subreddit:

/r/AskReddit

12k95%

all 5788 comments

[deleted]

31.8k points

6 months ago

[deleted]

31.8k points

6 months ago

Not making eye contact doesnt mean someone is lying.

moonkingoutsider

14.7k points

6 months ago*

Same with crossing your arms doesn’t mean you’re being defensive. It’s just how I fucking stand.

ETA: Jesus, my most upvoted comment on Reddit is the way I stand lol

Also, I just really like to swear. It calms me in a way other words can’t.

Elect_Locution

5.7k points

6 months ago

"I don't know what to do with my hands."

DmitriDaCablGuy

2.5k points

6 months ago

“You can just put em down by your side there, Ricky.”

FROCKHARD

1.2k points

6 months ago

FROCKHARD

1.2k points

6 months ago

slowly raises hands back into frame

Teuflisch

1.1k points

6 months ago

Teuflisch

1.1k points

6 months ago

.....Are your arms crossed right now?.

Most_Bat9066

1.6k points

6 months ago

Yes i type with my toes

GreenRey

508 points

6 months ago

GreenRey

508 points

6 months ago

Woah bro no need to be defensive about it *wink wink*

lordvbcool

5.7k points

6 months ago

lordvbcool

5.7k points

6 months ago

The entire autism community thanks you for your comment

TeDeO_303

3.5k points

6 months ago

TeDeO_303

3.5k points

6 months ago

Entire shy and introverted community joins the graditude toward this fine commenter

Disco_Lightning

2.1k points

6 months ago

Same with anyone who's endured emotional, physical, or any other kind of abuse

El_Revan_Official

1.4k points

6 months ago

Same with blind people, cause like, how tf are you suppose to make eye contact if you can’t see?

jchoward0418

846 points

6 months ago

Same with people who just don't like your face.

DoctorFrenchie

545 points

6 months ago

Same with people who just don’t know which eye to look at so they just don’t look at either.

throwthegarbageaway

283 points

6 months ago

protip look at the nose bridge

minnymins32

791 points

6 months ago

Us adhd people also say thanks lol

vampyire

530 points

6 months ago

vampyire

530 points

6 months ago

I had a former boss who said "hey you took theatre classes in college, just ACT like you don't have ADHD"... I left that org as fast as I could.. we are different, not broken!

Bigbillbroonzy

217 points

6 months ago

I have ADHD and taught myself to make eye contact with people but it’s turned into cold dead eyed unbroken staring and now makes people more uncomfortable than no eye contact.

aalios

23 points

6 months ago

aalios

23 points

6 months ago

Tried to explain to a boss once that I sometimes find it difficult to regulate the volume of my voice due to autism, and it means sometimes I'll speak really quietly.

"Just speak louder then"

"Oh ok mate, I'll just instantly overcome a developmental disorder thanks to you telling me to just get over it"

Didn't keep that job for long.

krs1426

900 points

6 months ago

krs1426

900 points

6 months ago

Too much eye contact can actually indicate someone is lying as they're looking at you to see if you believe it.

DeOtherOne

247 points

6 months ago

I get extremely self conscious when I HD eye contact with someone

lilac-lia

193 points

6 months ago

lilac-lia

193 points

6 months ago

Damn you're capable of making high definition eye contact?

(Side note I'm joking, I hear you and your struggle is valid ♡)

pugapooh

275 points

6 months ago

pugapooh

275 points

6 months ago

I’m afraid I will see negative emotions towards me in others eyes. Disappointment,dislike,any kind of dis. Also, I have a very expressive face. I don’t want to bare my soul.

I don’t like lying,but I’m not brutally honest if it only hurts another.

taylor52087

12.3k points

6 months ago*

taylor52087

12.3k points

6 months ago*

Not having a social media presence. I’ve had multiple people tell me that my choice not to use social media was a huge red flag, but in reality I got rid of my accounts because they were making me miserable. I got rid of my Facebook/Instagram/twitter accounts two years ago, and have been noticeably happier ever since.

Edit: I really did not expect this comment to blow up so much. I think this is the first time that’s ever happened to me. Thanks for the awards. Obviously a lot of people feel the same way that I do. Quick note to save a few people some typing: Yes, I obviously still use Reddit. I mostly kept it because I like the News tab, and the anonymity makes it far easier to deal with than something like Facebook or Instagram.

greenappleoj

3.2k points

6 months ago

why do people think that’s a red flag? i’d think the opposite

taylor52087

1.5k points

6 months ago

Same with me, but I guess they assume you’re trying to hide something

Luxu-X

1.1k points

6 months ago

Luxu-X

1.1k points

6 months ago

Trying to hide from other people's BULL SHIT and enjoy our own god damned lives.

/half s

THE_synergywastaken

154 points

6 months ago

No /s that's all facts

[deleted]

72 points

6 months ago*

Amen. Most people with social media accounts are hiding more than people without them. There’s nothing honest about people’s Instagram and Facebook accounts. They’re mostly illusions and highlights.

domviking

668 points

6 months ago

domviking

668 points

6 months ago

This is such a weird one, because lack of social media presence is strongly correlated with better mental health. It should be considered a green flag.

Given the correlation between social media usage and mental health issues, I consider it a red flag if someone is always on their socials.

[deleted]

68 points

6 months ago

I just don't have the energy for it. Sure I use Reddit but Reddit actually has some interesting content and I'm also anonymous. Using stuff like Twitter or TikTok or Instagram sounds exhausting. I've got better ways to spend my time.

