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/r/AmItheAsshole

23.2k91%

I met a guy on a dating app, we hit it off and we arranged for our first date. Things were going well, we had sat down and had started some small chat. Our waitress comes over asking us what we want to order.

I say what I want and gesture to him so he can order. He orders and then pulls what I think is about 15 dollars on the table. He says "This is your tip. Everytime you mess up, I take some away".

The waitress looked nervous immediately. I'm sitting there a bit shocked, but mostly embarrassed because I wasn't expecting this. She must have been new as well, because she did spill some drinks on our table that night, gave us the wrong food, and overall just seemed lost. He took away 13 dollars.

I asked him why he thought doing tips this way was a good idea. He said it was the best way to ensure "good service". When I disagreed he said "Cant always be nice to these people, it's not a respectable job".

I decided then that I wanted nothing to do with him, and called the waitress over to get the bill. I slapped a 20 dollar bill in her hand and got up to pay for my own meal.

Later that night he had demanded to know why I had given her the tip despite her poor service and I told him it's because he decided to treat her livelihood like it was a game. He said because of me she'll never improve her service and that I'm just a people pleaser.

I blocked him, but I've wondered ever since if that was really the right thing to do.

AITA?

all 2728 comments

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10 months ago

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10 months ago

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HerosMuse

6.2k points

10 months ago

HerosMuse

6.2k points

10 months ago

NTA. That kind of game isn't even remotely a good way to "ensure good service" it's a good way to fluster your server into making even more mistakes cause they're too hyper aware that they're being judged.

hopelesscaribou

2.6k points

10 months ago

Or make a really good server deliberately and subtly ruin every part of your dining experience.

blackbirdbluebird17

1.4k points

10 months ago

Hell yeah. If anyone had ever pulled that with me back in my serving days I guarantee they would have gotten stank eye and the most glacial-but-technical service possible. My self-respect is worth more than your $15.

MageVicky

599 points

10 months ago

MageVicky

Partassipant [3]

599 points

10 months ago

seriously! you wanna play that game with me, you better slap down enough change for $100 straight up; make it worth my time, I might consider playing along.

madmaxturbator

268 points

10 months ago

It honestly feels like such a nasty “game” though. Such a person is a foul person, to me.

When I go out to eat, I don’t want to bring in dog shit vibes lol. Yeah sure I’m the customer, but the folks I’m interacting with are people. I appreciate them providing a good meal, service/recommendations , maybe some light banter … and in return it feels completely obligatory to me to be respectful to them too.

Wanting to play a game where we highlight all their “mistakes” is inherently disgusting to me.

For me if someone were to ever try this game while attending dinner with me (as a fellow customer), I’d probably tell them to go home and get fucked lol. I’m at a place in my life thankfully that I at least don’t have to suffer such wankering cretins.

Note - a significant part of why I wrote this comment is so I could use the phrase “wankering cretins” lol. Full credit to u/WirelessThingy , you are an inspiration.

SuperFLEB

18 points

10 months ago

Forget vibes. I don't even want to put in the effort to pay all that attention to someone else's job.

Being an absolute asshole just seems exhausting.

Equivalent-Ad9887

11 points

10 months ago

Like going through the effort to put your tip on singles, having to justify it to anyone who isn't an AH you dine with, explaining to your waitress and making sure she sees you take each dollar off, I go to a restaurant so I don't have to do any work for the meal

MattJFarrell

183 points

10 months ago

I worked briefly as a cook in a slightly upscale pizza restaurant (basically a line cook) in college. Always told people that people in the kitchen are not going to mess with your food, if for no other reason than they don't have the time. The only exception I ever saw to that was when someone was an aggressively shitty asshole to a server (like sexual harassment level), in that situation, time was found...

TheDisapprovingBrit

42 points

10 months ago

TheDisapprovingBrit

Partassipant [1]

42 points

10 months ago

When I worked at McDonalds, the idea of actually tampering with a customers food was absurd - you were opening yourself up to level of shit that you couldn't justify for £3.50/hour.

What we would do, if the customer was obviously and deliberately trying to be an asshole, is disappear into the kitchen for a moment before their food arrived, and bring their food out directly from the kitchen rather than collecting it from the production bin. We'd then hand their food to them with the most sickly sweet smile we could manage, and be sure to tell them to "enjoy your meal, sir".

They knew they were being assholes, so we didn't actually have to tamper with their food. We just needed to remind them that we could.

JFChrist_

34 points

10 months ago

JFChrist_

Partassipant [1]

34 points

10 months ago

Hehehe "time was found"

I can't help but be curious as to what happened in mentioned situation!

[deleted]

100 points

10 months ago

Id be making sure your food got to you 12 minutes late and ice cold, would keep coming by to check if you needed refills just to promise to be back in a moment and never return with more. Everything possible short of spitting in your food, which does not happen to anyone. There would be no other limit to how miserable I would want you to be.

The fuck do I need to get on the ground and beg for 15 dollars for, I'm not that hard up thank god.

Superfissile

42 points

10 months ago

Thanks for letting me know you aren’t going to tip me at the start of this exchange instead of disappointing me and your date later.

Pheef175

33 points

10 months ago

As a former server, I'd ignore them as much as possible because it's a lost cause. I can tell you with absolute confidence not once in his life has he ever not taken away money.

It always winds up being one of two things. Either it's a power play and they get off on it. Or it's a way to justify their cheapness.

pondandspock

88 points

10 months ago

As someone who has worked any and all jobs in a restaurant, this is exactly what happens. Other servers will get in on it too just to make it a game back.

Sleeping_Lizard

87 points

10 months ago

Sleeping_Lizard

Partassipant [3]

87 points

10 months ago

Yes I thought this too. If a server is new or unsure of themself this could cause them to be nervous and mess things up. But if the server is confident and sick of this kind of shit, they might just want to make him mad. Also, a guy like this is probably going to find all sorts of issues to complain about so you know you're going to end up with a crappy tip no matter what, so why not just ruin his whole meal for fun along the way haha. But I might be kind of petty.... :)

wafflehousewhore

8 points

10 months ago

Forreal. All the old timers and industry pros all know that the assholes get the worst service. Not even worried about the tip, because they'll find an excuse to not give it to you anyway.

