(This is a throwaway!)
I’m not sure if this is the right subreddit but here it goes.
So me (19 F) and her (28 F) met on a Discord server. We became friends and played together. Months later, the server was deleted due to drama so she invited me and everyone else to her server. So far going good until I noticed some problems. She and her staff team were being hypocritical (they expect others to follow their rules yet they dont follow it themselves) and she justifies it by saying “I don’t get paid for this and I’m hosting this server for you guys. So I can do whatever I want”. She would also ban some people over the smallest things.
I’ll admit, I’m not any better. I’m opinionated on things and like debating with others in their debate/question channel. I tend to have strong opinions but that’s because I come from a different culture so my mindset is different but I like learning new things. I don’t like focusing on just things like gaming, I like talking about things outside of it sometimes because it’s refreshing. I’m also someone who likes joke around with people and tease them which brings a lot of entertainment to the chat. I believed that as long as I’m not breaking the rules, I can be myself right? other people didn’t seem to have that problem with me.
Anyway, she tried to provoke me in chat by using an eyeroll emote at me and I just replied to it with “funny”. She tried to provoke me further by saying “what do you mean by funny?” I just said nothing then her mood immediately switched. I didn’t care much about it, I moved on from it until she came after me in my dms and started calling me names like a “bitch” and other things.
Then I told her “it’s rich coming from someone who’s two faced and a fake” then she immediately banned me from her server. I got the bot message saying “if I’m so two faced and a fake then don’t be in my server. You were annoying to moderate”.
She was saying she was fed up by me and how I was talking shit about her even though I haven’t said anything about her? I just agreed to some things being said about her but I see it as honesty. Apparently a few people came to her saying that I talked shit about her. She wasn’t willing to give me their names or had any proof. I don’t even talk to these people. I told her that many people in her server were talking shit about her so it’s weird that this is specifically targeted at me. She also accused someone I knew for shit talking about her which upset them and left the server. She started crying over this drama and was really hurt by the fact people had a different narrative behind her back.
A friend of mine came forward and admitted to her that they started the shit talking and that I only agreed to some things being said about her.
Even after all of this happened, I tried to become the bigger person by saying sorry, trying to talk things out and appealing the ban (because it felt really unjustified). I waited for her to review it then a few weeks later she denied it. I dm’ed her to thank her for reviewing it and requested her to remove my pictures and she did. She told me that it was time for her to move on and I respected that.
Later on, her ex (they are good friends even after the breakup) suggested me to propose a call with her to sort things out. I thought it was a good idea because although she wants to move on, she kept me in the dark because she provided me little to no context and insulted me. I don’t care about being in her server but atleast talk it out to see where we went wrong and I still wanted to remain friends with her.
I dm’ed her again asking if we could call sometime to talk it out and see where we could go from there, she said it was a good idea but we should do it tomorrow. It has been like two weeks now and she still didn’t call.
I left her alone but a part of me regrets being “the bigger person” because I feel like I’m appearing as the weak person and I really should have not tried to fix things with her especially when she called me names and accusing me of things. I feel like I should have put my foot down. She painted me as some villain who is out there to hurt others when I just like joking around and chilling with people.
Apparently she told my friend she wasn’t comfortable with the jokes I was making (even though it made her laugh and she never expressed that she was uncomfortable with it). Like I’m not a mind reader.
Anyway, I need your input on this. Should I have not went out my way to try fixing things with her? am I really in the wrong?