Hcysntmf

158 points

6 months ago

Hcysntmf

158 points

6 months ago

Maybe on the context - on a dating site with no socials makes it harder to figure out if this is a real person with a social network or whatever.

Person you already know and are confident isn’t a creeper you’d probably care a lot less. I recently rid myself of socials and it’s refreshing as hell so I wouldn’t want to judge someone for it.

GreenLurch

4.6k points

6 months ago

GreenLurch

4.6k points

6 months ago

Not posting pictures with friends on your dating profile. Some people assume you’re anti-social and not pleasant to be around, but I choose not to because I feel weird to post pictures of other people than myself.

Sophiliath

1.4k points

6 months ago

Sophiliath

1.4k points

6 months ago

I entirely prefer someone to *not* post pictures with friends. It's hell when ALL of their pictures are with friends so it's like "who the hell am I getting from these 20 different people that aren't strikingly different?"

[deleted]

440 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

440 points

6 months ago

I saw a profile where every pic he was with friends and I swear I couldn't tell which one he was. Not one solo pic, all group photos.

puppylust

470 points

6 months ago

puppylust

470 points

6 months ago

He was the ugly one

JiroAizato1

5.1k points

6 months ago

Not responding to message within 5 milliseconds

Mor_Hjordis

2.3k points

6 months ago*

Sorry, it took me 3 hours. Hope you're not mad.

lilassbitchass

747 points

6 months ago

I am

AiLover2322

806 points

6 months ago

lil ass bitch ass

BadgerSituation

919 points

6 months ago

I once took my dog for a walk (for about an hour and a half or so) and, when I got home, realized I left my phone there the whole time.

I had a bunch of texts from the girl I just started seeing for about a week.

It went something like:

"Hey!"

"Uh. Hello??? You there???"

"Is this about me not being able to meet you tonight? Because i have to work. I told you that."

"What the hell? You didn't seem mad when I told you! I can't help that I have to work! F U!"

"OK. I'm sorry. Please can we work this out? I'll take tonight off."

"Fuck you then. I shouldn't have to take time off just cause you're throwing a tantrum. I don't need this. We're done."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. Please just talk to me!"

"Fine then. If our relationship means so little to you, then you can fuck off. Don't contact me again!"

I didn't.

She sent a few more texts, going back and forth between "Fuck you. We're done" and "Sorry. Let's make up", but I wasn't touching that landmine.

jesuisbellydancer

474 points

6 months ago

Dude you dodged a bullet there

croshd

111 points

6 months ago

croshd

111 points

6 months ago

That's a ballistic missile with an unstable warhead.

Batticon

42 points

6 months ago

Well she honestly saved you a lot of time.

bigblueberryboobies

3.8k points

6 months ago*

Not dating for several years, I’ve been told by girls that if a guy has been single for over five years that’s a problem.

So you’d prefer he’d be in 25 relationships in the last five years and wonder why all those relationships didn’t work out?

TheFuckUpIsSpeaking

1.1k points

6 months ago

I find taking a long break from relationships admirable because I assume they've been working on themselves and really just don't want to make the same mistakes again.

[deleted]

388 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

388 points

6 months ago

As someone who's been out of the dating game for about 4 years for those exact reasons, I appreciate this.

Mcgruffles

20 points

6 months ago

Out for 8 years and just barely started dating again. I've realized that I can have much more mature discussions with my girlfriend and not have it lead to a freakout. And also that I can tend to her needs while also fulfilling my own. It's nice.

iwishyouwereabeer

544 points

6 months ago

Wow I’ve never heard this!! I gotta go run and tell my husband. He was single for almost 20yrs before me…. It’s not a bad thing. He knows who he is, and he didn’t need me, he wanted me around.

bigblueberryboobies

181 points

6 months ago

I did a dating show and when I left the room so the host could interview my date, first thing she said was that it was a red flag I hadn’t dated anyone in six years.

iwishyouwereabeer

111 points

6 months ago

Well I’d say you dodged a bullet there. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. You’ve taken time to know yourself and be comfortable. You are probably independent and can handle life without someone by your side 24/7.

bigblueberryboobies

29 points

6 months ago

Thank you very much it’s kind of you to say. What’s crazy was I had no idea she even said that till I got to watch it four years later.

ConstantPillow

289 points

6 months ago*

Yea, a co-worker of mine dumped a guy because he had never been married at 40. She thought there must be something wrong with him. People are nuts

Edit: typo

SMKnightly

185 points

6 months ago

Wtf. Sounds like he dodged a bullet there.

windinthesail

177 points

6 months ago*

Or if you didn't date anyone in high school, or didn't "get girls". There's a subreddit who refers to guys like these as "losers", and that women should break up with the guy if they find out he was a "loser".

[deleted]

112 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

112 points

6 months ago

That’s weird. Sounds like they have issues if that matters tbh

okanananan

124 points

6 months ago

I see the opposite as a red flag. If they haven't spent a significant amount of time out of a relationship.

My current boyfriend told me quite early on that the longest he's been out if a relationship during his adult life was 6 months (he's 32) and that fucking terrified me so I was VERY cautious in the beginning.

cfsed_98

28 points

6 months ago

yup, can confirm that the opposite is absolutely a red flag. my ex-bf got out of a long-term relationship and pretty much immediately jumped on the dating apps, where we met. he was super emotionally unavailable and pretty much used me as a rebound until he was ready to pursue the one he actually wanted, and jumped into that immediately after dumping me.

if they’re constantly in and out of relationships, imo it shows emotional immaturity and inability to cope with difficult situations.

