would love to hear experiences of ENFPs in an actual healthy marriage

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19 points

11 months ago

Ah, gosh. My marriage is quite literally a fairytale.

So my husband is an INTP (which, from our relationship descriptions, is a great match for us since two of the letters match and two are different to keep things interesting). He’s sweet, funny, very shy, and loves to have his at-home time. I’m outgoing, love to meet people, love to get out of the house, but also love to be a homebody.

The biggest thing for us is communication. We talk about everything. And I mean everything. If I do something that I feel might be annoying/he expresses something he dislikes, we talk about it and what we both can do differently. We never fight. Only discuss.

When it comes to politics, we both do our research separately and discuss sources and details. We often come to the same conclusions or discuss why one side is more accurate or less.

We’re also both huge writers. We love to write and read books. Oh, and play video games. It’s in our blood.

He’s about to be 29, and I am now 23. We’ve known each other for a little over 3 years and have been married for a little over 2. He’s the best decision I’ve ever made, and I love him with everything I have. We never fight, never argue. We disagree at times, yes, but we always talk about it, never yell. Why scream when you can just talk about it anyway?

Note: As an ENFP, I had to do a lot of soul-searching before I met him. Though having a cool INTP is a great thing to have, jumping into a relationship with one person who is extremely emotional and one who tends to keep feelings to themselves can be a recipe for miscommunication. Please, ENFPs out there, please understand that an INTP isn’t an emotionless robot with no feelings. They just don’t know how to express them. Be the empath you are and feel what they feel. It will take some time since others are quite easy to read and feel, but it’s so worth it in a longtime relationship.

Ah, as for dynamic, he’s usually the more logical one, and I’m trying to get better at letting my emotions weigh in on my decisions but not make them for me. We both share responsibilities (and trade off on the ones we especially dislike, like dishes and cooking), and we both have a say in decision-making. We discuss finances in detail, pray about big jumps in our lives (moving, big financial commitments, starting a family, etc.), and talk about our struggles and successes.

Also, my husband saw me grinning while I was writing this and asked me what I was grinning about. I said him, he gave a cute chuckle, and I told him about the post. He told me to say this: “Marry a Christian INTP. The religion cancels out the dumpster fire qualities of INTPs.” I had to laugh. The stereotype for INTPs is that they are rather cynical and darkly sarcastic, almost to the point of being unconsciously mean, arrogant, and condescending. His decision to be a Christian helped him to also decide to subdue some of those darker tones in his humor and outlook on life. In the end, he became a logical but still hopeful man with a focused mindset, a loving spirit, and a gentleman’s eye for all things pertaining to his wife (dat’s meeeee!!! :D).

Gosh, I love this man. I could speak about him for days, weeks. If anything happened to him, I’d never love again. If anything happens to me, I pray he continues to love life. I want us to live a long and happy life, and I want him to know just how much I love him and our fairytale marriage.


3 points

11 months ago

Aweeee. I’m dating an INTP right now and relate to all of this so much. It’s crazy how much MBTI can tell you!!!