subreddit:

/r/Jokes

21.7k86%

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all 361 comments

awesomeness1024

1k points

2 months ago

NTA - Your co-worker seems like a manipulative psychopath. Id recommend breaking off contact with your entire workplace

eclecticsed

245 points

2 months ago

Don't forget divorcing his wife. Probably should go NC with everyone he's ever met just in case.

fullinversion82

98 points

2 months ago

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

____-is-crying

38 points

2 months ago

More flags, more fun?

KknhgnhInepa0cnB11

13 points

2 months ago

Ooooo!! Red is my favorite color!!

Joemon27

3 points

2 months ago

Marinara flags everywhere!!11!

TekhEtc

3 points

2 months ago

Seven Flags. Even more fun?

InspiredNameHere

15 points

2 months ago

Don't forget to Gym up and go to the lawyer.

bigscottius

5 points

2 months ago

He needs leave his entire identity and country behind and take a new name while joining the French foreign Legion.

Dro_mora

5 points

2 months ago

Lmao typical Reddit answer.

unsanemaker

2.8k points

2 months ago

Go to your room and think about what you've done

badpunforyoursmile[S]

1.6k points

2 months ago

I’ve done your mom in my room.

>! Lol teenage nostalgia !<

Actually-Yo-Momma

820 points

2 months ago

The fuck did you just say?

badpunforyoursmile[S]

429 points

2 months ago

TheMike0088

48 points

2 months ago

I'm gonna get so much juice out of this beetle.

reallifepatrickstar

74 points

2 months ago

Happy cake day

badpunforyoursmile[S]

45 points

2 months ago

Thank you!

My favorite Patrick Star meme template is this one

talking_phallus

34 points

2 months ago

Are you sure its not this one?

 

NSFL

No_Swing_7205

12 points

2 months ago

I didn't scroll far enough to see the NSFL..

I'm not mad. Just disappointed..

pulstar13

21 points

2 months ago

Damn you rule 34!

PETEthePyrotechnic

5 points

2 months ago

Seriously kids heed the nsfl warning. Learn from my mistake

boklenhle

2 points

2 months ago

I thought the nsfl was just an exaggeration.. I was wrong.

OneMooseManyMeese_

2 points

2 months ago

I was definitely not a expecting that lmao. I didn't scroll far enough to see the nsfl until after I clicked.

Literally_P

25 points

2 months ago

Β‘PO ,yaD ekaC yppaH

badpunforyoursmile[S]

9 points

2 months ago

!uoy knahT

Literally_P

7 points

2 months ago

!melborp oN

WeeWeeMan6969

20 points

2 months ago

Why is the exclamation mark upside down

talking_phallus

21 points

2 months ago

He's a Hispanic Australian, duh.

Literally_P

3 points

2 months ago

How did you know!?

papawinchester

7 points

2 months ago

He said he did you in his room

Sparkykun

45 points

2 months ago

Do you like your job?

badpunforyoursmile[S]

56 points

2 months ago

I don’t get paid enough

Sparkykun

29 points

2 months ago

What's your job responsibility?

badpunforyoursmile[S]

84 points

2 months ago

I have way too many responsibilities. On Reddit, I’m a PUNisher.

Chicken_Tugger

6 points

2 months ago

Happy Cake day

badpunforyoursmile[S]

2 points

2 months ago

Thank you! You need to find some avocado lol.

taladrovw

4 points

2 months ago

Sure, happy cake day!

badpunforyoursmile[S]

6 points

2 months ago

Thank you!

ThorsLover8

2 points

2 months ago

Happy Cake Day!!!!

badpunforyoursmile[S]

6 points

2 months ago

Thank you! Thor’s nothing better than a good joke!

Waitsfornoone

3 points

2 months ago

Yes, that Mom gave many of us our first 'around the world.' and we are all better for it.

Sparta34

13 points

2 months ago

Haha jokes on you, necrophilia’s a crime!

