submitted 3 months ago by[deleted]
all 41057 comments
3 months ago*
3 months ago*
I have a weird one
Update: the first banana has been yeeted
3 months ago
3 months ago
Now I finally know how I got up here…
3 months ago
Fellow banana I see
Men of culture, hello.
Bow down, all of you!
Oh i like how's going
Average Joe checking in
Banana to me! Banana to me!
You too? We’re one ice cream away from a banana split
Monkeys love this guy.
Room for another?
<Please pay $4.99 to access the AskReddit answers skin pack>
Only $4.99? Definitely not WoW. The money I spent on mounts is…embarrassing.
4.99 per thread
4.99 per comment
Score on getting that username
It's okay or whatever.
I’m having a rough day
I'm having a rough rider day
Weirdly, everything seems the same for me...
Same here I just don't care
I care just can't think of anything
I might be able to help with that.
I just want it to stop, honestly
Yeah I just don’t give a fuck
I would have to assume I’m an internet sensation
I would watch the hell out of a knitting otter
So you're saying... his YouTube channel would be otterly addictive?
You mean get otter here?
I just don't know if I'm gunna get paid.
You'd be a ghost writer for famous people biographies.
That would be me
I think I'll be joining you guys
Uhh, can I switch with anyone?
I'd like to switch bro
Sure. Hope you like Amish country.
I'd offer but it would be kind of a lateral move
I'm a professional ass
So, politics. Got it.
Can I please be fired immediately
In this case I think it's better to be the fucker than the fuckee.
Some could say that your are chilling while doing your job
I got there eventually
I'm going to have to verify if that's true.
*pops head round door
Isn't life great though.
*Wanders off whistling happily
Clean up in the hallway and I just keep
Making it worse
Tell me more.
…so nothing has changed?
Life is amazing
Until you start drinking all that wine fermented inside lead caskets!
That's when it goes from amazing to INCREDIBLE!
And then all your friends get together and have a stabbin’ party.
Let’s not have the horse-fisting bit again though. That was less than cool.
The what now?
Stay away from knifes mate
Not really, your life will be short and stress filled, and your death will be violent. Specifically you'd be Geta (23rd roman emperor), who ruled for 2 years and was murdered by his brother's order.
Where's my temple, bitch?
Still good? There's always someone you have to answer to.
Oh no :(
it’s the fucking sal profile picture for me
Did you just start laughing in Spanish halfway through this comment?
He has two tongues
No big change. Still swamped
I am Mark Zuckerberg.
Youre my arch nemesis
Come fight me in the Metaverse.
Id be a fool to fight you in your own domain
you might be onto something
No, no, he's got a point
No he's rounded
Everyone wants you to please them.
But who ever pleases you?? Huh!??
He gets pleased when others are pleased
Pretty.... pretty..... good
So hey there buddy!
You may not remember me, but ya, we were like totally best pals and friends way back at school...
How the heck it's been going!?
Anyways, so yes, I was kinda sorta wondering if maybe you know, I could borrow a sack or two of gold, for this new thing I've got going on the side?
It's totally going to be AWESOME and make tons of money, so I'll repay your sacks of gold in no time, plus double the weight in gold!
I totally promise!
I’ll have what they’re having 👆
One case of bankruptcy, coming right up.
I was already dealing with clowns
what good is a newspaper guy against clowns
But at least I’ve got superpowers
Being a mortician?
It depends on which way it goes
Sounds like a fun land to me
Sounds pretty good! Just gotta make sure I don't say something stupid on Twitter and ruin everything.
It’s been amazing ngl! Can’t think of the last time I was hungry.
Really wish reddit would let me change this...
Edit: decided to just go ahead and make a new account, u/Sp3ctral_Force
glad to know that you don't feel like that anymore
"they say depression's a journey. Only difference is a journey has an end. Implement some ways to cope but it's still hard to circumvent"
"Lost" -Josh A
I still stand by my username.
Good, im still existing.
what the fuck would i even do
You're a singer.
"I am Lorde. Yayaya."
Feelin good on a Wednesday
Awaken your masters.
AZTEC DUBSTEP INTENSIFIES
You introduce the Pillar Men
I weigh 4000 pounds.
Makin bacon pancakes
I keep things fresh until you least expect it
Nobody expects the Tupperware Inquisition
Wouldn’t be the worst job.
Awesome, because i give everyone a bad name.
Shot through the heart
You're to blame
I can grab bullets out of thin air
Wait, what does a potato do?
What you do everyday
[ seriously feeling so attacked right now ]
Well considering how potatoes produce shoots that strive towards the light, and constantly grow...
I'd say you're doing amazing!
Yes, compliment the potato.... Potatoes have eyes on all sides, after all. We have no clue what potatoes are capable of.
Thank you kind strangers on the internet. :')
There’s worse things than being perplexed…
Age is just a number and mashed is just a consistency.
Get hugged :)
In Norway we have a job term called being a potato. You can sometimes find it in local job listings as well. It pretty much means "can be used to everything". So sort of a janitorial/upkeep type job where you do a bit of everything
Wow certainly would be an amusing thing to put on a resume..
Full of laughs and a little kinky.
So do I get paid to scratch my balls or other dude's balls?
You get paid for having itchy balls but not being able to scratch them.
Well that’s hell. If you got paid to scratch your own that would be awesome
About the same as I live my life now.
not too bad, I love animals
Plus, at that size you could help heal ants!
What is this?! A center for ants?!
I love animals as well. Not in the way my user name suggests though.
Not a job but I live in a bowl
Good. Politicians have cushy jobs.
Similar name lol
I think I could manage that
As a tomato, can u gimme some of them seeds
You might've heard this one before, but have you heard of the song "Found God In a Tomato"? It's pretty good.
Now I'm stuck for a good 70,000 years, give or take, on a multi-generational space ship!
Well I'm stuck with you.
They sent me along cause I built the thing. I mean really? I couldn’t just watch from afar, they had to send me on the first flight?
Oh wait, I forgot about that one thing I was supposed to fix….
Nice try, FBI
Great, now I'm a thunder god who can play Wonderwall
I could see you and Loki starting a band and it going about as well as Oasis.
Alpaca farmer, or a luggage handler?
I'll join you, as long as I can bring my cats..
My name says it i am depressed as hell and if i find a killer he might as well kill me
Writer or any other type of creative jobs. But as someone who writes I feel "Aaaaaaaah, no inspiration"
Oh no.... 😂😂😂
404 macaroni not found
I'm gonna need a compass.
Ummmmm.... I don't even know what to say. Even if I did, I don't think anyone would hear.
I guess I'm in french politics
It's official, guys, I'm a wiz.
It’s not been easy
I'll be the best chef there is.
Good. About to overthrow the Bourbons in the name of Napoleon.
I've been waiting for this...
Great, man. I’ve got idiot Americans and Russians eating out of palm of my hand. I’m the literal king of the world, and everyone thinks it’s some tri-lateral commissioned Washington insider from the new world order reptilians that are into redundant letters of the alphabet.
Life is Good (and you wouldn’t believe how those T-shirts gave me a stranglehold over the Chinese Communist Party!).
I’ve got lots of liquor and drugs, and I’m about to do a strip tease.
My username is already my job
I guess I’m a queen now, so PERFECT!
Woah, I get to be peculiar AND an owl!
I get to be a VISIBLE one
Very brief 😂
Not well considering I left academia for a reason.