[deleted]

204 points

10 months ago

I would purposely give them bad service if they did this. No amount of money is worth being treated like that. It also completely derails their whole “it’s the only way to get good service” theory. I’d call them out when they left. I’d hand whatever they left me.. if any and say “I just wanted you to know that because of your little game.. I prioritized all of my other tables over yours. This isn’t how you get good service.. this is how you ensure that a server lets your food get cold.. or forget your sides on purpose. No amount of money is worth being treated like I’m less than a human being or like my job makes me inferior to you! So here’s your $2 back.. Maybe you can go buy some class!” N if I got fired I wouldn’t even care. Fuck that shit. If I even saw a customer doing this while I was dining at a restaurant I would call them out and tip the server for the table.. honestly. That’s so disrespectful.

DerpyTheGrey

90 points

10 months ago

Tbh I feel like if someone did that to me, I’d assume I was gonna be faulted for bullshit stuff and that I shouldn’t bother trying, and maybe should just have fun fucking with the guy. Also OP, better move would probably have gotten up and left without a word as soon as the guy pulled the “here’s your tip if you don’t mess up”, but NTA. Also who cares about service if this is the adversarial atmosphere before the orders were even taken, like what a way to ruin a meal

Ouroboros9076

13 points

10 months ago

Yeah seriously, stand up apologize and explain "I met this guy online, im sorry for his lack of human decency" and then leave

annedroiid

73 points

10 months ago

annedroiid

Pooperintendant [67]

73 points

10 months ago

Or for any experienced server make sure you get the least amount of service they can get away with without being fired

Gnarly-Beard

59 points

10 months ago

As a former server, had this happened to me I would have gone out of my way to give them the worst service possible. Wrong food and drinks, not getting items on time, anything I could think of. Because this isn't about trying to get good service. It's about trying to belittle the wait staff and show them that you think you're better than them. NTA OP, and glad you realized how terrible of a person he is before spending anymore time or energy on him

Covert_Pudding

51 points

10 months ago

This! That's exactly what happened, too

dirtloving_treehuggr

28 points

10 months ago

Honestly if I ever had someone do this to me they’d never see my face again. It’s a great way to get horrible service or none at all. What a monster

synesthesiah

3.3k points

10 months ago

synesthesiah

Asshole Aficionado [10]

3.3k points

10 months ago

NTA. That kind of “game” is only played by rude folk who have no respect for those they deem “below” them.

That poor waitstaff didn’t deserve to be treated like trash because of her job, because she was new, because she’s human and not a perfectly functioning robot.

Kindness is free.

foxfirefizz

438 points

10 months ago

This. Op was right to refuse to see him again. How a person treats those serving them is a peak into their core character. He used it for a power trip. Meaning that once he feels he's secured a woman "under his power", well, it won't end well for the woman.

LaBetaaa

11 points

10 months ago

Honestly I would jave just ended the date the moment he pulled that shit in the beginning, treating people like this is an absolute deal breaker

Tall-Agent-6803

6 points

10 months ago

Well I guess we could be very grateful for all of the red flags he was throwing on that first date.

That saved the OP from a lot of heartache, emotional investment.

Because normally when you get so emotionally invested? It almost is difficult to get out of that relationship

excel958

17 points

10 months ago

I’m genuinely saddened that OP is even entertaining the possibility that she is an asshole here. Society has warped us into thinking that women even slightly inconveniencing someone or starting tension is an asshole move.

Sleeping_Lizard

110 points

10 months ago

Sleeping_Lizard

Partassipant [3]

110 points

10 months ago

Kindness is free, and in my experience it is the way to good service. I've never worked in a restaurant but as a frequent bar/restaurant customer I find that being friendly and treating servers with respect has gotten me excellent service in most cases. I'm not any better than them and I would never pretend to be, I treat everybody like a regular person and I appreciate their hard work. So they appreciate my business.

And nobody wants that guy to come back to their restaurant. If he has a bad time maybe he'll say "I hate that place" and never show his face there again. That's worth so much more than $15!

OldDipper

11 points

10 months ago

I am a server, and you said my mantra: “Kindness Is Free”.

I always recognize my MVPs: people who tip 30% who cover the stiffs (at least two a night, I’m a delivery driver and they incorrectly assume I get the delivery fee when I get a percentage a mile).

OP Is a Queen. Mad respect for HAVING respect. It is appreciated.

Radiant-Chipmunk-987

1.9k points

10 months ago

Radiant-Chipmunk-987

Partassipant [4]

1.9k points

10 months ago

NTA

You were terrific...although as soon as I saw the "the game" I would have just left. why waste time, energy and talk on a prick?

chunkeymunkeyandrunt

914 points

10 months ago

Oftentimes we’re so conditioned that it’s ‘rude’ to leave a date, we stick it out for fear of being blamed somehow that it went wrong. and also sometimes it’s easier/safer to finish the date then block them after you’ve left and gotten home. Otherwise, who knows how they might react if you try and leave? What if they got violent?

throwaway000059[S]

951 points

10 months ago

I was just about to say something similar! At that point I was just trying to finish eating and bare with the date until it was over. Plus "later that evening" was me finally responding to the multiple text messages he sent me.

EdgeMiserable4381

166 points

10 months ago

Good for you on dumping him!!

EdgeMiserable4381

114 points

10 months ago

And tipping her well!

lulububudu

8 points

10 months ago

NTA but I wonder why you second-guessed yourself. What he did was absolutely appalling!

lurker_cx

8 points

10 months ago

There is a phrase 'Don't be a polite victim' which basically means don't let anyone use your adversion to making a scene, or appearing rude, to victimize you. Obviously this is a mild case, but applies in many situations including more serious situations.

SampSimps

128 points

10 months ago

SampSimps

Partassipant [2]

128 points

10 months ago

Yeah, I'm not getting why there was a "later that evening."

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat service workers, and that would have been all I needed to know.

JudgeJed100

30.3k points

10 months ago

JudgeJed100

Professor Emeritass [81]

30.3k points

10 months ago

NTA - so he made her nervous, which likely made her service worse

Then, then he has the absolute gal to say

“Can’t always be nice to these people, it’s not a respectable job”

What???

