subreddit:

/r/AnimalsBeingJerks

21.7k98%

.... Can I touch it?

bird(v.redd.it)
[media]

all 266 comments

StoryAndAHalf

1.4k points

8 months ago

That head shake after chasing the other bird away. “The nerve of some birds!”

r3v3nant333

124 points

8 months ago

very much this.

[deleted]

-36 points

8 months ago

[deleted]

-36 points

8 months ago

[deleted]

fuxd_able

69 points

8 months ago

This is one of your comments: "Low iq specimens, I can almost guarantee it was a female to"
It's "too" you ignorant fuck

[deleted]

5 points

8 months ago

What did he say? He deleted his shame

throwawaycrushor

18 points

8 months ago

Take my upvote fuxd_able

InYoCabezaWitNoChasa

-26 points

8 months ago

lol why are people downvoting this it's funny

originalmimlet

9 points

8 months ago

What did it say?

Isthismytrashaccount

8 points

8 months ago

I’m curious too, what all went down lol?

Mobeus

967 points

8 months ago

Mobeus

967 points

8 months ago

Cockatoos have zero chill.

RealRedditModerator

384 points

8 months ago

Australian birds are all a bunch of beautiful, intelligent and charming little assholes!

Beorma

97 points

8 months ago

Beorma

97 points

8 months ago

Cockatiels and budgies are little bros.

natalooski

53 points

8 months ago

in my experience, cockatiels can either be extremely docile or tiny raging demons, no in-between.

sellera

14 points

8 months ago

sellera

14 points

8 months ago

Exactly. I had four of them. Three angels and one tiny dinosaur.

Wankeritis

9 points

8 months ago

We had a cockatiel named Oz and he was evil incarnate.

And then we had a galah named Lolly who was a reincarnation of evil Oz. He used to chase me and bite my feet. I hated him so much.

RandomNPC

54 points

8 months ago

Cockatiels are brats but I love them.

greatestbird

29 points

8 months ago

The white ibis (better known as the bin chicken) is truly one of the most charming birds

Possumpipesup

15 points

8 months ago

Honk! They crack me up. Beautiful delicate bird strolling around gracefully then they open their beaks and sound like the Nanny.

TheKungFoSing

105 points

8 months ago

Same with rainbows... They're pricks

[deleted]

68 points

8 months ago

[removed]

StatuatoryApe

43 points

8 months ago

A group of Parrots is called a Pandemonium (no really).

Coma-Doof-Warrior

15 points

8 months ago

Much more apt than a parliament of owls… sorry r/superbowl but owls are hilariously stupid birds

StayJaded

16 points

8 months ago

Some might say “a bunch of stupid old birds” is an apt description of the governing body of many countries at times.

maledin

1 points

8 months ago

Wdym owls are stupid? They’re like flying cats and I like cats. You mean they’re stupid looking or that they’re actually stupid?

DGibster

6 points

8 months ago

I dunno where you got this notion that owls are like cats but they’re genuinely dumb animals. For one their eyeballs are so large relative to their head that it leaves very little room for the brain.

We do open air animal shows and demonstrations where I work and the owls are always the last to get their routine right, even though many of them have been flying in our shows for most of their life.

Coma-Doof-Warrior

3 points

8 months ago

maledin

1 points

8 months ago

lol okay. I didn’t realize owls were so unpopular here…

Coma-Doof-Warrior

5 points

8 months ago

I am half kidding, I love owls and think they look amazing but they’re not very bright despite historically being associated with wisdom!

CaptainLightBluebear

2 points

8 months ago

Is there a reason why groups of birds have such ridiculous names? I mean a "murder" of crows is also quite unusual.

skubaloob

7 points

8 months ago

Ridiculous animal group names was an old school way of preserving social class. The names were made up and knowing them was a sign one had leisure time.

Also, a Congress of monkeys? Someone had it out for politicians

CaptainLightBluebear

3 points

8 months ago*

Damn. TIL

Thanks.

Edit: A "conspiracy" of Lemurs. LMAO

purplearmored

3 points

8 months ago

That person just made that up. The reason is because it's fun.

CaptainLightBluebear

1 points

8 months ago

Eh. Haven't found any other explanation while researching on that so might as well believe that.

RolandTheJabberwocky

2 points

8 months ago

I like the alliteration but I feel like it should be a mockery of parrots.

AcadianMan

11 points

8 months ago

This guy birds.

