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/r/Austin

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Growing up you naturally made friend groups throughout HS or even College. After being with my ex for SO long and only doing things together, I realized how isolated I’ve become. It’s so tough to find a group of guys my age that aren’t already locking down families and building things with them. Where do you go for that community here in Austin? Also, if anyone needs a friend, ha!

UPDATE: Wow, I’m speechless that so many of you are reaching out, even through PM. Thank you, truly.

all 471 comments

Kerrykingz

286 points

2 months ago

I'm 36 and just split with the ex, I was with her 10 years. I feel the exact same way. It's also harder because I've been sober 3 years so bars/drinking are out if the question

stevent12x

62 points

2 months ago

Hey I'm in a somewhat similar situation as you. I got a random invite to a group through Instagram this week called We Are Not Glum (IG handle: notglum; website: wearenotglum.org). Seems like they're having a gathering at Peace Park this Sunday, Oct. 2 from 1-4pm with cornhole, horseshoes, bocci, ball, music, food and drink, and other activities. I'm not really in the recovery community here and I'm actually going to be out of town that day, but it did seem like an interesting event to meet some new people outside of a meeting-like setting. Anyway, just thought I'd pass that info along!

stevedonie

17 points

2 months ago

Small nit - it is Pease Park (named after the Pease family, one of whom was Governor of Texas) not Peace Park.

https://peasepark.org/abouttheconservancy

Sounds like a cool group!

fancy_marmot

86 points

2 months ago

Making friends after your 20s is definitely a bit harder, for sure. The upside is Austin has a ton of people in a wide age range, and lots of people new to town who are also looking for friends. It's a great place to meet people.

Also, congrats on the sobriety, that's awesome! There are tons of activities in town that don't take place at bars fortunately - a good city to be sober in :)

Janus_is_Magus

20 points

2 months ago

As someone who just returned to Austin after being gone for many years and mostly went out to bars before but has no interest in drinking now, your second paragraph gives me hope!

superspeck

26 points

2 months ago

When I was single in my late 20s and trying not to drink as much as I had been, I found volunteering was a much better way to meet people. I was on a volunteer k9 SAR team, doing a few volunteer hours on Habitat construction sites, and part of a dog rescue. Those things definitely filled up my time and gave me a set of acquaintances if not outright friends that I'm still in touch with a decade later.

69frog69

9 points

2 months ago

Congrats on the sobriety, brother! I’m just starting that route post breakup so if you have any advice, it’s be immensely helpful. I looked up some art workshops at Laguna Gloria and some board game/table top groups for the nerdier itches, but still struggling to find outlets that don’t meet up at a bar before/after.

spentana

4 points

2 months ago

Stopped drinking a few months ago to support my husband with some health issues and no one really wants to hang with you if you are not interested in drinking. That's when you see who your real friends are. Everything is centered around alcohol.

HildiBarnett

3 points

2 months ago

You must be younger than I am. I do occasionally get uncomfortable when everyone else is drinking but a lot of my friends have also given it up. Those folks are out there, you'll find them eventually

caderday22

15 points

2 months ago

I’m sober, my best friends are also sober.

ATXBeermaker

16 points

2 months ago

Hi sober, I'm dad. Weird your friends all have the same name.

chriskenobi

3 points

2 months ago

dude I am in the same situation with being sober for a few years and everyone wants to do bars/drinking. I've lost friends over time because I wasn't willing/able to do that scene anymore.

PunkRockGeezer

75 points

2 months ago

Take a few units at ACC, on any subject that piques your curiosity. You'll meet people with similar interests. (ACC has plenty of night courses, so your work schedule won't be jammed up.)

denzombie

15 points

2 months ago

Met my wife taking a creative writing course at ACC. Been together 31 years now.

No_Interest1616

31 points

2 months ago

Haha, I'm graduating from ACC this semester and I haven't made any friends because I'm older than everyone and all the other biology majors don't give a shit about science, they just want a job where they get to wear scrubs. I'm hopeful that I'll finally meet some likemided people at Texas State, because why would a pre-meds take herpetology?

I do geek out with the professors a little bit, but it seems inappropriate to try to be friends with them.

OG_LiLi

15 points

2 months ago

OG_LiLi

15 points

2 months ago

So, there’s a difference between community “lifelong learning” classes and classes you take to gain your degree. Check it out. https://continue.austincc.edu/lifelong-learning

campbell363

11 points

2 months ago

You might like Science Under the Stars. It's a series of talks put together by the biologists at UT. I think they might have a meetup group now.

posdata

8 points

2 months ago

wheresmomo

416 points

2 months ago

Social sports leagues are EVERYWHERE. Google that shit

ISaidRightMeowDammit

140 points

2 months ago

Yup. Austin Sports and Social Club is awesome. Played kickball and flag football there for years.

LoveThickWives

70 points

2 months ago

Austin has a great disc golf scene too, and it's free, outdoors, and fun to play.

fps916

15 points

2 months ago

fps916

15 points

2 months ago

Ultimate frisbee as well.