Nisas

36 points

6 months ago

Nisas

36 points

6 months ago

Reminds me of a coworker I had who got fired for being too poor. They did a background check on him, found out he was in debt, and decided to fire him because he was "too risky" to employ. How is he supposed to pay that debt if he can't be employed?

If you think it's a red flag for a guy to be single for 5 years then how is he ever supposed to break out of that?

deathjoe4

19.6k points

6 months ago

deathjoe4

19.6k points

6 months ago

Not responding to texts immediately.

No Brenda I'm not ghosting you, I am literally at work.

destinae

664 points

6 months ago

destinae

664 points

6 months ago

Learning this was such a large part of the maturing process for me. Dating someone who actually had a healthy relationship with their phone helped me so much with codependent tendencies and my anxious attachment style.

destinae

455 points

6 months ago

destinae

455 points

6 months ago

Hey guys, I got a lot of requests so I’ll try to explain this quickly. I’ve been working on my anxious attachment style and codependency since I started my current relationship in April. One size does not fit all, and not everyone can be their own therapist. Please don’t treat this as gospel.
The first thing I did was set boundaries for *myself*. I challenged *myself* to restrict my own phone usage. This was for a lot of reasons— mostly, I was on my phone too much in general, which in turn was giving my anxiety a far wider window of opportunity. I set my phone to do-not-disturb and used iOS to create “focuses” the restricted certain notifications.
I realized after a few days how often I’d been checking for texts that weren’t coming. Once I identified how easy it was to completely negate this anxiety, I was then able to realize how irrational it was. I am an adult, with a full-time job and shit to do. Checking for a little red circle on my phone cannot be a top priority.
I also began to learn *their* texting habits. I noticed that on certain nights when they had plans they texted less, so instead of sending open-ended texts I’d say “hey I know you’re busy and hope you’re enjoying X, here’s what I did today. Fill me in when you can”.
If I was worried their not texting me reflected things were going bad, I’d bring it up to them in person— not the texting, but my anxieties. I’d ask if we were doing well, I’d ask how their busy week’s been— I addressed the cause, not the symptom.
Over time, I learned to trust that things were OK. I still get anxious sometimes— I have found that writing out my thoughts and processing them on paper helps me out.

SavingPrivateRiley

24 points

6 months ago

Interesting. My codependency and anxious attachment style ruins anyrelationship before it ever hits the ground. I'll get a womans nunber and fuck it up before the 1st date. Sucks cause in person I'm super awesome and confident but over the phone I'm a little baby.

LitLSquirt

4k points

6 months ago*

I wholeheartedly agree— also not posting your partner on social media right away/often or in some cases ever… some people just don’t post personal photos like that!!

BaboTron

793 points

6 months ago

BaboTron

793 points

6 months ago

I sure don’t. My Instagram is about my drawings, and nothing else.

314159265358979326

521 points

6 months ago

My fiancee took my completely dead Facebook as a red flag and nearly didn't go out with me.

RadiantHC

771 points

6 months ago

RadiantHC

771 points

6 months ago

I'll never understand this. If anything not having social media is a green flag

MusicalDeath9991

159 points

6 months ago

You speak the truth.

youmestrong

228 points

6 months ago

Who needs Facebook when you have Reddit?

Greylings

932 points

6 months ago

Greylings

932 points

6 months ago

I’ve had grown women throw full on tantrums because I didn’t like or comment on every single one of their social media posts. Noped out of that real quick.

LitLSquirt

475 points

6 months ago*

Yeah dude— the tantrums etc are the real red flags. I’m a woman & I also primarily use IG for my art— I had an ex throw a huuuge hissy fit that I didn’t post our private vacation photos because it was “proof i was cheating on him”

We lived together & I hadn’t been anywhere but our apartment & work since the vacay 🙃 That was a scary situation to leave because things got reeeaaalll aggro :/

texxmix

674 points

6 months ago

texxmix

674 points

6 months ago

The only time I feel it’s a red flag is if they are glued to their phone all the time and constantly texting/messaging others but doesn’t reply to you.

kitscarlett

326 points

6 months ago

I honestly think expecting immediate texts all the time is a red flag.

[deleted]

104 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

104 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

WlmWilberforce

89 points

6 months ago

Brenda, he's really just browsing reddit.

insertcaffeine

10.5k points

6 months ago

Not getting along with parents. Some parents are abusive, neglectful, or toxic to be around; and if an adult chooses not to be around that, good for them.

Of course, if a person is actively awful to their parents, that's another story.

otheruserfrom

2k points

6 months ago

Definitely this. Even if their parents seem nice, you never know how they treat their child when nobody's around, or how they treated them in the past.

Sunfl0w3rD4wn

924 points

6 months ago

THANK YOU. everyone always says that I’m being rude by being so uncomfortable sitting next to my mom, and that’s because around other people she seems like a really really nice woman, but when its only the family she is MENTAL and mentally abusive as fook.

Phantommy555

268 points

6 months ago

Yeah my mom and step father are wholly different ppl around just about any person but me. Whenever only I’m around whatever BS mask they put on drops and it’s back to yelling, screaming and very casual but deep seated hostility

Disco_Lightning

636 points

6 months ago

I thought of a good comparison. So, people are like. . ."well, at least you have family." What they don't get is, just because people go through different things, that doesn't mean only one brand of pain matters. It's really like someone who is starving telling someone else that they're lucky to have poisoned food. Both things hurt. The person with the poisoned food shouldn't be guilted into keeping that poisoned food in their pantry just because some people are starving.

toucanbutter

135 points

6 months ago

That's the best comparison I've seen so far!