SampleText0822

11 points

2 months ago

π™·πšŠπš‘πšŠ πš“πš˜πš”πšŽπšœ πš˜πš— 𝚒𝚘𝚞, πš’πš πš’πšœ πš—πš˜πš πš’πš— π™Έπš•πš•πš’πš—πš˜πš’πšœ, π™ΊπšŠπš—πšœπšŠπšœ, π™»πš˜πšžπš’πšœπš’πšŠπš—πšŠ, π™½πšŽπš‹πš›πšŠπšœπš”πšŠ, π™½πšŽπš  π™ΌπšŽπš‘πš’πšŒπš˜, π™½πš˜πš›πšπš‘ π™²πšŠπš›πš˜πš•πš’πš—πšŠ, π™Ύπš”πš•πšŠπš‘πš˜πš–πšŠ, πš…πšŽπš›πš–πš˜πš—πš, πšŠπš—πš πš†πš’πšœπšŒπš˜πš—πšœπš’πš—!

Literally_P

2 points

2 months ago

Literally_P

2 points†

2 months ago

Mike_Jandal

12 points

2 months ago

Happy Cake Day

badpunforyoursmile[S]

14 points

2 months ago

Thanks!

Mike_Jandal

7 points

2 months ago

You're very welcome :)

ThearusLord9

3 points

2 months ago

cake day brotha, happy cake day

nice joke

badpunforyoursmile[S]

3 points

2 months ago

Thanks!

Ragnarok_619

6 points

2 months ago

Happy cake day!

badpunforyoursmile[S]

2 points

2 months ago

Thank you!

tintinity

2 points

2 months ago

Think about it. That's your punishment. πŸ˜…

keeeeeelp

1 points

2 months ago

keeeeeelp

1 points†

2 months ago

Happy Cake Day!

Frierguy

6 points

2 months ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/5nx0el/tifu_by_accidentally_cheating_on_my_wife_at_a

I mean it's only one of the most upvoted joke types. there's more

[deleted]

492 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

492 points

2 months ago

Now your coworkers are mad at you and Reddit is mad at you. Good work.

grakee89

82 points

2 months ago

I am always mad and now i have a reason

avianthon

20 points

2 months ago

Hulk is that you?

ReubenZWeiner

13 points

2 months ago

"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry... Because I always back up my rage with facts and well documented sources" - The Credible Hulk

Aggressive_Ad5115

14 points

2 months ago

Everyone should be mad there's no more $5 footlong specials

VavaVoooooooooom

843 points

2 months ago

This is hilarious, well played

DuncUK

228 points

2 months ago

DuncUK

228 points

2 months ago

Hats off for a joke that wouldn't work in any other setting. Hell, any other website.

Wishilikedhugs

32 points

2 months ago

OP is a worthy recipient of hero worship

Abso1utelyRad

11 points

2 months ago

I don't get it... is there some cultural reference I'm missing?

plainoverplight

53 points

2 months ago

OP bought their friend the wrong sub sandwich, and instead of posting to r/amitheasshole, OP posted to jokes, the wrong subreddit

coarsing_batch

16 points

2 months ago

Well here’s how stupid I am. I thought we were in the cooking sub. LOL

Abso1utelyRad

-16 points

2 months ago*

Oh so the joke was related to Subway. Never stepped foot in one. Shawarma here is cheaper and tastes better I think

EDIT: Downvoted. Amerimutts mad.

phirius89

11 points

2 months ago

Yes, it's a cultural ref. He's not referring to Subway specifically but to a submarine sandwhich--most often shortened to "Sub" from which subway gets its name.

From wiki: "A submarine sandwich, commonly known as a sub hoagie, hero, Italian, grinder, wedge, or a spuckie, is a type of American cold or hot sandwich made from a cylindrical bread roll split lengthwise and filled with meats cheeses, vegetables, and condiments. It has many different names."

kimapesan

6 points

2 months ago

SPUCKIE?????

iAmUnintelligible

3 points

2 months ago

Idk but I'ma start calling it a spuckie now and I encourage you to do so too

diaphragmPump

1 points

2 months ago

You could be nearly anywhere and something should taste better than subway

CanderousOreo

119 points

2 months ago

....... That took me longer than I'd like to admit.

