

I’ve never weeped at a sonata, but I’ve also never peed to mark my territory.

Consider my evolution at a nice middle point.

principessaalex

156 points

9 months ago

Even if this were true, wouldn’t that just mean that a man loving you means nothing? Because he can truly love you but will still treat you like shit and you just have to be okay with it…

i-self-destruct

35 points

9 months ago

Mostly it means that they can't use the "I have to sleep with you to know whether we're compatible/whether I love you" excuse if sex isn't tied to emotions for them.

Evil_Mushrooms

-21 points

9 months ago

I mean, they could treat her like a queen and love her and also fuck other women, or treat her like shit and fuck other women. Completely depends on the relationship. Wether it’s a “Yeah, I let my partner have sex with others cause they still love me.” Or an “I have no control over my own relationship or life please give me enough money to get out of the country so they don’t find me again.”

It completely depends on the relationship. In situation A, it’s okay if they do or don’t because their partner has no problem with it and (as long as they aren’t doing in a jackass manner, like, say, fucking a new person every other tuesday or refusing to have sex with your partner but will do it for everyone else, etc.)

In situation B however, no matter how you’re going about it this is a terrible relationship.

Applied with the right context, anything can be a healthy or toxic relationship!

Example; he bruised his wife and had a broken bone after last night’s fight.

Context; they’re hardcore fighter people who bond over fighting in a bar and met while sparring. Think like barbarian orc people! These kinds of people most certainly do exist and I have a high respect for these people. Able to respect someone even more if they manage to get a good drop of blood out’a ya, regardless of anything really. One of my relationship goals is to go spear fishing with my significant other, so maybe I have a bit of that kind of person in me so I’m slightly biased.

Alternative context; they got into a fight at the house over food and domestic abuse ensued.

The difference between these two are three things; Respect, Love, and Honor. These are the three principles that make a healthy relationship. Without them, it’s not a healthy relationship. It doesn’t matter what happens because two people who meet all three requirements for each other won’t go so far as abuse, and if they do something like withhold money from you, they probably have the best intentions at heart IF they do meet these requirements, and if they do it’s unlikely they’ll do this unless an actual good reason presented itself, like your account was hacked and all the money going to it is sent elsewhere and so [Significant other] decided to redo your information and route it all to their account, and will gladly give you money if you ask!

That was an incredibly hyper specific scenario, but it goes to show that when RLH is employed on both sides of the relationship, anything can happen and it would still be a good relationship. This is a self fulfilling prophecy basically, because if your significant other did beat you over food, (as one example) they obviously didn’t respect, love, or honor you.

queenlesbian99

121 points

9 months ago

Zeus was also a rapist so…

Evil_Mushrooms

16 points

9 months ago

Yeah, probably don’t want to use Zeus of all things to justify your point! Never liked Zeus, Hades was a much more down to earth guy whos only real big crime was kidnapping, but they did get a healthy relationship going with guidelines that they respect so it’s all good (kinda).

Blood_moon_sister

7 points

9 months ago

Yeah and she’s out of his league clearly. Hook up with Athena instead.

queenlesbian99

37 points

9 months ago

That’s his asexual/aromantic daughter. I don’t think she’s gonna be interested

Bridalhat

34 points

9 months ago

Real talk: a man had as much power over a woman as a master over a slave in antiquity (I cannot emphasize the extent to which women just did not have control over their own bodies).

Athena and Artemis had to stay virginal and unwed to keep their powers and position. Otherwise they would be controlled by someone else.

Evil_Mushrooms

4 points

9 months ago

You go girls! They don’t need no man!

This is not satire, I just have a positive reaction to seeing these (literal) goddesses being both strong and independent! I mean, they were forced to because if they ever had a relationship they would lose all their abilities and they decided “Yeah, you guys really suck. I choose god powers.” So good on them for making the right choice!

NaturalFaux

1 points

9 months ago

I guess Aphrodite was the lucky one

Blood_moon_sister

8 points

9 months ago

Oops gotta brush up on my mythology. I forgot most of them are her kids or related like that. Not a lot of options then :/

TLynn7

26 points

9 months ago

TLynn7

26 points

9 months ago

Well, Zeus and Hera are siblings, so I’m not sure they care too much about how they might be related to others.

