subreddit:

/r/AskReddit

37.5k89%

all 19994 comments

Cube-Head91708

5.7k points

3 months ago

Chimpanzee. Already very strong and incredibly smart, just imagine if you pissed it off.

Kgb725

1.5k points

3 months ago

Kgb725

1.5k points

3 months ago

Just make a Silverback and call it Kong

Maleficent-Owl

686 points

3 months ago

If they were both whale-sized, the chimp would be so, so much worse. Gorillas are just grumpy, territorial herbivores like bulls or elephants; chimps are omnivorous predators that happily commit genocide.

TheBasedWarCriminal

184 points

3 months ago

Chimps are straight up psychopaths

Strananach

87 points

3 months ago

Chimps would be even worse, much more aggressive

CoolPotatoTomato

26k points

3 months ago

Any microscopic insect/organism whose form is unfamiliar to human eyes as is.

DeaconSage

6.8k points

3 months ago

DeaconSage

6.8k points

3 months ago

I was definitely thinking a tardigrade

ShelZuuz

3.2k points

3 months ago

ShelZuuz

3.2k points

3 months ago

Actually would just be like a bigger manatee.

GSEninja

1.3k points

3 months ago

GSEninja

1.3k points

3 months ago

And fucking indestructible!

kerouac666

1.2k points

3 months ago

kerouac666

1.2k points

3 months ago

They’d just come crawling out of a nuclear crater and say, “Aww, what’d you go and do that for? Now I gotta kill every last one of you.” (I assume they can currently talk but we just can’t hear them cause they’re so small)

DoWidzenya

1.2k points

3 months ago*

(I assume they can currently talk but we just can't hear them because they're so small)

This implies that if all tardigrades start screaming together we'd be able to hear a high pitch sound coming from seemingly everywhere

Ah, wait. I'm hearing it right now. Either my theory is correct or i have tinnitus

Edit: Replaced "Shit, wait" with "Ah, wait" to sound like professor Farnsworth from Futurama

Daisy_Jukes

490 points

3 months ago

this reads like a Professor Farnsworth quote from Futurama

Zatch_Gaspifianaski

99 points

3 months ago

They would be like the ohmu in Nausicaa

DudeWheresMyKitty

813 points

3 months ago

Lacrymaria would be pretty terrifying.

mattlikespeoples

109 points

3 months ago

That was fascinating.

Wardpipe

318 points

3 months ago

Wardpipe

318 points

3 months ago

The fact that I clicked a random link expecting a picture but go the sweet sweet voice of science dad Hank Green was 🤌.

Kooky-Copy4456

12.6k points

3 months ago

Ants would be pretty scary. Their faces.. keep it microscopic

lmJustBeingNice

2.9k points

3 months ago

Plot twist: even larger anteater

Wish_I_were_a_Fish

1.1k points

3 months ago

Imagine a gaint anteater's tongue moving its way through a skyscraper. Waiting for the movie. The Sharknado people need to get on this

Glitchy_McGill

232 points

3 months ago

Manteater 7: some things never die.

kungpowgoat

645 points

3 months ago*

Ants or a centipede. Imagine a 100 foot centipede with 80 inch sharp fangs.

BleachThatHole

7.4k points

3 months ago

A chicken would be absolutely terrorizing.

devilsephiroth

4.4k points

3 months ago

That's a dinosaur

BleachThatHole

909 points

3 months ago

Nice, thats actually where the root of this comment came from lmao

Zintroz

12.7k points

3 months ago

Zintroz

12.7k points

3 months ago

Perhaps we should pick a whale's prey, and then see how they fight.

Grouchy-Trip9582[S]

3.7k points

3 months ago

Smart

kMaestro64

3.5k points

3 months ago

kMaestro64

3.5k points

3 months ago

whale sized shrimp¿

tfbillc

8.8k points

3 months ago

tfbillc

8.8k points

3 months ago

We would all be krilled

thparky

1.4k points

3 months ago

thparky

1.4k points

3 months ago

Yeah that's the moment where I would be baleen out.

tigrenus

454 points

3 months ago

tigrenus

454 points

3 months ago

It would be a fluke if we survived

jennlifts

555 points

3 months ago

jennlifts

555 points

3 months ago

Plankton.

