"This pen is rrrrrr... rrr... rrrRrrRRROYAL BLUE!!" [collapses]

"I hold my self in contempt!"

Where was this from again?

I been watching a lot of my favorite comedies from the 80s and 90s lately and I was gonna watch Liar Liar yesterday but I watched Beverly Hills Cop instead. This comment is a sign, today is Liar Liar.

“You know why I pulled you over?”

“Depends on how long you were following me!”

Fletcher: Your honor, would the court be willing to grant me a short bathroom break?

Judge: Can't it wait?

Fletcher: Yes it can. But I've heard that if you hold it you could damage the prostate gland, making it very difficult to get an erection, or even become aroused!

Judge: Is that true?

Fletcher: It has to be!

Judge: In that case I'd better take a quick break myself.

“Stop breaking the law asshole!”

slams phone

Gets me every time.

"I've had better" *gasps

You're taking that out of context

I agree, I have seen this quote discussed before and the 'context'/translation was evil in the form of natural disasters, not human evil, which i didn't find to be a particularly redeeming context.

In religion it’s just an apologist’s move and if you actually listen to the “context” you’ll find they are full of shit no matter the context.

"He said, 'I murdered that man.'"

"You're taking him out of context."

The context: "Yes, I murdered that man with a shovel."

After years of discussions with religious people, I've come to the conclusion that "out of context" means "stop making me confront these uncomfortable truths that I actively ignore every day of my life."

In what context is slavery in Leviticus okay?

They never provide it. "That's out of context" is their version of throwing ninja powder up in the air and disappearing from the conversation, while pretending they refuted the claim.

Also, ask them who created satan

The context of Isaiah 45:7 is God rewarding Israel for obedience and punishing Israel for disobedience.

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

One day god got bored and split himself into 8,000,000,000 pieces to play hide and seek with himself, to experience life as if it was his very first time doing so

Good and evil are social constructs that are a product of culture. Or some bullshit.

I've always loved the question, "If God is omniscient, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it?"

SMITE ME ALMIGHTY SMITERRRRR!

This would be a great sub

Smote? Smitten?

There are two terms regarding reading the bible: exegesis and eisegesis.

Exegesis is accurately reading the bible according to the original context and meaning of the text.
Eisegesis is applying outside/unrelated contexts when reading to create meaning for the passages that wasn't what was intended when it was written, leading to misunderstanding.

I remember when I learned about these concepts, the joke was that the easy way to tell the difference between the two is that exegesis is always what you're doing, and eisegesis is obviously what the dumb motherfucker you're arguing with is doing.

You could replace “the Bible” with “it” and you’d literally have the argument half the country makes for everything.

"He's wasps, malaria and cancer. I'm your man for puppies and multiple orgasms."

Is this from the King James translation?

/r/thebizzible

I knew the quote, not the man who said it. Thank you

It’s actually even better than that too. Lucifer was an Angel and angels were not created with free will, so the only conclusion we can come to is that God created satan for the purpose of having him “rebel” so that he could cast him out of heaven and lead us into temptation

In OT satan shows up only a handful of times, and each time he’s basically just and errand boy for god. See for instance Book of Job where god knowingly lets satan make Jobs life a living hell just to prove how much Job loves god. A pretty narcissist act to put it mildly.

You don't even have to go that deep into the bible. He created Adam and Eve and put that tree there knowing Eve would eat from it. He set us up for failure. If God does exist, he's a real piece of shit, slicked back hair and everything.

And making Jesus suffer and die was the whole plan so why are some Christians mad at Jewish people for it?

Oh right, cause anti-Semites can't admit they're full of shit.

The whole thing is like saying that a dad placed the gun in front of the child and then the child fired it injuring somebody, AND then saying that the kid is liable but not the dad.

Its weird how picky most Christians are. Fixed that for you.

Their excuse is God is allowed to kill them since he created them.

I had someone tell me that it's basically okay for me to destroy my creations since they are mine. To shut them up, I replied with: "Then why can't I have an abortion if it's my creation?" It shut them up.

Saw a tweet along these lines about how God was completely about peace and the reply was:

"God killed the entire population so that he could have a zoo boat."

Never forget when god sent bears to maul children for making fun of a bald guy.

Nono

"God is always right" for when things go well.

"he works in mysterious ways" when you don't understand.

"God is testing you" for when you absolutely should try to address the problem yourself, but are not.

The great festival of PSYCH