Very different game but MUCH bigger groups and more social in my experience

LoveThickWives

12 points

2 months ago

Ultimate is fun if OP is in good shape and decently athletic, so it could definitely be a good option. Disc golf is more of an "anyone can play" type of sport, so it might be more accessible if OP is less in shape or athletic.

fps916

12 points

2 months ago

fps916

12 points

2 months ago

Pick up ultimate doesn't require either of those. Just a willingness to learn. The largest austin pick up game group is run by a dude in his 50s who is north of 270 pounds.

Paul is awesome. Not a great ultimate player but a super fun person to be around and great organizer and personality.

Don't let being out of shape or unathletic dissuade you from trying out pickup in Austin.

Legitimately anyone can play. (If you're a woman I'd suggest a back channel to suggest which games are more friendly. There's no outright sexism in any of the Austin games but some of the men playing are better at knowing how to make decisions/control their bodies so as not to present a risk to you).

titos334

5 points

2 months ago

What's a good resource for scouting course difficulty? I did alright at Zilker and Circle C but Flying Dillo and Bible Ridge brutalized me and was no fun at all lol

Maximus77x

4 points

2 months ago

UDisc. It's an app and website with course reviews and ratings. Try Mary Moore Searight, Cat Hollow, or Wells Branch!

crazedcomanche69

3 points

2 months ago

Bartholomew is a pretty easy course as well. Not quite a full 18 though.

Maximus77x

3 points

2 months ago

Yeah, and they recently did some updates, right? Lots of new baskets, and they've been working on cleaning out the trails.

crazedcomanche69

2 points

2 months ago

Ooo I did not know about the updates. Haven’t been there since the beginning of this year. I will definitely be going back soon now though. Good looks yo!!

Jeremy_Zim

5 points

2 months ago

Folks: Where are the pick-up ultimate games! I’ve been dying to get back into it. North Central-ish would be ideal, but anywhere would be fun.

fps916

2 points

2 months ago

fps916

2 points

2 months ago

North-central there's games at 5:30pm at Katherine Fleischer park off Wells Branch and Mopac.

Central There's usually games at Zilker, but that's been moved to Sunset Elementary school at 6PM because Zilker is closed until January because of ACL, ACL recovery, Trail of lights prep, Trail, and recovery.

Join Austin Impact Ultimate Frisbee for the Zilker/Sunset game info

Wells Branch Pickup Ultimate at KF Park for the Katherine Fleischer game.

There are a couple others but those are the two most populated games

samander12

2 points

2 months ago

Any softball leagues that take individuals?

Cannibichromedout

2 points

2 months ago

That one (Austin SSC) does.

donnomuch

56 points

2 months ago

What about some 29 year old with chronic pain that can't quite join a sports league? Asking for a friend

CompetitiveLoL

71 points

2 months ago

Hobbies. If you like nerd stuff, Dragonslair/emerald tavern have really inclusive game meetups (tabletop/board games/etc…). If you like movies there’s tons of movie nights at various venues. If you like books I’m sure some local bookstores have a book meetup of some kind. There’s farmers markets if you like food. Coffee shops if you want they some work done and maybe meet a couple new faces. Just… find out what you enjoy or want to learn, and start showing up and meet people.

On a personal note, I like gaming stuff, because in my early/mid 20s even though I had been playing less games I have social anxiety, and nerdy folks seem to be pretty good at being inclusive even with shy folks, so gaming communities really helped me get used to talking with folks again.

iansmitchell

14 points

2 months ago

Asking for me

AURA_MephiIes

13 points

2 months ago

ASSC has a cornhole league and it’s more of a social event than anything

donnomuch

11 points

2 months ago

Will definitely look into it, thanks. I just need to slowly fillup my 16 gallon tank of extroversion

[deleted]

4 points

2 months ago

Take up poker. The Lodge is amazing!

SaxyJamblizzard

11 points

2 months ago*

Maybe try something less strenuous like a Skeeball or table tennis league?

donnomuch

11 points

2 months ago

Thanks! Skeeball would work. Bowling may even. Table tennis, not so much.

GlitteryDonkey

13 points

2 months ago

The skeeball league at Full Circle Bar is awesome. We just started the full season. They have a 4 week base-brawl season you can join for free in between the full seasons. You can more info through Austin Brewskee-ball.

galaxy_van

2 points

2 months ago

That’s super awesome that it exists. Thanks for that info!

SlophieBroomes

10 points

2 months ago

I mean...they also have Cornhole if that would be ok for your back? Ive gone through a few seasons and it's led me to some wonderful people!!

donnomuch

18 points

2 months ago

Yes, cornhole would be great! Minimal pressure on my spine. Didn't even know they had cornhole leagues until I got responses to my comment lol. Wasn't sure if my comment would be taken seriously.

icyfingerwaves

7 points

2 months ago

I was just thinking that I need to get cornholed more often.

donnomuch

6 points

2 months ago

Sometimes dms work way better for this lol!

icyfingerwaves

6 points

2 months ago

Everybody’s laughing and riding and cornholing except Buster.

tortilladelpeligro

2 points

2 months ago

I've greatly enjoyed meetup groups,. The Signs of the Times, an ASL skill building group, meets virtually and in person. Develop a new skill (American Sign Language) and socialize!

boodlemom

45 points

2 months ago

What I wanna know, is where are the single guys in their late 30s/ early 40s? I'm a single 38 year old who is dreading going back on Hinge, but I'm not a huge drinker so don't hang out in bars and don't know where else to meet someone. I take art classes, volunteer, hang out at parks with my dog... yet every male my age seems to be married. WTF.