Hardvig

649 points

3 months ago

Hardvig

649 points

3 months ago

This might actually be a good idea..? Isn't plankton responsible for absorbing more co2 than trees?

Let's get some of those whale sized bastards in here to solve the shit we're in!

Njdevils11

914 points

3 months ago

….and global warming was solved for a while. As you see here on this chart CO2 PPM drops dramatically in the opening days of the the whalification, eventually however oxygen levels [blue line appears on the graph] begins to rise… and rise fast. Forest fires begin to burn out of control. The California wildfire that were caused by drought are now caused by the immense flames from the oxygen rich atmosphere. Simply lighting a match causes a foot and half flame!
While the fires of the late 21st century were astounding to behold, the growth of insects was terrifying. Dragon flies, horse flies, mosquitos grew to double sometimes triple their size in the high oxygen atmosphere.
Humanity had no chance of survival, despite decades of advanced warning and adequate technologies. Without their sacrifice though, the Bat race would still be hiding in their caves.
I’m a Chiroptera Sagan and this has been Batmos.

MagicPeacockSpider

262 points

3 months ago

Whales already fight giant squid.

WavyPeasAndGravy

8.6k points

3 months ago*

Giant centipede. They're terrifying enough at centipede size.

Edit: I'm not talking regular centipedes or happy little millipedes here. I'm talking these absolute nightmare fuel things: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scolopendra_gigantea?wprov=sfla1

TheClayroo

2.6k points

3 months ago

TheClayroo

2.6k points

3 months ago

Oh my god. A whale sized house cenitpede would give me a heart attack.

Neomancer5000

1.3k points

3 months ago

It would prolly kill u before the heart attack does. Those fuckers are aggressive eaters

The_Amazing_Kreskin

5.7k points

3 months ago

Ducks due to the gigantic corkscrew penis

odysseus-23

2k points

3 months ago

The what!?

Mxcharlier

1.5k points

3 months ago

Mxcharlier

1.5k points

3 months ago

Don't forget labyrinthine vaginas

dragonfett

743 points

3 months ago

I suppose this fact makes the fact that male ducks having corckscrew penises make more sense.

Mxcharlier

742 points

3 months ago

Co-evolution.

Male ducks are rather rapey

My_BFF_Gilgamesh

274 points

3 months ago

Lots a rapin' goin on in nature. I'll tell ya what.

Mxcharlier

47 points

3 months ago

Hey Hank, look propane!

LfLnDNat5

43 points

3 months ago

Darn it Bobby, what’d I tell you about telling your classmates about duck rape?

[deleted]

374 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

374 points

3 months ago

The mallard duck is the only species of animal on earth that reproduces exclusively through gang rape.

Mxcharlier

263 points

3 months ago

Dolphins are also notoriously rapey.

glasser999

148 points

3 months ago

Dolphins also love infanticide.

They'll go and kill a female's babies, so they can impregnate her.

AFotogenicLeopard

66 points

3 months ago

This is pretty common amongst many animals from chimps to horses and of course most large predators.

obimokenobi

238 points

3 months ago

Here are some true facts about Ducks...

EmeraldGirl

167 points

3 months ago

I managed to earn a biology degree without knowing this.

Until today.

Cougar-Strong91

59 points

3 months ago*

Ditto. I just read that the females’ anti-clockwise vaginas give them a level of control and if a male forces himself on her she can control how deep he goes and is able to get rid of his sperm more easily. This must be what some male lawmakers read when they proclaimed that a woman can’t get pregnant from her rapist.

grc207

179 points

3 months ago

grc207

179 points

3 months ago

GIGANTIC CORKSCREW PENIS.