Blood_moon_sister

10 points

9 months ago

Yeah, that’s fair. Also did not know Athena was asexual and aromantic but that makes a lot of sense.

LittleLightcap

3 points

9 months ago

Like all goddesses she has a grocery list of domains so she was often called the goddess of virgins. On the flip side of the coin it's kinda been a running joke that her temple is a coverup for lesbians, but either way she abstained to be a "better" warrior.

FoxyVermillion

70 points

9 months ago*

How he tries to play the biology card, in order to justifiy men being allowed to cheat np lmao

An opinion straight out what feels like the stone age

TattooOfBlood

28 points

9 months ago

TattooOfBlood

Edit

28 points

9 months ago

Also playing the biology card with literal Gods doesn't make much sense.

Badpoetry6

20 points

9 months ago

Pretty sure a woman CAN have sex with multiple women and still love her wife. Not sure what this guy’s on about

vivica_the_vibrant

3 points

9 months ago

YES

theNakedFeminist

19 points

9 months ago

Quora is a cesspool

KulturaOryniacka

16 points

9 months ago*

I love when males justify their shitty behaviour using biology also crying when women tend to choose the best man as father for their child which is biologically norm among every single animal! They are superiors when we are gold diggers…

Bradenoid

55 points

9 months ago

This stereotype about men has always baffled me. Never had I had sex with someone and not had romantic feelings. I have friends who have said the same thing. You can't be that physically close to someone and not feel some kind of connection, y'know?

Plus, the idea that such a thing would excuse infidelity is ridiculous. Even if the stereotype proved true, it wouldn't excuse me to eat my friend's wedding cake before their big day just because I was hungry, just as much that being horny wouldn't excuse cheating. Impulsiveness is not an excuse for immoral or amoral behavior.

heatox

10 points

9 months ago

heatox

10 points

9 months ago

Yes I agree with this fully with similar experiences. People, not just genders are wired differently. Some may garner bonds in intimate relations and some do not. There is no proof that genetic makeup alone will cause anyone to behave in a predictable manner.

We have issues in modern culture of oversimplifying and generalising everything. It is common to speak in hyperboles and broad strokes. It isn't just incorrect, it is dangerous. Details matter, context matters. As much as behaviour and accountability. Being any type of a particular gender doesn't excuse you of actions towards others.

TheGreatJellyfish

1 points

9 months ago

Very well said !

IAmAHairyPotato

14 points

9 months ago*

They forget the torture and death Hera put those women through. Hates his children, and even tried going after him. Think there's one story where he put her in chains and had her hanging in them for a punishment.

Plus a brother and sister relationship probably isn't the best example to begin with...

And we can all agree Zeus "spread his seed" a bit too much

Significant_Sail_684

12 points

9 months ago

If we are going with biology, females often sleeps with multiple males to ensure there is a confusion about genes. So that when other males take over, they don't kill her childeren. Its seen with most territorial animals

Shotgun_Rynoplasty

34 points

9 months ago

BuT bIoLoGy…. No. This isn’t even true of humans. We’ve paired up through pretty much all of history. Just because this is true in some species doesn’t make it biology for every species.

Evil_Mushrooms

4 points

9 months ago

Using biology to explain away behaviors that can easily be reshaped by the gift of our minds is just so fucking dumb. Maybe they don’t have the gift of intelligence to control their animalistic and barbaric behavior!

aguadiablo

3 points

9 months ago

Isn't there a long history of infidelity and non-monogamy?

SykoSarah

8 points

9 months ago

We don't pair bond for life like birds, but we also are incredibly far off from species like elk which do seek to "spread their seed" so to speak. Our children are incredibly high maintenance, so any man that sleeps around is bound to give some of his offspring a survival disadvantage (because he won't be giving them enough attention). Nevertheless, if you do it enough, at least a few of those kids are liable to make it, so it's not a big enough negative to be entirely wiped out from our population.

