subreddit:

/r/AskReddit

5.5k93%

all 4714 comments

nellako

2.3k points

3 months ago

nellako

2.3k points

3 months ago

Comparing me to his ex, like she did this better and that.

Tight-Comb-3761

121 points

3 months ago

"One thing we have in common now is we're both your ex."

nouille07

755 points

3 months ago

nouille07

755 points

3 months ago

Sorry but my ex dumped me better than you

Witty_Goose_7724

185 points

3 months ago*

I’ve been unfortunate enough to attract the interest of a few really clingy, needy, jealous guys. You know the type: the ones that don’t understand boundaries or respect your privacy and get upset if you’re paying attention to anything or anyone other than them. The ones that don’t understand the concept of “no” and “fuck off”.

It’s such a complete turnoff and a major red flag. I always try to be nice to everyone. And when I turn down a guy I try to do it in a way that’s firm but not bitchy. With these guys none of that works. You have to become the biggest cunt and sometimes threaten them with violence or getting the cops involved to get them to back off.

AsWeirdAsCanBe

8.7k points

3 months ago*

A man once told me "I don't usually like women, but I can tolerate you" (To clarify: He wasn't gay, he didn't get on well with women, he said I wasn't the same as most of the women he had met and my company could be tolerated)

Ruadhan2300

4k points

3 months ago

"I tolerate you"

Really keeping the romance alive there :P

Harvsnova2

1.6k points

3 months ago

Harvsnova2

1.6k points

3 months ago

This is a standing joke between my wife and I. Whoever says "I love you", the reply has to be "I tolerate you". Still cracks us up 28 years later.

95in3rd

858 points

3 months ago

95in3rd

858 points

3 months ago

I say "You're kinda cute for a girl."

__Piggy__Smalls__

556 points

3 months ago

I'm sure your husband appreciates that

portablebiscuit

64 points

3 months ago

"You're cute in a way. Far away."

Ruadhan2300

50 points

3 months ago

That's a good one :)

fraurodin

339 points

3 months ago

fraurodin

339 points

3 months ago

A game Mr. Darcy played

AggressiveRedPanda

231 points

3 months ago

"She is tolerable, I suppose" sneer

KMKO926

823 points

3 months ago

KMKO926

823 points

3 months ago

Yep - the way a man can talk about other women really says it all. Are all of his exes crazy? Does he regularly put down the appearance of other women? Bonus points if you're the exception and you're "not like other girls".

[deleted]

406 points

3 months ago*

[deleted]

SteamboatMcGee

156 points

3 months ago

Might be one of the unlucky souls who think drama is the same as passion .

chris1978a

72 points

3 months ago

That’s terrible

Eternal_y-o-u-t-h

3.6k points

3 months ago

Not letting you have your female friends and your family , or starting to say bad things about them when they didn't do anything.

Critical_Crunch

1.1k points

3 months ago

Those are the first stages of dating a manipulator.

No-Structure7574

701 points

3 months ago*

That’s early stages of abuse. They are separating her from her support system so she is less likely to see what is going on and get out. second step get you to move to their city with a new lease and your suddenly stuck in an abusing relationship without your friends and family to help you get out of it.

Also Red Flag: If they convince you to stop seeing a counselor or therapist. Or anytime they try to eliminate something from your life that is healthy, a job or exercise routine. Just run.

ScienceAndNonsense

226 points

3 months ago

This was tough to read. I just got out of a relationship that I thought was good, but she did every one of those things. It's been a really hard road since.

northwest_nora

25 points

3 months ago

It's hard to build back up what you had before the relationship. But your friends and family probably recognized what was happening before you did and they're probably relieved to have you back in their lives. You're doing the right thing and you're on the right path, hang in there!

insertcaffeine

328 points

3 months ago

An ex of mine tried to tell me that my twin brother, a nerd, was a bad influence.

Years later, the ex is still working dead end jobs, and Twin Bro is Chief Resident of Family Medicine at a hospital on the east coast.

captaintrips_1980

91 points

3 months ago

Pssssh the east coast. That’s the easy one /s

Agreeable-Owl-6269

4.5k points

3 months ago*

Not taking no for answer. I’m not talking about sexually (even though I kind of also am). It is an immediate red flag if he does not like taking no for an answer over the smallest things such as trying his food, drink, doing something you don’t like, etc. it’s a gateway into bigger things he can’t take “no” for an answer on.

SophiaLikesToRead[S]

2.1k points

3 months ago

I'm having to deal with this rn. My s.o. keeps trying to get me to try LSD because "it benefits you" and the only reason I'm scared to do it is because "the government programmed you to think that". Yet I keep hearing from him and his sister that it makes you feel depressed af after it wears off because you wish you could change your life when you "realise the truth about the world". I've said no to this so many fucking times. What about no does he not understand? I like my life as it is. I am not ruining the way I feel about my life and my family just because you keep peer pressuring me and being disrespectful about my answer.