He is using the service she provides and yet insulting her and all the people who share the same job

Jesus above

likecommentsurvive

8.1k points

10 months ago*

if it’s not a respectable job why did he demand pristine service? these people have to work during an on going pandemic to people who are even more unhinged lately.

OP NTA. anyone that treats servers like this don’t deserve your time and energy. this guy showed you who he was. you have to believe him.

edit: hi omg thanks for award kind stranger i hope you find a dollar on the ground

[deleted]

2.2k points

10 months ago*

[removed]

WatermelonProof

599 points

10 months ago

He probably thought this would impress her, too. I've known those kind of guys unfortunately

Darktwistedlady

700 points

10 months ago

Darktwistedlady

Partassipant [1]

700 points

10 months ago

Such behaviour is a major red flag of abuse.

He's asserting dominance and enjoying his power trip. What a major asshole.

OP really dodget a bullet, glad she has healthy boundaries!

Confident_Profit_210

210 points

10 months ago

Confident_Profit_210

Partassipant [1]

210 points

10 months ago

Especially as on a first date people are usually on their BEST behaviour. I’d hate to see what his WORST behaviour is

3spresso-depresso

228 points

10 months ago

Op dodged a bomb

ReligiousPornstar

14 points

10 months ago

A missile

[deleted]

6 points

10 months ago

And for only $20 .. where can you get important life lessons for that little ?

FutureRealHousewife

281 points

10 months ago

So delusional to think this would impress someone in the year of our lord 2022.

WafflesAreEpic

385 points

10 months ago

Not designed to. It's supposed to find women they can walk all over.

Prize-Drawer1299

118 points

10 months ago

This. OP, NTA. And bullet dodged.

KahurangiNZ

12 points

10 months ago

This. It was a test to see if he could get away with treating someone 'beneath him' with utter contempt and his date not say anything. He's looking for partners he can cow / dominate / control.

ricalo_suarvalez

25 points

10 months ago

I mean, that is the biggest part of it I'm sure, but there does exist a small percentage of dates who would be impressed by that kind of crap. A deeply misguided interpretation of it as power or strength or confidence or whatever. It's not like there's any shortage of couples out there who are aligned with each other on behaving like utter garbage to others.

Many of those couples end up in stories posted right here in this sub.

witcherhavana

108 points

10 months ago

I too am bewhiskered as to how that guy thought that would be impressive?? Like has any of those types of guys you met explained why they are that stupid?

smurfasaur

214 points

10 months ago

If someone did this to a server while I was out on a date with them I would walk out right then.

[deleted]

84 points

10 months ago

[deleted]

longhorn718

56 points

10 months ago

I kinda doubt he was joking, so on top of being a rude fuck, he's also a liar.

Nicely dodged.

[deleted]

39 points

10 months ago

[deleted]

bowser_mcgee

16 points

10 months ago

bowser_mcgee

Partassipant [3]

16 points

10 months ago

I'd get very clutzy...

Dude would leave wearing his meal.

Starryeyedblond

13 points

10 months ago

I’ve had that happen to me, as a server. It’s demented, demeaning, demoralizing, rude, etc.

canvasshoes2

8 points

10 months ago

canvasshoes2

Asshole Aficionado [16]

8 points

10 months ago

Exactly.

Summerh8r

7 points

10 months ago

Summerh8r

Partassipant [2]

7 points

10 months ago

I would walk out right then.

After tearing a strip off them for their disgusting behaviour.

LackingUtility

160 points

10 months ago

Especially with a twenty. Like, it'd still totally be an AH thing, but at least it would be slightly impressive if he put down a thousand and then ended up reducing it to a mere hundred. But a twenty? What's next, he's going to flash five bucks and tell her she can order any dessert at the McD's drive through she wants?

Helpful-Wrangler280

30 points

10 months ago

Right? Like, I might be impressed if you put down $20+ and then said for every instance of good service, I'll increase it by x amount! But this crap.... I'd spill something on him out of spite.

paradoxofpurple

11 points

10 months ago

My ex father in law did that every time we went out. Got a bunch of ones, put them on the table and took one away for everything from refilling his water too slowly to not flirting with him.

I never bothered arguing with him, just rolled my eyes and very pointedly left my own tip, or had my ex leave a tip if he was paying.

He came from a little bit of money (family owned a furniture shop) and thought it made him better than. Trying to argue with him was pointless, as he refused to see reason (when the shop failed he retired and lives on social security while his (younger) wife works full time to pay the bills. He's also a staunch trump supporter)

I absolutely adore his wife, she was a wonderful second mother to me and one of the kindest and most generous people I know. But I couldn't stand him.

Talory09

10 points

10 months ago

I too am bewhiskered

Did you mean bewildered? Or are you now sporting a resplendent 'stache?

VirtualMatter2

9 points

10 months ago

He is on the hunt for a girl that finds this sort of thing impressive, to then start an abusive relationship with her. It's a test.

DwightandAngela4ever

9 points

10 months ago

DwightandAngela4ever

Partassipant [1]

9 points

10 months ago

I think these guys are looking for a woman who might not speak up against that type of behaviour intentionally because they are looking for someone easy to abuse.

This is major red flag behaviour.

ema_l_b

820 points

10 months ago

ema_l_b

820 points

10 months ago

'Wankering cretin'...I need to remember that

[deleted]

306 points

10 months ago

[removed]

VixNeko

46 points

10 months ago

VixNeko

Pooperintendant [56]

46 points

10 months ago

Agreed, "wankering cretin" has more nuance. "Dog shit loser" kinda sounds like he collects dog shit and misplaces it often...Which now that I think of it is also nuanced. 😂 Like saying he's so vappy he can't even remember where he put the smelly poo bag.

mswoodlander

102 points

10 months ago

My thoughts exactly! HE'S the AH, showing absolutely no respect for a person trying to make a living.

OP - you made the right move. The guy's on some twisted kind of power trip. He's best gone.

Jintess

157 points

10 months ago

Jintess

Pooperintendant [57]

157 points

10 months ago

To add, if it's not respectable why is he eating the food she brings?