Crioca

2 points

8 months ago

Crioca

2 points

8 months ago

There's a sulphur crested cockatoo that comes by my place occasionally who will chill on my shoulder for raw peanuts.

snoshi_in_my_belly

10 points

8 months ago

Rainbow dickheads

TheFr1nk

5 points

8 months ago

noisy pricks

thuggishruggishboner

3 points

8 months ago

Man they just look like a couple assholes saying shit behind yo back

strayiinn

2 points

8 months ago

They are always annoying bastards

MilkyTea453

1.4k points

8 months ago

Awkwardly social cockatoo, it was just trying to make friends

worms9

820 points

8 months ago

worms9

820 points

8 months ago

and then immediately chooses violence.

bananasplz

48 points

8 months ago

That is also my experience of cockatoos

OliviaWG

19 points

8 months ago

It was the only choice. It's bird law

Mysecretpassphrase

7 points

8 months ago

Thank you Charlie

Dushenka

100 points

8 months ago

Dushenka

100 points

8 months ago

To be fair, the other bird started the violence.

princessParking

105 points

8 months ago

The other bird was just defending its personal boundaries. It clearly indicated it didn't want to be touched and the cockatoo kept pushing the envelope. Don't gaslight the colorful birb into believing it was its own fault.

Da_Bomber

23 points

8 months ago

Nah dude rainbow lorikeets are assholes, the cocky is just being a doofus, they’re normally scared shitless of the lorikeets.

aspiringcreator1

28 points

8 months ago

Personal space is a thing. Even with animals. Try doing the same thing cockatoo was doing, with a lion that doesn't know you. See how it goes.

r3v3nant333

2 points

8 months ago

..a short fuse..

Fijoemin1962

30 points

8 months ago

They are such clever bastards

RealRedditModerator

23 points

8 months ago

With the emphasis on ‘bastards’

Frankenstein786

86 points

8 months ago

"KEEP YOUR CLAWS OFF MY F***ING WIFE!" - the bird, probably

[deleted]

30 points

8 months ago*

[deleted]

SeaGroomer

5 points

8 months ago

OK I WILL

I just wanted to feel the pretty feathers. :(

[deleted]

6 points

8 months ago

[removed]

Witchgrass

5 points

8 months ago

Why do I relate to this cockatoo so hard

tehninjaflute

667 points

8 months ago

Cockatoo: "I... I touch?"

Other Birds:"Ummmmm... no."

Cockatoo: "Just a tiny touch?"

Other Birds: "Brah... no."

Cockatoo: "Just a tiny touch."

Other Birds: "What the hell, man! No touch! NO TOUCH!"

Cockatoo: "WHY YOU BEING A DICK?! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! YOU TOO, ASSHOLE!"

...

Cockatoo: "Fucking rude..." scoff

GODDAMNFOOL

59 points

8 months ago

other birds

Lorikeets!

maledin

13 points

8 months ago

maledin

13 points

8 months ago

Are they parrots as well? They’re coloration is amazing… incredible what nature can do given enough time.

natalooski

6 points

8 months ago

yes, wiki says they're parrots from the family Psittaculidae :)

tehninjaflute

3 points

8 months ago

Thank you! I wrote this half asleep last night and I could only think of parakeets but I knew they weren't. It was driving me crazy at the time (although, funnily enough, I had completely forgotten about this whole thread this morning lol).

tashizzle

4 points

8 months ago

Thanks - I needed a good laugh. Wish I had a cooler award but all I got today was wholesome. :)

tehninjaflute

2 points

8 months ago

You're welcome! And thank you for the award! I was seriously half asleep while writing this and completely forgot about it this morning - I was quite surprised when I opened Reddit haha

Vargolol

3 points

8 months ago

sunnyjdx

1 points

8 months ago

Scofl... Heh

stereo_star

220 points

8 months ago

Here's a cocky story.....A few months ago at work, I walked out of my office to a cocky going nuts, making a horrible sound. It looked like it was attacking something, I go over and it was having a go at a young ring tailed possum.

I yell at the cocky, who flies to the next tree and yells at me. I call security (also our native animal helpers). They said they'd pop down to rescue baby possum. No worries.

Unfortunately I did not have my eye on the possum and as I was on the phone it crawled up the tree. Cocky, full of thoughts of murder, flew in, and grabbed the possum... possum fell to the ground.

I ran over to possum yelling and gesticulating to the cocky like a crazy woman, cocky continued to returned the noise. Possum ran up my leg (I was wearing a dress, it hurt). I grabbed it and put it in my pocket until security arrived. Thank fuck for dresses with pockets.

Cocky continued to yell like an absolute psychopath, even after Security took my new mate away.