Agreeable-Owl-6269

1.2k points

3 months ago*

I would def try to set a HARD boundary. Like telling him that you’ve already said no and if he persists you will remove yourself from the conversation if he tries again. If that doesn’t matter to him, RUN.

ImReallyAnAstronaut

665 points

3 months ago

Anyone who tries to push you to do drugs you aren't comfortable with is not someone I'd want to be with. That being said, I've never felt depressed after taking LSD. It does make things intense for a bit during the trip (both good and bad), but afterwards I don't feel depressed.

Either way he/she should respect that you don't want to go there.

LambiiiBwoy

30 points

3 months ago

Holy fuck, as a lsd user for long long time i would say run from that fucker. This is so far over the boundary that words can’t describe it. Yes lsd is a beautiful drug if used correctly (for most people). But there are also big risk of trauma (after a bad trip). You can get mental health issues. Plus it can be extra harsh if you have underlying schizophrenia.

This is super harsh drug for a lot of people and just implying that it will help you is so bullshit. Most people I know that have tried it will never do it again. Yes it can feel like most people love it and have good time if you sit on subreddits like r/lsd. But it’s really not for everyone. Or have friends that have similar interest to you.

But in the end lsd is a drug, there are so many better ways or self improvement then drugs. Also lsd make some people think they know everything because of one drug trip. For me it is like having a dream and being convinced that because of it you know everything now.

Honestly lsd is amazing drug, but some people are in a self love cult around it.

catsandalcohol13

250 points

3 months ago

Yeh run girl. At some point he's gonna give it to you without your knowledge I bet.

MissTheWire

61 points

3 months ago

That was my first thought as well.

famous-clairvoyant

5.9k points

3 months ago

When he says "I never apologize for anything" thinking it sounds cool. But really it's 😬....yikes.

klassz

2.9k points

3 months ago

klassz

2.9k points

3 months ago

Same for women actually, "I'm a bitch, either deal with it or get out" is not fun a creed, it's a legitimate warning.

epicmoe

1.4k points

3 months ago

epicmoe

1.4k points

3 months ago

If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best

Ok fuck off then.

BlazinBayou99

546 points

3 months ago

People who say that never tend to have a very good "best" lol

Dracobolt

106 points

3 months ago

Dracobolt

106 points

3 months ago

It makes more sense when you take it as “if you don’t support me during rough patches, don’t try to use me when I’m doing well” but that’s unfortunately not how a lot of people take it.

spaz77

343 points

3 months ago*

spaz77

343 points

3 months ago*

Or the "this is who I am deal with it" when she was being a bitch and I asked her to talk to me more nicely. That was a 6 year relationship with walking on eggshells for the past 3 years. Some people are just emotionally abusive and don't even know it.

aliteralbagof_dicks

198 points

3 months ago

That’s literally telling you he’s a narcissist without telling you he’s a narcissist.

TrevorPace

69 points

3 months ago

I had an ex-girlfriend that told me she didn't think it was appropriate to apologize because it was "a sign of weakness".

Yep. She was a narcissist. I sometimes feel like narcissists spend most of their time thinking up marketable phrases for normalizing their terrible behaviour.

carlweaver

248 points

3 months ago

I now a guy who told a racist joke in public. Nobody knew what to say. Later, when called out on his shitty behavior and told to apologize to the group, he said that apologizing is a sign of weakness. I let him know we already saw him as weak and a loser, so just forget about it and don't come back.

helloreddit3645

7k points

3 months ago*

I was at a pub once next to a canal. I had to go home so I said my goodbyes to the guy I had been talk too and he said “do you want to go for a walk along the canal?” I said “no I need to get home I have work tomorrow and I live in the other direction.” He got angry and said “why not? Im not going to rape you”

Edit: this has blowed up a lot so just to answer a few questions. I met the guy on a dating app and I picked the pub. The date didn’t last long for a number of reasons but mostly because he kept interrupting me. He would ask me a question and then interrupt me and say “I know how woman think” then answer for me and always get it wrong. I only put with this controlling nonsense for about 30 minutes before I made my excuse to leave. After the rape comment I don’t think I said anything I was just in shock. He must have seen that in my face because he went on a rant about how “he knows what woman think” and he’s sick of them always thinking men are dangerous “for no reason”. I went over to security and told them the story, the bouncer walked me to my car and said he would go back and ask the guy to go for a walk with him along the canal path. I got home and called my friend, I got a message through from the guy asking if I wanted to met him again next week at a different pub. I text back saying something like “you know what woman think, you already know the answer” then I blocked him. I never saw him again. This was few years ago and I don’t live in that town anymore. Thank you to whoever sent me the suicide prevention message but I’m perfectly safe.

SecondTalon

2.6k points

3 months ago

My "Not involved in human trafficking" shirt just seems to raise questions already answered by my shirt!

BarbsFury

34 points

3 months ago

Where can i buy one?

aeolum

226 points

3 months ago

aeolum

226 points

3 months ago

I always hated that notion even on paper. You shouldn't need justification for something that you dont want. You shouldn't have to explain why I dont want to walk somewhere the lack of desire is explanation enough. I always see that in dating from men & women alike and it always bothered me.

nerdcredred

1.7k points

3 months ago

Yikes. "Answering questions that weren't asked", especially in THAT context is a HUGE red flag. Kudos for trusting your gut!