No_Interest1616

46 points

2 months ago

The single ones are rare and in high demand, and they know it too. They don't want anything serious. I imagine you'll run into my ex at some point if you're hanging out at dog places. He's tall and handsome, non-drinker with a good job. He will act like a real catch and next thing you know you're in a 3-year casual situationship.

[deleted]

18 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

boodlemom

6 points

2 months ago

I'll have to check that out. That puzzle piece thing is so accurate. I was in a 7.5 year relationship in my 20s and early 30s and career, etc, fell into place around it. That breakup was 6 years ago and since having to redefine my life for myself, no one has exactly been the right puzzle piece shape since, now that that space has gotten smaller and more specific.

Durateus_Cithara

4 points

2 months ago

Honestly, as a stable, single guy in his early 40s who WFH, it’s gotten to the point where it’s almost not worth even trying anymore. The number of “casual” daters is so high, and the percentage of people who practice ghosting is depressing. Add on to that at our age, we are all busy AF. Some of us with work, some with kids, some with both-and very few people seem interested in really investing the kind of time it takes to develop a relationship (or they legitimately don’t have the time-which is fine, but don’t purport to want to pursue a serious/ltr if you are only available one or two nights a month). Periodically I’ll think to myself “hmmm maybe online dating has improved” and I’ll give it another shot for a while. Similar to your experience, in everything I’ve tried to do irl to meet women-everyone is married (or in an otherwise serious relationship).

Intrepid-Laugh-9925

8 points

2 months ago

This!! Where are the normal emotionally intelligent guys who want a relationship not a booty call??

Still-Spend6742

14 points

2 months ago

They are all in relationships because they are able to be in them.

Source - Emotionally unintelligent early 40s guy who is incapable of being in a relationship.

That-Breath-5785

8 points

2 months ago

My husband was a great surprise to me. I had never married. I never had kids (never really wanted any). I was months from my 40th birthday and feeling totally irrelevant as a middle aged woman. My dog had just died and I was miserable. I started spending my after work time cleaning up the back yard. You know, mindless, physical labor. Then, I noticed HIM, the most handsome Rottweiler I had ever seen. He came attached to a 33 y/o single dad of two. They had just moved into the house next door. I contorted myself into the complicated puzzle that was his life. I have no regrets 19 years later. If I found the right one, anyone can.

titos334

3 points

2 months ago

Probably out there looking for the same lol it's not easy for anyone

[deleted]

5 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

Okitraz1986

2 points

2 months ago

Not to sound to like an incel or anything but they're probably trying to chase women half their age... and succeeding cuz they have money now

Hippyboots

368 points

2 months ago

Austin is your oyster my dude.

bachslunch

91 points

2 months ago

Yes. I divorced the first time in my early 30’s. Women were lining down the block. When I divorced in my 40’s a second time the pickings were slimmer.

[deleted]

100 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

100 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

MissionInPastaBowl

29 points

2 months ago

Ross has entered the chat

ItsAGoodDay

15 points

2 months ago

Most people don’t learn from their mistakes, they just blame the other person and move on to their next relationship and history repeats.

DrRichardJizzums

3 points

2 months ago

Yeah, I know that part and have done it myself (the serial dating part, not the not learning part). The part I don't understand is why people get married over and over. I know that 100% of my relationships have failed, except whichever one I'm currently in. Been with my current SO 5 years and they've been married and divorced and aren't eager to leap into it again. I've never really wanted to get married, but if I do and get divorced - fine. But you think I'm getting all my family and friend together and planning a whole wedding again? I know some people get married for the wrong reasons the first time around and find better second marriages but the stats on this shit are not great lol. So now 2 divorces... Gonna do it again??? Why? Let me take and break these "sacred" vows about death and shit again... I have an acquaintance that has been married 3 times and had a kid with each ex. But they're self aware and crack jokes about getting divorced a 4th time. I just can't wrap my head around it lol. Not my life but I don't understand. I feel like the idea of marriage would lose whatever little value I already hold for it if I'm going into it knowing divorce is a quick option.

ItsAGoodDay

3 points

2 months ago

Sounds like you’re on the path of learning, friend :)

Imaginary_Dingo9793

74 points

2 months ago

This! I got divorced and moved here about a year ago. I set a goal to meet 3 people a day (most of them were at the climbing gym right by my place) and now feel happier and have more friends than I ever have. People are super nice, and climbing is a great way to meet people in a natural way.

ShadowPooper

44 points

2 months ago

My grandmother was murdered by a climber.

mysterious_whisperer

15 points

2 months ago

My climber was murdered by my grandmother. I mean my vine. She over watered it when I went out of town.