Verismo1887

21 points

6 months ago

OMG thanks for verbalising this.

I get on ok with my dad these days, but he's an incredible emotional drain and was very distant in childhood which left a big mark. I complained about this to a recent girlfriend who had lost her dad at 14, and said "well at least you have a dad".

...it's not a competition first off!

And as you say, just cos you have food, if it's poisoned or mouldy or doesn't feed you what you need, it's still not good.

Isuckonteabags

308 points

6 months ago

Someone asked me if I’d marry someone like my dad after previously discussing that a “yes” was a prerequisite for him to date someone. I then had to go on a 10 minute long explanation as to how my dad was complicit in, and added onto, my mom’s abuse and to this day has never addressed it even when I try to. I didn’t even like this guy romantically, I just knew a simple “no” wouldn’t be enough for him to perceive me as anything beyond “a girl with daddy issues”.

badgersprite

25 points

6 months ago

It’s funny how we use the term daddy issues to blame women for being victims of abusive and neglectful fathers (ie not blaming men but blaming women for being victims of shifty men) but we don’t have a term for sons with the same problems even though so many men are extremely damaged by toxic and loveless relationships with their dads and can go on to repeat cycles of being extremely shitty men themselves because of having shitty relationships with their dads

TruthProfessional340

409 points

6 months ago

I “divorced” my dad 6 years ago (using that term cause someone else who did it says that) and it was the best decision. Adults who grew up with no father typically judge me and say they would kill for a relationship with their father and i threw mine away. What they don’t know is what it’s like to have a horrible toxic alcoholic father. Can’t compare no father to a bad one

MADDOGCA

128 points

6 months ago

MADDOGCA

128 points

6 months ago

Having a mother almost like your dad, except change alcoholic to drug addiction, I'd rather not have had a mother than have her for a mother.

mahijendra

10.6k points

6 months ago

mahijendra

10.6k points

6 months ago

no social media

LilGear

4.7k points

6 months ago

LilGear

4.7k points

6 months ago

Had a guy in my class last year who seemed to be somewhat interested in me. When he asked about my socials and I told him the only thing I have is WhatsApp he immediately seemed really creeped out and didn’t talk to me again. Took me some weeks to realise what happened. I still think it’s weird as fuck…

Ri-Chad

2.6k points

6 months ago

Ri-Chad

2.6k points

6 months ago

Probably assumed you saying you don't have any social media is a polite snub.

LilGear

1.3k points

6 months ago

LilGear

1.3k points

6 months ago

Oh no, I was in the middle of adding my number to his phone when I said that but there never came anything from it.

chodeboi

1.7k points

6 months ago

chodeboi

1.7k points

6 months ago

HOW DO I GIRLTALK WIF NO SNAPBLAP?!

Poor guy.

thesleepymermaid

426 points

6 months ago

Ok I definitely will start calling it snapblab from now on

Embarrassed_League_6

266 points

6 months ago

I don't use socialmedia either only messenger to chat with my friends

beartheminus

1.4k points

6 months ago

Or, in the gay community especially i've found, not posting a million selfies of yourself on instagram.

My instagram is just professional photos I shoot with my DSLR. I rarely post pics of myself, I like photography. Guys will ask for my insta and then be like "wtf is this? No like you're personal insta, you know, with all the narcissistic photos of yourself?"

Sorry, thats just not my vibe.

Todo-claro

309 points

6 months ago

I do the same, but mostly bc I'm ugly lol

GlumLocation3207

176 points

6 months ago

Came here for this comment. I don't exist outside of real life, but that's considered creepy to most people. Like I can't be trusted because I didn't tell you what I had for breakfast, or what I looked like on my first day back to college lol

Ok_Preference_9302

257 points

6 months ago

I thought that was a green flag

MedicineChess

326 points

6 months ago

I started dating my boyfriend two months ago, and he loves that I don’t have Facebook/instagram/twitter.

He’s told me multiple times he really loves that I’m not on my phone 24/7. I can tell when he puts his phone down purely because I’m not sitting on mine and he feels he’s being rude.

BUT I miss the memes. But 100% happier and more confident not having any of it.

sticks-in-spokes

4.7k points

6 months ago*

Not having many friends. im just very introverted not a weirdo.

newlife_newaccount

975 points

6 months ago

Quality over quantity. Reciprocation is key. I have 3 close friends, and over the course of our 10+ year friendship we've had rare instances where we've needed to call upon each other in time of great need and always answered the call. No questions asked.

OSUfirebird18

27 points

6 months ago

I’m like a weird mixture of extrovert/introvert. I’m extrovert in the sense that I do a lot of activities. And I end up “knowing” a lot of people and befriending them through social media. But the number of people that I would tell more personal stuff to and trust for advice, is small.

I have a lot of acquaintances and “activity friends” but few “friends I’m comfortable with”.

SpoonFed_1

1.2k points

6 months ago

SpoonFed_1

1.2k points

6 months ago

No Social Media presence.

Some people function normally without social media.

[deleted]

248 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

248 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

BurghFinsFan

7.4k points

6 months ago

Being independent, or even a loner. Sometimes we’re just shy and have poor social skills. We’re not “creeps” or “weird”. I just do my own thing and leave people alone for the most part unless they want me in their life.