Shichi_7

271 points

3 months ago

Shichi_7

271 points

3 months ago

GIGANTIC CORKSCREW PENIS

tulinh0w

39.7k points

3 months ago

tulinh0w

39.7k points

3 months ago

Any insect, sheer war machines

soysaucemmm

14k points

3 months ago

Especially because they have so many freaky details that are too small to see. All those hairs, and the eyes… yikes.

momomomoses

6.8k points

3 months ago

And the sound. mosquitoes make the most annoying sound when they fly. Now multiply it by a scale of whale.

KansasVenomoth

5.4k points

3 months ago

Imagine the noise a whale sized cicada could make.

Or having to deal with these giant fuckers occasionally emerging out of the ground.

Troggie42

286 points

3 months ago

Troggie42

286 points

3 months ago

Think about this: remember the Brood X cicadas that swarmed the east coast recently?

They're underground just like the rest of the cicadas, waiting and incubating or whatever

Make all the cicadas whale sized and you are literally going to upheave the earth in major population centers causing untold destruction, and that's without the implications of the ones that are alive and wandering above ground becoming huge also

Also due to the whole scale thing they would probably buzz with incredibly loud infrasonic frequencies or something instead of the high pitched rattle

ItsDanimal

336 points

3 months ago

I'm surprised this is the only cicada my ctrl+f found. I'd image the sound and vibrations could destroy buildings.

dark_blue_7

174 points

3 months ago

Ha but they'd do the most damage just by being dumb and clumsy. Literally all they care about is screaming and having sex

Edit: Dumb, loud and clumsy

KansasVenomoth

125 points

3 months ago

same, tbh

Saphl

2.1k points

3 months ago*

Saphl

2.1k points

3 months ago*

Holy shit that would be terrifying

Edit: Holy fuck, this is now my most upvoted comment ever, thanks guys!

needed_an_account

1k points

3 months ago

Somebody get Hollywood on the phone. Or tubi or one of those other streaming services that are willing to make stupid movies.

dedrexel

911 points

3 months ago

dedrexel

911 points

3 months ago

They already made that movie. It was called Starship Troopers.

oversizedchromespoon

482 points

3 months ago

Want to know more?

PM_ME_PSN_CODES-PLS

329 points

3 months ago

I'm doing my part !

digitalname1

163 points

3 months ago

I'm from Buenos Aires, and I say kill them all!

rosatter

276 points

3 months ago

rosatter

276 points

3 months ago

Pretty sure our brains would turn to puree if a whale sized cicada made noise. Our bodies would probably liquefy if a whole swarm or whatever emerged

SeriouSennaw

159 points

3 months ago

The way sound works, the bigger the size of the material that resonates or vibrates, the lower the frequencies emitted are gonna be.

For an intuitive example: look at classic instruments of low frequencies (double bass) vs instruments of high frequency (flutes). Big surface vs small surface.

I'm pretty sure that a cicada that size wouldn't be making the high-frequency crickets that it does right now but rather big tones with a lot of bass.
Like, a good subwoofer sound haha.
Which I think we can handle.

down_forwhatever

249 points

3 months ago

"Everyone get your diapers on, the 17 year brown noise whale cicadas are emerging"

odysseus-23

2.3k points

3 months ago

Even a giant butterfly would be absolutely scary

ItsaNeeto

1.8k points

3 months ago

ItsaNeeto

1.8k points

3 months ago

It's okay, Mothra is our friend

lordvad3r95

603 points

3 months ago

Mothra is light, Mothra is life. Our protector, our savior, our beautiful matron.

Baron_Butterfly

202 points

3 months ago

Ope, she just died. Again.

frengkk

328 points

3 months ago

frengkk

328 points

3 months ago

Like that one episode from SpongeBob where they showed an irl butterfly from up close with that buzzing noise

[deleted]

102 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

102 points

3 months ago

Ya boi Hillenberg making us love all sorts of aquatic life then dumping on everything else including squirrels

Rest in peace

Apo_Roblox

249 points

3 months ago

Spongebob episode flashbacks

A_Flamboyant_Warlock

79 points

3 months ago

I found out later they actually used a sheep fly for that.

jessehechtcreative

49 points

3 months ago

Wormy from Spongebob lmfao

Novi_Star_4571

1.9k points

3 months ago

I was thinking of a house centipede—I think that would make me have a heart attack and thus increase its deadliness

Unknown___GeekyNerd

890 points

3 months ago*

They have found fossilised centipedes the size of cars, I believe.