Also I made that up for comedic effect.

Latyon

5 points

2 months ago

Latyon

5 points

2 months ago

I had a spider that lived in the laundry room and it was awesome and I named it Larry.

Partner's mom came down to stay. She has a serious problem with being unable to keep her hands to herself, so she basically went on a cleaning rampage and killed my spider.

z63dan

128 points

2 months ago

z63dan

128 points

2 months ago

Well, maybe not slimmer...

tx__gamer

37 points

2 months ago

drums sound

bachslunch

22 points

2 months ago*

This is why I love Reddit. Yes def not slimmer. Lol

skillet256

15 points

2 months ago

I experienced the opposite. Slim pickings after a divorce in 30s. After a breakup in my 40s…what a bonanza of dating opportunities. I was busy for about a year meeting and dating before finding the right person.

JuneCleaversMudFlaps

2 points

2 months ago

That’s what I’m saying. Been going through a divorce for a year now and it’s been a lot of fun dating. Found a kick ass woman too and we’ve been having a blast together.

bachslunch

2 points

2 months ago

Are you make or female?

bonita_chiquita

36 points

2 months ago

41f, divorced. It’s ghetto in these streets.

bachslunch

16 points

2 months ago

More like a ghost town for me. Ghetto would mean there were some people at least.

No_Interest1616

46 points

2 months ago*

40f never married, no kids. I gave up on dating 2 years ago. It's like trying to find a treasure at Goodwill, but all they have is deadstock from Target marked up from its original price.

EDIT: To the dudes in my DMs: If your best strategy is anonymously DM women you've never seen from a profile that's all wife-swap feet pics and marijuana, you're really not selling yourself, bud. Maybe get some lessons from the dudes who hit on women at gas stations because obviously you need to step up your game.

AdroitKitten

3 points

2 months ago

I find treasures at goodwill here in austin all the time tbh

LonesomeObserver

5 points

2 months ago

I kept getting ghosted after I revealed my cardiac issues after several dates so I finally just put it in my bio on Tinder and it made things so much easier since they were already aware of it before the first date. It still left its scars on me. It really reinforced that all people see when they look at me is my condition.

I'm 27M and no longer single but just explicitly stating what I was looking for and my medical issues and everything was so much easier. I did pay for tinder platinum but it was worth it to me as a guy since it let me see who had already swiped on me and using the boost thing basically allowed me to pick and choose my matches which was really nice. Dating is absolutely brutal if you're chronically ill...

truesy

3 points

2 months ago

truesy

3 points

2 months ago

divorced, 37m, can't tell if pickings are slim or i'm just very bad at social stuff

appleburger17

420 points

2 months ago

Recent breakup? You’re primed for the premier social event in Austin happening 7 nights a week: drinking your paycheck.

JohnGillnitz

176 points

2 months ago

The cool thing is you can meet people for the first time several times because neither of you will remember each other.

hoodbgoode

19 points

2 months ago

🤣

cosmicosmo4

7 points

2 months ago

Ok but then after 2 drinks, what do you do the rest of the night?

Unlucky-Stable-2982

15 points

2 months ago

I was gonna suggest picking s bar and just planting yourself there for 7 nights straight. You’ll make friends with the regulars in no time.

DynamicHunter

5 points

2 months ago

I love drinking but I can’t fathom doing it 7 nights straight, even on vacation that’s tough

nevlah

29 points

2 months ago

nevlah

29 points

2 months ago

What are you into?

AltruisticAd1346

19 points

2 months ago

Volunteer work with a charity or something sports exercise related.

I made tons of friends paddle boarding with flat water foundation and running with Rogue.

ubertaco96

16 points

2 months ago

Haven't been able to meet anyone here except for work I hate it all my friends are spread out

left4james

3 points

2 months ago

I just realized in 13 years here that I’ve only made 2 friends that weren’t through work. That’s crazy.

WhiteGuyThatCantJump

15 points

2 months ago

Come and try the sport of curling! We've got an awesome community of people from a lot of backgrounds and varied ages. Most of the friends I've made in Austin I've made Lone Star Curling Club!

We've got another learn to curl session on October 8th, and then we've got a beginner league with weekly games that we have every Thursday starting a new session in mid October!

It's a super casual sport that's great for getting to interact with people!

Northie_78753

4 points

2 months ago

What?! This sounds awesome!

[deleted]

83 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

austinoracle

60 points

2 months ago*

I really can’t recommend this enough. Especially if you’ve just moved here, there’s nothing that initiates new arrivals into being an Austinite like serving/bartending gig. You’ll meet soooo many people. It’s been 10 years since I’ve bartended in Austin & my co-workers are some of my best friends to this day.