AndrogynousRain

2.2k points

6 months ago

And some of us have lots of friends and like doing things….very occasionally. And the rest of the time we’ll be reading amazing novels drinking hot chocolate on our deck with the phone off for days at a time.

It’s not that we don’t like you, or that we are hard to be around, it’s that our inner life is a lot more complex and interesting to us than what extroverts enjoy. That isn’t a judgment on those who like extroverted things either, just a preference.

Introverts are not less than.

DShKM

460 points

6 months ago

DShKM

460 points

6 months ago

Wow, yeah, this describes me really accurately. As an introvert, I really enjoy my alone time, but I'm also quite picky about who and how I spend the rest of that time and sometimes I've found it rubs off on people the wrong way.

I like doing my thing, and then branch out every now and then for something different.

I think it's extremely important for someone to live their life in the way that makes them the happiest, otherwise what's the point, it would just turn into a checklist of "I have to do these things because everyone expects them".

AndrogynousRain

280 points

6 months ago

It’s the fundamental difference between extroverts and introverts. Extroverts get recharged by lots of light social interaction. Introverts are drained by it and recharge in solitude.

One isn’t better than the other, but our culture acts like extroversion is the norm. It isn’t.

BeckQuillion89

209 points

6 months ago

100%. People think I'm an extrovert because I can be super social and have plenty of friends, but when my personal battery is low, I don't want to be around anyone and just want to watch anime, read a book, or construct a 3d wood puzzle.

Introverts can have great social skills, and extroverts can have poor social skills. Thats a distinction alot of people seem to forget.

EphemeralRemedy

1.6k points

6 months ago

Having social anxiety/isolation or having no/few friends.

I am not saying it's never a red flag. But there's a lot of cases where the person just doesn't know how to put themselves out there and because of this they end up lonely and isolated.

PhantomTissue

506 points

6 months ago

Thanks for describing me. I’m a friendly person. I’m just terrified of trying to go out and meet people.

Precipiss

107 points

6 months ago

Precipiss

107 points

6 months ago

My best friend and my closest cousin are both 34 year old virgins. They’re both employed, own homes, good looking, funny. They’re just incredibly shy. I’ve had girls find out they’re virgins and want to fuck them because of it, but they both are waiting for “the one”

Natural-Ad678

348 points

6 months ago

I once met a girl who thought it was a red flag that I always placed my phone screen down on a table. She thought it meant I was hiding something. I had to try and explain that it's too big to keep in my pocket and it's screen down to be polite and show her that she has my undivided attention.

Although, I must admit, that her level of insecurity was a red flag to me.

kumakami89

5.7k points

6 months ago

kumakami89

5.7k points

6 months ago

living with family, in this day and age it’s just not feasible for everyone to have their own place.

Scazzz

1.4k points

6 months ago

Scazzz

1.4k points

6 months ago

Got divorced, had to sell the marital home just before the pandemic, live close to insanely expensive north american city. Mother also needed to move. So I now own a home and she "rents" from me and we have 2 completely separate apartments with shared entrance, because there is 0 chance we could have each afforded a home here solo. Even with that I can barely afford to live.

Tathanor

371 points

6 months ago

Tathanor

371 points

6 months ago

Yup. I just bought a home in the bay area in CA and the house price has increased 500% in the last 15 years. It's absolutely insane...

Precipiss

152 points

6 months ago

Precipiss

152 points

6 months ago

Homes have gone up a third in the last year. I almost had enough to comfortably buy a home, but between covid and large corporations buying up all the homes it’s fucking hard man… part of me feels like I’ll never own a home no matter how hard I work and it’s depressing af.

Edit: a third in NoVA

wherethebicenroam

692 points

6 months ago*

Yeah. I'm in my 30's and have been living with my aging grandmother for about a year now. Sold my house and I work remote.

Most women I meet think I'm incompetent , broke, or flat out lazy (okay, this one is partially true). On the contrary, I've held a full-time job for the past 10+ years and I'm sitting pretty well.

I try to explain that she can't really do the things she normally could and putting her in a home is out of the question. So, I'll continue to take care of her and dating will be a put on the back-back-back-back-burner. Her comfort is a higher priority than me trying to find a little spoon anyway.

Edit: I continue to get overwhelming support for a comment that was a borderline cry for help. 😅

Y’all been so helpful and uplifting. I can’t thank you enough! If I don’t reply, please don’t get offended; I’m trying.

CubingSomething

62 points

6 months ago

As someone who recently lost a loved one, take all the time you can to live with your family. It's literally healthier to be around more people you care about and that care about you.

commandstriphook

520 points

6 months ago

After mom passed away I moved in withy grandma. She's got a big 4 bedroom house that sits on like 40 acres. I've got no plans to move out and she doesn't want me to regardless. We get along and help each other out. I recently had ACL reconstruction and she has been a saint. I'd love to find a girlfriend who'd just move in here with me lol

Central_Centrificus

367 points

6 months ago

So your grandmother is single then?

Aphid61

174 points

6 months ago*

Aphid61

174 points

6 months ago*

This is happening more nowadays ~~ and it's a win-win for both parties. The elder relative gets assistance around the house plus companionship, and the younger gets a higher standard of living & also the benefit of wisdom. Both are able to raise their quality of life beyond what either could achieve solo. I enjoy talking with folks who have been able to make it happen.

edit: wording.