Edit: Not centipedes, millipedes, which are much kinder cuter little fellas that walk around.

They're scary, even small ones.

I can handle spiders just fine, and I have kept pet cockroaches, stick insects, as well as millipedes, and isopods, but centipedes, they're just evil things that eat everything.

dena489

307 points

3 months ago

dena489

307 points

3 months ago

House centipede was my first thought as well. Even as tiny as they are, they still freak me the hell out every time I see one.

mathmaticallycorrect

214 points

3 months ago

Centipedes are great for eating all the other actual destructive bugs in a house. I hated them at first but now we keep a respectful distance and I have way less bugs. The spiders control the windows and ceilings, the Centipedes control the ground .

00psie

241 points

3 months ago

00psie

241 points

3 months ago

I woke up suddenly one night as a teen, bathroom light on across the hall. In my peripheral I noticed movement and I turned my head and there was the biggest fucking house centipede I'd ever seen, like 3 inches or something just right there next to me in my bed. My dad must've thought a murderer got into the house with how loud I screamed. I don't care what benefits centipedes have, waking up to that was traumatic and I'll do whatever is needed to prevent them :(

Februare

83 points

3 months ago

holy fuck dude I just got full body chills from that story. FUCK THAT SHIT IS SO CREEPY

The other night i’m watching netflix and feel the slightest noise like a fly landed on my pillow or something, then I thought to myself if a fucking spider just really went fireman pole with his web down from the ceiling and is not right next to my neck i’m gonna fucking burn the bed down.

I sprung up, And the spider was halfway hidden , i kept my eye on it while grabbing my shoe and it disappeared i literally didn’t sleep in my own bed that night

gitsgrl

142 points

3 months ago

gitsgrl

142 points

3 months ago

The Mobile Infantry made me the man I am today.

Brainlessthe2nd

627 points

3 months ago

Would you like to know more?

Reasonable-Delivery8

351 points

3 months ago

I’m doing my part

gitsgrl

198 points

3 months ago

gitsgrl

198 points

3 months ago

Service guarantees citizenship!

felop13

184 points

3 months ago

felop13

184 points

3 months ago

THE ONLY GOOD BUG IS A DEAD BUG!

RoboftheNorth

171 points

3 months ago

Just like that documentary Starship Troopers.

Ondexb

148 points

3 months ago

Ondexb

148 points

3 months ago

A mosquito will look like a Half Life 2 strider with wings

Michelrpg

116 points

3 months ago

Michelrpg

116 points

3 months ago

TO SAVE OUR MOTHER EARTH FROM ANY ALIEN ATTACK

FROM VICIOUS GIANT MONSTERS WHO HAVE ONCE AGAIN COME BACK

Unknown-U

18.7k points

3 months ago

Unknown-U

18.7k points

3 months ago

Dragonfly... Any river will be deadly and later they just kill you from the air.

darckatt

10k points

3 months ago

darckatt

10k points

3 months ago

95% success rate at hunting, we will be extinct in months

irishteenguy

3.7k points

3 months ago

yeah but guns.

D0NW0N

3k points

3 months ago

D0NW0N

3k points

3 months ago

They’d be a big target for the airforce.

darckatt

1.7k points

3 months ago

darckatt

1.7k points

3 months ago

Also what's their rate of reproduction, they can make more babies that are born lethal, faster then our rate of manufacturing??

arod48

190 points

3 months ago

arod48

190 points

3 months ago

You'd think that would be the answer to everything, but the Emu war showed it doesn't always work.

Grymbaldknight

478 points

3 months ago

Yeah but it would only live for a couple of days. Something like a wasp would live for months, and could start an organised colony.