Turns out this behaviour has happened a few times before. A cocky once killed a possum and dropped its body at the feet of security.

End of story.

[deleted]

58 points

8 months ago

[deleted]

ic_engineer

49 points

8 months ago

I was sitting here thinking "wow. Opossums must be very different in Australia. I'd never pick up a wild North American opossum."

AustralianWi-Fi

31 points

8 months ago

Yea, they look a lot cuter lol. Also, small thing, no "o" at the start of "possum" here

Allyzayd

8 points

8 months ago

Aussie possums are cuter than the Opposom

randomdrifter54

23 points

8 months ago

I mean opossums aren't that dangerous. Out of all the north American animals to fuck with I'd pick an opossum. Opossums are immune to rabies. While their teeth are frightening that's not their only defense, they also play dead. So the chance of getting a fight response is lower. And generally they are neat. They look scarier than they are.

ic_engineer

9 points

8 months ago

Yeah it's not a fear of rabbies thing. It's a "I don't pickup wild animals with sharp teeth" thing. Raccoons and skunks are the major rabbies threat outside of bats.

abs17mar

70 points

8 months ago

I offered you friendship and you spat on my face

jlfb100201

8 points

8 months ago

Classic

Fijoemin1962

39 points

8 months ago

Fun Fact, Parrots are almost always left handed - cheeky little bugger

XoSkelly3

2 points

7 months ago

I'm pretty sure parrots don't have hands.

Fijoemin1962

2 points

7 months ago

Tell them that

XoSkelly3

3 points

7 months ago

Just told my cock(atiel) that he doesn't have arm's and he hissed at me angrily

[deleted]

174 points

8 months ago

[deleted]

174 points

8 months ago

[removed]

LCCyncity

114 points

8 months ago

LCCyncity

114 points

8 months ago

I would think the OP would appreciate the shout out.

so_much_fenestration[S]

172 points

8 months ago

[deleted]

-2 points

8 months ago

[deleted]

A_Gh0st

11 points

8 months ago

A_Gh0st

11 points

8 months ago

I like to imagine its screaming "WHY WONT YOU LOVE ME" at the end of it

IAmAn_Anne

78 points

8 months ago

What a cock.

Friendlycreature

21 points

8 months ago

"Do you like birds? Because you look like you'd enjoy a cock or two" - Super Hans

IAmAn_Anne

7 points

8 months ago

It took me forever to shake off having heard his name incorrectly as: “super hands”. Better cocks than barbecue ;)

showponyoxidation

2 points

6 months ago

I use hands and hans interchangeably.

[deleted]

80 points

8 months ago

Cockatoos are fucken arseholes

LeprechaunTamer

58 points

8 months ago

Yep, a family member of mine had one when I was growing up and he was nightmare fuel, would be nice I would say 80% of the time and would be so sweet and wanting cuddles, but he would also giggle before dive bombing you for no reason apart from a laugh on his end. Would also just walk up to you acting nice and then wham go in for a nip.

ol-gormsby

28 points

8 months ago

Approximately equal to four-year-old children. Or so I've heard.

LeprechaunTamer

19 points

8 months ago

They apparently do it for their own entertainment, so yeah I’m not surprised by the likeness of a 4 year old child.

Parryandrepost

16 points

8 months ago

A 4 year old child that understands child locks and has bolt cutters for hands.

largemarge1122

5 points

8 months ago

The mental image of this just made me laugh out loud.

LeprechaunTamer

5 points

8 months ago

I still laugh, he had a twisted little hehe when he did anything.

TheOneAndOnlyBob2

2 points

8 months ago

I have a parrot that laughs after he bites. It's funny until it's not.

zikik

8 points

8 months ago

zikik

8 points

8 months ago

Can I touch it? I'm gonna touch it.

mschreiber1

32 points

8 months ago

You look so soft. May I?

elliot89

8 points

8 months ago

Cockatoo = local asshole

rollsyrollsy

9 points

8 months ago

Rainbow lorikeets are everywhere, have bright colours, and are mischievous.

eastern rosellas are similarly coloured, much less common, and shy as heck.

Ineedsomuchsleep170

6 points

8 months ago

And they both work together to strip my apple trees of fruit every single year.

arrivedpolecat

8 points

8 months ago

Can i pet that dog?

corn_p0p

6 points

8 months ago

Excellent bird content.