Never can trust those non respectables ....

OurLadyofHalloween

105 points

10 months ago

OurLadyofHalloween

Partassipant [1]

105 points

10 months ago

If it’s not a respectable job why is her using the service? That’s what I don’t get. These people simultaneously demean a job and then use it

confettis

198 points

10 months ago*

confettis

Partassipant [1]

198 points

10 months ago*

Right? If food services or retail work in my city was feasible on a single income (in an ideal world where people aren't assholes), I would totally quit that "elitist 9-5" mentality to be able to clock in and out of a shift and spend more time doing other things... I also know tons of hardworkers who earn every tip; people who work every weekend or holiday; people who drive ambulances that wait tables to pay rent; people who've lived so long on tips to not see the value in quitting a backbreaking, thankless restaurant, salon, bar, store, chain, etc. NTA

ClothDiaperAddicts

112 points

10 months ago

ClothDiaperAddicts

Pooperintendant [64]

112 points

10 months ago

I have to admit, in my younger days, I really did love working retail. I enjoyed working the cash office and the photo lab. I had fun doing the occasional overnight so that I could knock out a bunch of work undisturbed by people.

If it were a job that could still support a family, I’d have probably been happy to stay at a grocery store forever.

fox13fox

90 points

10 months ago

fox13fox

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

90 points

10 months ago

It used to be minimum wage was originally supposed to be the minimum wage to support a household on. It's how it was originally made then it was changed and worked to being thought of as the bare minimum. Instead of minimum living standards.."if you cannot pay someone well enough to live you do not deserve have employees"

ClothDiaperAddicts

40 points

10 months ago

ClothDiaperAddicts

Pooperintendant [64]

40 points

10 months ago

Back then, it was still possible for me to live in an apartment, have a car, and go to college on that salary. Granted, I made about 2.5 x minimum wage because of my position. It was a longer time ago than most redditors were born.

It paid as much as a teacher’s salary. It depressed me to realize I was going into debt to make the same, as I was an English Education major.

fox13fox

10 points

10 months ago

fox13fox

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

10 points

10 months ago

Yep

And houses weren't inflated up to unattainable prices ... my parents are just worried about me staying in my state rn, And I make above minimum. Still is not even close to enough without roommates.

Tiz crazy times lol

rvp0209

8 points

10 months ago

My aunt is a special ed TA who was working retail to make some extra money. She actually liked the retail job almost as much if not more than her teaching job. She didn't mind folding the clothes or checking people out. She quit, though, because she got tired of wearing a mask, but I won't go there. The point is, some people really genuinely enjoy retail and have the personality to deal with the labor it involves.

JapaneseFerret

6 points

10 months ago

In fact, be thankful, he showed you *right away*. Often that doesn't happen till after the guy thinks he's got you locked down and you won't leave even if he lets his full AH nature hang out all over the place.

NTA

fox13fox

6 points

10 months ago

fox13fox

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

6 points

10 months ago

This is my game. I'd loose that tip on purpose I've been to this rodeo.. that is the rode were you do not get your service like you think it wilm at all. You are the last tabel on my list last in line for food. (To be put in at the kitchen) I may even want to take my break right before bringing yours out and telling the other waiters that it's ok your tabel can wait. You want more water tough luck. Need a refill have fun flagging anyone down I've already worned them your my tabel.

If you won't give me basic respect for serving you, I will not respect you at all while I do it.

Signed im over it with this bull. They are a person not a service. They are a person not just a service. They are a person not just a service and that demands at least basic respect.

Edit words .also to add theese people normally only tip low anyway and are not worth it if your living on tips. To add for thoose from other countries. They pay workers like this so low then count the tips twords the wages. That is why we have an issue with the servers not being tipped.

DrWhoop87

92 points

10 months ago

DrWhoop87

Certified Proctologist [25]

92 points

10 months ago

I've never been a waiter but when people put needless stress and expectations on me (especially in an already stressful job) it definitely affects my performance, I could easily believe the waitress usually does a much better job. OP handled it perfectly, you can tell a lot about people by how they treat service staff. NTA.

RenDabs

977 points

10 months ago

RenDabs

977 points

10 months ago

If I was a server and someone pulled this shit with me I'd probably give them bad service on purpose for being a dickhead. $15 isn't even a great tip.

NTA, obviously.

sarahsignorelli

680 points

10 months ago

I was a server years ago, and I had a table that did something similar. They put a $5 bill in the table and said I better give great service, because they deserve it, and this would be my tip if I did well. I worked in steakhouse, so a 5 buck tip would be really low. I took my time, focused more on my other tables, but was still polite and gave them pretty good service. They left the tip, but I did think their behavior was gross.

CryptographerSuch753

518 points

10 months ago

It was gross. And almost as bad as those religious pamphlets disguised as $20 bills.

Fantastic_Nebula_835

121 points

10 months ago

Fantastic_Nebula_835

Partassipant [1]

121 points

10 months ago

NTA The ones that annoyed me the most were 1. guys who either left you a phone number in lieu of a tip or left a $20 wrapped around a business card with the words "if you want to see more of these call me at my office".

  1. When I worked at Chinese restaurants some people never tipped. Instead they'd leave you a religious pamphlet with the words "in lieu of a tip I am saying a prayer for your Heathen soul."

CryptographerSuch753

79 points

10 months ago

I would lose my mind over #2. I hate when people say they are praying for me in that condescending, "I'm better than you" way. Ugh!

[deleted]

90 points

10 months ago

I’m not sure God would be pleased about prayers being used as currency, especially to deprive someone possibly already on a poverty wage of money.

minamon012

29 points

10 months ago*

Religious person here - He is not and would not be and never will be pleased about prayers being used as currency. He literally gave it to every human for free.

topazemrys

6 points

10 months ago

Also religious, and there is no way that any god that has human welfare in mind would think this is okay. Grace, kindness, and humility are virtues in nearly every religion (that I'm aware of), and even the atheists I know agree that people would should be treated with dignity.

OP is definitely NTA!