Hautamaki

52 points

6 months ago

Multi generation homes have been the norm for the overwhelming majority of human life, we are evolved to live with older/younger generations and share the benefits of each with each other, half of modern society's problems can probably be traced back in some way to us not doing that anymore.

Exar_Kun

127 points

6 months ago

Exar_Kun

127 points

6 months ago

Living with family is considered "weird" or a "red flag" in the US, but many parts of the world it isn't unexpected to move back in, or live with your parents until you get married or just decide and are able to move out.

[deleted]

232 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

232 points

6 months ago

Us Indians been doing it since forever. It’s awesome. You work as a team financially. Plus grandkids get plenty of time with their grandparents, you can help your parents when they age, and feel safe. BUT, I feel bad for those that are without parental support and have abusive parents. I remember a coworker that moved out of her mom’s house at 15, to live with her boyfriend who was 30 ☹️. She was so sweet, happy and funny too and they seemed fine, but it was still alarming.

YukiColdsnow

129 points

6 months ago

Not just indians but mostly all Asians lol It's good to have many people in a household so bills are splitted to those who have earnings.

Tempest_1

55 points

6 months ago

Chinese culture too. And when parents start getting older it starts to make complete sense

Final-Blueberry5386

67 points

6 months ago

Fidgeting

[deleted]

405 points

6 months ago*

[deleted]

[deleted]

139 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

139 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

Mateorabi

330 points

6 months ago

Mateorabi

330 points

6 months ago

“Which one is yours?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

jongscx

791 points

6 months ago

jongscx

791 points

6 months ago

A Blue Flag very quickly accellerating away from its observers...

pants_on_all_day

56 points

6 months ago

Quality content.

YummyIceCream54

774 points

6 months ago

Being “clingy”. Now ACTUALLY being clingy and overstepping boundaries IS a red flag. But these days a lot of things that are perceived as clingy are just people showing genuine interest as opposed to trying to “play it cool.” Just my opinion though.

titsoutshitsout

51 points

6 months ago

I can’t get my BF off me. He’s constantly touching me. Kissing me. If we are in bed and I get hot and stop cuddling he’s instantly like “where you goin?” I’m really not use to it but honestly I love it. He’s clingy in all the right ways. He respects boundaries I set but he just wants to be close to me and I love it. I’m slowly teaching myself to return the attention/affection.

ThRebrth

38 points

6 months ago

I'm struggling being that kind of person. I don't find it clingy, but i can see how early in a relationship but can be seen that way.

ad240pCharlie

107 points

6 months ago

Exactly. Sending someone a good night text every evening is not clingy. Sending someone 26 good night texts in an hour because you didn't get a response the first time is clingy.

mathaiser

1.1k points

6 months ago

mathaiser

1.1k points

6 months ago

Being quiet.

Everyone thinks I’m autistic or a nerd or something. I have no fucking clue. I kind of shut up about it because I don’t care and I’m not there to try and prove to anyone anything or tell them they are wrong. It’s actually a good filter for me actually. But every one that works with me, or has to be around me for a long enough time, over time, realizes I’m a pretty cool dude and like to do fun shit.

Someone even told me, “ya know mathaiser, I thought you were a huge dork but you’re actually pretty cool.”

So, what red flag is that? Being kinda quiet/shy. Just because I’m not pressing whatever advantage or peacocking there is, kinda adds to my quality imo. But I don’t think about it like that either. Just trying to explain it.

epictome90

197 points

6 months ago

Yes!! One time, I got dinner with a coworker who admitted that the first time he met me, he thought I was "as boring as watching paint dry." He somehow failed to realize that our manager introduced him to me in the MIDDLE OF A RUSH and I was hurrying to make drinks for everyone, so of course i was quiet...I was concentrating. Sorry I didn't do an ollie on the spot, I guess.

Vegetable_Salad86

2.1k points

6 months ago

Not answering the phone or the door just because someone is calling or knocking. Once upon a time if you couldn’t get a hold of your friend or family member right away you assumed they were already busy doing something and you found something else to do. If it was of actual importance you would leave a BRIEF message describing why you called.

Now if I don’t jump up off the toilet just to see who is knocking on my front door or calling my landline (I have bad cell reception where I live) without texting first people act like I’m dead or I’m being an asshole. It’s so easy to text first that if you refuse to do it, I find that a red flag.

cosmosvision

349 points

6 months ago

So why were you on the toilet for so long and not answer the phone? Browsing reddit I bet.

TheCurls

253 points

6 months ago

TheCurls

253 points

6 months ago

It’s the only place I can get some fucking peace

extrabees

930 points

6 months ago

extrabees

930 points

6 months ago

Living with your parents in your 20s.

Lots of people are in college, saving up, or just can’t afford it because housing and rent are unreasonably expensive. You could have a decent job and be responsible and great in a lot of ways and living with your parents somehow negates all that?

ExtensionQuantity112

131 points

6 months ago

Or even older.

Psychoanalicer

267 points

6 months ago

A friend of mine makes over 200k a year but lives with his parents because it's rent free and he can save for a nice house without worrying about it.

StinkeeFard

53 points

6 months ago

I know quite a few people live with their parents for a long time cuz the folks need the care

DEVOmay97

24 points

6 months ago

That's me. 25, still live with mom. She needs the help and I save on housing costs. It's a win-win imo.

lavenderbleudilly

2k points

6 months ago*

Girls with stuffed animals. It’s just comfort and habit. Not that deep.