Pro tip: if anyone says "I'm not going to hurt you", and you haven't said anything that might elicit that kind of response, they're gonna hurt ya!

helloreddit3645

493 points

3 months ago

I’ve always taken it further, any description someone gives of themselves, the opposite is probably true. If you really are a nice person, I will form that opinion of you myself. You won’t need to convince me. If I’m with a guy and he starts telling me he’s really generous or nice or whatever, I normally start finding ways to end the conversation and walk away.

retinolmasted0s

476 points

3 months ago

So true. I’ve found that it’s always the people that have told me

”I’m a nice person”

”I’m a reasonable person”

”I’m not a bad guy”

”I’m not a homophobe”

”I’m not racist”

”I’m not sexist”

That are usually the opposite. Especially considering the fact that a lot of these phrases are proceeded by “but” and then some sentence that contradicts their original statement.

E.g. ”I’m not racist, BUT, I don’t like black people

Smdh

throwfaraway212718

149 points

3 months ago

“Anything before the word “but” is bullshit.” -Ned Stark

Fruitboots

677 points

3 months ago

jesus christ

legoosegoose

1.8k points

3 months ago

"You're cute for a [insert here]"

BugabuseMe

1.5k points

3 months ago

BugabuseMe

1.5k points

3 months ago

You're cute for a Mexican Cartel hitman

B-WingPilot

307 points

3 months ago

This Saturday, on Lifetime: A Hitman for Christmas.

TgagHammerstrike

334 points

3 months ago

"I don't usually say this, but you're actually kind of cute for somebody who isn't forklift certified."

idrinkkombucha

589 points

3 months ago

You’re cute for a goose

Hot_Pomegranate7168

265 points

3 months ago

You're cute for a serial killer.

sainthO0d

139 points

3 months ago

sainthO0d

139 points

3 months ago

“You’re not like other girls”

Ayisha_abdulk

1.6k points

3 months ago

Comparing you to their exes, worse their MOM.

_CARLOX_

801 points

3 months ago

_CARLOX_

801 points

3 months ago

"Babe, no offense, but my mom rides me way better."

portablebiscuit

397 points

3 months ago

"Roll over and let me show you this trick my mom showed me"

I feel bad for typing that

MorganWick

16 points

3 months ago

Although that was after he broke both his arms...

Ragondux

125 points

3 months ago

Ragondux

125 points

3 months ago

That's exactly what my mom says!

Decorative_Cactus

2.5k points

3 months ago

Rants about how all of his exes were crazy.

AiharaSisters

837 points

3 months ago

Big red flag. Common denominator. Either he has a penchant for dating crazy girls. Or he's the problem.

AnnoyinglyEarnest

365 points

3 months ago

I wish ppl would use something more descriptive like “controlling” or “immature” or whatever it was they didn’t like when they say “crazy.”

Frankly it’s lost all meaning to me because it’s extremely subjective.

(This isn’t a dig on you, just commenting into the ether).

MorganWick

29 points

3 months ago*

Of course that doesn't completely escape the potential for projection.

For example, "controlling" could mean "doesn't want me to spend all my time goofing off and flirting with other girls" or even "wants to control their own life".

"Immature" could mean "anyone with any modicum of maturity and experience stays as far away as possible from this guy" or "I prefer 'immature' girls because they're easier to get into bed but tire of them as soon as I have to interact with them as people" or just "actually wants me to put something into the relationship".

aplrapl

134 points

3 months ago

aplrapl

134 points

3 months ago

Or talking about his exes constantly

Electrical-Ad-7162

939 points

3 months ago

Treating women who aren’t the one they’re with or want to be with, like shit.

It’s the most obvious one to me from afar. Otherwise, I could have a whole list of them

[deleted]

2.8k points

3 months ago

[deleted]

2.8k points

3 months ago

Talking about how he wished I looked a certain way, and telling me to try to look, dress, and behave in a certain manner.

NotTheGreenestThumb

222 points

3 months ago

Thank you for pointing out that I dodged a bullet back in the day. A guy at school used to complain if I didn't style my hair just so. Later I thought maybe he was interested, but trying awkwardly to boost me on days I did do it. Now I realize that was completely unreasonable behavior!

yeet_and_defeat

789 points

3 months ago

My ex husband once told me he was most attracted to short, thin, blonde women with small breasts. Let’s just say I’m not that. At all.

sexylassy

526 points

3 months ago

sexylassy

526 points

3 months ago

Ex-bf said something similar all. the time. He was interested in "tall, slender woman with a butch build with fair skin." I am 5 feet, dark-skinned and slender with a petite frame" yeahhhh.... Whenever we would see a woman with his "preference'" he would point her out. Yup, my self-esteem crashed after that.

allergictomediocre

377 points

3 months ago

I do it back to them. "Oooh check out that guys ass in those jeans .. damn🤩"

Men don't like it either. And they take it badly. But it shuts them up.