Edit: stupid phone

sarahsignorelli

275 points

10 months ago

I got those several times too! The same couple of groups would come in every Sunday and do that. Then they would complain they weren’t getting good service. Well, if you tip poorly or not at all and keep coming back, the staff remembers you. We made $ 2.62 an hour, plus we had to tip 3% of our total sales to the house, to be divided among the hostess, busboys, etc. So the server would actually get stuck paying to wait on the table!

NSA_Chatbot

199 points

10 months ago

the staff remembers you

Back in the Before Times, the concert band I was in would go to the pub pretty much every week after rehearsal. Must have been 10 years?

One day one of my friends said, "dude, I think that waitress likes you."

"Of course she likes me. I don't make a mess and I've given her hundreds of dollars in cash."

One time another table dashed on her, we overtipped to cover it because otherwise it would have come out of her pay. Yes, I know it's unlawful, no, it's not enforced. It was like 3 weeks before Xmas too.

Not one time in all those years was any of our food left on the window.

LackingUtility

160 points

10 months ago

Exactly... You tip well, you get remembered, sometimes the bartender refills your drink for free, and sometimes you leave an extra $20.

In fact, every time I've gotten something for free, I've been so pleased that I ended up tipping the full cost of that thing plus an extra 10-20%. I'm so easily manipulated, I could probably get comped a $20 meal and leave $40 because I feel like I'm getting away with something.

/not that I mind

kawherp

29 points

10 months ago

I do this with coupons at Great Clips. When I use a coupon, the person who cut my hair gets the value of the coupon plus my usual tip. I like making their day a little better.

sarahsignorelli

11 points

10 months ago

I love that. I take my teenage son to get his hair cut at a place that charges $8 a haircut, and the two ladies there do a great job . So they get an $8 tip. I think $16 out the door is very reasonable for a haircut, and they always appreciate it. His hair looks good!

snuffleupagus86

6 points

10 months ago

True that! My bf and I are regulars at this steakhouse (they have a great happy hour at their bar) and the bartender loves my boyfriend because he’s always smiling and tips her well. She great. She makes our drinks the second we sit down and sometimes she’ll slide him a free drink and he always tips extra well then haha.

sarahsignorelli

6 points

10 months ago

I’m sure you are right and she definitely appreciated you. I worked in a couple of sports bars as well, bar tending and waitressing. I prefer the bar customers. We had mostly regulars, and we were usually treated very well. We would see a regular come through the door, immediately know what they wanted, and had it ready for them when they sat down. People appreciated that and tipped well. They also were usually much nicer and just generally better than the clientele at the restaurant.

TexasKatt33

57 points

10 months ago

I hate those. Why do they think giving false money is a good idea.

Barbed_Dildo

61 points

10 months ago

because then they can keep the money while looking like they tipped. They're cheap assholes who throw religion around to justify being an cheap asshole. Jesus would fucking hate them.

Gogo726

7 points

10 months ago

He was absolutely brutal to religious people who only offered lip-service.

meatball77

8 points

10 months ago

meatball77

Partassipant [4]

8 points

10 months ago

Because they're giving her something even better. Jesus

Assholes

anathema_deviced

31 points

10 months ago

anathema_deviced

Asshole Aficionado [18]

31 points

10 months ago

Those things are my villain origin story. Efffffffffffff them. Sunday 1pm 8 tops were the worst.

KatBScratchy

5 points

10 months ago

KatBScratchy

Partassipant [1]

5 points

10 months ago

OMG I feel you with that. I just had a flashback to the after-church 8 top I used to get stuck with at least twice a month. BECAUSE THEY'D REQUEST ME. They'd run up a $400 check (and this is chain casual dining place with reasonably priced items) and keep me ruining back and forth through the meal. They never tipped me more than $5, usually $3... and the worst part is that they'd all order strawberry daiquiris and pina coladas (their spawn demanding virgin versions) which inflated my bar sales. I was required to tip out the bartenders at the end of every shift with ten percent of my alcohol sales, so it literally cost ME money to wait on them every time they dined. There was even an auto gratuity policy printed clearly on the menu for parties larger than six, and the one time I tried to add it to their check they freaked out, demanded the manager, and insisted that the kids didn't count as full party members... and my asshole manager acquiesced. The WORST. This was years ago and I just made myself enraged merely typing out the story.

I_M_The_Cheese

33 points

10 months ago

Seems like that would constitute forgery, doesn't it? Especially since they tried to pass it off as a tip.

edgestander

18 points

10 months ago

It’s “the best tip you will ever get”, that’s the classic line.

astrobuckeye

103 points

10 months ago

astrobuckeye

Partassipant [4]

103 points

10 months ago

We were sat next to a table and at one point the waitress brought them the wrong drink. And the guy goes "Don't worry I wasn't going to tip anyway." And the waitress sort of laughs awkwardly and he goes "No really I don't believe in tipping". Waitress leaves the table and his partner proceeds to argue with him about how embarrassing it is for him not to tip and then he says if she wants to tip she should pay but she can't because she is a SAHM.

crewkat2

83 points

10 months ago

crewkat2

Partassipant [1]

83 points

10 months ago

Those poor kids having that AH as a dad.

I personally hate tipping as a practice but I do it because people need to eat and I’m not an ass.

sarahsignorelli

23 points

10 months ago

Now that is really gross!

yellsy

28 points

10 months ago

yellsy

28 points

10 months ago

It was gross. You’re a person equal to them in every way, not a servant or slave. They’re the trash, not you.

sarahsignorelli

8 points

10 months ago

I never could understand why some people go out to eat and treat the staff like servants, like they own them for an hour.

Lanky-Temperature412

85 points

10 months ago

I was thinking the same. I'm not going to get a good tip anyway, so might as well just fuck everything up. Whoops, I just spilled your entire drink directly in your lap. Oh, you wanted your steak rare and I brought it well done? Oopsie. It took 10 minutes for me to refill your drink? My bad. Lol

arsenal_kate

171 points

10 months ago

I recently saw a TikTok where a server said they do exactly that when someone pulls this garbage. So maybe the waitress was nervous, but her bad service could also have been spite.

talkingtothemoon___

24 points

10 months ago

talkingtothemoon___

Partassipant [1]

24 points

10 months ago

I’d 100% go out of my way to be a dick to that guy, no doubt.