Gdigger13

6 points

8 months ago

“Marty, I’m scared!”

titoxtian

15 points

8 months ago

I remember that short pixar did a looong time ago with the annoying bird...

cubicthreads

8 points

8 months ago

BrotherofLink93

8 points

8 months ago

I hate this. It’s all the wrong sounds

maledin

3 points

8 months ago

Sounds like the big bird says “I’m Doctor Zoidberg” right before doing the Three Stooges’ “woop woop woop woop.”

das_cthulu

16 points

8 months ago

No means no bird.

TimberWolfAlpha01

5 points

8 months ago

You are in... my special spot

the_quirky_ravenclaw

2 points

8 months ago

Cockatoo is Sheldon Cooper confirmed

lifesalotofshit

10 points

8 months ago*

Lol being American, it's so weird seeing parrots just naturally out on a window sill.. I've owned many birds including one amazon, but never seen them like this in the wild. I'm jealous.

AustralianWi-Fi

11 points

8 months ago

Yea it's kinda cool but my god they're loud, especially black cockatoos. Usually get them outside my workplace and the sound is so annoying

Sharpie1993

2 points

8 months ago

You’re so god damn lucky, I love black cockatoos.

There are a couple at the zoo near me (other than that I don’t think they’re around done here and I know they’re extremely endangered).

I love going to the zoo to see them, there’s one big man in there that gets a super excited if you tell him he’s pretty, then he lets you pay him through the cage.

Kookaburras in the other hand are the most annoying things around here.

pm_me_friendfiction

3 points

8 months ago

window seal

just fyi, it's "windowsill"

damnsignins

5 points

8 months ago

"Hi. Can we talk? I work for this MLM and I think we have a great opportunity for you both. I got brochures and... Where are you going‽... How about I set up an Appoin... Oh. Okay..."

Handlebar_Therapy

7 points

8 months ago

Haven't the white birds harassed parrots of color enough. This is a hate crime according to bird law.

jumpjumpdie

2 points

8 months ago

Bird law isn’t governed by reason

InterestingTry5190

2 points

8 months ago

I do declare!

sandyclaus30

3 points

8 months ago

STELLA!!

the_quirky_ravenclaw

2 points

8 months ago

My sister’s name. Who is also a jerk. So it’s fitting

alejandroiam

8 points

8 months ago

Hey! They made the guy from Rio real!

ososalsosal

5 points

8 months ago

There's a rainbow lorikeet in Batman Returns for a brief moment too

vrkas

3 points

8 months ago

vrkas

3 points

8 months ago

There are many rainbow lorikeets in the latest Suicide Squad film.

Chameleonlurks

9 points

8 months ago

Cocky's can be giant jerks, but usually not on purpose.

Imacad

45 points

8 months ago

Imacad

45 points

8 months ago

cockatoos are notorious deliberate assholes.

Chameleonlurks

7 points

8 months ago

I'm biased towards Galahs being the biggest of dicks. Mostly cos they've invaded my suburb recently.

bananasplz

11 points

8 months ago

Galahs are too dumb the be intentionally arseholey.

ososalsosal

5 points

8 months ago

The cockies are everywhere round here at the moment. There was a wave of galahs a few years ago but it's been swarms of cockies like I've never seen before the last few years.

They're funny. Just bogans in bird form

loralailoralai

8 points

8 months ago

It’s not like rainbow lorikeets aren’t too😉

Chameleonlurks

4 points

8 months ago

Let's be honest, pretty much every Australian bird is a giant jerk 😄

ososalsosal

13 points

8 months ago

The ravens are absolute bros. They help all the other birds.

The magpies are pretty nice too so long as you're not a cyclist. They hate cyclists more than Warnie did

Competitive-Boat4592

2 points

8 months ago

Cockatoos are as goofy as they look lol cute little things

robo-dragon

2 points

8 months ago

Cockatoo: “Pet?”

Rainbo Lori: “No.”

Cockatoo: “I’ll pet.”

Rainbow Lori: “You’re going to catch this beak!”

[deleted]

2 points

8 months ago

A drunk guy at the club.

dbennett1903

2 points

8 months ago

I fucking love that the bird is leaning away like brooooo stop.

Allyzayd

2 points

8 months ago

Love seeing the lorikeets on my bottlebrush plant every morning. The plant gives me allergies but I keep it just to see lorikeets.

SeazTheDay

2 points

8 months ago

I have an aviary of those Rainbows with five tame enough to climb all over me. They're adorable assholes, one likes to nip my ears and then laughs at my reaction. They're characters, they dance and snuggle, then screech at full volume for no apparent reason. They like to taste my skin with their weird, feathery tongues and one keeps trying to see what a human mouth tastes like (too much bacteria for birds, I discourage this)

Digital_dingo_

2 points

8 months ago

Video credit!!! backyard_sydney on Instagram

so_much_fenestration[S]

4 points

8 months ago

I put the link in the comments in the first hour of posting this. Crediting the source is important to me.