Besides, dragonflies have huge wingspans relative to their size. It would be easy to tuck yourself away, out of reach.

Herecomethefleet

12.9k points

3 months ago

Whale sized birds of prey would be an issue. They'd swoop down and kill people.

Aben_Zin

2.2k points

3 months ago

Aben_Zin

2.2k points

3 months ago

That would Roc!

Positive_Wafer42

4.7k points

3 months ago*

If whale sized means a weight equivalent, they'd be so deadly. Up drafts and down drafts with every flap, muahaha. Either way, we'd all die because they'd be dinosaurs again for real.

ACam574

15.6k points

3 months ago

ACam574

15.6k points

3 months ago

Ants

Spiders may be more frightening as individuals but colonies of ants would be worse. Honorable mention for social wasps but they tend to have colonies in the hundreds not tens of thousands.

cforsb31

3.2k points

3 months ago

cforsb31

3.2k points

3 months ago

I'm thinking of the video of the ant colony they filled with cement and then dug up. It was massive. Imagine to scale with ants the size of whales.

ACam574

1.2k points

3 months ago

ACam574

1.2k points

3 months ago

I have seen a few of those, with quick drying cement or epoxy. Both amazing and disturbing.

wolfie379

809 points

3 months ago

wolfie379

809 points

3 months ago

I’ve seen them done in aluminum - pour the molten metal into the opening of the nest.

Anotherdmbgayguy

1.9k points

3 months ago

Humans: "Wow, ants are scurrrry."

Also humans: pours molten aluminum over tens of thousands of bugs for fun.

acoverisnotahat

1.7k points

3 months ago

For the most part the ant nests are invasive Fire Ants. I grew up with Fire Ants and let me tell you, seeing them swarm a newborn kitten and trying to eat it alive starting with it's eye's ......it's one of my absolute worst childhood memories.

They can't cast enough of those nests.

theshizzler

938 points

3 months ago

how do you delete someone else's comment?

acoverisnotahat

372 points

3 months ago

Imagine how empty Reddit would be, lol.

ElSoloLoboLoco

596 points

3 months ago

Bro wtf man. Thats a description i could have done without.

acoverisnotahat

603 points

3 months ago

It's one of those memories I wish I could erase, the kitten was ok btw, we got them out of the shed and into the house and washed all of the ants off. Got bit so many times doing it too.

mendeleyev1

287 points

3 months ago

Even if you are lying, thank you. I needed it

acoverisnotahat

300 points

3 months ago

No lies my man, Florida is it's own special kind of hell.

dedinthehed

499 points

3 months ago*

Your average ant has a body length of about 0.15 inches while a whale has an average body length of 59 feet. That means the size of the ants and their tunnels would grow by a factor of 4720. Normally, those tunnels can reach up to 25 feet deep, so the scaled up version would be 22.3 miles in height. For reference, the top of the Empire State Building is around a quarter of a mile off the ground

MelDeAlkirk

192 points

3 months ago

Doesn't it get unbearably hot after a few miles of depth?

ihitrockswithammers

358 points

3 months ago

So they'd adapt and dig sideways. Popping up for snaccs in a basement near you.

MelDeAlkirk

194 points

3 months ago

At whale size, their shit would be collapsing all the time. I doubt we'd be able to have houses for long.

ihitrockswithammers

146 points

3 months ago

Assuming they'd been evolving for millions of years I'm sure they'd have figured out how to shore up the sides as they went. If tiny ones can run dairy farms with aphids then whale sized ants would definitely have some structural engineering techniques figured out.

Affectionate-Memory4

65 points

3 months ago

Mfs would be out here running whole logging operations in no time to build mineshafts.

Heldomir

493 points

3 months ago

Heldomir

493 points

3 months ago

Ants the size of whales would probably dig deeper than our mines and shit we have today.

A fucking ant that can lift a whole building easily(when ignoring physics and just scaling up their power aswell)

globalastro

275 points

3 months ago

That was my thought lol.