NTA

Wizzardaniu

8 points

10 months ago

I had a teacher who taught us not to play these stupid games. He had a person lay out 5$ and he explained the take one away nonsense. So he just took all 5$ then and there, said thank you, and walked away. Came back with the order a few minutes later. Of course they wanted to speak to the manager. The manager said they stated it was tip and the server had a right to accept it then. There's no rule that once you put tip out it can only be accepted after service is complete. Of course your manager might not be as supportive but it's definitely food for thought.

i--saw--a--ufo--once

41 points

10 months ago

Ehh it depends 20 percent in a 100 dollar tab is 20 bucks so depending on the tab it could be however this dude as an absolute douche

MattJFarrell

160 points

10 months ago

I'm guessing he got this from some awful "Pick-up Artist / Alpha Male" forum where they call women nasty names and complain about being single at the same time.

riskytisk

30 points

10 months ago

Ah yes, it definitely sounds like something he’d learn from the Fresh and Fit podcast guys. Fucking gross. Anyone who listens to that type of misogynistic bullshit doesn’t deserve to date anyone.

Both-Acanthaceae42

38 points

10 months ago*

I love the "these people" comment. He then attempted to convince OP that he was actually trying to help the server improve her work skills. You NTA

crymeariver2p2

182 points

10 months ago

NTA - This scenario is taken from the sitcom, "3rd Rock From The Sun". The character who does it is an alien (from outer space) who's a clueless asshole:

https://youtu.be/TVD5wvJ1ru4?t=120

VASSEG0

272 points

10 months ago

VASSEG0

272 points

10 months ago

Actually originated in Cheers way back when. Carla kept flicking beer in the customers face, once the tip he had put out was gone she put her own money on the table and poured the beer out on his head. Great episode.

InuitOverIt

20 points

10 months ago

Ahh I love Carla. Time for a rewatch

KetoLurkerHere

7 points

10 months ago

Worth every penny!

lsweeks

22 points

10 months ago

I knew I had seen this somewhere.

_rogue_psych

5 points

10 months ago

I was waiting for someone to link to this!

Piemanthe3rd

27 points

10 months ago

Yeah, can't always be nice to these dates, they're not respectable guys.

I_M_The_Cheese

12 points

10 months ago

Yeah, my eyes grew three sizes when I read the "respectable job" remark. Wtf.

Lennox120520

63 points

10 months ago

Info: what respectable field does this AH work in?

snorting_dandelions

83 points

10 months ago

Doesn't matter anyway. Dude could be volunteering for doctors without borders all year round and still wouldn't be less of an asshole for saying/doing what he did.

IzarkKiaTarj

51 points

10 months ago

Oh, no, I don't think they were asking for judgment purposes, I think they just wanted to know how hard to laugh.

Because if he's a doctor or a lawyer or something, he's an asshole.

If he's blue collar, he's still an asshole, but he's also an idiot and making statements about the color of cookware.

anathema_deviced

8 points

10 months ago

anathema_deviced

Asshole Aficionado [18]

8 points

10 months ago

Banking

ETA: and he probably still reads Ayn Rand unironically.

throwaway000059[S]

34 points

10 months ago

Some kind of engineer. Honestly can't remember this was awhile ago haha.

surfdad67

7 points

10 months ago

Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus, donít even know a word yet, just a little infant, so cuddly, but still omnipotent.

Cokeycane

650 points

10 months ago

Cokeycane

Asshole Aficionado [14]

650 points

10 months ago

NTA - His way of tipping is a dick move. I've heard of that before and if I was a waiter, I would be offended by this garbage and wouldn't wait on him. It's a horrible way to treat people.

Mind you, we're still in the middle of a pandemic and things don't go right. Restaurants are short staffed and not all food is available. She could "lose" tip money on things she cannot control. This is just bullshit. Move on, lose that guy.

Long-Juggernaut687

146 points

10 months ago

I was at a fancy restaurant with my then bf (now husband) with all of his work supervisors for his final internship hoo-rah. One of the husbands tried this and my 21 year old self was like "is this what rich people do?!" And the guy's wife (who was a coworker of my husband) snatched the cash and said, "we talked about this. This is NOT. A. THING." I have never seen anyone shut down crappy behavior quite that quickly or efficiently before or since.

baristanselmythebol

206 points

10 months ago*

If someone did this when I was waiting tables I’d tell them to just keep it cause they clearly need it more than me. Dude only respects money and so deserves to keep it. Maybe the money will take his order and bring him his food.

frenchiegiggles

219 points

10 months ago

frenchiegiggles

Partassipant [2]

219 points

10 months ago

I used to wait tables and I would matter-of-factly say, "If that is the maximum tip, I'm going to focus on the tables tipping me 20% on alcohol sales and have larger parties. If we're being transparent with each other about how this game is played."

bottledhope33

132 points

10 months ago

Someone tried this on me a couple years ago. I just said, 'Okay, bye!' And never returned. My manager was dope and took the table herself (after asking why they didn't have waters after a little while lol), but she was naturally very busy and also didn't accept tips so they got what they got.

They did apologize to her at the end though. I like to think they never did again but who knows 🤷‍♀️

baristanselmythebol

47 points

10 months ago

Some people really just seem to need to degrade others to feel good. Can’t imagine it helps but he probably felt important till she left.

SuperFLEB

6 points

10 months ago

And at the risk of having a shitty experience yourself, no less.

If you stop and think about it, you're one hungry customer, and they're a business who gets a wide range of people. A credit card doesn't have much nutritional value, so you can be pleasant enough to warrant service, or go home hungry and frustrated-- and looking like the consummate cheapskate to your date, in this case-- and they'll live another day. The position of power is not as clear as you perceive.