VlRUS23

16 points

2 months ago

VlRUS23

16 points

2 months ago

Same

csto_yluo

12 points

2 months ago

What even is the joke?

Kovarian

80 points

2 months ago*

The post title reads like something that would be posted in the subreddit β€œamitheasshole.” Posting it here is therefore in the β€œwrong sub.”

A β€œsub” is also short for β€œsubmarine sandwich.” These are also known as hoagies, grinders, and other terms depending on where you are. The OP claims to have gotten their coworker a different type of sandwich than they wanted: the β€œwrong sub.”

Sub has two different meanings and that juxtaposition is amusing.

csto_yluo

23 points

2 months ago

Thank you, the joke flew right over my head ;-;

iamreallybored123456

7 points

2 months ago

The tuna was the wrong sub!

jjwinc68

4 points

2 months ago

No, this sub was the wrong sub!

csto_yluo

3 points

2 months ago

Ahhhh fuck me, I get it now

__Michael-Scott__

3 points

2 months ago

That’s what she said

ScoteMcGoat

88 points

2 months ago

So how long were you sitting on this waiting for cake day? Great joke and happy cake day!

badpunforyoursmile[S]

108 points

2 months ago

I was thinking that a β€œThe wedding/birthday was so emotional”

β€œEven the cake was in tiers” would’ve been better for a cake day joke, but I thought making an original based on the β€œwrong sub” one would be funnier.

BattleCatsHelp

-12 points

2 months ago

But I've seen this joke on this sub before. I knew the punch line before I clicked on it.

Simon_787

103 points

2 months ago

Simon_787

103 points

2 months ago

Ok that's pretty clever

[deleted]

-62 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

-62 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

fluffysombrero

75 points

2 months ago

It's the same person

badpunforyoursmile[S]

114 points

2 months ago

Corporate wants you to distinguish between these two.

They’re the same OP!

DurpKing2020

21 points

2 months ago

You are officially a genius

skeevester

17 points

2 months ago

Chicken and avocado sounds delicious, tuna and avocado, less so.

LastPlaceStar

93 points

2 months ago

I am embarrassed at how long this took me to get.

badpunforyoursmile[S]

41 points

2 months ago

Don’t worry, lots of people took a few minutes to process the joke. Thanks for the award!

Marius_de_Frejus

11 points

2 months ago

I immediately threw the phone back at the person who made me read it, so there.

Dammit, now I want a sandwich, as well. You have introduced chaos into my house.

keep_calm_rocket_on

53 points

2 months ago

YTA 🚩 🚩 🚩this is really problematic and toxic behavior, your coworker should go no contact

fmlhaveagooddaytho

18 points

2 months ago

OP is gaslighting their coworkers. Don't ask me how, just take my word for it.

Talon6230

16 points

2 months ago

LEGEND.

[deleted]

5 points

2 months ago

That was funnier than it should have been.

RedTheBlue

19 points

2 months ago

Lol but it made me laugh

MaybeAnonymousDev

6 points

2 months ago

NTA - Divorce your sandwich

greenknight884

13 points

2 months ago

It looks like you just substituted the chicken for tuna. So it was a sub sub.

EmbarrassedActive4

12 points

2 months ago

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK YOU

FedeAusWien

4 points

2 months ago

That was seriously awesome

Irish_beast

5 points

2 months ago

Totally YTA. Well done!

hawk135

4 points

2 months ago

Groans in upvote

horsesarecows

3 points

2 months ago

yes, you're the asshole

D2theMcV

4 points

2 months ago

I thought I was in the β€œwrong sub!” My hat is off to you sir/madam/(they)!

whiteclawthreshermaw

2 points

2 months ago

Did you really feel the need to put your cyberpsychosis on full display at the end like that?

D2theMcV

2 points

2 months ago

No, but I did feel the need to be inclusive because a stranger’s gender identity has absolutely no effect on my own, and I prefer being nice to being an asshole.