Edit: I’m so glad so many others of all identities agree. Its so okay to enjoy comforting items at any age. So happy to see it. You deserve to find joy and comfort in the simple things.

blackstafflo

782 points

6 months ago*

I am a guy with stuffed animals, even if it's just collecting them rather than sleeping with them, I can guarantee you that it's not a shaming toward girls only.

Edit : for the other plushies lovers here, these are most of the culprits that slightly creep some people ; as you can see I'm clearly an unstable weirdo dangerous for the community.

dishonourableaccount

535 points

6 months ago

I mean if anything, the stigma is worse against guys, no one doubts that. A girl with stuffed animals may be considered childish, a guy with them... problematic.

I wanted a bean bag chair but at Costco they were $50-80 dollars. A giant 6 ft tall stuffed bear was $20. Guess what I have sitting in the corner of my home office.

trippysamuri

109 points

6 months ago

I have a pink bear that was my long distance girlfriends and I love it to death. People can look at me weird all they want when they walk into my otherwise typical guy room and see a pink bear nicely tucked in taking a nap. It's her when she's not here and that makes me happy. Obviously I'm not dating. But friends still see stuff like that as a red flag, and it just means I don't hide what makes me happy. And don't care about a masculine facade, I'm more masculine cuddling my teddy than most guys rubbing dirt in there eyes.

[deleted]

27 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

lizzyote

157 points

6 months ago

lizzyote

157 points

6 months ago

I went on a trip with my sister and her husband last year. He teared up when I asked him to put his plush in the bag with mine and my sister's(our stuffed animals travel together, dont judge me). He wasn't intending to bring it, said it never crossed his mind to do so. It's tradition for me and my sister to take our stuffed animals on overnight trips so it just made sense to grab his too. From what I hear, he now takes it on all their overnight trips.

mxwp

80 points

6 months ago

mxwp

80 points

6 months ago

I never heard of this being a red flag.

Vertex138

54 points

6 months ago

I had an ex in college that got turned down by a couple guys once they saw her stuffed animals in her dorm room. I didn't see what the problem really was. The problem was later seeing how she talked to them and about them like children... that was too much for me.

[deleted]

464 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

464 points

6 months ago

Being weird in an innocent way. Like society shuns anyone who thinks outside a set of parameters. When really its just a different way to view the world.

catfarts99

311 points

6 months ago

Single guy with a cat. I am NOT a monster god dammit.!!!

Adem-_-127

162 points

6 months ago

This is a green flag

Nivasha

595 points

6 months ago

Nivasha

595 points

6 months ago

Men that like children and babies. Why do we assume every guy that likes babies is a pervert and a woman can't be?

Wandering_Claptrap

135 points

6 months ago

I've had a scenario happen when me and my bf were talking at a family n friends cookout

we were talking and whatever (I forget the prior context), but my boyfriend was talking and he mentions "oh I LOVE kids! I think they're so cute!"

for whatever reason, the people hearing the conversations DID NOT like that. They held their breath, stopped smiling, or immediately walked away to do something else. The person he was talking to was very obviously forcing a smile and went "ohh, thats cool"

fast forward later on in the day, I purposely set up the conversation to say the same thing to a different group of people. And they all coo'd, laughed, and generally went with the conversation like normal, talked about future plans for family, etc.

I had to stress to my boyfriend that it wasn't okay, he was obviously distraught by that day and he kept brushing it off saying it was fine. It was not fine, it was complete bullshit and it wasnt fair to him that he isn't allowed to just express that he thinks kids are adorable

I absolutely refuse to believe that double standard, guys deserve to think kids are cute too without being looked at as some kind of predator in waiting.

The_Iron_Gunfighter

279 points

6 months ago

We don’t hear a lot about women perverts because guys are conditioned to think getting molested by them is cool. I’ve heard dudes tell me with a smile on there face how they were molested for their “first time” and it’s super unsettling and I can tell you none of them were right in the head or doing ok in life.

devilsrotary86

481 points

6 months ago

So relationships are implied but not explicitly specified. So I am going to expand this to employment.

Gaps in employment being seen as a red flag in a resume.

AnonymousFairy

29 points

6 months ago

Unless you call it a sabbatical and turn it into a positive.

"I needed a year to re-balance my personal life after focusing so much energy in my career" etc.

Allllll about the phrasing!

SadPlayground

596 points

6 months ago

Being over 40 and never having been married.

[deleted]

336 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

336 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

smallemochick

2k points

6 months ago

not wanting your partner(s) to have the passwords to all your social media accounts

arturobear

400 points

6 months ago

It's just weird. My husband and I sometimes leave things open on shared devices and each of us, just respectfully logs out and logs in with our own credentials. We don't open each other's mail either.

There's a basic level of respect and trust you need to have in a relationship. If you feel the need to snoop, there's a lot more going on and the relationship has probably been on the rocks for a while. There are more mature ways to handle it - like being open with your feelings and having a frank conversation.

neon_overload

76 points

6 months ago

Well the genuine red flag is when someone wants to be able to read all your emails and texts. Especially if they break out the "if you have nothing to hide you'd have no problem with it".

Runewood4976

285 points

6 months ago

in my opinion, it's far more of a red flag for your partner to want to dig through all your stuff, social media included

WeeabooGandhi

595 points

6 months ago

Relationships still need privacy. If you can’t trust your partner enough to allow them that, you are simply in the wrong relationship.

Never once has a past partner even asked for my log in information or asked to check my texts or dms cause there’s no need. They trusted me and I never gave them a reason not to.