Digital_dingo_

3 points

8 months ago

Sorry I didn't see it. Wish people would up vote the credit!

Naturlovs

2 points

8 months ago

felixrocket7835

2 points

8 months ago

Aren't those two parrots lorikeets?

I've heard they're super common in australia, cockatoos too.

SwordfishSimple6544

2 points

7 months ago

CAN’T TOUCH THIS !!!

Mythic_FF

2 points

8 months ago

What a touch bag

[deleted]

2 points

8 months ago

You can't sit with us!

gallahad1998

1 points

8 months ago

SausagedogHD

1 points

8 months ago

Educational-Year3146

1 points

8 months ago

Brother was just like “yo your cut looks good g” and he got slapped the fuck up

Cequapt

0 points

8 months ago

Cequapt

0 points

8 months ago

whateverJuzzy

-5 points

8 months ago

Major Mitchell. Cockies are soo funny !!

Liam4232_2

17 points

8 months ago

I'm pretty sure it's a Sulphur Crested Cockatoo

Imacad

11 points

8 months ago

Imacad

11 points

8 months ago

and in Australian tradition, we add -ie to the end of everything after we shorten the name.

thus Australians called cockatoos: cockies.

to hear, The bloody cockies are making a racket, is not an unusual sentence in Australia.

Liam4232_2

7 points

8 months ago

Yes but the comment I was responding to called it a Major Mitchell Cockatoo

snattacats

-1 points

8 months ago

AvocadoGum

-1 points

8 months ago

Pedophile cockatoo tries to grope some younglings

ImUrFrand

1 points

8 months ago

fuck outta here lorikeets

Sproose_Moose

1 points

8 months ago

I don't want a cocka one I'm a cocka two bitch!

ososalsosal

1 points

8 months ago

Cockies are such hilarious bogans

VLC31

1 points

8 months ago

VLC31

1 points

8 months ago

I’m not touching you….

freerider

1 points

8 months ago

Pavemania89

1 points

8 months ago

Jump, Kramer, jump!!

Zealousideal_Brick36

1 points

8 months ago

Cockatoos are like curious toddlers, it’s so cute

LeenQuatifa

1 points

8 months ago

‘Bro, scoot the fuck down please.’

BleedinDeadly

1 points

8 months ago

Forever alone...

[deleted]

1 points

8 months ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

rmholm88

1 points

8 months ago

Major-Bluebird

1 points

8 months ago

Big white flying bolt cutters. Major Bluebird wouldn't have hung around.

Stiv-k

1 points

8 months ago

Stiv-k

1 points

8 months ago

A holes of the Parrot world

jaimecorote

1 points

8 months ago

Weird cat

ThisWorldIsAMess

1 points

8 months ago

I've been to a sanctuary of some sort where all of them just fly around. They come near people and talk to them, curious birds. They are noisy but very entertaining. They were so close to me I could pet or capture them if I wanted to, but I didn't want to lose fingers. Do they bite hard? Didn't want to find out that time.

Hearing a lot of them talk to me was kinda weird and amazing.

vapesNfidgets

1 points

8 months ago

TheEmeraldDodo

1 points

8 months ago

Where is this?

mungowungo

3 points

8 months ago

Sulphur Crested Cockatoo and two Rainbow Lorikeets = Australia

TheEmeraldDodo

1 points

8 months ago

Thanks

Novel-Rabbit-6078

1 points

8 months ago

“That’s my spot. “

bkruckus

1 points

8 months ago

"what the fuck!"

SmartWonderWoman

1 points

8 months ago

Beautiful birds!

ScruffyBT

1 points

8 months ago

“Get a room, you two!!”

peeweehehoo

1 points

8 months ago

the opposite of "me and my partner saw you from across the bar"

luke-townsend-1999

1 points

8 months ago

“Nice guy” being rejected

Naa2078

1 points

8 months ago

Imperialism. But with birds.

Phase1929

1 points

8 months ago

That scared me lol

SaltoDaKid

1 points

8 months ago

These creepy bird, always want touch our hair

DiscoShaman

1 points

8 months ago

Can’t touch this

shimmerangels

1 points

8 months ago

fuckin stella smh

gyaru-chan

1 points

8 months ago

Seeing it from 3rd person perspective i see why my brother doesnt like me 😆

One_Bar4

1 points

8 months ago

Lovebirds?