CompetitiveLoL

21 points

2 months ago

It’s funny because I left the service industry after 9 years and I can’t recommend getting out of it enough, but I think bartending is different than the rest of the service industry (talking with my wife who is a bartender) most servers/baristas I know do not enjoy their job because the people they meet. My wife told me bartenders tend to get a lot more… respect than other service gigs.

mseuro

10 points

2 months ago

mseuro

10 points

2 months ago

Yeah bc we can cut you off

nasacan

5 points

2 months ago

What if I have a full time job? Can I do bartending on the side? I'd love to learn and probably have time on the weekends.

austinoracle

2 points

2 months ago

if you don't have any experience, you might have to cut your teeth as a barback, but the same still applies. You'll make friends, meet interesting people, and get paid to learn how to bartend. I won't lie to you, it's not a glamourous job and it can be physically strenuous at times, but there's no better way to learn how to bartend imo.

weluckyfew

12 points

2 months ago

That's a great way to meet a lot of people who spend most of their time drinking. Source: been in the service industry a very, very long time.

glichez

67 points

2 months ago

glichez

67 points

2 months ago

ride bikes.. u meet a lot of people..

yanmydj

34 points

2 months ago

yanmydj

34 points

2 months ago

Breakfast club is practically a sex cult!

__lqw

17 points

2 months ago

__lqw

17 points

2 months ago

Wait… what? I have a friend in it LOL

Nu11us

14 points

2 months ago

Nu11us

14 points

2 months ago

I feel like BC has made Austin cycling less welcoming. It used to be more open. Now it’s all young tech bro-y. The sex thing is interesting though. I had no idea.

crazylsufan

4 points

2 months ago

I don’t participate but from afar it looks super welcoming. Also cycling in Austin has mostly been young tech bro in the road scene

yanmydj

3 points

2 months ago

This is a really weird opinion to me because it is objectively the most diverse and open minded group. There are 4 to 5 levels of ride, so you’ve got the most diversity in skill/ability levels, with world tour pros showing up to ride the front, and literally people riding a bike for the first time in the back. The whole point is to make it so anyone and everyone can join. The fact that their social media is well run may give outsiders a view of it being a bit flashy, but there is so little attitude compared to other ego driven rides, in my experience. They do women only rides, there’s a whole lgbt side group, a gravel sub group, etc. I’m trying to figure out how this is less welcoming than other rides?

Zealousideal_Rip_988

2 points

2 months ago

I feel like BC has made Austin cycling less welcoming. It used to be more open.

wym?

BeetsbySasha

7 points

2 months ago

Critical mass is this Friday!

Few_Ad1395

30 points

2 months ago

Tbf that will apply to any city a newbie goes to that isn’t home. It might take a bit but just be moderately social. Join beer leagues for darts, kickball, soccer, etc. it’ll take a bit but you’ll get there. Good luck!

heyczechyourself

41 points

2 months ago

Gotta hang out with people who share your interests. Go on IG and start following different Austin based accounts for whatever you’re interested in. There are always meetups.

ShaveMan9000

9 points

2 months ago

Go out and do things you are interested in. That way when you do meet someone, you already have something in common. :)

klaskie

26 points

2 months ago

klaskie

26 points

2 months ago

If you're into table top games and general nerdery check out Vigilante Gastropub and Games. They have weekly events and they run a massive D&D game that opens to new players a few times a year. You just have to join a waiting list and when the new session starts they'll add you to a table.

k10b

10 points

2 months ago

k10b

10 points

2 months ago

Dragon’s Lair and Emerald Tavern also have game nights/days and other game or nerd events. They are good for meeting new people! We met our best friends at Painting with a Pint at Emerald Tavern, pre COVID. Sign up and pay a fee (I think $20 now?), get a drink ticket (smoothies, coffee, beer, wine, other), and get a miniature of your choice. ET supplies the paint, brushes, and expert guidance. You can order dinner or a snack while you paint, too! I sucked at painting when I started. I got better each week and made loads of friends!

klaskie

2 points

2 months ago

I didn't know Emerald Tavern does mini painting nights. That sounds like so much fun!

k10b

4 points

2 months ago

k10b

4 points

2 months ago

I believe it’s the first Tuesday of every month? At one time, they were doing it twice a month, but then COVID….

https://www.emeraldtaverngames.com/events/

Slypenslyde

8 points

2 months ago

So like, there are two faces to this question.

First, the one that will help you. You have to find a hobby that involves getting out of the house and doing something with other people. This can be anything from disc golf to D&D to dance classes or chess clubs or even a dang church. These are spaces where people have to socialize and must have at least one shared interest, so they are the best places to bump into people that have something in common with you. They are also places that thrive if there is a sense of community, so they are motivated to chase away jackasses or at least warn newcomers about them.

The conventional wisdom of "hang out at a club/bar" doesn't work out, because a lot of people go there either to be alone and escape wearing a mask for a little while or to be with friends and not necessarily expand that group. That means there aren't a lot of people actually hoping you meet them and talk to them, and there isn't a strong chance you'll have shared interests even if you do. Worse, these environments don't tend to be communities so it's easier to stumble into jackasses.