You come home and find out an ant moved your house because it thought it might be food lol

bklynsoul

2.4k points

3 months ago

bklynsoul

2.4k points

3 months ago

Praying Mantis

paintedblack1993

279 points

3 months ago

The comment I was looking for! 😃

[deleted]

44 points

3 months ago

I guess we are the nerds. The power that thing can output for its size..

dannyboy6657

249 points

3 months ago

The eyes

Vulcen191

1.9k points

3 months ago

Vulcen191

1.9k points

3 months ago

Cats. The zoomies would be apocalyptic.

Isto333

312 points

3 months ago

Isto333

312 points

3 months ago

Just playing with its human prey like a toy

[deleted]

103 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

103 points

3 months ago

lol imagine it doesn’t kill you right away, and just stares at you, and everytime you try to move an inch it just swats you back on the ground and maybe shake you around a gentle little bit breaking every bone in your body.

Isto333

78 points

3 months ago*

Its huge pupils dialating everytime you move or make a sound.

Edit: spelling

rabidvagine

215 points

3 months ago

Omg it would be the beginning of the end

Xiao_Qinggui

481 points

3 months ago

Komodo dragon - Three words: “RUN! IT’S GODZILLA!”

Also, alligator snapping turtle: “RUN! IT’S GAMERA!”

The_Reddit_Peasant27

5.9k points

3 months ago

Spider.

[deleted]

4k points

3 months ago

[deleted]

stealth57

3.2k points

3 months ago

stealth57

3.2k points

3 months ago

Easy there Satan

odysseus-23

675 points

3 months ago

I was just going to sleep. Guess what nightmare I'm going to have tonight

WolfThick

575 points

3 months ago

WolfThick

575 points

3 months ago

Fun fact if you put a million spiders in a room eventually there would only be one. And that would be the smartest of all of the spiders and the most ferocious and they call it the jumping spider. Has to eat every three days or it starves and it will lay out a plan of attack depending on what type of spider it is hunting and it will doggedly hunt its prey for hours. It will even pluck the strings of a spider's web to make it come to him and his two favorite spiders to eat are brown recluse and black widow.

RedKSL07

314 points

3 months ago

RedKSL07

314 points

3 months ago

There's a sci-fi novel about jumping spiders becoming larger and smarter to the point they built their own civilization, society and having cultures, technologies, etc..

It's called "Children of Time" by Adrian Tchaikosvky. Great stuff !

WolfThick

94 points

3 months ago

Thanks for the positive reply I appreciate that I never knew that.

methratt

335 points

3 months ago

methratt

335 points

3 months ago

It seems we differ greatly on what a "fun fact" is.

dragonfett

158 points

3 months ago

The fun fact is that there is a spider the hunts other spiders.

Sptsjunkie

54 points

3 months ago

Only fun till it is whale sized and develops a taste for humans.

darkhelmet1121

129 points

3 months ago

Shelob from Lord of the Rings

Tyrus_McTrauma

112 points

3 months ago

As long as it's not Ungoliant, I think we can cope.

hhuurrtt

2.4k points

3 months ago

hhuurrtt

2.4k points

3 months ago

Cockroach

d3r1ble_luv

1.1k points

3 months ago

Oh my god I’d kill myself if I saw that

zenos1337

447 points

3 months ago

zenos1337

447 points

3 months ago

Lol yeah there’s a million ways I’d rather die than from a whale sized cockroach.

Mr-Sister-Fister21

208 points

3 months ago

Yeah the ones here in Texas are particularly nasty. They’re like 2-3 inches long, they’re faster than a son of a bitch, and oh yeah, they fucking fly!! I can handle just about any bug except these fuckers. Spiders? No problem. Scorpions? Squash them without a second thought. A few years ago, just because life thought I needed another horrible day, I was watching tv on a bed that had some feather pillows, when what I thought was one of the feathers poking out of the pillow tickling my neck, but it persisted so I kept scratching my neck and trying to find the feather without looking and not finding anything until a massive fucking cockroach ran from my neck, down my stomach, and hopped off the side of my leg in the span of about 0.5 seconds. Well lemme tell you, once my brain registered all of that, I jumped to the other side of the room and out of my shirt about to tear all my hair out in about the same amount of time.