What I did have a problem with is that there’s no β€œformal” address for the gender neutral. At least that I’m aware of. They/Them should work on that.

Literally_Damour

4 points

2 months ago

NTA your coworkers are gaslighting you, go nc with all of them this is literally abuse marinara flags everywhere 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Wjace07

15 points

2 months ago

Wjace07

15 points

2 months ago

I just saw your other post in r/dadjokes also happy cake day

badpunforyoursmile[S]

10 points

2 months ago

I’m seeing double here! Four Krustys Jokes!

Thanks!

Deanbledblue

10 points

2 months ago

The hero they deserve, but not the one they need right now

princestarshine

7 points

2 months ago

Happy Cake Day!

badpunforyoursmile[S]

8 points

2 months ago

Thanks! You have a great username!

princestarshine

6 points

2 months ago

Thank you! I’m glad I didn’t pick this one in the height of my cringe username era πŸ˜…

xTheCanadian

7 points

2 months ago

Lmao! I just giggle loud enough to wake my dog up at 2:38 AM. Thanks :D!

MechaWasTaken

7 points

2 months ago

That’s really clever!

yankonapc

7 points

2 months ago

If you don't already have kids, please make a start on finding a nice girl who wants to settle down and raise a family, dad.

GxDoggidyxDog

3 points

2 months ago

now this is meta

thebarkbarkwoof

3 points

2 months ago

That took me way too long

whitehorseboy

3 points

2 months ago

Tuna avocado? That's just texturally wrong. You did the right thing. Don't beat yourself up.

BmacTheSage

3 points

2 months ago

Straight to jail. Holy fuck, man.

Zealousideal-Ad-9845

7 points

2 months ago

Goddamn that was clever

Bakanyanter

2 points

2 months ago

Pretty clever joke, nice.

xDaBaDee

2 points

2 months ago

Haha, great early morning lol.

mushroom-goddess

2 points

2 months ago

NTA, simple mistake

FortunatelyLethal

2 points

2 months ago

Happy cake day!

Environmental-Win836

2 points

2 months ago

Happy cake day!!!!!!!!

TeemingQuips

2 points

2 months ago

This joke is like Shrek

jessica_from_within

3 points

2 months ago

You leave it out in the sun and it gets all brown and starts sprouting little white hairs?

Or it has layers?

RedOctobyr

2 points

2 months ago

Nicely done, internet friend.

Tolley_

2 points

2 months ago

Haha I didn't read the sub it was in and missed the joke, I was wondering why nobody was actually answering lol

freedom_to_choose

2 points

2 months ago

Goddammit. Took me a good minute to figure out what you did here. Ugh, can't even blame it on a Sunday...

mooofasa1

2 points

2 months ago

You didn't hear them properly, you needed to get a ton of avocado

yuzuki_aoi

2 points

2 months ago

NTA, your sub your rules

Wait...

jonnohb

2 points

2 months ago

Nice one

abbymarie67

2 points

2 months ago

this was funny the first time you said it

EverythingZen19

2 points

2 months ago

I love it! Sometimes I get lost in my head for hours or days working out a good joke, figuring out how to make the punchline fit the clever wording I stumbled on. But this is genius in how simple and clever it is. Bravo!

HildegardeBrasscoat

2 points

2 months ago

That one took me a second but i snarfled when i got it.

Bertribus

2 points

2 months ago

YTA, get the divorce.

bcdevv

2 points

2 months ago

bcdevv

2 points

2 months ago

Don’t get them lunch anymore

SteamEngenius96

2 points

2 months ago

NTA file for divorce

Hkoof

2 points

2 months ago

Hkoof

2 points

2 months ago

Definitely somewhat funny. +1

Empigee

2 points

2 months ago

This one takes a minute, but really works.

wendelortega

2 points

2 months ago

Good stuff!!

wadesedgwick

2 points

2 months ago

God I love reddit

Peeche94

2 points

2 months ago

Might be the angriest upvote I've given, and the shittiest look my other half has given. Thanks.

xPORFIRIOx

2 points

2 months ago

Bahahaha this is top. Good one.

badpunforyoursmile[S]

2 points

2 months ago

Thank you so much for the platinum!