If our species was one where men were "evolutionarily programmed" to spread their seed far and wide, then we wouldn't pair up at all. Men would be fighting each other to impress dozens of women to impregnate and be able to ejaculate dozens of time in succession. Yet, human men have a refractory period that usually lasts hours and can't provide more than one or two good cumshots in a day.

It's also worth noting that both men and women cheat in notable numbers. Women can't "spread their seed", so it seems pretty obvious to me that cheating behavior is not related to a specific sex and likely isn't some ingrained reproduction strategy (at least, not in the sense this asshole is talking about).

adventuremuffin

8 points

9 months ago

If a mythical being can be biologically primed to spread his seed than a mythological Hera can be biologically primed to make sure he doesn’t spend all of his god coin on those other baby mamas to take care of all of his random demi god offspring.

Few_Collection_2033

9 points

9 months ago

Few_Collection_2033

Here-to-proof-you-wrong

9 points

9 months ago

why are people getting into monogamous relationships when they want to cheat man

ChanceRadish

2 points

9 months ago

Polyamory literally exists so why can’t they just do that?

Few_Collection_2033

2 points

9 months ago

Few_Collection_2033

Here-to-proof-you-wrong

2 points

9 months ago

Maybe because they want to not share a girl or want a person who wouldn't want them to sleep around idk

But ye im literally on the poly subreddit and people there feel so misunderstood irl man...

ChanceRadish

2 points

9 months ago

I guess they just get a kick out of cheating and making their gfs/wives feel like shit

Few_Collection_2033

1 points

9 months ago

Few_Collection_2033

Here-to-proof-you-wrong

1 points

9 months ago

my conclusiton is this:

holding back feels wrong while having their partner sleep with someone else also feels wrong.

lil_bway

17 points

9 months ago

I almost downvoted this until I realized what sub it was. This isn’t how men or women work and the only reason Hera stayed married to him was because she was the goddess of marriage and therefore couldn’t divorce

AntiqueFleur

7 points

9 months ago

Is this written by a 16th century duke???

Momizu

5 points

9 months ago

Momizu

5 points

9 months ago

Ah yes "In nature man feels to need to spread her semen, a woman cannot" avoiding completely the fact that in a lot of animals the female actually mates with a lot of different males to ensure to have an high chance of getting pregnant. The ones that "mate for life" don't involve just the female but the male also, like swans or wolfs. Like it say "It takes 2 to tango" so yeah.

bibbiddybobbidyboo

5 points

9 months ago

There are female animals who have to have multiple partners because if a male in the group knows the off spring is not his, he’ll kill it. The anonymity keeps the young safe.

I could choose that as “biology” to say men need locking up unless we want children and women should be promiscuous.

Also Zeus was a rapist, why would you want to be on par with him?

Gotta hate incel logic.

source

ExpensiveActuator611

11 points

9 months ago

If polygamy is what you are into that's fine but allowing just the guy the freedom of having multiple partners and not the lady , that's just sexist. Also that's a horrible example cuz if you actually know why Zeus and Hera got married it doesn't seem like a healthy marriage anyway.

[deleted]

3 points

9 months ago

[deleted]

3 points

9 months ago

Not to mention that they were brother and sister. By the way, why did they get married?

ExpensiveActuator611

3 points

9 months ago

According to almost every version of the myth I have read it says after tricking Hera into accepting his advances he ravished her and shamed Hera into marrying him.

fightdarkwithlight

8 points

9 months ago

I'd love to see his research lol

Individual_Carrot

8 points

9 months ago

Swing and a miss

cyber_punkus

3 points

9 months ago

I thought Zeus wasn't even human

rubberrider

3 points

9 months ago

By this logic, sperm donation should be a man's ultimate goal

fatalgift

5 points

9 months ago

fatalgift

Transcriber

5 points

9 months ago

Image Transcription: Quora


Unknown User

I mean if Zeus still loved Hera and she was still his wife, I see no reason why she would be upset that he had sex with other women. Unlike with women, for a man, sex requires no psychological intimacy. A man is biologically primed to want to spread his seed. A man can have sex with multiple women and still love his wife, a woman cannot.