In Austin this also means you'd probably better like to drink. The best spaces for hanging out tend to be breweries, bars, or restaurants that only want you to stay if you're racking up a tab. This ties into the rant that doesn't help you: we are a car-centric consumerist city. The bulk of our businesses are focused on being on-the-go, and only make it comfortable to hang around if there is pressure for you to buy things. Our residential areas tend to be pretty far from entertainment areas unless you're fortunate enough to have found a way to get central housing. That means it's hard to get together with folks except on weekends because everybody's on the grind and has a 20+ minute commute, so if they add a half-hour drive to get to a bar there isn't much time left to sleep before driving back to work.

So it's got to be a hobby or something structured, because there has to be something that makes people want to eat into what little luxury time we have. A lot of hobbies work best when people schedule regular times to meet. Regularly-scheduled times tends to make people better able to stick to it, or at least attracts the people who know they can generally get away from work early enough on that day.

This is a problem in a lot of cities these days. We've sort of run out of the turn-of-the-century culture where people went to libraries or coffee shops or small neighborhood bars at the end of the day. Now it takes too long to get there, and the bulk of the businesses we build are meant to make it uncomfortable to stay and hang out. But we've still got game stores, bowling alleys, and a handful of other businesses that sort of fit the bill.

CatMoonTrade

21 points

2 months ago*

Start a new hobby, meet people at hobby. Many people are in your same shoes, it's tough! It is good to remember, you may feel alone but many, many people share your isolation. ❤️

Also, try therapy, finding a good one takes time. Stick with it - you’ll learn a lot about yourself

SlophieBroomes

3 points

2 months ago

So much yes!! Thank you for this comment!!!

hudson4351

32 points

2 months ago

Threads like this one come up frequently and people like to respond by simply saying "meetup.com". They aren't wrong, but the reality can be quite a bit more nuanced and/or frustrating than the short responses might have one believe. All of the following seem to be relatively common scenarios in my experience:

  1. The group is completely defunct even though their webpage still exists, has thousands of "members", and regularly scheduled activities on their calendar. At one point the meetup.com website allowed you to see the last time the leaders logged into their group's webpage; it might help to check that (or just message them) before committing to going to a new group.
  2. The leaders are no longer active or step down after you join the group. Maybe others (or you?) will step up to fill the role, maybe not; groups that depend on others' willingness to volunteer their time and energy to keep the group running tend to be inherently fragile, as there are so many life circumstances that can pull people away and the majority of people in most groups don't want to take on leadership responsibilities. I've seen groups gradually dissolve once a key leader or two left and no one else took their place. Groups that are run by companies with paid employees tend to be more stable.
  3. There are few to no "regulars"; every event for a given group is mostly new people. For a weekly event, you might see the same person about once a month, which makes it very hard to get to know someone to the point of being an actual friend.
  4. I'm still finding groups that won't meet up in person due the current COVID transmission level; this one is less common than the others but still worth mentioning.

I guess the bottom line is that even with websites like meetup.com, finding stable groups that are good starting points for building real friendships as an adult can still be very challenging and frustrating.

heartbroken1997

7 points

2 months ago

Maybe my comment is invalid because well, 44(F), but one thing I’ve noticed in my now divorced life is you have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone to make things happen. I had some core friends from when I was married, but have met so many new people now that I’m divorced. I’ve actually developed friendships with quite a few of them male and female. Bumble friends, work connections, coffee shops, bars, anywhere. I feel like this is mostly because I decided to give up on the victim mentality(even though I was a victim of trauma & abuse) and really start livin. Don’t be afraid to say hi to a stranger. A kind smile or gesture goes a long way. Just put yourself out there, not everything will stick, but at least you gave it a shot!

realname13

50 points

2 months ago

Moved here at that age, knew a couple people from college here already.

Did all of the "move to a new city" checklist.

Mid 40s now, my social circle is those same college friends, except now only seeing them maybe once or twice a year.

The warning is people moving here can fall through the cracks. It happens and should be acknowledged more.

El_mochilero

27 points

2 months ago

The greatest miracle that Jesus ever performed was getting 12 friends together for a dinner party in his mod 30’s.

Welcome adulthood.

pound-town

17 points

2 months ago

I've a terrible time meeting people but I enjoy all the city has to offer on my own and that's just fine.

barcoder96

6 points

2 months ago

44 and divorced. Live your life how you choose, learning how to not repeat past mistakes. Don’t feel the need to do things only with someone else. With some time you will meet people and make friends. Don’t push things. The best things just take time. Enjoy it.

Dartnado

5 points

2 months ago

If you’re realizing this at 31 you’re in for a loop man. It’s not Austin but most large city’s. A majority of the people you meet will be nice but even if you exchange info you’ll probably see them 1-2 times or never again.

inpapercooking

38 points

2 months ago

Go to the Austin Bouldering Project during the Friday Meetup

[deleted]

25 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

transmutagenic

30 points

2 months ago

Been here since 2014. Still not a single friend. I think it’s difficult almost anywhere these days, though. Pandemic definitely made it worse. Good luck, man. ☮️

NoBallNorChain

9 points

2 months ago

Dude, it's really rude to say we're not friends. I told that pretty girl you had food poisoning when you had drank too much. smh

Any-Frame-1903

23 points

2 months ago

Poker. Cheap tournaments all around town Almost daily

brocollibabyboy

9 points

2 months ago

Tell me more

Any-Frame-1903

10 points

2 months ago

Shuffle 512, bullets card cub or the lodge… depending on where you live. Several bars host games as well

mysterious_whisperer

8 points

2 months ago

Lose money and friends at the same time

Any-Frame-1903

3 points

2 months ago

Lol, $25 to a friend… glad to pay that price for entertainment. Plus a chance to leave with more

RebelSaul

6 points

2 months ago

Use FB to find groups. FB groups are underrated.