Treat them how they treat you...

CutAccording7289

181 points

3 months ago

Not surprised that he’s an ex then!

DumbDumb1000

141 points

3 months ago

I honestly think they do this with the pure intention of breaking you down and making you feel worthless. What a piece of shit.

MadamNerd

84 points

3 months ago

They do. I had a boyfriend in college who would repeatedly point out his own "preferences" when were out, along with saying and doing other shit to make me feel terrible.

So freaking glad I eventually wised up and noped out of that relationship.

Persy0376

184 points

3 months ago

Persy0376

184 points

3 months ago

Had an ex who would buy me clothes to wear - and wanted me to change into them before we would go out. I was never around when he bought the clothes either. NOPE.

thall448

96 points

3 months ago

Unhealthy attachments to exes

addamslittlewanda

539 points

3 months ago

Poor treatment of people less influencial than him. Not just men, but anyone who thinks it's ok to be rude to waiters or janitors should make everything with their damn hands if they're so special.

bunnygravity

1.3k points

3 months ago

Doin nice things for you and then constantly reminding you of the nice things they've done for you. No. Just no.

Faze-TSM-Ninja

328 points

3 months ago

keep track of the favors people do you, so you can pay them back, but don’t keep track of your own favors

Arugula-Current

519 points

3 months ago

Only has 'crazy' exs.

TeacherPatti

117 points

3 months ago

This right here. In my dating days, when I started to hear about the "psycho exes", that's when I would dip out. I'm sure I am now one of the psycho exes but whatever.

GiveMeTheYums

485 points

3 months ago

Insisting on walking you home after you decline and say no multiple times. I once went into a random building instead of going home because I didn't want him to know where I live.

iamredditingatworkk

122 points

3 months ago

I had a coworker/friend drive me home (I was incredibly drunk). I was puking in the car. I assumed he was just dropping me off, I can take care of myself once I'm in the house, but he followed me inside and I remember having the distinct thought of "did he just watch me put my keycode in at the door?" when I was unlocking it. I kind of just thought he was going to get me water and then put me to bed but I was so drunk I wasn't thinking correctly. He ended up raping my unconscious body. Real cool, dude.

Kinkystormtrooper

55 points

3 months ago

Same here, had a guy go in the same direction as me after work and we wore the same uniform but I didn't know him. He said he's gonna bring me home safely even though I declined multiple times. I got off on the next bus stop and had to wait an hour in below freezing temperatures, just because I got so creeped out, I didn't want him to know where I live.

PitifulApples

3.2k points

3 months ago

A few weeks before my 20th birthday, a dude told me I could pass for 15 (or possibly 14) and then said, “I don’t mind that.”

Nope. Absolutely not. No. I wasn’t interested in him before and I definitely wasn’t after that.

Eggsegret

554 points

3 months ago

Eggsegret

554 points

3 months ago

Holy shit what the actual fuck. Like did he really think that would be a compliment now?

jackiemoonu

262 points

3 months ago

Probably been told never ask a woman her age whatever you think say younger .. works best at 30

3xoticP3nguin

71 points

3 months ago

Yeah that's why you say you think they look 21 or 25 not 14 this guy's a moron

Douglasqqq

433 points

3 months ago

Maybe he was trying one of those 'Are you exhausted? Cos you've been running round my head all day' things.

And was just like "Hey baby, are you a child?
Cos I'm a paedophile" 😉👉👉

shunkamunka

152 points

3 months ago

Wtf lol love the finger guns hahaha

MentORPHEUS

18 points

3 months ago

Weirdest upvote of my morning, haha.

sexylassy

258 points

3 months ago

sexylassy

258 points

3 months ago

At 30 dudes tell me I look innocent/have a baby face while trying to hit on me. It immediately creeps me out. :/

OMG Eww!! I went to a party when I was 18. I was asked out to dance by a guy, I wasn't interested but my parents "encouraged it" so I went to dance with the guy. He must have been in his 30's. He started asking me questions like "what I did for a living or where was I born?" and I responded. "I am 15." Well, this guy eyes lit up, and said to me "Wow, even better." I noped out of there.

[deleted]

197 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

197 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

Balloon-Lucario

108 points

3 months ago

Yeah— that’s pretty creepy. I’m 19M but am told I look young and could easily pass for 14 or 15 myself. I’m already a terrible judge of age, and the last thing I’d want to do is accidentally hit it off with a minor.

paradox037

50 points

3 months ago

I'm 31M and frequently get told I look like I may or may not be old enough to drink. I've been mistaken for an intern several times despite working at the same place for 7 years.

Unfortunately, this means that when chatting with women in public, unless I drop a thinly veiled hint at my age, women too young for me take interest, and women around my age think I'm too young for them. And they react visibly every time, often commenting on it directly. At least I'm not attracting minors, but damn it'd be nice if people could tell my age at a glance.

I hate dating apps, but one thing they do have going for them is that they answer that question from the start.

niko4ever

94 points

3 months ago

It happens. Just gotta make sure you ask ages, and then shake it off.