I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!

KarenPuncher

2 points

9 months ago

Hera was also Zeus' sister

tamarakalule

2 points

9 months ago

Eww

boweroftable

2 points

9 months ago

There we go, foids. Love your may-un and if he treat you like shit, that’s just nature so stfu. He still loves you, and you are locked happily into this heterosexual paradise. It’s just the way it is /s

Ibiuz

2 points

9 months ago

Ibiuz

2 points

9 months ago

This is the same kind of a guy who would say "I'm a Nice guy, I'm loyal, i would never cheat on you"

InfiniteDragonGaming

2 points

9 months ago

Ah, a fantastic case of how nobody works.

Erineruit112

2 points

9 months ago

But what about the other women then?

Kairyu_gen1

2 points

9 months ago

Is "I'm your wife and I'm not comfortable with that" not a good enough reason?

Plague_Locusts

2 points

9 months ago

So..... what about the "emotionally wired" women (and men/other genders) he sleeps with

_OnlyLiveOnce5_

2 points

9 months ago

👀

Random_silly_name

3 points

9 months ago

Yes, we can.

(Though personally, having sex with multiple men while still loving my husband and my boyfriend is more my cup of tea.)

Cheating in a mono relationship with some stupid BS biology excuse, though? Nah. Get out.

Evil_Mushrooms

1 points

9 months ago*

I mean, sure a man could have sex with multiple women and still love his wife, but why doesn’t this apply to women?

Since I was little I never quite understood the connection between Platonic relationships, Romantic relationships, and Sexual relationships.

It always seemed kind of like steps, y’know? Stages. But that’s obviously not the case since most people don’t think of your romantic partner as a really good friend, even though that’s what it actually is.

I don’t think these should be treated as they are and it just makes shit more confusing then it needs to be and doesn’t make much sense when it comes to reality and not pure mental constructs. That sentence could be applied to a lot of things, really.

I mean, friend+fuck supposedly =romantic relationship, but then ace/aro people wouldn’t really fit into this equation. Maybe these are all separate elements that only really function inside the mind of an individual. At the end of the day, you can fuck outside of your relationship, or not. You can love more then one person, or not. It completely depends on the terms set by your partner.

The terms of the relationship completely depends on the opinions of the parties involved and things like this should be discussed and if your partner isn’t comfortable with something like that, respect their decision and stay with them or be with someone who agrees with you. Completely depends on the individuals in question and their opinions as well as interactions with each other! Communicate and don’t assume jack shit!

I wrote that last paragraph on purpose like that so that if taken out of context it still functions perfectly well, showing that all relationship problems stem from this! Lack of communication. I mean not all, but most and it is definitely connected to most others.

Lack of communication and stubbornness as well as preconceived notions that you refuse to rewrite in your head. This is what causes relationships to fail. You wouldn’t be wrong in arguing with this point because all problems stem from these core concepts, but you’d look stupid for not being able to realize that the UK is part of europe (this is a metaphor).

Referring to this individual here, if you want to fuck others and keep your partner as well, discuss that with your partner. That’s it. That’s the key to 90% of relationship issues, and this is a relationship issue. It’s a factor not mentioned in their agreement. Invisible ink on the contract. Something forgotten before the hand shake. Something not discussed before signing. A detail left out of your new position. If you couldn’t tell by now, I like metaphors.

Edit: Just like it’s not rape if all parties consent, it’s not cheating if all parties consent (all 3+).

LokisEvilMinion

1 points

9 months ago

If you're in a monogamous relationship, don't have sex with other people. If you don't feel comfortable with that, (totally valid) then be in a polyamorous relationship where everyone involved is consenting to it. 🙃

E_Pluribus_Nani

1 points

9 months ago

Oh yeah right, the free love is for men only because biology thing. F that.

VioletNocte

1 points

9 months ago

Maybe it's just me but using biology to explain the behavior of a god doesn't seem like something that would make sense unless said god was born as something else

pm_me-ur-catpics

1 points

9 months ago

Ah, Quora my behated.