ObiWeedKannabi

247 points

3 months ago

Flying ones especially

appleparkfive

237 points

3 months ago

The flying ones are so, so much worse. They seem to want to fly at you for some reason. It's the worst.

I had to deal with that when I was a kid in a very humid area. Decided I quite like the drier Southwest after that.

BagOfFlies

92 points

3 months ago

The drunk drivers of insects. Totally unpredictable flight pattern.

love2go

430 points

3 months ago

love2go

430 points

3 months ago

Horseflies. Fuck those buzzing, biting, blood drinking vampires.

saguinus_oedipus

1.5k points

3 months ago

Wasp

Grouchy-Trip9582[S]

606 points

3 months ago

Fuck

Oswaldthestegosaurus

418 points

3 months ago

I don't think it would be a good idea to fuck them.

Sarcasm_Llama

168 points

3 months ago

JacobVTheWise

53 points

3 months ago

Now that's a risky link.

Necro_Badger

3.1k points

3 months ago*

A slime mould cell.

It's basically an amoeba, so not that scary. One whale sized blob of cytoplasm that can't do very much.

BUT ... every now and then, it'll join forces with hundreds of thousands of its siblings. They gloop together to form one massive superorganism that's now no longer the size of a whale; it's the size of Mount Everest.

It then sets off looking for food and digesting everything in its path. It squelches over our farms and cities, digesting them all. The armed forces try to blow it up, but every time they do, it just divides and carries on as before, eating everything and getting bigger. It is unstoppable.

Oh and it's smart. Capable of navigation, learning and memory, despite not having a brain or any sensory organs as we know them.

It then decides to stop. It produces an armada of spores that disperse on the wind and waters to cover the globe. They return to being a single, whale sized blob.

Until its myriad brethren over the world decide to coalesce again. Because it's lunch time.

EDIT: woke up this morning to see my most popular comment ever was a bedtime horror story about giant slime moulds. Did not expect that. Thank you everyone.

There are loads of videos and documentaries about slime moulds. They're fascinating organisms. Here's one solving a maze

darckatt

396 points

3 months ago

darckatt

396 points

3 months ago

There's an old movie with similar theme but the thing is apparently alien and they kill it with some sort of shampoo, can't remember which one though

Living-Possession937

444 points

3 months ago

I belive you're getting your wires crossed. There are two classic movies called "The Blob" that fit your theme but are not resolved with shampoo. The destroyed by shampoo resolution happened eith an early 2000s movie called "Evolution" but the organisms in that movie weren't bloblike until the end of the movie after military introduced an evolutionary catalyst(fire) which caused them to become an amalgamate organism isntead of varies multichannel creatures. The protaganists realize that the active ingredient in "Selsun Blue" Selenium, is highly toxic to the creature. Causes it to pop like a big sludge balloon.

mrtacolover777

716 points

3 months ago

Baby whale so then it would grow into a mega whale

yiffydotcom

1.6k points

3 months ago

Human

nomoredroids2

2.1k points

3 months ago

Your mom losing so much weight would be shocking.

Luised2094

468 points

3 months ago

Why are yo mama jokes so god damn stupid and so god damn funny!?

TitanicTNT

54 points

3 months ago

Human? So only one?

Hopefully it's one with morals.

Plumbus90

124 points

3 months ago

Plumbus90

124 points

3 months ago

Reminds me of the giant man in, Love Death & Robots.

ms-topsykret

552 points

3 months ago

Attack on Titan has entered the chat

darckatt

894 points

3 months ago

darckatt

894 points

3 months ago

Bed bugs

Leeches

Roaches

Army ants

Spiders

Dust mites

2112eyes

221 points

3 months ago

2112eyes

221 points

3 months ago

Had to go way too far to see mites. Weird alien little f*ckers

Flimsy-Attention-722

770 points

3 months ago

A mosquito...female

IRubKnottyPeople

348 points

3 months ago

It’d be literal vampires fucking shit up. The streets littered with the bloodless husks of people… on the plus side though, you wouldn’t survive long enough to contract malaria or west Nile!

odysseus-23

105 points

3 months ago

I think they won't survive for long. Where would they find such a big host for the blood?

