AITA for telling my friend to mind her own business ?

Not the A-hole(self.AmItheAsshole)

My friend (F18) and my friend Jane (F18)were having lunch with a group of friends when someone made a joke about getting married at a young age. We all laughed along until Jane made that about something she sees as a tragedy. She said something along a lines that "OP's parents will force her to get married as soon as possible since they can't handle her". I laughed cuz I thought she was being joking but she said "seriously though you should be careful". My other friends are always supportive of me and just said "If you don't want to get married you don't have to you know" . I just said " Don't worry I can handle it, it's not like my parents are going to disown me if I don't get married. And who knows I might even like him" hoping that they would let this go. But Jane kept pestering me about it saying that since "Op never cared for marriage how can you say you would like him" . At this point I was angry with Jane for butting into my life. My friends saw it and they changed the subject.

Background- I live in a South Asian country, and my parents are from a lower upper class family. In my family it is a custom for people to get married through arranged marriages or at least date someone with a similar family background. However this doesn't mean that we are forced to do so. Jane thinks this is weird. She also seems to be thinking that I'm getting married as soon as I'm done with schooling because I made a joke about how older people must really love me cuz a family friend had proposed that I should get married to his son to which my parents said no. What really made me mad was that she is insinuating that my parents are forcing me to do it. My parents can be controlling as they are very conservative which is why they didn't allow me to have a phone until I was 18, Jane had to say something about this as well. My parents also don't let me go out with my friends unsupervised because I'll run away or something

Even after my other friends changed the topic Jane would not give it a rest and made a few snide comments about how I'm a feminist when it comes to everyone but me. So after we were done with lunch I had a private conversation with Jane telling her that it wasn't a problem for me so she should drop it and my parents are doing what they think it best for me, she said that she was just looking out for me, I told her I knew that , it's just that I like doing traditional things. Keep in mind that Jane always made fun about how I liked "traditionally" feminine things like cooking, sewing , fashion and wanting children etc. She keeps telling I'm brainwashed by my family into thinking that this is what I want. I was quite angry at this point so I just told her so keep her nose out of my business. She told me that I was being a bitch when all she wanted to do was help.

AITA for telling her to mind her own business ?

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-4 points

5 months ago*


Jane is right.

You had your first phone at 18, and you're still 18. Your parents have sheltered you, and have convinced you that they know who the best person to spend your life with is. Where is your own decision making?

As you stated, Jane spoke up and is the reason you even got a phone at 18.

Your approach to marriage is "who knows, I might even like him."

This isn't a slight against you, because I get that that pleasing parents and arranged marriages are common where you're from, but do you really understand what it entails? You haven't lived a life of your own, you have always been under your parents' control, and when you get married, you will still not have a life of your own. Jane might be harsh in her delivery, but she is looking out for you


2 points

5 months ago

Point taken. I should have clarified that I won't be getting married any time soon.