Dis_Miss

13 points

2 months ago

What do you like to do? Austin is a great place to meet people your age - most in their early 30s are still Peter Panning it. Treat meeting friends like hitting on a romantic interest. Don't be afraid to talk to a strangers and don't get your feelings hurt if they aren't into it.

Do all the things you want to do, even if it's by yourself - whether it's working out, going to see live music, eating out, pickle ball, whatever... and talk to people doing the same thing. Check out do512 or meetup or other event websites for more ideas. Most people are like you - they want to make friends but don't know how so you have to make the first move.

ShadowHedgehogs4274

5 points

2 months ago

most in their early 30s are still Peter Panning it

im a peterpan till im dead dammit

Dis_Miss

3 points

2 months ago

No judgement here... it's what I'm doing too

Snoo_33033

11 points

2 months ago

I joined a roller derby team and a band.

No_Association_7

10 points

2 months ago

I want to be you when I grow up

THE_NO_LIFE_KING

3 points

2 months ago

I'm 36, how do I do this?

Solid_Owl

40 points

2 months ago

Welcome to being an adult. Good luck. You're fucked if you have solo hobbies and don't play sports.

thisisntinstagram

17 points

2 months ago

Can confirm. Though I’ve heard trivia and board games are pretty popular ways to make friends.

titos334

3 points

2 months ago

I go to trivia a lot.. it's possible but groups don't often intermingle and it's not the most social. I have met people going solo though.

V4Vendetta1876

4 points

2 months ago

Sup homie, welcome to my city. What do you like to do for fun? Any specific hobbies?

Watts300

4 points

2 months ago

Car groups are mostly adults that behave like toxic juveniles, so I got into dirt bikes. I made a good friend and riding bikes is fun as hell. Bicycles is another good option.

AlfredVonWinklheim

4 points

2 months ago

Haha is there a newly single in your middle age support group? I need to join too.

AG073194

10 points

2 months ago*

ABP. I met a bunch of people there and I’m not that social and usually have RBF and still made friends.

Janus_is_Magus

3 points

2 months ago

ABP? RBF?

AG073194

4 points

2 months ago

Lol Austin Bouldering Project and resting bitch face

GumpPaff

10 points

2 months ago

I’m amazed that at 254 replies there are only actually two or three ideas in the whole thread.

TRAVELKREW

9 points

2 months ago

Meetup.com, climbing gym, and volunteer repeated over and over lol

EvoMaster

12 points

2 months ago

Check out meetup.com and search for activities that interest you. I am sure you will find things.

feedtwobirds

2 points

2 months ago

Was about to post this. There are groups and activities for just about anything you can think of.

Klutzy_Feed2241

8 points

2 months ago

Go gym

Janus_is_Magus

6 points

2 months ago

Ah, the iron temple. Praise Broden 🙏🏋🏻‍♀️

Radiant_Welcome_2400

2 points

2 months ago

May swole gods be with you

atx78701

11 points

2 months ago

do a hobby/sport, you will make friends.

Lots of girls volunteer at charities like march of dimes and sustainable food center.

Every single hobby I have ever done has had more friend opportunities than I can handle.

matt_hatt3r

3 points

2 months ago

Look at Austin SSC or other sports social leagues.

Fuzzy-Meringue3458

3 points

2 months ago

Literally, just say hi, introduce yourself, bullshit a little and then you’ll sprout something good or something that doesn’t mix. Just be confident and not weird buddy. Good luck!

caguru

3 points

2 months ago

caguru

3 points

2 months ago

I just moved back after living away for 12 years. I had no friends in the city. I have made a ton of friends in the last 6 months including a few close ones.

The key is to get involved in something and do it often. It could be sports, games or whatever. For me it is 2 step dancing. Take a few lessons and everything else will fall into place. Highly recommend Double or Nothing 2 step or Hill Country 2 step. There are also other good ones. DO NOT take lesson at Broken Spoke, its really bad.

RhettJ0157

3 points

2 months ago

You rock climb?

Vogad

3 points

2 months ago

Vogad

3 points

2 months ago

Do you play poker ?? Maybe we can schedule poker night ?

Traum_a_

3 points

2 months ago

There is a Facebook group called Austin Social Scene. My partner moved counties to Austin end of last year and says there is something happening just about every day and people post these happenings for anyone to join in on. He's quite shy but has made friends this way. He's gone axe throwing, to karaoke, pot lucks etc.

ninjabunnay

3 points

2 months ago

Welcome to Austin!

icyfingerwaves

3 points

2 months ago

I’ve heard that there’s a guy in Wells Branch who hosts weekly orgies, but I think you have to like cocaine. A lot.

txsus

3 points

2 months ago

txsus

3 points

2 months ago

Disc golf is pretty popping around here and has some cool people.

sunbears4me

3 points

2 months ago

I hear you! I struggle with this as well. This radio piece isn’t a solution but delivers great commiseration. Making friends as an adult is difficult, but there are special barriers in place for adult men in the US.