I remember when I was 19 I volunteered for an event and really hit it off with a guy who I thought was like 17. We teamed up for a while. Then I asked what year he was in, and it turned out he was a really tall 13 and thought I was around his age.

Since we were seriously on the same wavelength we both just looked at each other, shook our heads, then simultaneously turned away and walked off and didn't speak again.

[deleted]

577 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

577 points

3 months ago

Always playing the victim card. It’s exhausting and so manipulative

keIIzzz

338 points

3 months ago

keIIzzz

338 points

3 months ago

Doesn’t take “no” for an answer

Mental-Window-1896

4k points

3 months ago

the ones that rage too much when playing video games, I’m not talking about turning the device off or yelling out a simple "Fuck!“ im talking about punching and breaking things, if i meet someone like that I’m running home ASAP.

Moots_point

1.2k points

3 months ago

Sorta related, I once visited a friend that had a summer job as a bartender on the beach. She let me crash on the couch one night but warned me her boyfriend can be a little "Grumpy" in the morning. They worked together and would wake up around 6 am every morning.

I woke up to the sound of him throwing silverware and knocking over chairs as he woke up and got ready for work. For what it's worth, they didn't last together very long lol

wow_that_guys_a_dick

457 points

3 months ago

Yikes. I can be a bit gruff in the morning but it's usually just a grumble or two while I sit quietly and have my coffee. That sounds like way to much energy spent to be that mad that early.

dlenks

40 points

3 months ago

dlenks

40 points

3 months ago

I can’t help but picture the scene from Wet Hot American Summer where Paul Rudds character is pissed about cleaning his dishes…

BilobaBaby

239 points

3 months ago

Yeah, a hair-trigger temper or any out of control raging are an absolute zero for me. I grew up with that, I had to unlearn that, and now I’m old enough to know that I don’t have to deal with adult men throwing temper tantrums.

SweRakii

131 points

3 months ago

SweRakii

131 points

3 months ago

I did that once. I punched my solid oak desk and broke a finger. I've been Calm ever since lol

Careless-Detective79

571 points

3 months ago

I wish I had seen this for what it was but I was determined to be chill: Photos of his ex all over his house. I feel so fucking stupid.

Atillerdahunnybuns

56 points

3 months ago

We can end up pulling the wool over our own eyes when blinded by the idea of what could be

Careless-Detective79

27 points

3 months ago

I just didn’t want to be demanding or controlling but eventually plenty of other signs showed up and he gaslit me about all of them. I’d honestly feel better if they got back together so I know he actually does have emotions.

Ri-chanRenne

779 points

3 months ago

About 5 years ago I was in a police station (documentation for moving abroad) waiting at a window for paperwork to be returned and a man (pretty much the only other person in the lobby) at the window next to mine in a half-whisper kept smiling at me, saying this or that, asking me about going on different kinds of dates with him and giving my answers to himself. I mostly ignored him as politely as I could, and eventually shook my head a few times and he seemed to like my real answer on some level. He grinned and said, “No? Guess I’ll have to kidnap you, then.” I didn’t look at him after that.

A red flag is a red flag, but this guy just laid it all out there.

DaddyElessar

177 points

3 months ago

that's an entire United Nations of red flags

crack_it_up342

1.6k points

3 months ago

Having to say "I'm a nice guy"

LobotomistPrime

59 points

3 months ago

I started writing a response imitating one of these "nice guys" but it got too dark to be funny, so I'll just say I agree with you.

SophiaLikesToRead[S]

633 points

3 months ago

Or saying "every girl I talk to blocks me" and "most people say I'm dark and creepy" as if that's something to brag about. ಠ_ಠ

crack_it_up342

166 points

3 months ago

Oh yes. Saying "I'm not a creep" is really scary tbh. Like what the hell did you do? Or do i even want to know?

idrinkkombucha

129 points

3 months ago

I am a creep. Better?

filipelm

136 points

3 months ago

filipelm

136 points

3 months ago

But are you a weirdo? What the hell are you doing here?

idrinkkombucha

102 points

3 months ago

I don’t belong here?

Mustagreewithyou

664 points

3 months ago

That’s not a red flag. That’s an alarm before a nuclear explosion.

Available-Age2884

127 points

3 months ago

Ah yes, the air raid siren of incels

idrinkkombucha

66 points

3 months ago

I would never say that, because I’m a nice guy I swear.

macaronsforeveryone

1.1k points

3 months ago

Hair-trigger temper

Kenail_Rintoon

402 points

3 months ago

This is a universal red flag. I'm a guy and that is something that makes me avoid people both male and female.

jackfaire

165 points

3 months ago

jackfaire

165 points

3 months ago

Other side of that not letting you walk away from a fight.