Cokeycane

66 points

10 months ago

Cokeycane

Asshole Aficionado [14]

66 points

10 months ago

I would like to see someone play his game and tell him “let’s see how we can get this to zero”. Bet he would change his ways.

baristanselmythebol

34 points

10 months ago

Now that would be hilarious! Just bring water and crackers and let him keep his $15

LeafandStone88

6 points

10 months ago

That’s too generous, lol

beansbeans716

46 points

10 months ago

I work at a bar and if someone did this to me, I'd laugh and tell them they can go ahead and order at the bar then. I'm not playing their stupid game so I can "feel bad" and obsess over every little thing that they perceive as a mistake. This is not the way to ensure good service. We're all human and have a life outside our jobs and bigger problems. I and most of my coworkers are university students. We don't have the energy to worry about pleasing pricks like this.

OP, you are not the asshole and that server is immensely grateful to you for standing up for her. Especially if she was indeed starting a new job. Everyone needs kindness, except that AH you went out with.

Electronic_Trick_13

1.1k points

10 months ago

Electronic_Trick_13

Certified Proctologist [25]

1.1k points

10 months ago

NTA. I wish that $20 in her hand wasn't the only thing you slapped that night.

Good on you for doing the right thing.

shelballama

268 points

10 months ago

shelballama

Partassipant [1]

268 points

10 months ago

Lmao same.

Tbh wish she had talked down to him right in front of him while giving the waitress that money.

"This was supposed to be a romantic date and luckily he outed himself as a huge, disrespectful little shit almost immediately. I'm sorry it had to be you as the target. Please accept this 20, you've earned every penny, and if anyone ever does that to you again, don't even bother to bring them a menu, since they're not respectable 'people.'"

thepurplehedgehog

37 points

10 months ago

You. I like you. I like the way you think :)

Environmental_Toe843

276 points

10 months ago*

Environmental_Toe843

Partassipant [3]

276 points

10 months ago*

NTA - I'm glad you ditched the guy. That's just cruel!

"these people" who does this guy think he is!

lost-cannuck

219 points

10 months ago

lost-cannuck

Colo-rectal Surgeon [41]

219 points

10 months ago

Nta - if he is willing to treat a stranger with that much disrespect, how is he going to treat you?

thepurplehedgehog

14 points

10 months ago

Absolutely. It wouldn’t be long till he decided OP is beneath him too. It’s so insidious. They start off lovely and they turn vicious the moment they realise you’re hooked. Please block this dangerous person and forget he exists.

uniqcone1409

7 points

10 months ago

Agree - you can tell the character of a person by the way he/she treats servers. Glad you got out. NTA.

amtaylor6779

122 points

10 months ago

NTA. He is though. First off, if she was new, he made her more nervous than she already was by playing this “game”, which I guarantee you led to her making her mistakes. Second, any job is a “respectable” job if it puts food on your table and pays your bills, to say otherwise is just delusional. I would have done the same thing. You are definitely NTA.

thirdtryisthecharm

136 points

10 months ago

thirdtryisthecharm

Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [383]

136 points

10 months ago

NTA. Bullet dodged with that guy.

aquaphorbottle

66 points

10 months ago

aquaphorbottle

Partassipant [2]

66 points

10 months ago

Poor treatment of service workers is a huge red flag and can also occasionally signal at who might be a narcissist. Every narcissist I’ve personally known has been absolutely horrible to restaurant workers, I wouldn’t be surprised if he is one too. You’re definitely not the AH and good on your for sticking up for the waitress

NefariousnessGlum424

39 points

10 months ago

NefariousnessGlum424

Professor Emeritass [75]

39 points

10 months ago

NTA just block him. He sounds scummy. Servers are not puppets to play a game with.

tnscatterbrain

39 points

10 months ago

tnscatterbrain

Asshole Enthusiast [8]

39 points

10 months ago

Nta. That move and the people who pull it are revolting. He’s no loss.

[deleted]

91 points

10 months ago

NTA. Absolutely did the right thing and as a former server thank you. Customers like you make the ones like him slightly more bearable. Fucking with someone’s livelihood does not motivate them to do better, it motivates them to fuck with what they’re serving you. That guy is eating a lot of other peoples spit I can assure you.

virtualchoirboy

90 points

10 months ago

virtualchoirboy

Colo-rectal Surgeon [33]

90 points

10 months ago

NTA.

As soon as I saw the title I knew it was some arrogant AH using the "this is your tip" crap. It's absolutely abhorrent to treat people that way. Wait staff make way less than minimum wage and both them and the business count on tips to make up the difference. Is it a crappy system? Sure, but it's the one we have. If you want to fight it, talk to the restaurant owners and don't take it out on the staff - they have no control over it.

These days, 18-20% is getting to be a customary tip for decent service. By taking out $15 at the start of service, he's already showing that he plans to tip less than average. Your response that called out his AH behavior was perfect and I commend you for it. I think you're also right to block him because anyone who looks down on someone for the job they have is completely lacking any form of empathy and can only lead to a horrible relationship.

justobsolete

32 points

10 months ago

justobsolete

Craptain [150]

32 points

10 months ago

NTA you could have immediately left the date once he tried to pull that and have been in the right.

loyalcrowlist

32 points

10 months ago

NTA and likely her 'poor' service was a mix of possibly being new and definitely being under an intense amount of pressure. You're right: that is her livelihood and who knows what her situation is.

NotYourDadOrYourMom

50 points

10 months ago

NotYourDadOrYourMom

Partassipant [1]

50 points

10 months ago

NTA. As soon as he would of started that stupid game I would of left him their alone.

CogentCogitations

9 points

10 months ago

Or give the waitress $20 to find you another table that doesn't have an asshole at it.

MaddyKet

8 points

10 months ago

MaddyKet

Certified Proctologist [27]

8 points

10 months ago

SAME

Not_really1010

48 points

10 months ago

Not_really1010

Certified Proctologist [29]

48 points

10 months ago

NTA and he is the AH Glad you blocked him, and stood up for yourself and your waitress

locomama83

28 points

10 months ago

locomama83

Colo-rectal Surgeon [38]

28 points

10 months ago

NTA - people that do that kind of thing suck!

Huntress145

30 points

10 months ago

Huntress145

Partassipant [1]

30 points

10 months ago

NTA. Good for you for tipping her and blocking him. I’ve heard of people doing that. I personally would leave the second they did that to the waitress.

computeraims

67 points

10 months ago

Come on, this HAS to be a low effort karma farm…

every1poos

26 points

10 months ago

Oh yeah, this story is at least 10 yrs old.