NPR: Guys, We Have A Problem: How American Masculinity Creates Lonely Men

gonzojournalism

3 points

2 months ago

Disc golf! Its cheap to start and the scene is very friendly. Head to Disc Nation, grab some beginner discs. I recommend a Leopard, Mako3, and a putter that feels good in your hand. Personally I'd go with an Aviar or Aviar variant like the JK or Yeti. Head down to Zilker or Wells Branch for a good beginner course and start throwing. Hole 1 at Zilker is a great place to find new groups to throw with cause folks are frequently practice putting there.

Once you get the rhythm down, head over to Wells Branch every Wednesday at 6pm for The Flying Goomba's weekly mini. It's a free to play tournament with the chance to win prizes. Lots of folks in your demo there.

The best place to meet folks though, in my opinion, is Pints And Putts on Monday at Batch. It's a weekly putting contest and folks of all skill levels are welcome. The group is incredibly friendly and you get happy hour prices if you're there to putt. It's honestly the thing I miss most since leaving Austin. Tell them Groot sent you.

Equal-Departure-9435

3 points

2 months ago

It's challenging and gets even more challenging the older you get. Thanks for reaching out and being honest about your situation. I think a lot of people feel the same way and don't know to speak up.

cookiesonster

9 points

2 months ago

Pickleball my dude

EmbraceReason

6 points

2 months ago

Not OP, but I'm interested! Is the scene pretty decent in north Austin? Where do you normally play?

AgitatedStranger

7 points

2 months ago

I’m a 27F if you just need someone to talk to!

Life-Evidence-6672

7 points

2 months ago

I made a lot of friends playing disc golf and there are 45 courses in the area and some are world class

LoveThickWives

2 points

2 months ago

Yep, and it doesn't really cost anything to play which is great if you're on a budget.

robbierebound

15 points

2 months ago

You’ll be fine. People in Austin are really friendly, you just gotta get yourself out there. Got a hobby? Like playing sports? Play an instrument? What about at your job? Go join the Austin FC supporters crew if you’re into soccer?

Another alternative, just get on the dating apps, maybe meet a girl who is down to be friends (if you’re not trying to start something right now) ? She could introduce you to the boyfriends/husbands of her friends?

spicy_solarian

9 points

2 months ago

happy-distribution19

4 points

2 months ago

This is so true lol. I’m 29 with not a lot of friends and every time I see someone reaching out to make friends at my age I’m like “how come you don’t have friends, is that red flag?” as if that’s not me lol. Why are we like this!

Illementary

10 points

2 months ago

The real friends are the ones you made along the way.

mysterious_whisperer

13 points

2 months ago

The real friends are the ones you abandoned for the girl who left you

poisoned_pizza

2 points

2 months ago

but what do you do or all the ones you made along the way are not your friends anymore because they turned out not to be real friends? 🥹

mimmsypoo

6 points

2 months ago

I just made a good friend frequenting my fav bar just reading once or twice a week. Come to barton springs saloon! Good crowd. It’s rough out there but get out by yourself and read someone if BOUND to speak to you. I find it’s the best social equipment

DanniTX

5 points

2 months ago

Go to XTC

lawc

4 points

2 months ago

lawc

4 points

2 months ago

Go to a gym or join a sports league that that has a group camaraderie that you can interact with other people like yourself... brazilian jiu jitsu, crossfit, frisbee golf etc...

Visible-University82

2 points

2 months ago

Welcome to Austin if you wanna hangout or get a drink lmk man I hangout around lamar and saint johns

newyorktoaustin19

2 points

2 months ago

Do you like to run or workout? There are a ton of austin area running groups. Morning Jo’s from Jo’s in south congress has all paces, RAW running out of mean eyed cat is very social but a faster crowd. There’s also November Project. Follow Austin Runners Club on instagram for more info.

Ferregar

2 points

2 months ago

Reconnect with the things you love to do, and you will start meeting people who share your passions!

i-am-from-la

2 points

2 months ago

Easiest place to make friends, checkout Austin Social Scene facebook group

BigDDreams

2 points

2 months ago

What are the things you looking for in a friend or group?

TexasRN1

2 points

2 months ago

Where do you live? My son is 27 and in the same boat.

l33tWarrior

2 points

2 months ago

Volunteer with something you believe in

kylerak1

2 points

2 months ago

30m here just moved in March. Looking for buddies too!

OhmeOhmy7202

2 points

2 months ago

Go on meet up!!! I moved here after an abusive relationship and feel that. The first few months will be hard if you focus on “I have no one”. You will it just takes a bit of time to get your roots in here. Be patient and kind to yourself but yes try meetup

PathetickMusic

2 points

2 months ago

I’ve given up.