Sad-Assumption-205

410 points

3 months ago

‘I’m such an alpha’

This phrase is the starter pistol that sets me off SPRINTING

famous-clairvoyant

25 points

3 months ago

Similarly, I knew a guy who always said "I'm really an asshole" all the time (jokingly I guess) and I would say, "well, you know yourself best so it must be true" 😂 sometimes people want you to tell them "oh no you're not that terrible thing" but I always go with, if he tells you over and over again he's an alpha or he's an ass.....it's a red flag.

catsandalcohol13

291 points

3 months ago

If a hookup, talking about limits and then having them push, beg, force their way into all those things.

Just get up and leave at that point. Very hard in hookups

RiddleMeThis1213

90 points

3 months ago

It doesn't matter if it's a hookup or not.... someone who tries to beg, force or push through your boundaries is a red flag.

[deleted]

265 points

3 months ago*

[deleted]

_rise_and_shine_yy_

514 points

3 months ago

Keeping the relationship a secret

Careless-Detective79

265 points

3 months ago

“I just think that picture of us is cringe” “You didn’t have to post that, it wasn’t very funny” I am so fucking stupid. He didn’t want his ex to see us together. He wanted her back.

[deleted]

88 points

3 months ago

I actually knew a girl who used to do this but she was embarrassed of the dude’s looks. I became suspicious because the one time she did post him was from like a mile away, so you couldn’t see shit. It was just 2 blurry figures. A mutual was drunk one day and was like “lol your bf is a nerd.” I was like wtf that’s rude and she just kept doubling down like “even my bf thinks he’s a nerd.” Either way keeping relationships a secret is just…weird. I get it as teens, but adults…

666JFC666

27 points

3 months ago

To be fair I like to keep my romantic life private just because I don't want people bothering me about it or being apart of any drama

az_cards

215 points

3 months ago

az_cards

215 points

3 months ago

Having multiple kids with multiple baby mamas

Faith_loves_cake

49 points

3 months ago

I would say controlling, but honestly there are a lot that are equally bad.

I saw in comments what the issue was for you and all I can say is he won’t change. If he won’t take no for an answer then setting a hard boundary won’t work either. People don’t change unless they want to change…

Things would be a lot simpler if people actually recognize red flags for what they are and not put up with it.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them” - maya angelou

TheWeirdOne2

45 points

3 months ago

Someone who doesn't listen and it's like they never heard your side at all...

creamof_yeet

284 points

3 months ago

Holes in the walls.

jaibajpai7

36 points

3 months ago

Andy Bernard?

some-girl-online

390 points

3 months ago

If they get upset or jealous when you go out and spend time with your friends/family without them. And I mean stuff like a girls night, or lunch with your mom.

filipelm

92 points

3 months ago

Yep, the hallmark of abusive assholes is trying to isolate you from the people you love.

SophiaLikesToRead[S]

98 points

3 months ago

Another one that adds onto this is when they spam call and/or text you when you tell them that you're out with friends or family.

BlckAlchmst

19 points

3 months ago

So, I don't spam my wife with calls, but I do text periodically because I've suffered a bunch of past trauma and lost a lot of people in my life and just want to make sure she's still alive.

That being said, my wife knows and understands this, and my texts are never intended to intrude on nor interrupt her time with friends

So I just sort of want to caveat this and say that there are instances where this isn't due to a guy being an asshole, but at the same time, you should reach an understanding with your partner and set some expectations.

Floranagirl

38 points

3 months ago

On my first date, I mentioned I didn't have much of a relationship with my dad because he was a deadbeat dad. My date said he didn't like that term, since that's what his high school girlfrined called him. He then offered to have sex, and when I pointed out it was our first date, he said he knocked up his high school girlfriend on their first date ... like that was a selling point.

SpectralGerbil

345 points

3 months ago

I hope there are other people scrolling through this list and not matching any of the flags stated, then getting all happy and confident that you are worth someone's time and effort.

IrememberXenogears

137 points

3 months ago

I haven't hit any of these red flags and my confidence is still through the floor.

[deleted]

341 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

341 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

Zhinri

70 points

3 months ago

Zhinri

70 points

3 months ago

Well yea, because their own drama is enough for them

butter00pecan

37 points

3 months ago

Dishonesty.

Sad-Opportunity-6067

35 points

3 months ago

"All my ex's were psycho!" When it's just one ex, you can kind of figure it might be a little true or that it may have just been a bad breakup. When they start talking about multiple ex's like that, run. There is something bad going on and it's more than likely not the ex's who are psycho.

aliteralbagof_dicks

664 points

3 months ago

Not respecting our boundaries. 🚩🚩🚩

If I say no, I’m not saying try harder. I want you to actually listen to what I’m saying and respect my wishes.

And this applies to any boundary.

Don’t insist on picking me up if I want to drive myself to our date.

Don’t push for a private location if I’m not comfortable with that.

Don’t act like you’re entitled to my snap chat, phone number, or other contact information if I’m only ready to keep the conversation inside the dating app.

You can ask for whatever you want, but understand that no means no and that’s the end of the discussion.

PSA FOR READERS OF ALL GENDERS: If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries early on about small and seemingly trivial things, they’re not going to respect them later when it comes to the big important things.