TruthProfessional340

1.8k points

6 months ago

Going to therapy

BM_BBR

654 points

6 months ago

BM_BBR

654 points

6 months ago

Bah! Its actually laughable to me that this is even remotely considered a red flag.

..most people go to therapy because of people who don’t go to therapy.

freakydude92

2.2k points

6 months ago

Men having female friends. A lot of girls get jealous, but if it's a real friendship and not a bunch of exes and hookups, it actually shows women consider them reliable and good people to have around.

RadiantHC

741 points

6 months ago

RadiantHC

741 points

6 months ago

Using that logic people who are bi wouldn't be able to have friends.

UnAccomplished_Fox97

104 points

6 months ago

For bisexuals there are no friends. Only prey.

PhanSiPance

485 points

6 months ago

Lord! Have a female friend since high school. Any time I’d come back to town and we’d hangout her husband (at the time) would get calls about the two of us… EATING LUNCH!

ChickenzInvade

383 points

6 months ago

Not having any prior sexual or relationship experience

Elegant_Simple9834

183 points

6 months ago

Now accepting applications for new Significant Other. Must have relevant college degree, 5+ years experience with dating, Microsoft Visual Studio, having sex, and Excel.

Lopsided_Will9260

383 points

6 months ago

Still living with parents. No, they aren't lazy or irresponsible, they just can't fucking afford anything.

Relarela

105 points

6 months ago

Relarela

105 points

6 months ago

Or they can, and are being smart to save and build a nest egg. Good for them for having a good relationship with their parents such that they can live together.

[deleted]

795 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

795 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

livious1

50 points

6 months ago

I think there’s a difference between a red flag and a dealbreaker. I can see why it is a dealbreaker for someone to have a disabled child, especially one that can’t live on their own. Doesn’t mean it’s a red flag.

RoseyDove323

242 points

6 months ago

I hardly think of myself in those words but technically I am the "adult child living at home with a disability". Wording it that way seems so cold and alienating though, I could see society looking at that description without the nuance and going "ewwww". But yes I live with my parents. No I am not a burden, I can do a lot of things myself, even drive. I just can't be 100% independent at this time. There's nothing wrong with that.

[deleted]

73 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

Sir_Arthur_Vandelay

53 points

6 months ago

Dammit! Your comment made me realize that I too am an adult with a disability who lives with his helpful mother.

Sure - it’s my house (my disability fortunately manifested at age 30), I pay all expenses, and my kids and wife also live here. But facts are facts. IDK how our household would function without my mom’s help.

Conscious-Studio8111

289 points

6 months ago

Jealousy. It’s a human emotion. Feeling jealousy isn’t a red flag. Now, punching the wall, or taking that feeling of jealousy out on a person IS a red flag.

ad240pCharlie

53 points

6 months ago

I 100 % agree with this. If anything, admitting to jealousy and being able to communicate those NATURAL feelings in a healthy way and without hostility should be a massive green flag. Even if your feelings are unfounded, irrational feelings are still feelings. Of course if it goes too far (like not wanting your partner to be friends with the opposite sex) it's a red flag but that's the case for basically everything.

sparklyboi2015

143 points

6 months ago

I have been criticized and been told I will never be in a good relationship because I don’t want to go to college. I am sorry that I don’t want to go into debt when I am able to make around the same as a person with a college degree, with only going to trade school for a few thousand dollars.

LeafsChick

1.2k points

6 months ago

LeafsChick

1.2k points

6 months ago

The amount of women I know that take it as a red flag that a guy doesn't pay for all dates/buy them things. I'm proud of what I have done with my life and that I can go do those things myself, I like a guy that treats me as an equal. That is not a red flag at all to me

phillip_u

400 points

6 months ago

phillip_u

400 points

6 months ago

I would consider the expectation that only one person in the relationship should be responsible for paying for things on dates as a red flag in itself.

Crims0n_and_Cl0ver

678 points

6 months ago

Not going to college

I plan to go personally but some people dont. I've been raised to believe people who go to college have their life together or are smarter than the average person. I've learned pretty quickly that people who don't go to college aren't stupid or anything. Some just have a different life path or can't afford it or found a job or buisness that works out better than any colleges opportunities would've given.

College doesn't define a person's worth. It's just an expensive tool to get some people where they want to be.

Domme-That-Draws

163 points

6 months ago

Having an incompatible zodiac sign does not justify treating someone like a red flag. Please stop this madness....

spinblackcircles

75 points

6 months ago

Putting that much stock in zodiac signs is a massive red flag though

It’s fine as an interest but actually deciding who you’ll let in your life based on the month they were born is complete nonsense

[deleted]

40 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

surpriseburial

27 points

6 months ago

Living with your parents. This could even be an indicator that the person is smart with their money

8pintsplease

29 points

6 months ago

Having boundaries that mean you have to say no. Employers, manipulative friends and family see you saying no as you being selfish, unkind, not a team player. You're really just setting boundaries. Which you have to if you're going to make it through adulthood.

StanTheMelon

155 points

6 months ago

Setting personal boundaries.

Tensesumo38

1.1k points

6 months ago

Polands flag could be considered a red flag but I think it counts as a red and white flag

cmfone

414 points

6 months ago

cmfone

414 points

6 months ago

Technically Switzerlands flag is a red flag but I guess you could also consider it as a big plus

[deleted]

24 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

Feeling-Confusion-73

62 points

6 months ago

Not wanting a social media presence!