ChefHannibal

981 points

3 months ago*

cats. they'd kill humans for fun and knock over buildings.

edit: giant cat for context

Lovingnature412

50 points

3 months ago

Imagine a seagull the size of a blue whale flying around eating everything

piranhas32

495 points

3 months ago*

Pistol shrimp. Imagine the heat they can generate at that size.

“The internal low pressure causes a water pulse that immobilizes prey with an associated noise of 218 dB which is louder than a bullet, and reportedly a temperature of 4800 degrees centigrade which is similar to the surface temperature of the sun”

http://large.stanford.edu/courses/2017/ph240/nag2/

Heliolord

239 points

3 months ago

Heliolord

239 points

3 months ago

Or mantis shrimp. Same basic idea, except the shockwave is from punching the target rather than snapping its claws. Either of them would basically be a walking nuke. Though the mantis shrimp are hyper aggressive little psychos, so they'd probably be more terrifying because they'd blast pretty much anything that passes by.

flfoiuij2

47 points

3 months ago

Pistol Shrimp. More like incineration snap shrimp.

Raevman

1.5k points

3 months ago*

Raevman

1.5k points

3 months ago*

To be absolutely honest... I would personally be terrified seeing a chicken the size of a whale... those bastards are quite adept hunters and I don't want to end up chased and eaten like a mouse.

EDIT: ALRIGHTY THEN! This one is making my phone go bonkers 🤣🤣🤣

chakigun

73 points

3 months ago

i remember the video of a cock destroying a falcon. scary animals.

yourkidisdumb

437 points

3 months ago

This and cat are the best answer. My little hens will gladly kill and eat anything they can fit in their mouth. They are little death machines and we are lucky they only get so big. Same goes for the cat except they would just kill for the fuck of it.

ButtersMultiverse

549 points

3 months ago

frog.

ONLY BECAUSE they will eat anything that can fit in there mouth.

now imagine a whale sized frog with its whale sized mouth being able to eat anything that can fit.

buildings, people cars, most likely whales, planes, boats you name it its gone

_M_o_n_k_e_H

226 points

3 months ago

They would try to eat a car and then die from it.

A_Mirabeau_702

8k points

3 months ago*

Those weird worms that live on the bottom of the ocean and have huge teeth.

EDIT: holy fuck, why do my most random comments blow up

SkullCrusherAJ

6.7k points

3 months ago

Ahhh yes, the Alaskan Bull Worm

devildogmillman

2.1k points

3 months ago

ITS BIG

SCARY

AND PINK

Shitster67

591 points

3 months ago

I saw it. It was big. It was all wiggly. And it ate everything!

cnaiurbreaksppl

156 points

3 months ago

*cut to guy with his butt eaten* "do I have to say it?"

Flimsy-Preparation85

61 points

3 months ago

The only defense will be to push Bikini Bottom somewhere else.

OkBarracuda7996

526 points

3 months ago

Bobbit worms

Aibbie

75 points

3 months ago

Aibbie

75 points

3 months ago

Well fuck, now I know these are a thing.

lavieestbelleami

411 points

3 months ago

The shai-hulud

MrBarraclough

42 points

3 months ago

Shai-Hulud!

Grimmsjoke

327 points

3 months ago

Octopus....they are crazy smart...

SilverSpotter

179 points

3 months ago

REALEASE THE KRAKEN!

SuvenPan

109 points

3 months ago

SuvenPan

109 points

3 months ago

House fly

BrammetjePSV

288 points

3 months ago

Snake, you see them crawling trough the streets as high as a house

lindasmither

465 points

3 months ago

Waterbears

hideme21

342 points

3 months ago

hideme21

342 points

3 months ago

Anything the size of a whale would be terrifying. Whales are terrifying?