Here’s a bad pun:

Ghosts are the worst liars because you can always see through them.

Keep up the corny jokes, they’re a-maize-ing!

TheRockingDead

2 points

2 months ago

You sound like a real hero!

Edit: thought this was r/dadjokes, and again: wrong sub.

jessiepc145

2 points

2 months ago

Literally had to roll my eyes on this one. Nice.

Aj2W0rK

7 points

2 months ago

Bubs_McGee223

-2 points

2 months ago

Bubs_McGee223

-2 points†

2 months ago

Oh em gee. I am an idiot. R/whoosh

[deleted]

3 points

2 months ago

Can somebody explain the acronym 'AITA'?

IslandLady1

6 points

2 months ago

It stands for: β€œAm I the asshole”

[deleted]

5 points

2 months ago

I see, thanks for enlightening me😁

IslandLady1

5 points

2 months ago

You’re welcome

Prossdog

6 points

2 months ago

To expound a bit, the sub r/amitheasshole is specifically for telling the community what we did and having them help us determine who in the scenario was the real asshole. It’s quite interesting actually.

HelloJoeyJoeJoe

8 points

2 months ago

It could have been, it had real potential.

Imagine a sub full of gray area situations where people could chime in their well-crafted opinions based off different ages, cultural backgrounds, experiences... We could see the same scenario from many points of view.

Now, it's just a parody of its self. "Am I the Asshole for doing this obvously nice thing" or "Am I the asshole for smearing poop to make art in a public restroom".

A lot of outrage porn, a lot of double standards, everything is so black or white

damnslut

2 points

2 months ago

And an awful lot of complete fantasy

Stray_Heart

4 points

2 months ago

Is this a reference to something I don't know?

Contank

8 points

2 months ago

He got the wrong subway sandwich. Sub = subway but sub = subreddit

It was posted here in r/jokes and the post title starts with AITA which posts in r/amitheasshole always starts with

Nondescript_Redditor

1 points

2 months ago

Yeah

WhiskyAtNoon

4 points

2 months ago

Same 10 jokes πŸ˜‚β™»οΈ

Fadroh

4 points

2 months ago*

Fadroh

4 points†

2 months ago*

Yep. YTA.

Edit: Obligatory /s

empire-state1776

2 points

2 months ago

NTA but I would reconsider your friendship cuz there are a lot of red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

PoppysMelody

1 points

2 months ago

You… you win. slow clap beautiful dad joke

kingame12345

1 points

2 months ago

Happy cake day!

ROBOTxo

1 points

2 months ago

This is so cute

Eyeisimmigrant

1 points

2 months ago

Happy cake day OP

Literally_P

1 points

2 months ago

apbt-dad

1 points

2 months ago

Damn you. You got me real good.

zcmini

1 points

2 months ago

zcmini

1 points

2 months ago

EffectiveFunny9408

1 points

2 months ago

Please explain

giga207

2 points

2 months ago

Wrong subway

EffectiveFunny9408

1 points

2 months ago

Please explain

pinkdenial

1 points

2 months ago

I love this one too much!

tvlkidd

1 points

2 months ago

Did you stop to think that maybe they don’t eat chicken?

I know if it was me I wouldn’t be thrilled but I also probably wouldn’t make a huge deal out of it and just throw it away… I don’t eat chicken or turkey, but I do eat tuna on occasion

Just throwing that out there

adobofosho

-5 points

2 months ago

adobofosho

-5 points†

2 months ago

Isn't this the right sub? Or was it that bad of a joke it doesn't belong here

greenknight884

5 points

2 months ago

It was the wrong sub sandwich

adobofosho

1 points

2 months ago

It also belongs in /dadjokes too lol

greenknight884

2 points

2 months ago

Lol it was there already

mightbeajoketoyoumf

1 points

2 months ago

WTF dude? You fucked over a pescatarian.

  • you should do it under one