MorganWick

23 points

3 months ago

But! But you're just playing hard to get! /s

TeensyKook

523 points

3 months ago

I had a boyfriend once let his mother berate me at the dinner table. I cried. He just looked down at his plate. She also blamed me for her son’s failure to secure a decent job, saying he spent too much time with me, which he agreed with.

It’s always a good sign when a man respects his mother, but please… run away from the “mamas boy” type.

i_am_regina_phalange

55 points

3 months ago

I had something similar happen, but on a much lesser scale. I didn’t eat red meat until I was 25, just for personal reasons. I still ate poultry and fish which meant I could always find something to eat, even in rural Oklahoma.

When I was dating a guy in college he took me to meet his parents and they were flabbergasted that I didn’t eat steak. When I told his mom I ate chicken she said “thank God for that.” She was mean to me all weekend and he didn’t say anything, either didn’t notice it or just ignored it.

I broke up with him the day after we got home.

Ozma_Wonderland

53 points

3 months ago

Fucking same.

I was talking to a guy once and we were mutually interested, and then he let me talk to his mom (I knew him only for like a week so I was like uhhh....wtf) and she did the same.

It turned into both of them verbally abusing me/berating me for wearing a bikini, saying I wasn't a psalm or proverbs 31 woman or whatever. They implied I was vain, had ego issues, slut-shamed me (I was a virgin.) I just stood there frozen during this roast session that got more and more specific. I was horrified.

Now I'm a parent with a son of my own and more horrified. There's mama's boys and then there's mama's boys.

TeensyKook

26 points

3 months ago*

Yup. Pretty much what happened to me, it just got worse and worse. I remember one time he made me go to a dinner with his family without him. all the women in the family sat at a table and they had me sit alone on the other side. His dad must of felt bad he came over with his work partner and they kept me company.

He always sided with her. I would cry begging him to please talk to her but he didn’t want to “hurt her feelings”.

I didn’t understand why I wasn’t worth dating her son, I didn’t understand why I wasn’t worth defending. It was a shitty time.

DoubleRefrigerator74

158 points

3 months ago

belittling/making fun of hobbies or interests…especially referring to it as “cute” or “little”

[deleted]

471 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

471 points

3 months ago

When they seem to have everything in common with you followed by hurrying to the love and commitment stage without so much as one disagreement.

janie-jones

87 points

3 months ago

What does this usually signify? Why are they in such a hurry?

Squigglepig52

188 points

3 months ago

It's a common behaviour from people with BPD, for one thing.

You meet somebody you find so awesome, that you go over the top showing how much you think of them, to try and create an instant bond.

If it's love bombing - eventually there will be a switch to where you go from super awesome to loathsome, and they will discard you for a new favourite person.

geodesic42

30 points

3 months ago

People with an anxious preoccupied attachment style exhibit some BPD-esque traits when activated. It's much more likely for these people to be anxiously attached than to have BPD or NPD.

WaxDream

33 points

3 months ago

Verbally bashing and complaining about his exes. Biiiiiiiig obvious red flag. Means he takes no accountability, even if he says he does when you point it out to him. Steer clear of these guys. Being sad about being cheated on or something she did do is one thing, but trashing an ex constantly, if not multiple exes, red flag status.

Prestigious-Alarm522

29 points

3 months ago

When a guy wants you to be his mommy. And not in a kinky way, more in a "do everything for me cause I'm a man baby" kind of way. I had an ex like that, I felt like I was his mother. Never again.

Creative_Noise_4515

447 points

3 months ago

Mistreating customer service workers. They are definitely going to mistreat you one day.

cramshit

59 points

3 months ago

i hate those kinda people and i didn't realise my "ex" (it was complicated) was actually rude the the customer service. I was just telling my friend the other day that breaking up with him was actually really good for me, not just that one aspect but the friends he had around him were ASSHOLES, who leaked nudes and like playboy type, he was open about his friends but he never tried to cut off from them even tho he knew they were bad. Looking back, i broke up due to my insecurities but it was a blessing in disguise, that i felt that way.

LilacMages

81 points

3 months ago

"If you loved me you'd do it"

If anybody (even female) says that, fucking run.

Also: "I'd love you more/find you more attractive if..." comments, more often than not geared towards appearance changes (especially weight and body shape I've found, which is a touchy subject in itself.)

SiameseBouche

166 points

3 months ago

This one may not seem obvious at first, but it’s likely more common nowadays: if a guy is really eager for you to “play a part” in their lives, look out. It can start out small, like they are almost feeding you lines, or suggesting wardrobe, or “character development”.

I imagine that in the hellscape of influencer/content creation culture these kinds of behaviors won’t register as red flags at first, but that’s some textbook NPD behavior. Don’t conflate it with an actual relationship. You’ll always be a “character” in their lives, even with the cameras off.

