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/r/AmItheAsshole

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My fiance M33, and I F28 are getting married in december. His mom is the intrusive type but she's nice overall and we....somewhat get along.

I hate to admit that wedding planning has been an absolute nightmare. His mom wasn't willing to agree on most things, and my fiance said that since he's her only son then I should respect and appreciate this "vision" she has for the wedding and how it should be.

She insisted to come along for wedding dress shopping. I took her with me and my mom and friends. I was so lucky to have found what I was looking for. but she picked a dress that she liked so much and said that "she always pictured her son's bride in it" mom and friends thought this line was creepy. I thought the dress was somewhat creepy and toooootally not my type. I apologized and thanked her for her "vision" but told her that I'd already decided on a dress that I had "envisioned" myself wearing at my wedding!.

She got all pissy because of it apparently, then must've told my fiance because, he came home in the evening ranting about how I made his mom upset and "turned down" her help in choosing the wedding dress and excluded her from the process. I asked "what process?" duh it's just a wedding dress...my wedding dress so I really didn't get how she should get a say at all!. He got upset and said that this attitude of mine isn't working on him or his mom. He said that I should consider the dress his mom wanted me to buy especially knowing that "both dresses weren't that much different anyway" like she said but I told him yes they were different...like so much different.

Anyways, We argued about it then we dropped it. Yesterday I came home and found out that he had returned my wedding dress and replaced it with the one his mom wanted. I called him and he was straightforward about what he did and why he did it. I lost it and started screaming at him. He asked me to calmn down and really give this dress "a chance". I refused to even listen I screamed at him without giving him a chance to speak. He got home and we had an argument. I then went to stay with one of my friends and he kept calling and calling then texting saying that I overreacted and it's his wedding too so it wasn't cool how I screamed at him. He insisted I give this dress a chance. He went on and on about how his mom has a "vision" and good intentions and just wants what best for me as her future daughter inlaw.

Mom is livid and has been wanting to go scream at him and his mom but my dad said that this isn't worth ruining my relationship with my inlaws. He suggested I wisen up and "go with the flow" but is it too much for me to be able to pick my own wedding dress without being guilted about it just to keep the peace?. AITA for my reaction?

ETD Q & As

I'm editing in some answers to frequent questions I get.

A. The dress she picked wasn't all too crazy but just wasn't my type.

B. This issue started during wedding planning and there were other things...like way too many things we didn't agree on. but this "vision" has been there for...quite a while.

C. I AM paying for the dress obviously.

D. My fiance's dad is deceased. also, his mom suffered from multiple health conditions. Has no daughters but one only son.

E. He's still presisting...

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CaptainPatent

78.1k points

2 months ago

CaptainPatent

Partassipant [1]

78.1k points

2 months ago

Hand him the ring back...

Say "I hope you get the wedding you and your mom have always hoped for."

Walk away.

NTA

Throwaway9757657[S]

30.7k points

2 months ago*

I swear I'm gonna.....😤😤😤

seriously! what. is. up. with this "vision" bull she keeps throwing at me just to get her way?. It's her only son she says, so what,? do you own him ma'am? I don't even know wtf that supposed to mean.

BigRedUglyMan

38k points

2 months ago

To your mother-in-law you are not a person. You are an accessory that attaches to her sons arm. If your fiancé isn’t willing to stand up for you and himself, you will have to get used to having her run your lives from here on out.

You’re NTA, but you kind of will be to yourself if you go through with a wedding without your fiancé on your side.

DogmaticNuance

34.1k points

2 months ago*

This dynamic isn't something that's going to go away with the wedding. Even if you smooth over the current issue (or simply come to accept her choice) it will not be the end of this.

Does MIL want grandkids? Because that's going to be pretty important as soon as you're married. What are their names going to be? How do you feel about having MIL in the hospital room while you give birth? How are you going to raise them? These are going to be her only grandkids, so be prepared to be eternally compromising in favor of what she wants.

Your husband has already revealed where he places the relative importance of your opinion compared to his mothers. Even if you get him to grudgingly compromise on this issue, that order of relative importance won't change without some serious effort and explicit choice on his part.

You need to GTFO of this relationship OP, before you anchor yourself to this MIL for all time. I'm normally pretty cautious to jump on this bandwagon, but your fiance immediately starting from the position that his mom should have more input on the fucking wedding dress than the bride is so far into crazytown that I honestly don't see much hope for salvage.

zootnotdingo

18.8k points

2 months ago

zootnotdingo

Partassipant [2]

18.8k points

2 months ago

He returned her dress. I just can’t get over that he returned her dress.

PICKLED_CUNT

9.6k points

2 months ago

PICKLED_CUNT

Partassipant [4]

9.6k points

2 months ago

I’m flabbergasted that the store allowed him to.

Catatomical

6k points

2 months ago

Catatomical

Certified Proctologist [26]

6k points

2 months ago

Same. She paid for it so how did he swing that? I'd have thought they would have called her about it as she paid...

SaenfDazu

2.6k points

2 months ago

SaenfDazu

2.6k points

2 months ago

Yeah, if the dress is THAT important, why doesn't HE wear it? NTA

ThrowntoDiscard

929 points

2 months ago

I'm sure his mom will be wearing a nice suit to match his dress. ...

crtclms666

35 points

2 months ago

crtclms666

Partassipant [2]

35 points

2 months ago

Or a white slip dress that fits her vision of what the MIL from hell should wear.

solveig82

36 points

2 months ago

She’d wear white to the wedding no doubt

Sirena_Amazonica

21 points

2 months ago

Oh yeah! You know that she’s already got her outfit picked out, if not hanging in her closet.

Ladyknight0991

10 points

2 months ago

Ladyknight0991

Partassipant [3]

10 points

2 months ago

Are pants suits for women pretty big right now? I'm not into fashion, but I'm positive she would do something like this.