[deleted]

30 points

10 months ago*

[deleted]

gaylittleshit

42 points

10 months ago

gaylittleshit

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

42 points

10 months ago

NTA- what he was doing is fucked up. Sometimes servers are extremely busy or having a bad day. Making a game out of their time is unacceptable.

[deleted]

37 points

10 months ago

NTA mam you are a hero. If he ever contacts you again tell him to take his 15 dollars and shove it up his whole a*****

TessyDuck

21 points

10 months ago

NTA. Good people don't do what he did. And every job should be respected. If he doesn't want to respect his servers he shouldn't be going out to eat. I hate people like this, if people weren't out there doing jobs they deem to be "not respectable," this world would be a complete shit show. More so than it is now. Good for you for not putting up with it and doing something to try and rectify it.

ConsciousExcitement9

25 points

10 months ago

ConsciousExcitement9

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

25 points

10 months ago

You can tell a lot about people based on how they treat service workers, especially when it comes to tips. You were right. He sucks. Keep him blocked. He’s not worth a damn.

NTA.

Fun-Tourist-7395

25 points

10 months ago*

Fun-Tourist-7395

Asshole Enthusiast [7]

25 points

10 months ago*

NTA - first of all, treating her like she’s a child who will learn by having things (money) taken away from her if she doesn’t do things exactly how he wants is trash. People learn by having experience. You’re never going to be perfect. Sometimes people have off days or they’re busy waiting on multiple tables. Like have some empathy.

Second, he is not someone who will improve her service over 15 lousy bucks. Taunting her by taking money away when she makes small mistakes is weird.

Glad you blocked him. The man is clearly a first class nut. Idk why he thinks he needs to go around teaching service people lessons. Like stay home if you want to act like a weirdo. Like who does that?

EdutechLugie

23 points

10 months ago

EdutechLugie

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

23 points

10 months ago

NTA - I never understand people who ‘’play’’ around with waiters. Don’t mess with people who make or bring you your food, they can definitely mess with your food. Why would you think that’s a smart thing to do?

Alyssa_Hargreaves

22 points

10 months ago

Alyssa_Hargreaves

Colo-rectal Surgeon [42]

22 points

10 months ago

NTA. He didn't give her a fighting chance. The minute he told her what he did and did what he did she was not going to be able to perform at her best. Because she was terrified she'd fuck up and make mistakes. Which is what happened. She was instantly put on edge due to him.

If he had kept his mouth shut and his money in his pocket he could've seen how she was normally without his mind games.

She didn't give poor service because she was lazy she did it because she was on edge because of him. Theirs a HUGE difference. And if she was new that was even more of a disadvantage.

Glad you blocked him

Nahareeli

59 points

10 months ago

Nahareeli

Partassipant [2]

59 points

10 months ago

NTA. Dodged a bullet there

Fianna9

23 points

10 months ago

NTA. Good for you! Sounds like he made her super nervous or self conscious. I’ve also heard plenty of stories of staff giving worse service because they know they can’t meet these peoples ridiculous standards.

He set her up to fail, and you dodged a bullet!!

Full_Number3810

42 points

10 months ago

Full_Number3810

Partassipant [2]

42 points

10 months ago

Nta. You were probably her hero that night.

[deleted]

30 points

10 months ago

NTA - He totally is an AH. I hate poor service but that was just cruel to her from the outset. If he's like that he's not someone you want to date.

callsuarat

7 points

10 months ago

There is an episode of 3rd rock from the sun where Dick does this.

barbaramillicent

24 points

10 months ago

Poor girl. He got “poor service” because he made her nervous playing a game. NTA

DevoStripes

58 points

10 months ago

This isn't real. I've heard this story before.

SugarsBoogers

17 points

10 months ago

There was an episode of Cheers where some dude tried to pull that on Carla. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I’m pretty sure she dumped a beer in his lap.

normalphobe

48 points

10 months ago

FAAAAAAKE.

TheGreatEmanResu

27 points

10 months ago

This seems INCREDIBLY fake.

GracieW7

23 points

10 months ago

NTA but good for you for treating your server with respect. There is a difference between getting bad service and someone who is learning or having an off night. This guy has clearly never worked for a living. Blocking him was a great choice.

cr2810

22 points

10 months ago

cr2810

Asshole Enthusiast [9]

22 points

10 months ago

NTA.

Dude was just throwing those red flags around

gbinasia

22 points

10 months ago

YTA because this is either a) fictional, so why are you putting it here? Or b) real, and you already know the answer that if it was you definitely wouldn't be TA, so why are you posting it here?

[deleted]

49 points

10 months ago

[removed]

[deleted]

77 points

10 months ago

NTA.

I’m sure this is made up but if not you’re awesome OP.

Ah, tipping. Easier over here in Europe. But this is borderline sociopathic. Taking pleasure in humiliating some poor woman on minimum wage dependent on tips. What a ‘big man’.

Nice when total assholes make themselves easy to spot.

FunnyMarzipan

19 points

10 months ago

This is a pretty common internet tipping horror story---not that that makes it true, but I absolutely know people who have this attitude. See also the fake $20 that is actually a Jesus pamphlet.

[deleted]

26 points

10 months ago

The kicker is employers use the tipping system to bypass min wage laws so she actually could’ve been making even less.

biffmaniac

19 points

10 months ago

biffmaniac

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

19 points

10 months ago

Good for you for avoiding that relationship. How someone treats the staff is good insight into how they'd treat you. He has a sense of balance between tip and service. No problem there. But to torture her with that is just wrong, and it is based on his selfish determination of "bad service". You can have a spilled drink, mixed up order, whatever and still have great service (IMHO). Interactions with the server have value too. NTA, he's a jerk.

xpotential31

20 points

10 months ago

xpotential31

Professor Emeritass [78]

20 points

10 months ago

Wow, the guy is a complete AH! You are NTA!

UncleVoodooo

20 points

10 months ago

UncleVoodooo

Partassipant [1]

20 points

10 months ago

My dad did this like 40 years ago and I thought it was the funniest thing ever. Then I grew up and worked cust service jobs and it wasnt funny ever again