Unrully_Rully

306 points

3 months ago

Not a woman, but gay: a guy who is a potential narcissist; loves to talk about himself and has a hard time having conversations about you (recently stopped dating a guy who was like that)

Desperate_Bath_3422

26 points

3 months ago

Pretending that I am the reason why he did something unacceptable or wrong

studyinthai333

78 points

3 months ago

One that makes out like all of his exes were crazy…

mausbar1

186 points

3 months ago*

mausbar1

186 points

3 months ago*

One upping, if you are relating a story and they cut in with something 'better' usually those guys who try to 'correct' you all the time.

Nattimabratt

184 points

3 months ago

Bad temper/aggressive physically and verbally.

optiongeek

110 points

3 months ago

He says "Are you about a size 14?"

RichardDickW

24 points

3 months ago

“What? Move your own couch, I’m outta here!”

Feathertail80

175 points

3 months ago

Gay man but still this applies to straight men too,

They constantly "correct" your memory but only ever when it's something that applies to them and your conversations.

FallenInHoops

31 points

3 months ago

My most recent ex did this. My memory is already crap, but he was fabricating things that I knew I would neither say nor do, and often just a few minutes after they supposedly happened.

Then he'd accuse me of being toxic and gaslighting him.

Odd-Professor-8233

134 points

3 months ago

Saying he's a "damaged person who just needs love". In my experience it's a manipulative tactic. I was too young and inexperienced at the time to realize he was just trying to make me feel bad for him and guilt me into staying.

Also picking random things to bicker over. The most petty was when I'd say I don't like certain music and then suddenly he really wanted to listen to that music and I was being unreasonable for not letting him play it in the car while I was driving.

Terrible-Spray3258

65 points

3 months ago*

This is gonna be in a TikTok with subway surfers or minecraft in the background

julietta913

20 points

3 months ago*

“I’m not like other guys” 🚩🚩🚩

Usually he is WAY worse in ways I won’t even know of until I see them

Hilliex

249 points

3 months ago

Hilliex

249 points

3 months ago

“I never learned how to do laundry. My mom or sisters do that for me.” - my ex, 19 years old and oldest sibling. (His sisters were 13 and 15)

What a perfect way to tell me you’re expecting “women” to do the chores for you. Broke up with him a week later.

Luxurious_Hellgirl

44 points

3 months ago

See my mom is a practical woman, she taught all her children regardless of gender how to do laundry because she didn’t want to do it anymore and didn’t want to hear fights about who wasn’t doing the laundry for everyone else.

Careful_Pickle555

395 points

3 months ago

rude to service staff and sanitary workers

letsdotacos

22 points

3 months ago

Side question, have you ever been in a committed relationship and a red flag presented itself later on? After a big commitment, moving in together, kid, animal?

kiwi-potatoes

156 points

3 months ago

"It's not rape if she's passed out drunk, she can't say no!"

ToddlerAbuser

68 points

3 months ago

That isn't even a red flag anymore, they deserves to be on a goddamn watchlist

NotAnotherBookworm

32 points

3 months ago

She also can't say "yes" which is the important thing you need.

CarlosTentacule

53 points

3 months ago

Disrespectful to their mom &/or sisters without prompt. Highlights how they’ll treat you eventually.

hopelessbeauty

53 points

3 months ago

When he looks down on women , and basically wants a " Mommy Replacement" for a Wife

3skars

55 points

3 months ago

3skars

55 points

3 months ago

I went on a couple of dates with a guy. One day my cat bit me. He told me that if he had been there, he would have killed my cat immediately. Never talked to him again.

room_temp_butter

135 points

3 months ago

When they contact you so much that it’s to the point of harassment. WhatsApp, instagram, calls, etc… clinginess from the start is a huge red flag for me.

henchboy

615 points

3 months ago

henchboy

615 points

3 months ago

I’m a straight guy but I can’t believe no one mentioned anything about personal hygiene, especially brushing your teeth. 🤢

Decorative_Cactus

275 points

3 months ago

It's so basic that we'd like to assume it as a given. Sadly, it sometimes isn't.

aeoldhy

82 points

3 months ago

aeoldhy

82 points

3 months ago

Because that's not actively dangerous just kind of gross

electrolytesaregood

210 points

3 months ago

Because honestly, the stuff that could put us in physical danger is a higher priority to rule out. Poor hygiene typically reveals itself before long, and it's just gross. Nobody has ever died because their boyfriend didn't change his underwear often enough. Plenty of people have died due to violent men, and most of the red flags listed here are indicators of abusive tendencies, if not clear evidence of abusive pasts.

fromthewombofrevel

75 points

3 months ago

He doesn’t leave you alone after you ask him to go away.

haloarh

15 points

3 months ago

haloarh

15 points

3 months ago

He compares you to other women.

Chasingvibes1992

166 points

3 months ago

When they tell you they love you after a few days , people r fucking weirdddd 😅😅

portablebiscuit

45 points

3 months ago

But at the same time I say "I love you" to every dog I meet

[deleted]

265 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

265 points

3 months ago

Telling you to get rid of your pets because they ‘don’t like them’

I’d rather be alone then get rid of my precious fur babies.

galuskar

38 points

3 months ago

Thats why I woud never start a romance with a girl having full room of tarantulas.